When educating children, what should I do if my children s grandparents are holding back?

From the birth of my baby to the present, I have also seen the differences between my parents and my parents-in-law about the education of children.

I didn't believe that there would be any problems with intergenerational education, but now I am really worried about my son's growth, because they always stand behind him to "shelter him"; Always carrying me behind my back to give my children unhealthy snacks; After the child's willful, endless crying was snubbed by me, I became the ...... of the sinners referred to by the thousand husbands

So I'm especially worried about how much I'm going to be hindered in his upbringing, and how much harm my child will have to suffer in the name of love?

After two conflicts with my parents over the education of their children, I concluded that I can't force myself with the elderly, otherwise their love for the children will change from "blatant" to "sneaky", then when I can't see it, it's much better than when I see it and I stop it in time.

So you're not alone, in fact, most Chinese families are like this, and we can learn from some wise women how they deal with these problems in the family.

We often feel disgusted because the elderly are doing something wrong, so we forget their hard work for the family, think about who cooks for you two when you are busy, who helps you, a new mother, do a lot of things you never know, and their problems are only one-tenth of what they do.

So learning to understand them, and then to solve the problem is a kind of ability, many people say that this kind of problem is handed over to the husband to deal with, but in case of a husband who scolds and scolds and can't fight, then do you have to deal with these problems yourself?

Learn to respect the elderly, affirm their hard work in front of them, cook a delicious meal for them from time to time, and give them holiday surprise gifts, we juniors respect them, and they will realize that we are the closest people to our children.

The problems presented in educating children are only one of all the contradictions in getting along with the elderly, and when your status in their hearts improves, you will have more power to convince them in front of them.

We often encounter such problems in life, for example, the child does not eat well, we teach him not to be picky eaters, can not have leftovers, to eat well, can not play, etc., and then the child does not listen to the grandparents and runs to the grandparents, then the grandparents will say not to eat, or give individual delicious food, then in the long run this habit is formed. I think this kind of situation is very common in many families, and it is also a headache for us. This way of managing children is the most important thing, and I think we can change this situation in the following ways;

First of all, we need to make grandparents aware of the adverse consequences that their practices will bring to children, we can find some books, such as early childhood education, etc., or let them watch some educational programs, popularize these knowledge to them, let them realize that their own way is not advisable, and then be able to actively cooperate with our way of educating children.

Then, mom and dad can communicate with grandparents in a good way. It can be a white-faced and red-faced division of labor, the child makes a mistake, and at this time the parents play the white face. Or take the child into the room for educational criticism, and after the education and criticism, it is okay to leave the child's coaxing to the elders, and let them play the red face.

This not only educates the child, but also does not make you feel sorry for the child and feel that you don't want to coax after the criticism, and the division of labor is clear.

It can also be like this, that is, communicate with them in advance, do not interfere when we educate children, if the child repents for doing something wrong, and the communication with the child is finished, the grandparents will love the child again, and at the same time tell the child to listen to his parents!

Our way is the latter, as early as when I was just married and had no children, my husband agreed with my grandparents that they couldn't interfere when we had children who were disobedient to education, so they have been doing this better, and this agreement was agreed between their son and them, which is better than what I said.

It is true that the views of the two generations on the issue of educating children are different, but the starting point is for the good of the children. Mom and Dad can have an open and honest talk with their grandparents and agree on ways and means to educate their children. This is not only good for the child, but also not unpleasant with the elderly.

On the issue of education, the elders of the family are likely to lag behind because their concepts are still in the more feudal and traditional years, or a kind of intergenerational thinking, just like parents have little patience for us, but when taking care of our next generation, they will love their own grandchildren and grandchildren, and the parents of the children are not allowed to beat and scold at all, so it is actually very important to improve the concept of the elderly at this time.

I remember my mother once said in a casual conversation with me that a colleague in their company, an aunt in her 50s, and a girl in her 20s in her own family, before deciding to have a child, first brought together the four elders of their mother's family and her mother-in-law's family to instill modern advanced parenting concepts from the beginning. And also prepared a thick stack of parent-child books for the old people, and finally the new mother also gave the four old people an exam paper, mainly to examine some scientific parenting knowledge. Only after the four elderly people have reached a certain level of score, which means that their perception has changed to a certain extent, do they start to prepare for pregnancy.

