How should I get along with a controlling parent?

1: In fact, no matter whether the desire to control is strong, or the parents have a poor desire to control, in the final analysis, the purpose of parents to control their children is for the good of their children, parents hope to use their own life experience to guide their children, so that children can avoid detours and be happy!

Although the times are developing, and the life experience of parents may no longer be suitable for the current society, there are still some basic things in common.

2: Therefore, when we meet controlling parents, the first point is to realize that they are not actually trying to control your life, their starting point is completely out of love for you, and if you can fully realize this, then I believe that you will not be too resistant to the control of your parents.

3: The second point is that for parental control, we should think carefully about whether these requests or opinions made by parents are justified. Is it useful for yourself?

Don't blindly think that your parents are old-fashioned and stubborn, and their ideas are all outdated, but this may not be the case. Some life experiences will only be discovered after experiencing themselves, and everything will not deviate from the original. So, something useful still has to be listened to.

4: The third point, if your parents have a very strong control over you, then there is no need to do it completely, you can repair the plank road in the dark, do things according to the arrangement of your parents on the surface, and if there is a better opportunity in private, then you can grasp it and work hard.

When you make grades, put them in front of your parents, and believe that when they see your grades, they will definitely let you go.

Because the flip side of being controlling is also a sign that they can't feel at ease with you. In any case, don't quarrel with your controlling parents, it will be more difficult to get along with, and you must save the country.

For the desire for control, either choose to weaken, choose to get rid of, or become a puppet.

But from birth, parents control everything, and in the process of growing up this control will only be strengthened and strengthened, never challenged by the child, the parental control has become terrifyingly strong, and it cannot be weakened by the child's own strength.

So there are only two cases: getting rid of and becoming a puppet. Traditional education believes that "filial piety comes from under the stick", and children must be obedient to their parents, obey their words, and their parents will never be wrong, otherwise they will be said to have no morality and no filial piety.

A friend of mine was deeply troubled, since he was a child, his parents arranged everything, how to eat at the dinner table, what clothes to wear, how to choose a school, choose a major, what to do, and how to fall in love, all of which were firmly controlled by his parents, so that he still felt very confused in his twenties.

His parents didn't understand why he stayed up late and worked overtime, or why he spent thousands of yuan on a 200 yuan class. These are not allowed, and he often quarrels with his parents over these things.

He used to like to eat grapes and cherries, but his parents said, "It's good to eat apples and bananas, don't eat grapes and cherries." Now that he doesn't love grapes and cherries, his parents say, "Why are you such a picky eater?" ”

In the past, he gave up his talents such as painting and playing the piano at the request of his parents, but after more than ten years, they pointed to the children singing and dancing on TV and said to him: "Look at how talented people are, you are really useless." "Can he be blamed for this?

Controlling parents cut off our wings and blame us for not being able to fly. They want us to sacrifice our will to follow their coming, and then dislike and abandon us when we succeed.

Such a native family makes the child's life miserable, and the parents' desire to control is how slowly ruins the child's life, and they don't know it and even think it's for the good of the child.

In the face of such parents, it is possible to be financially and spiritually independent of them. Specifically, you can distance yourself from their control by distancing yourself geographically, drawing a line on events, rejecting their demands, and not expecting anything from them.

After a while, when their needs and expectations of you exceed their ability to bear, the pattern can be reversed. It's not about sabotage, it's about rebuilding new relationships.

In fact, the new era proves that it is easier to make children grow up healthily by giving them praise education, and such children are often more confident, independent, assertive, courageous and decision-making than other children.

Resist, that's how I am, keep resisting, and finally let them know that I want to have my own life until they don't control me.

My dad and my mom are the kind of people who have a strong desire to control, I liked to draw when I was a child, but because my dad was my **, they thought it was good for girls to play the piano, so they had to let me learn the piano.

Later, because I played the piano, my father was so angry that he simply didn't let me learn anything, saying that he had lost confidence.

Then I didn't give up painting, I kept painting every day, and after I finished painting, I asked the teacher for comments, because the teacher was my neighbor, and when he saw that I really had a talent for painting, he went directly to my mother to talk to me, and I must learn to paint.

Later, my mother agreed, and I studied Chinese painting for 3 months, and won a prize in the national painting competition.

