What are some places on my phone where I can read jokes?

3 That night, I went to watch "Let the Bullets Fly" with a buddy, and halfway through it, I felt a stomachache and was in a hurry to poop, and the buddy said to me, "ShhhhLet the fly a little longer. "I instantly broke down when I heard this....Finally, the show was over, I ran out of the theater and rushed into the bathroom, found a vacant seat without a door and squatted down, at this time the two women entered the toilet talking and laughing, and they immediately screamed when they saw me:

Rogue! I thought I had strayed into the women's restroom in a hurry, only to hear the two women exclaim, "Ah!

We went to the wrong toilet again today! "UhhhIt's brain-dead, and I'm so scared that I don't have any. 4 used to think that he was an iron armor Xiaobao, but in the end he found out that he was just a crayon Xiaoxin.

Alas....It's nerve-wracking, I'd better play with my little white. 5 When a buddy was caught drunk driving, he slapped the traffic police a few times, and the traffic police asked aggrievedly: "Is your father Li Kui or Li Gang?"

It's so dark, and it's so horizontal. 6 What touches the nerves of each of us every day? Answer:

Thunder. (Those cow x things can thunder our cranial nerves every day) 7, throw money at me and hurt me! I can afford to hurt.

8 What is Life? Life is all about what you are doing when you are alive; Death is a person who dies and can never be resurrected! 9 Some people say that the power of love is great, and it is estimated that he is sleepwalking; Some people say that the power of money is great, then they stink of copper; Others say they're the greatest, and I'm sure it's a narcissist.

10 I was really bored that day, and sent a message to China Mobile "I love you", but I didn't expect Mobile to immediately reply to me with a message "Dear China Mobile customers, I love you very much, and I am happy to help you answer business questions....”。I replied with another "Can I get married?" The mobile replied again, "I'm sorry, can you get married to what you sent?"

If it's a smartphone, it would.

1.One of my buddies often likes to hold mobile phones in their hands, and once we talked about various young people's postures of putting mobile phones together, I said, "You see an ordinary young man like me, just put his mobile phone in his trouser pocket; If you are more literary, put your phone in your bag; There is also a kind of young man who often holds his mobile phone in his hand and looks at it while walking, for fear that others will not know his copycat waterproof machine.

A word popped out of buddy's mouth: "Get out-" 2The roommates played games together, a total of four people.

One day he said cheaply: "I found that I have three teammates (that is, my three buddies) The second bar is relatively ordinary, only playing games a day, and not talking much, as for the third bar, it is more literary and artistic, and often sends some poems in the game, as for the boss, you .......""Then I found that the boss was staring at me fiercely, big brother, I really didn't mean to say that you were a second force. Now, as soon as I go online, the boss will chase me all over the red zone.

Boss: Ladies and gentlemen, the company has decided on the following policies from the perspective of people-oriented, and I hope you will work hard and create more brilliance. The details are as follows:

1. Add 20 yuan to each person's daily salary (everyone quietly discusses). Okay, let's not talk about it first, it seems to be a little less, but a month, everyone calculates a few hundred yuan, right? 2. Arrange a day off every week in the future (everyone is happy).

You have to rest well to work well, right? Therefore, I hope that you will redouble your efforts in your daily work. 3. In the future, everyone will eat in the company canteen at noon, which reduces the time for everyone to commute to and from work, and also reduces the traffic risk (everyone is very happy).

Since there are three policies, everyone's motivation has improved significantly, after all, the boss still has everyone's ...... in his heartThe salary is paid, and everyone hurries to see how much money they have ...... this monthGrass, why is it still the original salary? Big.

Muzi and Shanzi went to take the train sleeper together, and in the middle of the night, a boy in his teens didn't sleep, and he was noisy there, which upset everyone. At this time, Muzi and Shanzi suddenly chatted loudly Muzi: Brother, don't run away when you go back this time, I'll accompany you to surrender!

Shanzi: If you don't go, won't you kill someone? Why do you want to do this?

Muzi: Brother, no, you have to go! Shanzi:

Don't go, that kid is too annoying, I killed him, I'm doing the right thing for heaven! Muzi: But that person didn't provoke you!

Shanzi: Why didn't you provoke me? I don't know if I'm in a bad mood easily?

He still disturbed my sleep, of course I have to teach him a lesson, who knew that he was so unbearable, wouldn't he just be stabbed? Muzi: Are you sleepy now?

Shanzi: I'm sleepy when you ask me like this, okay, go to sleep, see who dares to make me sleep! After speaking, he thrashed his hand hard.

What to do in the evening? The director complained: "You're not allowed to play again, what else can we do?"

Manager: I didn't say I wasn't allowed to play. Lao Li was overjoyed.

Immediately call in a few other colleagues to play cards. At the morning meeting the next day, the manager criticized Lao Li for gambling by name and fined him 100 yuan. Lao Li was not convinced, and found the manager theory:

You agreed, why did you pay the penalty? Manager: Damn, I didn't say you should play cards and gamble for money.

Besides, if you want to gamble, you have to call me, otherwise I will ask you if you are doing anything at night? Lao Li: Did you say it earlier, I thought you didn't like it.

1** pointed to the chief and said, "Master, please take a seat." "This.

The master hurriedly waved his hand: "How can Old Nahede, be able to sit as the chief?" "**Busy Road:

Zhang Long, Zhao Hu, Dynasty Mahan. "In! Master Bao proudly said to Gongsun Ce:

How about it, the old man just sang, and the four mentors all turned around. 3 The host asked, "See, there are already three mentors who have shed tears for you."

