How to gain strong and continuous self confidence?

I've been confident since I was born...

Self-confidence is not an end in itself, we should restore self-confidence to the scene of life, it should be a by-product of our continuous implementation of our beliefs and values, and live our own wonderful life.

Building long-term self-confidence requires consistent and effective action.

In the pursuit of self-confidence, whether to follow one's own values or to pursue a good feeling may lead to completely different choices. Following our own values and pursuing results that are truly valuable to us will allow us to challenge a lot of things that make us feel uncomfortable, slowly master some skills that we were not good at before, and gain a more long-term self-confidence.

Over time, our lives become more limited and empty, and we end up trapped in our comfort zone, which in turn can make us lose our self-confidence.

Specific, small goals are key to effective action. Values alone are not enough. Values are like a compass, the compass can guide us in the general direction, but there is no way to guide our specific actions.

When we put it into practice, we need to refine our values into small goals one after another. Once we start acting, we only need to care about the things that are relevant to the goal.

Our feelings are largely out of our control, but we can control our behavior. In the face of desperate situations, we may not be optimistic, but we can control ourselves to step out. If the goal is small enough, we can complete it quickly, get feedback, and continuously optimize our next move based on the feedback, entering a positive cycle.

When we act effectively, it is very important to be fully engaged. Many people don't show confidence because they are distracted by unrelated things: worrying about whether they will act stupid during interviews, worrying about boring when talking to people, and worrying about whether their posture is standard when playing tennis, all of which can greatly affect our performance.

Only by dedicating ourselves to it will we be able to devote ourselves to the small goals at hand without struggling with these thoughts.

Therefore, self-confidence comes from accepting one's own temperament, and at the same time acting decisively in the direction that oneself identifies, striving to forge ahead, and getting results one by one, and continuing to feel like winning.

True self-confidence, fundamentally speaking, depends on your unconditional acceptance of Zheng He's own. Whether you are good or not, successful or not, beautiful or ugly, you can accept yourself, recognize yourself, and love yourself. There are two types of self-confidence in people:

One is conditional self-confidence and the other is unconditional self-confidence. Conditional self-confidence, the value of your tools, simply put, is the use you have for others to live in this world. It can be tangible, such as how much income you bring to the company at work; It can also be intangible, such as having a high appearance and superior figure, which gives people a pleasing feeling.

So, conditional self-confidence says that you only feel valuable and therefore have self-confidence when you can be of use to others. This is what most people are putting a lot of effort into cultivating: trying to improve their knowledge or ability in a certain area in order to prove their worth.

But once he loses support from the outside world, he loses his self-confidence. So what is unconditional self-confidence? Unconditional self-confidence, ** to your existence price sail cluster disgust value, simply put, because you are you, so you are valuable, you are good.

At this time, your self-confidence is not affected by the outside world, it is your inner recognition of yourself, so it is called "self-confidence in your bones". If you have unconditional self-confidence, then you will always believe that you are born worthwhile and that your value will not change because of what you do, regardless of whether you are smart, right, or capable, and whether others recognize, respect, or love you.

When I was in school, my teacher said, "Self-confidence is the accumulation of successful experience." At the time, I thought it made sense, but I couldn't say why it made sense.

Later, I was introduced to a book, "The Shortcut: How Hackers, Innovators and Idols Accelerate Success," and author Shane Snow said that the experience of failure will not help future success. A person who fails regularly may become habitually failing in the future and not be as successful as a "newborn calf".

The author stresses that successful experience is a useful experience. This completely subverts our perception that success is the mother of success, and failure is not the mother of success.

The author explains that small failures do not have serious consequences, and that constant correction can be successful. A big failure can lead to a series of failures later. The book cites the example of a doctor who performs a "coronary artery bypass graft", and if a doctor fails to perform the operation, the success rate of his subsequent surgery will always decrease, but the success rate of his colleague's surgery will increase.

If a doctor's surgery is successful, the success rate of his subsequent repentance will rise, but his own success will have no effect on his colleagues.

This is why the author believes that "success is the mother of success".

Recently, I saw another book, "The Twelve Laws of Life", in which the author Peterson gave an example of a lobster fight from a biological point of view. Victorious lobsters secrete more serotonin and less octopamine in their brains, while losing lobsters do the opposite. Serotonin can make lobsters more confident and brave, while octopamine makes lobsters timid and cautious, and the brain will tell them that they have been relegated and that they should avoid a winning lobster.

Interestingly, when the experimenter injected the failed lobster with some serotonin, it mustered up the courage to challenge the winning lobster that had beaten it again.

Experiments have shown that humans and lobsters are very similar when it comes to competition. When a person is successful, his brain also reassigns him to a place that regulates serotonin and causes him to produce specific physiological or psychological responses. Peterson stresses that to be confident, you need to be in the brain in the positive feedback of serotonin production.

This means that if a person wants to be confident, he needs constant success, and continuous success can make people more confident.

What I heard many years ago can finally be justified today through scientific experiments. In fact, we don't necessarily have to prove through experiments that chicken soup sentences that can produce a motivating effect are good sentences, as this sentence: "Self-confidence is the accumulation of successful experience." ”

I wish you all continued success.