When I was in high school, I wanted to take the fashion design exam. My mom and my dad thought it was good for girls to learn a normal accounting or something, so they didn't let me learn it. When I was a sophomore in high school, I had a showdown with them, and it was my dream to study fashion design.

Later, at my insistence, they agreed. I have suffered a lot in order to learn to paint, and they have seen it all. Then, I was admitted to my ideal school, my ideal major, and my first-year university work won a prize in a fashion design competition in Japan.

Throughout his university years, his works have also won numerous awards.

So, all the important decisions in my life after that must have been made by myself. Parents can say their opinions, and I can choose to listen or not. Instead of giving up your own ideas to cater to your parents.

Strong parents are afraid that we will go the wrong way, but also out of love. The principle of learning to get along with them is to be gentle and firm. But you have to continue to accumulate your chips, which are the chips you say you are counting in this family, so that your parents will believe more that you can do better.

Naturally, they will let go of their control.

The secret to getting along with controlling parents is:Seek "self" in the cracks, echo the surface, and do what you should do.

Xiao Ming described his parents as flying in the sky all day longEagles, always monitoring his "prey" with a pair of sharp eyes. From eating, drinking, wearing clothes and hats, and gestures when I was a child, I am now growing up with my travel schedule, talking about friends and getting married.

Although Xiao Ming was irritable and desperately wanted to resist along the way, as he got older and older, he knew that his parents' starting point was still for himself, and it was his parents' sense of security to control everything about himself, so he had a little more self-control and understanding. So as an adult, he tried not to get angry with his parents and resist, small things were decided by his parents, and big things he did what he should do.

For example, his parents will arrange for him to go on a blind date whenever he has the opportunity, although it takes up some time, but he will definitely actively cooperate in action. As an HR, he has the right to make every blind date a strange interview, with such a mentality, he does not feel irritable, but has seen a variety of strange blind dates. He himself concluded that blind dates can also learn to observe people by the way, and they have the right to be entertained.

However, the final marriage partner still has a spectrum in his heart, and as long as he has a suitable partner he likes, he will immediately stop such a "blind date interview" activity.

Therefore, Xiao Ming is in front of his parents who have such a strong desire to controlDon't choose confrontation but choose to be obedient on the surface, and actually listen to your own heart, which not only satisfies the old man's desire to control, but also does not lose his own principles.

Getting along with controlling parents is worse than death. Why do I feel this way? Because I grew up in such a family of origin.

Growing up, my parents controlled me in every way, every corner. My mom is a very anxious person, so no matter what I do, she has to rush me, and when she is in a hurry, it will naturally evolve into scolding me. From dressing and eating, to traveling to class.

There are places in her control.

I remember when I was in the third grade of elementary school, I scored 93 in the math test, which was a very bad score in my mother's eyes, as long as it was less than 95, it was extremely bad. I walked home with this report card, which I needed to sign for my parents, and I was very scared. Sure enough, when my mother saw this result, she gave me a slap in the face.

Three seconds later, my tears were streaming down my face, and my mom wasn't ready to stop. That's when my dad came out and stopped my mom. This family war smoothly turned into a war between parents.

In the end, the battle ended in the persuasion of relatives. This is my controlling mom.

And my dad controls me in another aspect of my life, since junior high school he doesn't allow any boy to hit ** to my house, as long as a boy hits my house **, what I get must be embarrassed that she is not at home. And I have a limited time to go home, I have to get home before 10 o'clock, and if I exceed this time, I will be beaten. This family rule continues to this day.

So overall, growing up with controlling parents, my personality became very much like them. I also want to control everything, I want to control it.

Parents are the people who give us precious lives, although there is no guarantee that every parent is good to their children, but the vast majority of parents love their children in their hearts. But there are many parents who are not so acceptable in the way they educate their children. Some parents who are very controlling want to interfere in everything, and there is no doubt about what clothes to wear, how many clothes to wear, what to eat and what to eat and what to eat.

Even when they grow up, when they fall in love, who they fall in love with, get married, have children, etc., all of which have to be agreed by them. I admit that they did it out of love, out of fear that we would be hurt, and that they thought it was a good protection. In fact, they have not learned to love, and they have not treated us as human beings as an independent person to be cultivated.

