Why do your loved ones hurt you the most, and why do your closest people hurt you the most?

Because you have killed love in the name of love! Your psychological expectations are far beyond what he or she can handle. The tolerance of your loved ones makes you presumptuous, and the thoughtfulness of your lover drives you crazy.

You feel that you are using your loved ones as a punching bag, yelling at them, and they don't care; You feel like you've dropped your lover's phone, and he'll take it too. You feel like, "It's just that no one else understands, why can't you understand me!" ”

Love is not control, love is tolerance, understanding and respect!

To learn to love, the first thing you need to learn is patience! Learn to let your relatives and lovers finish their words and explain the truth of the matter clearly. Your good communication is based on the symmetry of information, and asymmetrical information will lead to misunderstandings between the two sides and deepen your conflicts.

Patience with him or her is not cowardice, but greatness!

Learn to love, and secondly, empathy! Sometimes our children are really growing up, sometimes our parents are really old, and sometimes our lovers are really busy and tired about this period. Put yourself in his or her shoes, think about it, try to understand how he or she feels, and maybe you will stop when you say something hurtful.

To learn to love, the best thing is to let go and learn to grow up. When the child is older, respect his (her) ideas and give him (her) the sky to fly, after all, we can't protect him (her) for a lifetime. When parents are old, give them (her) space to enjoy, we don't have to be him (her), respect to grow up.

When the lover is tired, don't force him (her), give him (her) a warm embrace, a comfortable home, and a good spirit, so that he (she) can fight for happiness. To love him (her) is to let yourself grow up, make yourself strong, and let yourself become his (her) dependence, his (her) spiritual home.

You can say it out loud to him or her, or you can love him or her silently. The dearest person is our greatest wealth, let go and love him (her)!

Because relatives are generally the people you care about the most, you will give to them without reservation, and you will not have any guard, so once you are hurt by your dearest people, that feeling is fatal, and even some people will completely collapse and never get out.

Because your relatives know you best, and you often live together, there will inevitably be many small contradictions, which will accumulate over time and become big contradictions. If you don't cultivate enough, you can't control your emotions, and you don't speak carefully, you will definitely hurt your loved ones.

Other colleagues and friends, if they don't know much about it, they will naturally not hurt much.

Blood relatives should be the one who loves them the most, but when this person hurts himself, he will feel hurt the most.

Because relatives are the most important people in life, not only have blood relations, but also have the deepest feelings with relatives, which are incomparable to others, once they are hurt by their relatives, they will feel very painful in their hearts, and they will feel the kind of heart-rending pain.

Because I know you best, for your good. Outsiders will only perfunctory you. Say something nice. Only loved ones say the actual thing. In fact, it's not your relatives who hurt you the most. It is said that good medicine is bitter.

Because relatives and friends know you very well and know your shortcomings and shortcomings, they are very precise when they speak to hurt you, so that your fragile heart is in a state of collapse in an instant.

Relatives should be regarded as their own family members who have always been with each other, living together, understanding best, and most trustworthy, and have an inseparable kinship with each other. This kind of love is irreplaceable by no one else.

If relatives do not miss family affection and turn against each other, their own blows and injuries will naturally be the greatest, and they can even go to the extent that they do not get along with each other in old age and death. As the saying goes: love is deep, hate is cut. That's why being hurt by your loved ones is the deepest part.

Generally speaking, loved ones are usually the presence that a person cares about most and values ideas. Because you care most about your loved ones' thoughts and words, your expectations are also the highest, and the same effect will be more significant for your loved ones, both good and bad, and the pros and cons are the same.

Because you trusted them and regarded her as the person in your heart. It's hard to accept their hurt to you, so you feel the most hurt psychologically.

Relatives hurt you the most, will also be the most painful, you have to be honest with the people who hurt you, and they reason, because they are all relatives, you should be generous, tolerant of your relatives, get along in harmony, family and everything is prosperous!

It's nothing, as long as it's just. The family just needs to live well, I know. You guys. It's all very skinny.

Recently, I have been reading Wu Zhihong's books "Why Does Home Hurt People" and "Why Love Hurts People", and I can't help but feel that there will be so much harm in the intimate relationship between people.

Why is it always the closest person who hurts me the most? I think there are a few reasons for this.

One is that the closest person is closest to us, whether it is distance or psychological, and has the most opportunities for contact in daily life, so he has the most opportunities to hurt us.

If it's a stranger, someone you don't know, there's no chance to hurt you!

The second is that for the dearest person, we feel that he is safe, reliable, and even attached, and will not hurt us, and our hearts are often unguarded.

It is said that the heart of harm is indispensable, and the heart of defense is indispensable, we often have an instinctive defensive psychology towards strangers, but we are unsuspecting of the people closest to us.

This is also the reason why many cases are solved and found to be mostly committed by acquaintances.

The third is that the closest person hurts you at the lowest cost, or no cost.

A person, the most bullied, is often the relatives around him.

Because offending others may cost you a lot, hurting others has a cost, and bullying the closest person can have no cost.

