What is the psychological root of mother in law and daughter in law s difficulty?

Personally, I think that some mothers-in-law are because they care too much about their sons, or are always afraid that their sons will be wronged, if the daughter-in-law is not particularly concerned about her husband, or the daughter-in-law herself is also a type that needs to be taken care of, such as an only child, or a more squeamish girl, she still wants her husband to take care of herself, but in the eyes of the mother-in-law, of course, she hopes that the daughter-in-law will take care of her son, so the two sides with different needs will naturally have contradictions.

From a psychological point of view, I will talk about some of the conclusions I have summarized in dealing with family conflicts and family education problems in the past ten years, which are not necessarily authoritative and are for reference only. The psychological root of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law's difficulty lies in the insecurity, desire for control and possessiveness, and the symbiotic entanglement between the two women.

The first thing I want to ask is, does the mother-in-law really treat her daughter-in-law as a daughter? If the mother-in-law really treats her daughter-in-law as a daughter. Then the problem will be solved.

Because even between mother and daughter, there will be some small contradictions and frictions. But because of the mother-daughter connection. So these small contradictions and small frictions are not a problem.

Sometimes daughters make awkward or quarrel with their mothers. When the mother thinks her daughter is coquettish. Therefore, when it comes to these questions, the mother will not take them to heart.

But what about the daughter-in-law? If the daughter-in-law just entered the house and raised these small questions, will the mother-in-law feel that the daughter-in-law is too picky? Will you think that your daughter-in-law is deliberately finding fault?

If the mother-in-law has this kind of mentality, because when the mother-in-law is in her heart, she does not treat her daughter-in-law as a daughter and accept it. Therefore, there will be a lot of follow-up problems.

After all, it's a neighbor, and slowly I see the doorway. The biggest thing about people's mothers-in-law is that they don't have too many expectations for their daughters-in-law, unlike many mothers-in-law, who hope that their daughters-in-law "can go to the hall and go to the kitchen", not only to take care of their sons, but also to have children. The biggest requirement is that as long as the young couple is harmonious and beautiful, they can be happy and happy, and give their daughter-in-law complete trust and dependence.

The daughter-in-law next door is very considerate of her mother-in-law, no matter before or after marriage, she almost does not ask for anything from her mother-in-law, she is simple, very simple, full of positive attitude towards life, and does not complain about anything because her family conditions are worse than others.

The essence is that the mother-in-law feels that she has given almost all her love to her son, but the son has not dedicated all his love to himself, and has taken the initiative to dedicate some imbalance to others. She theoretically thinks that her son needs to get married, but emotionally can't accept this fact. Therefore, she will use various means to rectify her daughter-in-law.

She only cares about relieving her hatred, but she forgets her original intention for her son: for her son's happiness. When getting married, many mothers-in-law are willing to spend money, but she is really reluctant to give a smiling face to her daughter-in-law who gets home.

Maybe married: she thinks it's for her son and has nothing to do with her daughter-in-law. So whether the son is happy or not, whether there is a mother who really understands things is the key.

The root cause is that the mother-in-law always feels that her son and herself are a family, and the daughter-in-law is an outsider, but in fact, the husband and wife are a family, and the mother-in-law is an outsider.

The daughter-in-law doesn't want her husband to do what her son should do, and the mother-in-law doesn't want her son to do what her husband should do. That's the most fundamental reason.

The root of the mother-in-law's difficulty is the mother-in-law, she forgot that the daughter of the family she became is also the daughter-in-law of someone else's family, she only asked her daughter-in-law, not her daughter to be a good daughter-in-law!!

The root cause is that the mother-in-law has no sense of distance at all! The mouth is too long, and the hands are long!

The conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has always been a topic of endless debate. Every family has a scripture that is difficult to read. Family matters are the hardest things to deal with.

It is often the public who says that the public is reasonable, and the mother-in-law who says that the mother-in-law is reasonable. Every family will encounter such problems, whether it is a good family condition or a bad family condition. What is the root cause of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law being very difficult to get along with?

Is there a lot of resentment against the mother-in-law? Or do you complain about your daughter-in-law? What is it that makes this contradiction unresolved after all?

Today we can take a look at this issue together.

The mother-in-law thinks that her son is hers and has been snatched away by others, and there is a big gap in her heart, and it is her life's task to embarrass her daughter-in-law everywhere.

I once talked to my neighbor's mother-in-law and daughter-in-law separately for the same question, "Why are you so good?" ”。And they all laughed, and it came from the heart.

The mother-in-law is straightforward and fast-talking, in a word, this child is my daughter; As for my daughter-in-law, I feel that my mother-in-law is closer than my mother when I get married. Objectively speaking, these words may be a bit polite. But what's behind it?

