Ask for an evaluation of my original two poems?

It's like a song!!

It feels like the artistic conception of "June Rain"!

vividly writes about the author's right.

The cold rain fell heavily.

Unable to find its way, it crashed to the ground.

Add "wind" after "directional" so that the whole poem is too monotonous).

Instantly shattered lives (remove "life" and add "then".) ）

Blend into one (remove the "up", redundant.) ）

When will we be able to appreciate the preciousness of life ("life" is too abrupt, the language of poetry is not vernacular, if you need to explain life, don't always mention "life".) As in the previous sentence, the fragmentation and integration are the actions of life. ）

Only to watch the rain drift endlessly.

I remembered her in my life.

I live for her.

Someone who truly knows how to love.

will use his life.

To love someone.

No regrets in my life.

I've loved you all my life.

Who said this.

He is destined to love you alone.

His heart is with you.

The rain is about to stop.

Life awakens at this moment.

I miss you for the rainy season.

It's my eternal loneliness.

My heart is with you.

Destined to love you all my life.

Silence in life.

It's up to you to render.

Just let me be in your memory.

Life is devoured.

I'm not afraid of anything.

I just want to love you silently speechless.

Seriously, it would be nice if the first paragraph only needed to be changed slightly, and the rest left me "speechless". ）

It's not the same person I used to be.

Tell here as you do.

Today's dreams have been shattered ("now's" is redundant, the first two sentences have already pointed out the time, and it is useless to say more).

An unforgettable poem (this sentence is too white, why not replace it with other imagery, such as "the whistle that ran over the sea" or something like that).

Reminds me to keep going.

Blindly move forward.

Forget the bumps in the back.

Only look at how difficult the road ahead is.

Can't forget the pain of the past.

It was also firmly remembered in my heart.

Leave your laughter and tears on the way.

An indelible memory.

Let me find you quickly.

That familiar face.

It is buried in the bottom of my heart.

It rained a little.

The confusion brought back to my thoughts.

In the rain, you're a**.

Wait for the moment when the sun appears.

Only to find out that I lost you.

and anticlimactic snake tail stinky belly)

Personal opinion: Don't rush to write when you get good inspiration, write it down first, and then use points to bring the surface, in order to shape a good poem. It's better to read more good modern poems to experience their context and spirit.

Think about why good poetry resonates with people. I believe that you still have observations and experiences, and you also have some talents, but poetry actually contains the essence of a lot of knowledge, not just knowing how to code words.

Cinnamon. Bundinason.

It's the burst of eggplant or a faint fragrance.

Looking. Marvel.

I don't know if it's the fragrance of green leaves.

It's still golden in the green.

Remember. Childhood.

Mother in hand. That sparkling osmanthus cake.

A faint fragrance.

I don't know if it's the smell of the sweets.

It's still the love in the hands of my mother.

Breeze. Blow through.

The trembling branches are missing chains.

A faint fragrance wafts out.

It is the fragrance of autumn.

It is the release of love. Oh cinnamon. Cinnamon.

"Golden Memory".

I repeat my travels from city to city year to year.

Trek on foot Say no to well-intentioned vehicles.

The book in the bosom is a sacred relic not with others.

The mountains and rivers here are so beautiful that people forget the sufferings they have suffered.

From here, climb to the top of the mountain and look at the wheel on the river.

Far away. The heart is also far away, and the memories that cannot be retrieved.

The river ship did not know where to sail to another country.

Sit. Hold a book in both hands.

Look at the old and young pines and cypresses.

The golden light of the setting sun sprinkled the needles.

There was a faint pain in his chest.

Let the evening breeze turn the pages.

Yellowed memory, on a leaf.

The color of the leaves is older than the pages of a book.

I couldn't help but smile at the corners of my mouth.

At that time, your green face was reflected in the dark shadow of the stream.

Let the younger pines and cypresses be overshadowed.

Don't read the most beautiful love poems on the page.

Only the handwriting on the leaves is faintly discerned.

Familiar and distant.

The sunset is getting farther and farther away, and the memories make people grow older and older.

I just want to be a ray of sunset soon.

This leaf alone is left in the place where we all watch the sunrise.

Wu Yanlin ———

This is the work of our team's "stupid old Wu", which was only written tonight, and he asked me to send it for other reasons. If you are not satisfied, please ask. Or whatever style and content you want, the proposition will do. ——From the team "I am poetic, therefore I am".

Self-written, I hope it helps.

Time flies in The Sower.

The countryside has been barren.

The seed hides in the corner and cries.

The land that was once hard cultivated.

Deeply disgraced.

From the delusion of shame.

Wake yourself up. You don't need to put on a coat.

There is also no need to wear shoes.

Shirtless and barefoot travel.

