Why does the relationship between husband and wife deteriorate after the birth of a child?

After the birth of the child, the focus of life is on the child, taking care of the child is a very hard thing, always care about the health and safety of the child, the husband and wife will become very little communication, and the relationship will be easy to deteriorate.

Because with the daily growth of the child, the heart damage that needs to be given to him is also slowly increasing, and the heart damage allocated to the husband will definitely decrease accordingly under the condition that the total amount remains the same.

In those moments when you no longer have to argue about right and wrong, you are in the mood to talk but you can't wait for the ears you want to hear, you can be perfunctory and there is no warmth, your young self, your free and easy self, and your ignorant self are all inflamed, festering, scabbing, and falling off layer by layer. Finally, one day, you find that you can accept it calmly and get rid of it quickly, but you can sleep silently and the new day goes on as usual. And then you also say goodbye to romance completely.

Will it be sad? No, on the contrary, I will be glad that those girls have finally faded from childishness and become women who can take responsibility and endure hardship. You have met the expectations of others, and you have finally let go of your expectations of life, of love, and even of the world.

You have to live a real life, yes, this is your mission, a dream that you can never give up and leave without a dream. So, it's not just couples who are estranged, but also themselves.

It is normal for many couples to have marital problems during this transition. Before giving birth, you only need to face the world of two people, and after giving birth, you need to face prenatal and postpartum depression, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law differences, and get along.

Previous studies have proven that within the first six months of a baby's birth, the level of oxytocin in mom and dad will rise, which will bring happiness to couples with new parents. So during the period when they have just given birth, couples often indulge in this sense of well-being.

But the happiness produced by this hormone does not last long, so if the couple does not work hard, they will be crushed by the little things that come their way.

First, with the arrival of children, the cost of family life will increase. When most men have not yet adapted to the responsibilities of fatherhood, they have to shoulder the burdens of life. And in many families, the inability of a wife to continue working after giving birth to a child will undoubtedly bring a great financial burden to a family.

Nowadays, society puts a lot of pressure on men. If the wife completely ignores her husband's efforts and does not understand her husband, it is also unbearable.

Second, in this process, the wife will spend all her energy on the children, so there is little communication with the outside world, resulting in the inability to vent her negative emotions. Once the emotions accumulate to a certain extent, they will definitely explode. In addition, if the husband doesn't care about it at this time, it will directly lead to estrangement and contradictions between the two people.

Even if he is a close person, he can't empathize with it at some point. ”

At this stage, due to the influence of production and hormones, women will have greater mood swings, and they want to be valued, cared for, and accommodated by their partners and family members, so as to gain a sense of security and love. Generally speaking, the elders pay more attention to the newborn, and the expectations of women will fall more on the husband.

When this happens, disappointment arises when the wife's need to be valued and accompanied is not met. And the husband does not know how to deal with this emotion, and the probability of conflict will be very high. Men tend to be less fond of emotional conflicts, and when intense emotions hit, they don't know how to deal with them, and tend to adopt avoidant postures to deal with them, such as going home late, playing games to decompress, fishing, or hanging out with friends.

In the disappointment of both parties, they will count each other's behavior and think that the other party is very bad.

The wife will feel that her husband has no sense of responsibility, and that she is suffering mentally and physically from giving birth to a child, and is extremely tired, but the husband does not care about herself, feels isolated and helpless, and thinks that her husband is very bad. And when the husband feels the emotional attack of his wife, he will feel that the other half is always finding fault and messing with him, and the family pressure becomes very low, so he wants to escape from the house. Both parties are caught in this cycle and can't get out, and the previously happy relationship deteriorates dramatically at this stage, and even many couples will divorce because of this.

In fact, the crux of most of the feelings during pregnancy lies in "understanding", the husband has not experienced the hardships of his wife's childbirth, and he does not know why his wife has changed as a person; The wife didn't feel the change of identity that her husband couldn't do, and she didn't know why he chose to escape, and when both people stood in their own perspective and expected each other to get closer, the distance between hearts and hearts was shortened.

In fact, behind this kind of emotional conflict, it reflects the lack of emotional management ability of both parties. I don't know how to communicate, I can't get along, and I don't know how to manage relationships, so in the reproductive stage, there are cracks in the marriage, and all the problems are exposed.