The wall is like a parent hitting a child. Hit and beat, what can children do to their parents?There will be no serious consequences for the parents, and the children will have to rely on the parents to raise them.

If you bully a colleague, the colleague may sue the boss and make you lose your job, lose your job, and pay the price.

As the saying goes, blood ties break bones and tendons. What's wrong with bullying you?If I hurt you, what can you do with me?

You are related by blood, and you are still my brother and sister afterwards......Loved ones and family.

So the daughter-in-law quarrels with the mother-in-law, and it is difficult for the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to reconcile, but the husband quarrels with the mother-in-law, and he will inexplicably not know when he will reconcile again.

Fourth, we have very high expectations for those closest to us, but they don't meet all of our expectations, and we feel hurt when we accumulate disappointment.

Compared to those closest to us, we are more patient with others, more rational, and know how to exercise restraint.

In front of the people closest to us, we generally do not hide it, exposing our true selves, and our emotions are more likely to explode.

The same is true for those close to us. The so-called mother-in-law says that the mother-in-law is reasonable, and the public says that the public is reasonable, and they all feel that they are the one who is hurt and bullied.

The people closest to us are often the ones who hurt us the most.

Keigo Higashino said: "There are two things in the world that cannot be looked at directly, one is too early to shoot the sun, and the other is the human heart. ”

May we still live affectionately in the thin and cool world after seeing the heat and coldness of the world and seeing the true grandeur of human nature.

Psychology experts believe that this is a law in interpersonal communication, that is, "family intimacy syndrome". This means that in most cases, the catharsis of people's emotions is most likely directed to the people closest to them. This phenomenon can occur between husband and wife, between parents and children, and between brothers.

Why is this happening? From a psychological point of view, the reasons for the emergence of this phenomenon are as follows:

First, because home means security, trust, and love for everyone, we all trust each other to understand and tolerate us, and even if we are wrong, we think that we will accept and forgive each other. In fact, this is a deep-seated manifestation of mutual acceptance and affection between relatives.

Second, your relatives use you as a "scapegoat". When they encounter something unpleasant in work or life, and they dare not or do not want to express their dissatisfaction in front of their leaders and colleagues, when they return home, they will use their feelings with their families to vent all the fire in their hearts.

Thirdly, sometimes your loved ones think that you know them too well, and when they are not satisfied, in the face of someone who is completely aware of their shortcomings and failures, they will feel that it is difficult for them to maintain their self-esteem, and their emotions will become easy to get out of control.

Fourth, loved ones want you to teach them a lesson. It's a pity that usually you tolerate their temper and don't blame them too much.

After reading the above four reasons, when a loved one loses his temper, learn to be considerate and caring, but it does not mean that the loss of his temper with your relatives is a reasonable behavior.

But we should be more than one of the people around us.

Life is not easy, and we are eager to meet warm-hearted people.

We are at home, and we hope to have a warm-hearted lover who thinks of you in everything, speaks in a measured manner, and never makes you angry, how good.

In the unit, there is a warm-hearted group, who don't care about everything, don't laugh or talk, and never talk to you, how good;

Outside, there is a group of warm-hearted people who are troublesome, there are people to help them in everything, everyone is kind, and they never blush with you, how good.

If there is such an opportunity, I am afraid that he will be the happiest person in the world. I would like to be such a person, and I don't think anyone would want to. However, looking back, is he a person who thinks about his lover in everything at home?

I always want my lover to treat myself well, but do I treat my lover well!

The ancients said that respecting each other is like a guest, do you treat your lover as a guest? Perhaps, it was okay when I got married for a while, but after a long time, my lover's face was wrinkled, she was not beautiful, and she was vulgar, so she got tired of it.

Quarrels are frequent, and it is not pleasing to anyone who looks at them.

So when you ask people to be nice to you, first you have to be nice to people. Those who love love to return, and the love is deep. On the contrary, complainers complain and ...... when they are distracted

In the unit, you are eager to meet a group of warm-hearted groups, everyone is a group of harmonious, empathetic, do not care about things, the overall amount of others, every day smile at you, never quarrel with you.

But have you done that? Do you give your brightest smile to your colleagues every day?

Do you think about your colleagues and leaders every day? Don't you ever take your anger out on others?

If so, congratulations, you must be the most popular person and the happiest person.

But the fact is that you always put your emotions on your face, one will be sunny and one will be cloudy, one will be bad, one will be that bad, and you will say right and wrong in front of your colleagues, although it is not a big deal, but it makes people feel that you are always a little wrong, colleagues are alienated from you, and the leader does not trust you, such a day can be called a good day.

Hello, I'm glad to answer your questions. Many people say mean things to their loved ones with the intention of intentionally harming them. It's just that people always want to relax in front of the people who are close to them, take off their disguises, no longer carry heavy masks, and they don't need to pretend to be decent.

However, they often fall into a misunderstanding: truth does not mean harm. Removing the disguise does not mean that the face is hateful.

Perhaps they have never noticed that some inappropriate remarks are actually a kind of harm to their loved ones. This kind of hurt is suffocating and frustrating. You must know that relatives should support each other and warm each other, and should never wantonly seriously injure each other.