Who will help me identify this essay? It s better to help me change it

It's well written, it doesn't need to be perfected.

**became a part of my life, I love**!

Cultivating people's sentiments.

Cultivating people's sentiments.

**became a part of my life, I love**!

Hee-hee, I'm still a primary school student,

Have all one's goods in the window. This essay is like mixing all the colors in a palette and it looks colorful and colorful, but it's actually a mess – you can't just use flowery rhetoric to describe your ideas, you have to write concrete examples.

For example, the first paragraph says that the first year of high school is nothing to achieve, which is reflected in friends, grades, and experience, which is good, because you write out the examples, but then you immediately repeat "nothing is achieved in the first year of high school" - and it just slips away and passes vaguely.

If you carefully map the content of the article, you will find that it is just saying the phrase "I didn't have a good time in high school", and then retouching it with some beautiful words, which is very wordy and illogical.

It should be changed like this: the first paragraph talks about the bad life in the first year of high school, which aspects are not good (communication, grades, experience, etc.), and then use a few paragraphs to talk about these aspects, and finally summarize. It looks very organized.

Throughout the past and present, all those memories stained with pen and ink, the fragrance that stands alone among the flowers is my beloved "Robinson Crusoe".

Every flipping is a new experience, and every precipitation is a feeling of the heart. Defoe uses his picturesque technique to vividly show everything in the text in front of us, do you still remember the first time you arrived on the island, Robinson's ambition to open up a new world without fear of danger, do you still remember (. . . You add it yourself) as if I felt it (.!)

Praise the protagonist how good it is), such as the past and the present, and its own should (. . Say how you do it yourself. ）

You first look at the feelings after reading this "Robinson Crusoe", and see if there is any place available, if not, I can't help it.

It's better to write a little about Robinson's deeds and your own deeds to set off his spirit, and you only write about feelings that don't move the reader.

You can go online and find some general deeds. Then write about your deeds contrary to him, below the second paragraph.

The spirit of Robinson is written in a few more places.

I think there are too few words to write in a day, and there is too little content in the book.

Write about the tenacity and perseverance of someone around him, the spirit of never giving up, and realizing his sailing dream.

The first paragraph could be deepened.

Some words in the article are repeated many times.

Topic: My story is not compelling enough. You can choose "Gluttonous Kittens Love Candy" with the title - My Story.

If a person is sick, he will not feel well. No matter which organ goes wrong, it's unbearable. A few days ago, it was because I ate a little more sugar that my teeth and gums hurt for a long time.

Last Saturday, our family went to a wedding (the guest was changed to a wedding, otherwise where would the "newlyweds" come from?). When I got downstairs (in my new room or hotel), I met the newlyweds in full costumes, and they warmly offered me a large handful of candy, which I unceremoniously accepted and ate as I went. Who knows that before I got upstairs, I ran out of candy in my hand, oh, I haven't eaten enough!

When I got to the table, there was a lot of candy, and now I could get over it, and I kept eating like a greedy kitten. When I got home, I felt a little uncomfortable in my teeth, so I brushed my teeth and fell asleep without thinking about anything.

When I woke up the next morning, I had a big bulge on my face, and as long as I opened my mouth slightly, it hurt terribly, and when I pressed it, it would bulge again. Even the slightest touch would make me scream like a pig. When my mother saw me like this, she said she would take me to the hospital.

However, I thought to myself, I can only play on the computer on Sunday one day a week, and if I go to the doctor, I will waste all my time in the hospital and I won't be able to play on the computer! So I told my mother that I didn't need to go, but my teeth hurt a little, and I didn't need to go to the hospital for minor problems. If you look at it today, it may be gone tomorrow!

Mom couldn't help me, so she said whatever you want, don't come to me when it hurts. So on this day, I endured the pain and continued to play, and when it was time for lunch (write clearly in the morning, noon and evening), I finally put the rice "thi" into my mouth (the description here is good, the word "thi" is very accurate), it felt like gnawing the door panel with my teeth, not only tasteless but also extremely hard. Later, I couldn't bear the pain, so I chewed and ate it on the non-inflamed side, and the pain was finally relieved.

In the afternoon, my father came to me and said, "If you keep your mouth closed like this, it's easy for the inside to get inflamed," so I gently opened my mouth a little slit. After a while, my brother saw me with my mouth open and said, "Be careful if I catch worms and throw them in your mouth!" It scared me so much that I didn't open my mouth or close my mouth, so I had a whim, took a mask to cover it, and still opened my mouth.

My toothache was terrible, and I couldn't play with the computer anymore, so I asked my classmate on the Internet to see if she had any way. She actually said to me, "You wait for me to find a home remedy and help you see it."

I'm terrified, home remedies and this kind of thing, forget it. So I went to the Internet to look for information, and most of them said that this situation should be immediately sought medical attention.

As the saying goes, a toothache is not a disease, it hurts really badly. In the end, I couldn't take it anymore, so I gave up the opportunity to play with the computer and went to the doctor with my mother. Overnight injections (injections or infusions?)

What injections do I need overnight? What do doctors say about illness? Add the content in the expansion here.

Through this incident, I decided not to be a gluttonous kitten again, pay attention to oral hygiene, and protect my teeth.

I have an innocent and lovely cousin.

Once, while playing in the house, my cousin accidentally knocked over his bicycle and his fingers were caught, and he was so frightened that he burst into tears. At this time, his mother heard the cry, and hurriedly ran out of the room, and when she saw that this scene was angry and funny, she ignored him. The cousin was not comforted, and was very unwilling, so he continued to cry while peeking through his fingers to see if his mother was paying attention to him.

Later, he realized that his mother really had no intention of comforting him, so he wiped away his tears with his little fat hand, and walked up to his mother and laughed flatteringly.

How innocent and lovely my cousin is, do you like it?

Is my cousin a big eye?

How to change it, what kind of change it to, there is to be changed.