But the fate of parents and children is the debt of the previous life, and they are destined to need this life to collect debts or repay debts. Since we can't choose who to be our parents, we still have a choice about how we get along with our parents. <>

First of all, we must know in our hearts that our parents are more rude expressions of love for us because of their limited time and low level of education. So when you get along with your parents, don't be tough, contradict your parents, and make them sad. Then we have to find a way to be independent financially and spiritually, and avoid getting too close to each other when necessary.

You can go to study or work in other places, and go back on weekends or holidays to play the role of a weird girl. If they want to worry about anything, they can worry about it, and they will be idle. However, you must have your own independent judgment on the key issues of life, that is, insist on making your own decisions on major issues.

I think they usually enjoy the feeling of being needed, and it shouldn't be a big problem to endure our "rebellion" once or twice on key issues. What do you think? <>

Adhere to the eight-character policy: principled yang and yin.

My dad is a very controlling person, and in simple terms, he is very wide. He can choose a major and rent a house, and he can dress up, talk and eat.

1. About dressing.

My dad is very feudal and conservative in the way girls dress, washed white low-waisted jeans are not allowed to be worn, and all kinds of long and short shorts are worn by men in his opinion, and they are absolutely forbidden. The color of the clothes should be a little brighter, and I like to buy pink and sky blue clothes......I think black and brown are what my mom wore at that age, etc.

The coping strategy is to walk ladylike in front of him and let himself go when he returns to school

2. Choose a major.

After graduating from high school and applying for university, I want to study Japanese. My parents felt that the scope of Japanese was small, and with the national complex, they always disagreed. I couldn't promise them to choose another major the night before, but when I went to school the next day to fill in the volunteers, I decided to choose Japanese, and they didn't realize that they had been deceived until they got the admission letter, and the result was that my dad deeply realized that I had my own ideas and persistence, and I was no longer the little girl who obeyed her, and after that, many things no longer forced me.

In fact, parents' strong desire to control is also a manifestation of caring for their children, but to a certain extent. Blindly resisting and resisting will not solve the problem, but will also break their hearts. After all, we have to leave our parents to live alone, so it is better to be a "good child" in front of them and make them feel at ease and happy.

Be your true self where they can't see.

I choose to be obedient in the event of conflict and reduce the loss of both sides, even if the yang is against the yin.

In my own case, in retrospect, many of my childhood experiences are nightmares, and those experiences have shaped my current personality of being submissive, afraid to express my own thoughts, and lacking in assertiveness and judgment.

When I was a child, my mother always controlled me very strictly, what clothes to buy, must go through her checks, she said no, she can never buy, every time I go out to buy clothes, always sad and happy. I remember once asking me to wear her leftover clothes, the loose style was too revealing when I bent over, and I felt so embarrassed that I felt embarrassed when I was sweeping the floor at school. I remember that I often had nightmares at that time and was ridiculed for being untidy.

There are many similar examples, and the controlled eating, wearing, housing, traveling, learning, and playing accompanied me throughout my childhood and adolescence. It wasn't until I went to college that I changed, until I am now working, and now that I am about to have my own children, and our relationship has gradually eased.

I now come to understand where my mother's desire for control comes from. On the one hand, it is due to financial considerations, on the other hand, because of her strength, and on the other hand, because of her inner insecurity.

Now I am able to think independently, have my own three views, and know what is right and what is wrong. I am also fighting against the psychological shadows of my childhood and adolescence, trying to make myself better.

I was so busy with work every day that I couldn't talk to my mother much even when I got home because I was busy writing. And she chose not to bother me, which made me feel very guilty. Now I gradually understand that when I return to family life, it is my mother who knows me best, and she knows my needs in a more timely manner than anyone else; My mother worries me the most, and all her sustenance is on me.

And now that I'm with my mother, I'm willing to give my patience because I don't want to see her worry about me too much. If she's happy, I'll show her what she likes; If she thinks that's right, I'll obey her. Try to let go of your obsessions and cater to her, even if sometimes it is against her.

Because after the erosion of the years, what you are capable of doing now may have been beyond her ability.

Sometimes the older you get, the more you look like a child, and she is stubborn and goes with her, just like she can control you.