There's no reason, it's just that she hates her, vulgar and two-faced, and scheming.

They all regard themselves as the head of the family, they all want the family to go according to their own wishes, the mother-in-law wants her son to have the right to let the daughter-in-law listen to them, and the daughter-in-law wants to live a loving and rich life with her husband, and the root of everything lies in the relationship between the son and the two women.

First of all, I want to explain that what is said in this article is all reasonable and clear and righteous, and I really met people who are quite unreasonable, who don't understand, who mess around, and who are useless in doing anything wrong, just one, split up, move far away, out of sight and out of mind.

My mother-in-law loves to calculate, since she got married, she has been planning to divorce her son in the future, what will happen, to put it bluntly, she doesn't treat you as a family, no matter how good you treat her, you are an outsider, and after so many years, I am tired and don't want to please her, let alone let her do everything.

Because they essentially feel that everything in the family should be done by women, they are used to being mothers, so they feel that you should also take care of her son like a mother, and always use her standards and psychology to measure the relationship between you and her son, and you are married, that is her son's home, that is, her home, you are an outsider, this is what I summarized from my own mother, because I have a brother who is 12 years younger than me.

The daughter-in-law really treats her mother-in-law as a mother, and the mother-in-law treats that daughter-in-law as a free nanny that no one wants because you rely on my son, and when she enters my house, my family can't keep you an outsider.

Very sloppy, young and don't do anything, the house is never cleaned up, like a pig's nest, the kitchen is full of mouse feces, the rice bowls are washed together, only clean themselves, too good to run, don't cook! If you don't take care of your children, this woman will not be happy for anyone.

From this ordinary mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, can we say that the psychological root of the most difficult situation for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is largely reflected in the mother-in-law's high expectations for her daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law asks too much for her mother-in-law?

Mother-in-law does not treat her daughter-in-law as a daughter. Always an outsider....So don't expect to be nice to your daughter-in-law. Respect and keep your distance.

There is no sense of boundaries, and it is not clear how to distinguish between the two families, and many mothers-in-law are afraid that their sons will marry their daughters-in-law and forget their mothers, and they will make all kinds of ......

Chinese mother-in-law has no sense of boundaries, and when her son gets married and starts a family, she should let go, not interfere in the lives of the young couple, and let them solve problems by themselves, so as to avoid conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

The mother-in-law will not abdicate when she is the hostess, and the daughter-in-law will not be able to marry and be a family, so she can only live separately.

The mother-in-law treats her daughter-in-law as a rival in love! Robbed his own man.

Delicious and lazy, not hygienic, loving money like life, and having a strong desire to control.

By your mother's standards, I guess you'll only be a single person in your life.

Not to mention the flight attendant, an ordinary worker, it's normal to buy clothes for 500 yuan, how high the price is now, and more than 500 clothes are not luxurious, why don't you even dare to tell the truth.

I think if you like this girl, don't listen to your mother's nagging, just make it clear, if you don't marry her, you will live with her for the rest of your life in the future, your mother always says that she is not good, and it is not good for you.

Tell your wife too, just say why it's your mother, even if she is wrong, as a junior, you can't always find fault. (But fortunately, your wife is just nagging with you, and if you quarrel directly with your mother, you will be even more uncomfortable).

In fact, this is the responsibility of a man, mother and wife, who is more important to the question, in fact, men have the answer in their hearts, mother must be the most important, but the wife's feelings should also be respected, in fact, like your mother's situation, it is best to live separately from you, she is not used to having one more person at home, no matter how virtuous and sensible your wife is, your mother will feel unaccustomed, because she is used to being lonely, used to the days of dependence with you, it is best to let your mother adapt to your growth, It is better to live separately.

If you live in your father-in-law's house, and your father-in-law and mother-in-law always say bad things about you behind your wife's back, don't you feel uncomfortable, don't you feel wronged, you look at the old man who is critical of you every day, can you still laugh, your wife is in this state of mind now. That's why she wants to nag you, you should persuade your wife instead of complaining, and the last thing you should complain about is you.

After reading your supplement, I just want to briefly say that everyone has their own personality and habits, people are so big that they can't be changed, people must be wronged, people with different personalities will react differently, your situation is only three words, impossible.

The elderly are very economical, it is recommended to live separately as well, the thinking of the elderly and young people is not on the same level, the standards for young people to buy a piece of clothing are not the same as those of the elderly, and the elderly will never reach a consensus.

This has been a thing since ancient times! Understand each other and do a good job in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law!

Who asked you to get a mother to live with, and your mother will dump a few girls if she doesn't say well? Deserve.

No! As long as you treat your parents the same, it is not difficult, and with heart-to-heart, emotional people, empathy, sincere respect, love, understanding, tolerance, understanding and help each other, sincere communication, understanding and understanding with each other.