After getting married, should couples live with their in laws?

Do you want to live with your in-laws after marriage?

It's okay to live together or not, but does your mother-in-law have a place to live? Is it convenient to take care of her? Or do you want a world of 2 people. Old people want to be with their children, and you will know when you have children.

Living together because the concept of life is different. In particular, some old people will look at the lives of young people according to his way of thinking, and they are prone to contradictions.

Today's young people like freedom and self; You will feel that the old man is in the way of your life. At the same time, with the elderly around, many things are not so casual.

But as young people, we need to think from the perspective of our parents. Every old man wants to be with his children, and in the eyes of our parents, we will always be children who will not grow up. Later, when I have a child, I will understand this.

I think that if the elderly can take care of themselves completely and are physically healthy (depending on how they understand this), they can choose to live closer to each other, but not live together. It's going to be a little bit better.

The most effective way to avoid the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is to live separately, as the saying goes, "out of sight is clean".

If you are not together, you can't see what to find with each other, and if you look abroad, there is no contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Because foreign couples are all understanding people, they live separately, each has their own private space to live, and does not disturb each other.

As an unmarried woman, you hope to find a husband who loves you, and it is best to have a reasonable in-laws; As a mother-in-law, I hope to find a filial and sensible daughter-in-law, who not only takes good care of her son, but also obeys herself. Neither of these ideas is wrong, of course. However, once the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law make trouble, the husband who is caught in the middle will suffer.

Therefore, many families choose not to take their in-laws to live with them after marriage, but they inevitably appear unfilial, and they are said to have married a daughter-in-law and forgot their mother, how should they choose? Let's take a look at the lessons of the people who have come before, they are very thorough.

1. Look at the age of the mother-in-law.

If you get married early, your mother-in-law is not too old, and some people have become in-laws before they even reach retirement age, and they can take care of their own lives, so there is no need to move in together. In this way, not only can each person maintain the privacy of their own life, but also avoid many conflicts in life.

As long as you take your children back to your in-laws' house for a meal on Sundays and holidays, help them with housework, or travel with the whole family, you can not only enhance the relationship of the family, but also create a good family environment for the next generation, and teach them to know how to be filial to their parents.

Second, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are together, and conflicts are prone to occur.

Don't do moral kidnapping in the name of filial piety, and be sure to take your mother-in-law over to live with you. You must know that no matter how filial the daughter-in-law is and how reasonable the mother-in-law is, the two of them also grew up in different educational backgrounds, and their living habits are definitely different, and even the habits of doing housework are different.

Don't underestimate these details, thousands of miles of embankment destroyed in an anthill, living under one roof, how can there be no quarrels after a long time, how can there be no contradictions? Filial piety or not cannot be judged by whether or not you live with your mother-in-law, and do not breed unnecessary trouble for the sake of other people's opinions.

3. On the issue of children's education.

Now everyone is not in favor of intergenerational education, which is true, of course, their children still have to be educated by husband and wife. The educational philosophy of the two generations is inconsistent, generally parents will be stricter in the education of their children, while the older generation mostly loves their grandchildren and granddaughters, and some parents do not let their children eat and do things that they do not let their children do, but they can be secretly allowed in the gap between the elderly taking care of their children.

In this way, contradictions have arisen, but it is difficult for Qing officials to decide family affairs, and the contradictions are not clear. Another point is that after living together, the mother-in-law will generally take the initiative to apply to take care of the child, even if the two generations agree on the way of educating the child, the heavy work of caring for the child will also tire the mother-in-law, and the good body may also be sick due to overwork, which is simply more than worth the loss.

Young couples have their own life imitation celery, parents should also have their own life, dancing square dance, or going to the university for the elderly, going out with neighbors to chat, playing chess, like to go out can also take advantage of retirement to travel without incident, each living their own wonderful, such a life is healthy and tasteful. Loving children and respecting parents also requires keeping a distance from each other, not violating each other, respecting each other, and living their own wonderful lives.

1. Live alone after marriage, so that your husband can grow up quickly.

Why is it recommended to live alone as much as possible after marriage? In fact, not living with parents after marriage is an opportunity for men to grow up quickly.

Most men, when they live with their parents, almost always live a life of clothes to reach out and eat, and their parents will prepare everything, he will not have to do anything, not even his underwear.

Such a man is a typical man who is properly taken care of by his parents. If he continues to live with his parents after marriage, he will not change anything, and he will still be the eldest young master who does not touch the spring water with his fingers.

But as a daughter-in-law, you are different, it should be what your husband should do, because if he doesn't do it, you can only do it, you can't let your in-laws wash his underwear when you're already married, right?

So if you live alone after marriage, you can let the man understand a truth, your small home is not your own, it needs two people to run it together, if the woman cooks, the man should wash the dishes. He will grow up quickly after you get married and become a good partner in your married life.

