Do you think it s funny? Take a look!!

Two people standing.,What do you mean?,I don't understand.。。。

Short jokes: leave the police speechless:

Someone was driving under the influence of alcohol and was caught by the police.

The police asked: Drinking?

Someone said: No!

The policeman asked: Why do you smell of alcohol?

Someone said: Got a bottle of beer.

The police said: Beer is also alcohol!

Someone asks: Is a snail a cow?

The policeman said: No.

Someone asks: Is soy sauce oil?

The policeman said: No.

Someone asks: Is the bride a mother?

The policeman said: No.

Someone asks: Is beer alcohol?

The policeman said: No.

Someone said, "Isn't this the end of it?"

Police: ·· Speechless).

In a lively bazaar, a fish seller shouted, "Fresh fish! At this time, a bubble gum seller immediately shouted:

Bubble gum! The fish seller listened and said to the candy seller, "Hey, why do you say that my fish is in the soup?"

The more noisy they became, the more fierce they became. At this moment, a bean sprout seller shouted again: "Bean sprouts!

A vigilante came up to him and asked, "Who else is arguing with them?" It just so happened that an avocado seller shouted

Avocals! When the vigilante heard this, he said, "Well, take all four of you with you!"

…The cow beats the sheep, and the sheep asks, "Who are you?" ”

The cow said, "I'm cow."

The sheep asked: Damn, who are you?

Cow: Damn, I'm cow

When A saw that B was struggling to carry the suitcase, he said, "I'll help you carry it."

B doesn't use the wheel on the box, so he says to A: "Get out!"

A was very angry, and B quickly said, "I asked you to use the wheel."

Two Yunnan people went to Beijing to play, and when they heard that Peking duck was very famous, they decided to eat it. As soon as he sat down, one of them said to the waiter"Go to those two roast ducks and shake them!

After waiting for a while, they saw the waiter carrying a roast duck and dangling it in front of them, and left. One of them couldn't wait, so he called the waiter and asked why he didn't serve them roast duck, and the waiter said"Didn't you tell me to bring up a roast duck to shake?

Note: ("Shake off"In Yunnan dialect refers to:"Eat")

Henan Lao Dong is a native of Henan, came to the south to eat breakfast, and asked as soon as he entered the door"Miss. How much is sleeping (dumplings) a night (bowl)?"The waiter was very upset and said:"No. Only.

Steamed bread. "Lao Dong said:"Oh, and it's okay to touch (steamed buns). "The waiter was extremely annoyed and scolded"Rogue! "Lao Dong was extremely surprised"Six cents? It's so cheap! "

A county magistrate with a strong accent came to the village to make a report: rabbits, shrimps, pig tails! Don't pickle melon, pickles are too expensive!! 」

Translation: Comrades, villagers, pay attention! Don't speak, it's time for the meeting!! )

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said: Pickles, please sausage and pickles! 」

Translation: Now the mayor of the township is invited to speak! ）

Don't want pickles, I'll pick up a shit for you to lick

Translation: Don't speak, I'll tell you a story).

A beautiful woman got off the night shift and was followed by a man of one color, the beautiful woman was very scared, and was passing by a cemetery, and the man was about to start, and the beautiful woman walked to a grave and said, "Dad, open the door, I'm back". The frightened man ran away.

The beautiful woman laughed proudly at her cleverness, but before the laughter fell, an eerie voice came from the grave and said, "Girl, why have you forgotten to bring your key again?" Frightened, the beauty screamed and ran away.

At this time, a grave robber crawled out of the grave and said, "It affects my work and scares you to death". Suddenly found an old man in front of the tombstone, holding a chisel to carve the tombstone, so he asked strangely:

What are you doing"? The old man said angrily: "These unscrupulous descendants have carved my tombstone wrongly, and they have to change it themselves."

When the tomb robbers heard this, they were so frightened that they ran away. Looking at the back of the tomb robber, the old man sneered: "Robbing business with Lao Tzu will scare you to death."