One of the advantages of this is that after the child is born, whether it is in the care of the mother or in the cultivation of the child in early childhood, there is no traditional concept of holding it in the mouth for fear of melting, holding it in the hand for fear of falling. <>

For you now, the best time to change the concept of the elderly has passed, so you might as well start from now on, give the old people more scientific concepts of parenting, try to explain to them the severe consequences of the abnormal development of children under the traditional doting, including the impact on the child's life, and it is best to come up with some more classic books to teach the old people.

Then you should be a mother, because in this era of filial piety is very important, boys will prefer to listen to their parents, and he himself is brought up by his parents, and he himself has become a talent, so he is generally obedient in this kind of thing, because even if he quarrels, he is also at a loss, and with our social division of labor, most of the boys support the family, and the girls take care of the children, so you should be a mother.

As for the education model of the older generation, as a new generation of people who have grown up, coupled with the age gap, in all aspects, there will definitely be a generation gap with the older generation, which is inevitable, so if you meet your mother-in-law on the issue of children's education, I think you can still listen to it, after all, as an older generation, live until your grandchildren come out, and if you don't retire, you are about to retire, and the days to come are still early, if you can fight with them, don't fight, but also to avoid escalating the problem of children's education into a contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. That's just a lot of trouble.

But if you are sure that the decision is right, you must insist, you can discuss it with the object first, and then decide that you can simply take the child out to do things secretly, even if it is discovered, you must fight for it, because the child's education is not only about the present, but also about the future.

Then try to groom, and pay attention to harmony, but in some grandparents' unnecessary doting, you should also teach your children to say no, after all, education is often intergenerational, and then educate your children strictly, and you will become doting on your grandchildren, and then if you encounter this kind of thing, you should treat it as a holiday for your children, and then when they instill wrong values in your children, wait until you leave them, and then educate your children to change, after all, the children are yours.

Now in this society, there are fewer children, and they are more precious, every child is afraid of falling in their hands and holding it in their mouths for fear of melting, and they are very loved, especially some grandparents, some children are reluctant to educate them when they make mistakes, and there are more parents who educate their children and shelter their children in the middle, resulting in parents being in a dilemma and not knowing how to educate their children.

I myself have been troubled by this problem, every time I am educating my children, what should I do if my grandparents are holding back, in fact, I think that educating children should not be affected by any external influence, how to discipline them at ordinary times, you can't say that you can change your education method because of a certain person, after all, it is simple to have children, and it is more important to educate children well, and the quality of education has a great impact on the child's future, and it can affect his future future, and even the foundation of life. <>

I remember one time when I was educating my son again, I told my son to think about it, and his grandfather did take him out to play, and I was really annoyed, so I decided to talk to his grandfather. In the future, when I educate my child, you must not come to coax him, it will make him form a habit in his heart, every time he makes a mistake, someone will protect him, and he will not have to accept any punishment, then he will often make mistakes in the future, and he will feel that there is nothing terrible, and someone will protect him.

Educating children is a very important thing, if you encounter grandparents dragging their feet, it is best to sit down and talk, and then agree on a unified education method, and then make a house rule at home, so that the child knows that he will accept the corresponding punishment if he does something wrong, then he will not dare to make mistakes in the future.

This is a typical intergenerational parent, and the intergenerational education method is different. Nowadays, many children's grandparents are spoiled, and the eldest grandson or eldest granddaughter is deeply afraid that they will be wronged and bullied. Even when the child's parents are educated, the elderly have to come over to cover up.

In fact, from another perspective, you also need to thank the elderly for helping to take care of the children, so that you can also make yourself a little easier. If the child is really not doing it right, when you are educating the child, the elderly in the family come to help, which is indeed not conducive to the child's growth. In private, you can go to the child's grandparents and explain to them that the child is really doing something wrong, and that you will not help the child by doing so, and will only make the child go further and further.

If the child's grandparents did not follow your advice, you can only let your husband communicate with his parents, believe your husband's words, the child's grandparents should listen. This child's education should be different. If you haven't improved yet, you can only find a way to create your own cabin.

The first thing is to establish a parent-child relationship first, and then to set rules for the child, and slowly let the child change, only in this way can the child be educated well!

You can let your child taste the hardships of life and labor, set some rules for your children, and in addition, you can't respond to your children's requirements.

Teach him to do his own things, don't expect anyone to help him, and secondly, let him take the initiative to do some housework and develop his independence.