Whispering. A faint moonlight clings to the branches.

Witnessing the past, witnessing the present.

Witnessing people beyond the land.

Witnessing one happening.

We are separated from the land.

Eventually, it melts into the land.

Meet in the dirt.

Love in the dirt.

The shovel was erected.

land outside the land.

It's okay, it's okay.

That's not the distance between heaven and sea.

Land to land.

Nestled on a fence.

There are open windows on the fence.

They are still breathing each other.

At this time, the wind rose.

Bring distant songs.

Filled with joy. At this moment, the pain was cut to the ground.

A man who is good at sowing seeds.

There are no sooner or later limitations.

Rub your hands together and jump happily again.

Jump a little bit and jump again.

Keep your feet covered in mud.

Lean over and pick up the whispering seed.

Wipe away the tears of loneliness.

Search the land. In a warm place.

Make a home for her. The sower quietly crouched and guarded.

Wait for her to grow up.

Even if it is grass that is nourished.

It is also a high-spirited verdant green.

Butterfly love flowers, infatuated flowers.

The leaves are light blue and white but twilight, the old color remains, and the wind disturbs the way back.

As soon as he entered the red dust, he danced hard and tasted the suffering of the world for Qing.

If you can get along in the next life, you will be delicate and delicate, and you will not frown.

I am afraid that the king's heart is still in love with the ancients, and there are no flowers to stay on the branches.

Chu Jiang Feixue original.

I see what you mean to have modern poetry: then write about bitter first love:

Rain in March.

Rustle of falling leaves, snow and rain. Boundless rain curtains.

Wetted the weak heart.

Behind the rain curtain.

It's like you're there.

The laughter still lingers.

My damp heart.

I'm off work, and if it works, I'll write it again tomorrow. ）

The knife is flying in the snow, and the candle is left.

How can you know how to be warm when you lie alone in the cold.

I can't help but ask the sky about the painting.

The lady in the painting is still a few days away.

I have the intention to draw the scroll.

The eyes are not visible, and the mind is not confused.

Leave the house with a note.

Painting companions spend the night alone.

——Genuine original, I hope I like it.

It's been a long time since I've written a poem, so let's take a look.

A bunch of assassins lead the south wind, and a light cleanses the original intention.

The wind swept away for another day, and the horse's hooves knocked on the cage.

The boat and car do not travel thousands of miles, and I think of the spring water through the netherworld.

If the spring water can enter Yi's heart, and remember to urge people to cross the east of the city.

Title: "I Am a Little Grass".

I'm the grass in your casual glimpse.

A straight waist pole does not have the height of a great shore.

The dew dewdrops adorn my charm.

Chaoxia put on a brocade robe for me.

But you walked slowly past me.

The fair-skinned jade neck exudes reserve and arrogance.

I'm the grass in your casual glimpse.

Pregnant foot nourishing also doesn't have stunning shades.

The breeze wafts the fragrance of flowers.

The jungle birds are singing songs.

But you quietly read the letter from afar.

The rosy face showed a sweet smile from time to time.

I'm the grass in your casual glimpse.

There is no rich taste even if you try to solve it.

In the shade of the trees, you comb your long strands of hair.

Fingers hop happily on the keyboard.

But you don't notice the gaze pouring into you.

Suddenly, Lingling's big eyes always look out from time to time.

I'm the grass in your casual glimpse.

I didn't bother with maturity in the sunset.

The beach leaves your footprints.

By the stream, I taste you nagging alone.

But you didn't care about my feelings.

The sedan chair that belongs to him is longing for in his eyes.

I'm the grass in your casual glimpse.

In the moonlight, I indulged in the forest paths of Quxia.

Clusters of wild chrysanthemums bloom.

Chapter by chapter Guzheng is leisurely surrounding.

But you ignore my obsession.

In the silence, you lit the sky lantern and let it fly.

Original, hopefully --- meet the requirements

Like a dream, the moon ring stone bridge dawns.

The cold dew and breeze are earlier.

Xiangmeng has never arrived.

The dream is difficult to sweep away several times.

Grass, grass.

You can know how much lovesickness.

Call me if you need an explanation.

"Mochizuki Sadness".

The moon shines on the west building.

Darkly, the god is sad, and the shadow is incomparable.

The message is breezy and there are few words.

When to get drunk with a wisp of incense.

Although it has been adopted, it is still written to leave a footprint. Hehe.

The spring lady complained about the east wind last night.

Urging the safflower branches to be messy.

The branches and leaves of the small garden.

It's all about detachment. Bit by bit.

Tears of sorrow. Who's in front of the flowers.

Wounded spring twilight green plums are getting old.

The bamboo horse did not return. Sigh that the spring flowers are scattered.

Hate is merciless.

Who remembers Qin Huaiyue.