Accidentally, the chisel fell to the ground, and the old man was about to bend down to pick it up, but he saw a hand stretched out from the grass, and at the same time there was a cold voice: "Ah, dare to change the house number of my house." The old man was so frightened that he ran off the ground.

A scavenger crawled out of the grass, picked up a chisel on the ground, and exclaimed, "In these days, it takes so much effort to pick up a piece of rotten iron." ”

Tell me the best joke I've ever heard.

Mulan joins the army for her father

Once at night, Mulan had her period, so she went outside the tent to change sanitary napkins, but the enemy attacked suddenly, and a cannonball came over, but it couldn't blow up Mulan, and Mulan was just stunned. Mulan wakes up to find herself in the medic's tent, who sits next to her and ponders. When the military doctor saw Mulan wake up, he said to her earnestly:

Brat. The shell blew up your brother just now. A lot of blood was shed.

There was also a crack. But don't worry, I sewed the seams up.

When I remember the exam, I can open my eyes and see the details, and I must carefully observe the texture of the things on the paper, so there is always an interest outside the object. The problem is like thunder, and the mosquito dies in his hands, and the heart desires to be thousands or hundreds, and it really dies; When you lower your head, your whole body becomes stronger (stiff). I also left a note in my trouser pocket and copied it into the volume, so that the teacher flew at me, and it was like a vicious ghost, and I was happy to be happy about it.

Yu often at the same table at the examination papers, when many teachers look into the distance, stretch their necks, and make them in line with the papers. To be able to copy as the spirit, to copy as the god, to not be found as cool, to be found as unlucky, wandering in it, contented. Once, when I saw my classmates doing questions, I looked at it, and suddenly there was a behemoth, pulling up a mountain and falling a tree, covering a teacher, and my hand stretched out and my roll became 0 points.

Yu was young, and Fang was distracted, but he was shocked. When I went home, I was whipped dozens of times by my parents and kicked out of the door.

Some people like to wear their jackets backwards on motorcycles, thinking that it is wind-resistant.

One day drunk riding a bicycle overturned on the side of the road, and the person did not wake up.

After a while, two policemen came.

Police Officer A: "What a terrible fall!" Even his head fell backwards. ”

Police Officer B: "There's still breathing, let's help him straighten his head!" ”

Officer A: "Okay!

One, two! Ha ha! Straightened! ”

Police Officer B: "Huh! I'm out of breath....”

Original text of the broadcast transcript: Two gangsters wounded my 110 police officers and fled.

The announcer reads: Two gangsters wounded 110 police officers and fled.

Reincarnation of Wong Fei Hung??!

Lucky enough for another bottle.

A kid went downstairs to the shop to buy a drink. The shopkeeper gave him a bottle, and then the kid said he had no money.

The shopkeeper angrily threatened: "I don't have money to go to your mother!" ”

The child was so frightened that the bottle cap fell to the ground. Pick it up and take a look: another bottle! So he gave the bottle cap to the shopkeeper and left happily.

Leaving the shopkeeper ...... blankly

Lao Liu, who doesn't know how to count.

Lao Liu is a good wine, and almost every time he drinks, he will get drunk.

One day, he drank too much again and returned home full of alcohol.

The wife asked angrily: "I told you to drink only two small glasses, why do you overdo it every time?" ”

Lao Liu: "How many times have I told you, I don't know how to count!" ”

It is said that on a dark and windy night, on the longest and most terrible road, the taxi driver drove there, and a woman beckoned to get on the roadside. It was quiet all the way until the woman spoke. She said to the driver

Apples for you to eat, delicious oh ......The driver thought it was great and took it and took a bite. The woman asked, "Is it delicious?"

The driver said, "It's delicious!" The woman replied:

I remember that I also liked to eat apples when I was alive......"Wow......&#@……When the driver heard this, he was frightened and turned pal......e

The woman slowly tilted her head to the front and said to the driver, "But I don't like to eat after giving birth!" ......