2. Live alone after marriage and respect each other's habits.

It is inconvenient for both parents and children to live with their parents after marriage, whether with the man's parents or with the woman's parents.

For example, if you live with the man's parents after marriage, if you are stronger, then when you are at home, your father-in-law will rarely chat with you in the living room, and what he often does is go downstairs or hide in the bedroom. But if you're more introverted, you're the one who often hides in your bedroom.

The living habits of young people and the elderly are also very different, and living together increases the probability of conflicts. It's not that you're wrong or your in-laws are wrong, it's just that you have different ideas.

There is no right or wrong contradiction in this way, and every time it happens, it increases the gap between you. So if you have the conditions, you must live alone after marriage, respect each other's habits, and don't let the marriage be overwhelmed by trivialities.

3. Live alone after marriage and keep a bowl of soup away from your in-laws.

In fact, if you stay together a lot, even with your own mother, there will be conflicts, not to mention the in-laws who will live together because of a man.

It doesn't matter if you have an argument with your own mother, your own mother is always your own mother, and she won't really blame you. But mother-in-law is different, it's not that mother-in-law doesn't love you, but the role of mother-in-law is there, and she can't understand you like her own mother.

Therefore, if there are conditions after marriage, it is most appropriate to keep a bowl of soup distance from your in-laws, not not to move around, but to deliberately keep a distance when you are moving.

Write at the end. Marriage should not be a woman marrying into a large family, but two people who are independent of each other regrouping into a small independent family.

Those parents who ask their children to live with them after marriage in the name of filial piety are not inseparable from him, but because he cannot do without them, and do not want to give up control over their children, so as to show his sense of existence.

Many young people choose to live differently.

After all, the living environment of the two generations is different, and the perception and ideas of life are also different, and after marriage, they and their parents are two independent families, and the different life concepts and ways of living together of the two families will only continue to breed contradictions and consume the emotions of both parties.

If you choose to live with your parents after marriage, there is no emotional space for two people.

After marriage, I choose to live together with my parents, and the other half is always a guest at home, without a sense of belonging to the family, always holding myself in front of my parents, maintaining my own image, working hard to integrate into the family, adapting to the rhythm and way of family life, and it takes great efforts to integrate emotionally.

Suppressing your feelings for a long time can easily lead to conflicts with your parents, and the continuous accumulation of negative emotions will lead to family conflicts.

But when there is a conflict between parents and the other half, most people may subconsciously choose to protect their parents, but this will also hurt the other half's heart, and it will also intensify the negative feelings in the other half's heart, and in the long run, it is easy to have a marriage crisis.

Therefore, if you live with your parents after marriage, you should discuss with your other half whether both parties can tolerate the problems caused by the age gap between your parents, how to digest and solve the negative emotions faced by two people, how to maintain the relationship between husband and wife, and whether you have high emotional intelligence to deal with problems in life, etc. Living with your parents is not something that you can decide on the slap in the eye, think about it, it's a decision made for the happiness of your parents and you.

1.Living together, my parents-in-law can share the housework, and when I get home after work, I can have a hot meal, and I don't have to worry about what to eat when I come back after a busy day.

2.Living together, if there are children, the husband and wife's ability to detect fraud is limited, the wife alone with the child family pressure falls on the husband alone, presumably in this case, when the wife is also difficult to feel at ease at home with the baby, at this time there are parents-in-law, the wife can go out to work, the child can be helped. This reduces stress in the life of the whole family.

3.Living together, if the in-laws are unwell, it is also convenient for the husband and wife to take care of them together, and they don't have to be on vacation, all the time is used to visit the elderly, and everyone is very tired to toss back and forth.

After talking about the benefits of living with my in-laws, let's talk about the disadvantages.

1.Living with my in-laws is very inconvenient. For example, if you are a daughter-in-law and want to dry your underwear, you will inevitably be embarrassed to see your father-in-law, or the couple usually need some little feelings, and it will be inconvenient to have an old man.

2.Living with your in-laws often leads to disagreements in your habits and thoughts. For example, if you are used to going to bed late and waking up late, your in-laws will not be used to it.

Your in-laws may also think that you don't know how to save, and you may not like some of your daily habits. For example, your in-laws have a habit of eating all over the floor, which makes you very tired of cleaning. Another example is that you finally have a holiday and just want to rest, but your in-laws are looking for a lot of things to trouble you, you will feel very tired.

3.Living with in-laws, it is easy to have conflicts because of different educational concepts. This is a headache for me, you want to educate your children in your way, but your in-laws must follow their way, and they will stop your education method, which is not good for the harmony of the whole family, and it is not good for the growth of children.

4.Living with your in-laws will be very unfree. You can do a lot of things that will be blocked. For example, if you want to go out to dinner and shopping or something, your in-laws usually think that you don't care about your family and won't live. As a result, you can't let go of anything you do in the future, and you don't have the space to belong to yourself.