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I know that you don't want to be like this in your heart, but since you said it, then you must have been hurt by people you really gave your feelings to, but your character makes it impossible for you to hate them! You want to become emotionally invulnerable, that is, cold-blooded, but for people of your character, if you want to become like that, you can only let yourself continue to pay for your feelings and continue to be hurt, and when such things happen more, you will gradually see through people's hearts, and it will become what you want, but I also want to say, why bother.
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Yes, you can make yourself happy
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