If you can shape a good communication model at this stage, it lies in each other's feelings, is good at expressing your needs, guides your partner to pay, and does a good job in the distribution of housework, and the relationship does not have to go to a broken situation.

It is not easy to fall in love, and if you have a child, if you divorce because of the conflict during pregnancy and because you don't know how to operate, it is a pity that you have a relationship with each other, and the child does not have a complete family and cannot live in a happy family with loving parents, which is a pity.

The best marriage state is to continue to grow in the relationship, from a small family of two to a family of three, to learn to give more love. Husbands should see their wives' difficulties, and wives should learn to communicate, express their needs reasonably and calmly, communicate positively with each other, love each other, and support each other.

In any case, remember that marital happiness is not only about promises, but also about tangible actions.

Because after having a child, the husband and wife put all their energy on the child, and they have no time to talk, let alone the energy to manage the marriage.

Because after having children, husband and wife have to work and take care of children, and there is no time to manage each other's feelings.

Because after having a child, no matter which parent will focus most of their energy on their own child, the attention will be diverted from their other half.

Because after having a child, it is different, the contradiction between the two people will become deeper and deeper, the concept of parenting is different, and having a child is not free at all.

Because the husband or wife puts all their energy on the children, the husband and wife lack basic communication between them, and they also ignore each other and no longer care about each other.

It may be because there are many things to do after the birth of the child, and the husband and wife are unwilling to deal with things related to the child, so after having a child, there are more conflicts between the two people.

It is said that children are the glue of the relationship between husband and wife, but sometimes children are the catalyst of the relationship between husband and wife, not only can not make the relationship between husband and wife better and better, but there will be many annoying things.

The most common is because of a little trivial quarrel, originally the mother is not very good because of the child's temper, if the father does not know to accommodate, then what is about to come is endless anger and quarrels.

You know, for most families, Bao Ma usually not only needs to take care of the children, but also cooks, cleans, etc., so if Bao Dad comes home, he only knows to lie on the sofa, either playing games or playing with his mobile phone. Bao's mother must be angry when she sees it, she is tired and tired for a busy day, Bao's father comes back and doesn't know how to help, even if you don't know a word of comfort, this family is not one to support, it must be the more you think about it, the more angry you become.

In fact, because it is the first time for a woman to take care of a child, she usually has a lot of troubles, and there are many things that she can't do well because she is holding Yuan Lu to shoot the child, and she will naturally become more and more irritable when she is more frustrated, and she will hold back the fire in her heart. So after Bao Dad came back, he took the initiative to care about Bao Ma, let Bao Ma complain and be angry, Bao Ma was in a good mood, if Bao Dad didn't care about anything, he would wait to eat and sleep when he went home, and it would be strange if Bao Ma didn't go crazy.

In fact, in addition to these aspects, there is another point that also needs special attention, which is more common in families that have been married for a long time, that is, it is difficult to speak.

After being married for a long time, the husband and wife began to dislike each other, and they didn't think much about what they were talking about, and they just said what they thought in their hearts. Originally, when they were not married, they spoke to each other more politely, thinking about whether saying it would cause the other party to be disgusted, but after getting married, they didn't care about anything, but they changed their ways every day to dislike each other.

Sometimes the two parties dislike each other for fun, but it happens that one party is in a bad mood, and if the other party dislikes it, he will be scolded and scolded, and the other party will be angry, which is also the possibility of escalating the conflict between the husband and wife.

The last point is that the mother-in-law is not. No matter how bad her mother-in-law is, she is also the mother of Bao Dad, who has raised Bao Dad for decades. Besides, after Bao's father got married, the mother-in-law has no obligation to continue to help the family, just the decades that the mother-in-law has raised her son, the son should support her when the old man is old.

But Bao's mother doesn't think so, she is not taken care of, but has to take care of her mother-in-law when she is old, so her heart will be unbalanced. Because of the difference in thinking between men and women, it will also lead to the outbreak of contradictions.

In fact, the most important thing is that the husband and wife have something to say, and there is no contradiction when the matter is made clear, and I am most afraid of those couples who obviously have something but hold back and don't say it, so sooner or later something will happen.

I am Qi Lijuan, a senior nursery, 17 years in the field of infant education, kindergarten principal, and I am also a mother of 3 children, if you encounter problems about parenting, you can leave a message to tell me, I hope some of my parenting experience can help you.