What kind of love is deformed love, and how to prevent deformed love from ruining children?

Dodging is deformed love. Parents usually educate their children, there must be rules, no rules are not a circle, children have no concept of right and wrong, parents must educate, can not follow the child's will, so that the child has no concept of right and wrong when he is older, and will cause trouble.

Deformed love is too much to spoil the child, and then too much to spoil the child, do not let the child do anything, this kind of deformed love must be found in time, and then stopped as soon as possible, otherwise it will ruin the child's life.

Deformed love is unconditional doting on children. It is not possible to meet the unreasonable needs of children anytime and anywhere, for example, many children still have to buy toys at home, and they must establish rules and regulations for children, so that children can gradually grow up independently.

Deformed father's love often means that normal father's love is distorted on the ground, and even has an extreme meaning.

"Deformed paternal love" can be interpreted from two separate perspectives

1. It was originally a normal ethical relationship between father and son (male and female), but due to psychological distortion, the relationship has undergone certain changes, especially for father and daughter, the form of love is beyond the normal range, making ordinary people unacceptable and even disgusted.

2. The boyfriend's love for his girlfriend, although it is a couple or a couple's relationship, the man's care for the woman and the form of expression are mostly similar to that of father and daughter, and in real life, such situations abound.

The influence of fathers on children.

1. Fathers influence the formation of children's gender roles.

Studies have shown that father-child interactions, when contrasted with mother-child interactions, help children develop an understanding of the roles and attitudes of men and women; Without the involvement of fathers, the masculine character of boys and the feminine character of girls would be weakened by the lack of contrast.

Boys who do not live with their fathers before the age of 4 tend to be feminine in their gender roles, while girls who lose their father's love at an early age are also affected in the formation of female roles.

2. Fathers influence the formation of children's personality qualities.

Because fathers guide their children to participate in games that are often more athletic, technical and intelligent. Fathers tend to influence their children with their inherent masculine characteristics, such as independence, aggressiveness, cooperation, and self-confidence. Its characteristics such as enthusiasm, generosity, adventurousness, and perseverance make children imitate and learn unconsciously.

This is combined with the subtle combination of the child's gender characteristics from the mother's gender characteristics, such as caring for others, compassion, gentleness, kindness, etc., to form a more perfect personality foundation for the child.

1."When I was a child, my father always scolded me, saying that I was stupid, not smart, disobedient, and always blamed me when I did something wrong, saying that I would be unproductive when I grew up. But when I grew up, I would inexplicably become like my father when I treated my two-year-old child, always suddenly being a child, suggesting that he had made things very bad, and that he should be blamed, and when he was disobedient, he would turn around and leave, and let him cry as much as he wanted.

In fact, it should be the influence of your original family on you that has hurt your heart, so that you unconsciously bring this pattern to your relationship with your son. 2."Sometimes I feel like I don't love him at all, and when I see him hurt, I feel a little happy and happy in my heart.

I think: It's not that you don't love your son, it's just because you have been hurt, neglected, and blamed since you were a child that you have come up like this, so it is fair that you, as my son, should also be treated like this, so you will have a feeling of "stealing joy". 3.

You now realize that you are repeating your father's attitude towards his son, and that you have a feeling of "stealing" at his son's treatment in this way, which shows that you have a good perception and awareness of your subconscious thoughts.

Psychological analysis: Two points, first, the love of parents is too suffocating; Second, your people-pleasing personality. Let's talk about the first one, standing in our own position, we will feel that this kind of parental love is deformed, in fact, you feel that you have grown up, from the body and psychology to a person who is enough to protect yourself, but your parents have not grown up, they are still in the wild Dan brought you as a child, and then it became even worse, because you are seriously ill, and you are different, they only have one daughter, in their eyes this kind of experience is comparable to natural disasters and man-made disasters, how do you reassure them?

In my opinion, if you want to alleviate their worries and loosen the suffocating love, you have to make yourself cheerful, optimistic, happy, and look like your life is very busy, you also have to care more about them, create more rituals of life, send flowers and gifts and money during the New Year's holidays, do not need to be expensive, just express your sincerity. This kind of behavior creates joy in life, so that life is full of sunshine, you are happy, and your parents are happy. And then the second point, don't think that the first way is to please your parents, to please is to make yourself feel conflicted inside, to deviate from the self you want to exist.

Anything that does not violate one's own principles, one's own inner feelings, and does not violate the code of moral conduct cannot be said to be flattering. You feel that you are a people-pleasing personality, which requires you to strengthen your heart, say no boldly, and clearly say no in the face of unreasonable behavior, such as refusing to borrow money, such as not being able to agree to other people's extraneous things at work, etc. Regarding the request for parents not to pick up and drop-off, you must first do the first point of the late hall, and then make a request to see the performance of your parents, and you will not be in a hurry.

Good luck and happiness!

Psychoanalysis: There is indeed a deformed love of parents. The control that parents have over their children is actually expressing that I can be responsible for you for the rest of my life.

This creates hatred among children towards their parents. Hatred, in fact, expresses the expectation that those injuries have not happened to you. Both of these are the result of excessive narcissism.

Life is like a river that never stops. Flowing forward is its mission. Everyone, in the course of their own life, must take on their own mission.

Then you need to see something irrational in your instincts. For example, parents turn love into control; For example, children treat their parents with extreme hatred. There's something called pain.

For example, the pain of separation. It's like a mother giving birth, it's extremely painful. It is also extremely painful for a child to become an independent person, psychologically and emotionally separated from his parents.

As a child, using hatred to solve the problems of the family of origin is a narcissistic disorder. The reason why parents are worried about their children is that they hope that their children will not take detours, suffer less, and will not suffer; The reason why children hate their parents is that they are unwilling to accept that pain and expect the perfect parents to raise their children perfectly suitable. This is narcissistic disorder.

It is important to know that a generation has the limitations of a generation. Parents love their children instinctively, but they also have their limitations. Then, it is difficult for children to avoid harm from their parents.

Then, to solve the problem of the original parents and get rid of the fetters from the parents, we must also accept the pain. One is the need to accept the pain of harm from parents; Second, the problem of hail must be solved in a painful way. Must be soberly aware:

Pain is the true face of life. As a parent, you need to know that you cannot take full responsibility for your children's lives, so let them experience their own lives independently and endure the pain they should endure is the way out. As a child, you must know that just like a snake that has to shed its skin to grow up, it is indispensable to get rid of the influence of the original family.

Then, in the face of the control of parents' worries, children, just expecting more democratic wisdom from their parents, may get a very strong hatred. The most feasible way is to reject them and let them suffer the pain of rejection. It's all about solving problems in a painful way.

While children refuse the control of their parents, they also need to bear the pain of loneliness and helplessness alone. These are the two sides of the same thing, the essence of things. Except for narcissistic disorder, omnipotent narcissism, there can be no perfect way in this world without harm and pain.

In fact, the result of narcissistic fantasies can only be disease. As a child, to solve the problem of the original family, if you can break with your parents psychologically and fight with a strong force, then you don't have to hate your parents in your heart and kill your parents in behavior.