How can I be obedient, I am obedient and listen to my own words

Use the eighteen palms of the dragon to shoot yourself to 108,000 miles.

This is a story of self-growth about gentleness and firmness.

In a few days, I will take my 6-year-old daughter to Thailand on my own, and for my daughter, this trip will start her many firsts, the first time to fly, the first time to go abroad, and the first time to go to a relatively distant place. In short, she and I have been immersed in the excitement of going on a trip these days. In the past, I was looking forward to traveling with our family of three, but I couldn't convince my husband, who I don't like to travel, so I had to wait for the children to be older and take the children by myself.

When I came home from my parents' house during the May Day holiday a few days ago, I told my parents about the trip we were going on, but the night after I got home from the holiday, I received a text message from my father, which caused me to lose sleep.

Dad: I'm very worried that you will go to Thailand this time, the safety risk is very high, the safety burden of the two of you is on your shoulders alone, it is a foreign country, and you are traveling freely, and there are many travel accidents in Thailand.

Dad: I want you to cancel the trip.

Dad: We don't agree with you going on an adventure, we have to go with the three of you, otherwise don't go. If there's a slip-up, you can't afford it!

Dad: We're 100% against it!

My first reaction when I saw these words was anger, and it made me angry to see "cancel this trip", "we don't agree", "we are 100% against it", including those exclamation points.

I thought about it for a while, and there are probably several reasons:

First: Emotional blockage, just like what happened often when you were a child, when you are happy, your parents suddenly pour cold water on you. It's rare to be happy with you, or to identify with you.

Second: I feel that the boundaries have been challenged, I am already a 35-year-old adult, and my father's tone is like a domineering parent who treats a spine and a child (I also have to reflect on the way I usually treat my children here). And made the decision for me.

Third: I've been listening to some things from Wu Zhihong these days, which talk about bad good people, always focusing on others, always feeling sorry for many things, but I'm uncomfortable and uncomfortable. There are times when we need to let go of our aggression and live our own energy.

Fourth: I care a lot about my father's opinion, so his words make me feel distrustful of my abilities.

I didn't reply to him that night, because I was emotional, and I didn't fall asleep until midnight. The next morning, I returned to the information and gently but firmly rejected his proposal. He also tried to convince me to cancel the trip, but I insisted. Then he relented.

Respecting one's feelings and being oneself is a particularly important thing. It may be a small thing, but for myself, it is also an improvement.

Basically, we know very well that blame, threats, harsh punishment and corporal punishment do not have a positive impact on children. What we are doing is a bad example and will only make the parent-child relationship more heavy.

Basically, we know very well that blame, threats, harsh punishment and corporal punishment do not have a positive impact on children. What we are doing is a bad example and will only make the parent-child relationship more heavy.

Accusations and name-calling.

Imagine that you are blaming your child for shortcomings, such as: What a clumsiness! Everything is broken by you!

Stupid to home! You vile liar! Or to put it more generally, you're unbearable!

I can't stand you anymore! You're annoying! You're going to make me have a heart attack!

Instead of making reasonable criticisms of your child's behavior, this type of accusation will make him feel that you are denying and despising him as a person.

What does this provoke in your child's reaction? It's definitely not a determination to correct his behavior, but it only reinforces his idea of trying to get your attention. In addition, it can also make the child have negative feelings:

A strong sense of guilt and revenge – depending on the child's temperament. This kind of abuse is like a sledgehammer that quickly and completely hits the child's self-defeating faith. If you add yelling, the consequences are even more serious.

I'm convinced: growling doesn't correct a child's behavior.

Some children may be intimidated or frightened by their parents' rants, but for others it is nothing more than a routine in parent-child struggles: I have the ability to make my tall, strong dad angry. No one else can do it but me!

He's completely out of control! I was able to do it, I was amazing! There are also children who turn a deaf ear to their parents' yelling and accusations

They cover their ears tightly and stop listening, using this method to protect themselves.

Basically, we know very well why we are yelling at our children: we are venting our unhappiness and anger, no matter what it is. I use my children as punching bags. If we are willing to admit this, it is a big step forward.

There can be a variety of reasons for this, here are some of the common ones:

1.The child is too young: A child who is too young may not fully understand your words and cannot properly process information on a logical and mental level.

2.Unreasonable expectations and demands: If you give your child too high or unreasonable expectations, your child may feel undue pressure to listen to your sermons.

3.Emotional agitation: If you are too emotional or nervous as a parent or guardian, your child may lose patience and trust and be reluctant to listen to you.

4.Excessive threats or punishments: If you always use punishment and threats to beg your child to be obedient, your child may think that you are only a strict enforcer of the system, rather than someone who really cares about them.

5.Poor communication: If you don't pay enough attention to details such as tone, expressions, body language, etc., or don't properly reflect your child's thoughts and emotions, your child may think that you don't understand them and find it difficult to empathize, resulting in resentment.

Therefore, when children are disobedient, it is recommended that parents and guardians pay attention to their own communication styles, be rational, patient, care about their children's emotions and thoughts, and simply communicate with their children.

Educating disobedient children should use multiple methods:

First of all, we must be more tolerant and patient, because children who do not listen to open words need more tolerance, and they need more care from their parents, because children are too smart, they may be less focused, more action, playful, etc., only by being more patient and accompanying their children can they grow up happily.

Secondly, you must not scold and scold the child at will, because the child is disobedient, there may be rebellious behavior, and you can't beat and scold the child at will because the child is against you, and push the child to the opposite side, so that the interpersonal relationship is more and more tense and there are more and more contradictions.

Finally, children should be actively encouraged to communicate more, communicate more, express their inner thoughts, not disobedient to deny the child's growth, but also to see the child become mature, become independent and other steps into the shed, stimulate and Chang at the same time let the child continue to work hard to express their ideas, in order to solve the problem of disobedience.