Divine thoughts flew early to the distant mountains and valleys.

I just want to take a handful of clear springs.

Wash away the lead. Smiling spring flowers.

Dancing in the wind, fluttering clothes.

I have poured a lot.

Prince of the Prince. Jiangnan Junjie.

I just want to dance with you tonight.

Obsessed with originality, pray for the gentleman's elegant reward.

Imitate a woman's attitude, write a Qu Yu Guan words on the que, if the landlord thinks it's okay, then it's no longer a ......

The night is full of flying flowers, thousands of buildings are raining, and thinking about it is light and cold.

Q: How long does it rain? Who is it for?

Just like back then, the slanting wind and rain were slanting, and there was no trace of the old lane.

This rain is ruthless, sending me back to my dreams, tears pouring down.

I have my own poems, and I think it's pretty good, so if you think it's good, take it, thank you.

Untitled, I just want to sail a boat.

Trapped, above the wild waves.

Struggle, fearless.

I hope that sea of heart will be dyed with my color.

Look, the lights are all over the place.

Enlightenment, worldly and peaceful.

Forget, laugh.

Wandering in the dark night.

It is also necessary to print the light and shadow of giants.

If so, get a piece of heaven and earth.

Tour, misty fairy hall.

On the way back, confused.

Still stealing a white cloud.

Collected in my world.

What the? A line of heaven and sea.

You, stay aside.

What is the day? Is it the sea?

At all costs. I love you, choose.

"Meng Po Soup".

Park Hyun's life is full of hardships and hardships.

Sleeping. A bowl of hot soup in front of the bridge.

Reminisce about the judgment of the previous life.

I have been on my knees under the linden tree for 500 years.

I lost a heart when I went down the mountain.

So drifting. When I saw the peach blossoms, I hesitated.

When I saw a swallow reclaimed from the sea, I thought.

A begonia deep in the mountains.

It also makes my mind drool.

Twilight skyrim. Lift away the smoke from the fence.

A returning fish.

Take away a bowl of lotus that I planted with my own hands.

with your beautiful face.

The Buddha who does not eat the fireworks of the world.

You will sleep for another thousand years.

Let me meet the edge of the slender hand under the banyan tree.

After that I was in front of the mirage.

Spit out the thousand-year-old Dan wind.

Good posthumous laugh 100 years ago.

The time when that one flower blooms.

Dusk drum and morning bell. The first snow is falling.

Peach blossoms fill the sky. Another hundred years.

I participate in the Zen of the flower petals.

It was not reduced that year. Buddha smiled happily.

Spring comes brilliantly, flowers go to the ear.

There is no calm smoke and purple clouds.

Enclose the flower fence of the heart field.

A cloud of frozen reincarnation in the dust.

A bowl of hot Meng Po soup floated on top of the soup.

One petal flower zero.

The rain hits the alleys at night, and the peach blossoms are a little red.

Qing Xian didn't dare to break the branches, and he was obsessed with dreams.

When I married my wife, my wife was not yours, but my wife was not you.

It's not easy for heaven to create, and I bother to scatter my lovers every day!

To my love, the back is graceful and emotional, and the beauties are accompanied by each other.

Looking back and smiling, my heart is excited, and I don't want to choose another one in this life.

What year and month was cured, and it was quite tiring to be so sick.

It's enough for one person to be worried, so why bother the hearts of beautiful people.

Netizens agreed, and the original poem was restored to thank all friends.

I would like to pay Yaoqin in my heart, and my heart is like stopping water and my ambition is bright.

The spring breeze still passes through the small pavilion, and the Old Testament listens to the sound of the boat.

"Butterfly".

Follow the bees around the green flowers, avoid the birds and hide the green myrtles.

The sun suddenly fought, and the wind returned together.

See in the haunted flowers, and the uneven leaves fly.

Fanghua is fortunate not to be thankful, and Jiashu wants to rely on each other.

Lan Tingyun gently.

Calling your name.

I don't know how long I've been wandering in my heart.

Only then did I get it gradually. Break into your heart.

Rantei – this beautiful song.

It's so free. So low back.

Drunk in a dream.

The haze began to dance.

Start pacing. In this beautiful song.

Maybe at night. Xiaodong knows.

A little thought flowed from the tip of the pen.

And the rhyme of the piano, flowing here.

The night is drunk and my heart is broken.

The broken leaves settle in the rhyme.

Settle in the green lake.

Tibetan poems feel longing.

Missing is a thread.

I can't sleep on a dead and cold night.

You are three thousand miles away.

But the dust is in the world.

My heart has traveled to the Bashu Mountains.

The ground is concave and thin, and the water is not licked.

Love is hard to beat, lovesickness is bitter.

The people's hearts are looking forward to returning it as soon as possible.