The trainee cried: "I knew it would be like this. The moderator asked

Why? The student said, "When I was at home, my father said, I."

buy rice and send shotguns and gunpowder; buy candy and give dentures and insulin; Buy steamed buns and send hammers and pressure cookers; Buy liquor and give Braille textbooks and high-end hearing aids; Buy vegetables and send pesticide detectors and universal first aid kits; Buy sauce and vinegar tea and send wolf pens and sprayers; Buy milk and send B-ultrasound machine and stone crusher; Buy sesame oil and send it to diesel engines and refineries. buy cigarettes and send CT machines and urns; buy lighters and send fire extinguishers and fireproof clothing; buy gas canisters and send gas masks and gas exhaust fans; Buy shampoo and get hair growth lotion and wig covers. Buy a mobile phone and give away space suits and explosion-proof tubes; buy electrical appliances and send insulated shoes and pacemakers; Buy a car and send a huge amount of insurance money and a group of mausoleums for the living; Buy floor tiles and send chemotherapy machines and hemodialysis machines.

Buy a black gauze hat to send a sound.

1. Defeat and defeat: I studied at Communication University, specializing in broadcasting and hosting, and now, I want to change to a cross talk major and give full play to my eloquence expertise! 2. Spider:

I studied at the Internet University, specializing in the design and construction of the network, and now I have changed to the environment and network, and when I return from my studies, I no longer have to worry about my network being damaged by hackers. 3. Mouse: I studied in the College of Engineering, specializing in the construction and protection of tunnels.

It was too hard to drill holes, and the pollution was serious, so I had to change it to the deployment and management of the granary. In the future, you don't have to be sneaky and worry about your food and clothing. 4. Bailing:

I studied at ** college, specializing in original singing. I want to change to a dance major, and when the time comes, I will be on the Avenue of Stars, singing and dancing, which will definitely be much brighter than Zhu Zhiwen, who can only sing and can't dance, and I can win a weekly championship without winning the monthly championship! 5. Cow:

I am an agricultural university, specializing in the cultivation of farmland.

Zhang San: "Li Si, I heard that you went on a trip on National Day!" "Li Si:

Hey, don't mention it, Yunnan 7 days tour! Zhang San: "It's good!"

Li Si: "I'm so stupid, I don't know if the highway is blocked by respectful cars, the road has been blocked for three days, okay, I think I don't have time to play, come back, but as a result, I came back and was blocked for three days!" "Wang Er Mazi:

You see, you didn't plan in advance, we didn't take the highway, and there was no traffic jam along the way! Zhang San said: "Then you must have played well!"

Wang Er Mazi cried and said with a sad face: "We went to Hainan, first took a car to Guangdong, and then took a steamer, who knew that there was no boat, the seven-day tour really became a seven-day tour, I was stunned to swim to Hainan!" "Liu Er's bald:

We are a day trip to the Pacific Ocean, and the lead pants are full of plane transfers! The three of them said in unison: "Don't worry about traffic jams, you must have a good time." ”.

Boss A: "I heard that all of your employees are men, what's going on?" ”

Boss B: "Alas! It's really hard and hard to recruit a qualified female employee now! ”

Boss A: "Why is it so difficult?" ”

Boss B: "Because, first of all, this female employee can't be too beautiful, otherwise it will seriously affect the work mood of all male employees in the company!" ”

Boss A: "If you don't have a beautiful move, won't you get it?" ”

Boss B: "That's not going to work! In that case, it will seriously affect my personal work mood!! ”

2.Four arrogant people bragging together. A said, "I have turned a blind eye to you." ”

B said, "That's because you're mad and delirious, and I think you're a mustard." ”

C said, "You have taken human life in disregard, and I will treat you as if you were a shoe." ”

Ding said: "You can't find someone as good as me when you step on iron shoes, I regard you as a confidant." ”

3.Girls gossip in the dormitory.

A: What would you do if I got pregnant and went to the hospital to have an abortion?

B: I will buy you an egg every day to give you nutrition.

C: I will answer for you during the roll call, and I will not be named.

Ding: I want to talk to you about the effect of that hospital, does it hurt?

4.After my mother and father divorced, they got married again, and my mother was very happy after getting married, and it seemed that she had forgotten some important things between us, and I felt that there was a distance between me and her.

My mother was very sad when she found out what I thought, and on this day, she called me into her room and said, "Victor, I know it's hard for you to accept this, but my mother really hopes that you can understand me, I am still your mother, and I will love you as much as before."

Me: I know Mom, but you've forgotten something very important between us.

Mother: What's the matter?

Me: Every time at the end of the month, you always give me pocket money, but at the end of last month, on the day you got married, you actually forgot to give me money.

Mom:.. 5.Go on a blind date and be a doctor.

I stirred the coffee in my hand, and he suddenly spoke: You have tendonitis, you see that your fingers are straight when you make coffee, and you must be playing with the computer a lot.

I nodded: Yes.

Him: Your cervical spine is definitely not good, you see that your neck is stiff when you nod your head, which means that you often do desk work.

I nodded again: yes, I'm an office clerk.

Oh," he looked at me thoughtfully, "no wonder I thought you were sitting in a bad posture when you first came in, I'm sure you're in the office a lot, and you're doing clerical work." ”

I was a little angry, which one said this for the first time, which is a blind date, it is clearly a consultation.

When I saw that he was still trying to continue to say something, I saw how gracefully he was holding the coffee spoon, and I said sarcastically: You are gay, you hold a spoon like a woman.

"His spoon fell to the ground, and he was shocked: how do you know, I have disguised it well, how can you see it!

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