It is said that not understanding the sense of boundaries is the biggest problem in marriage, so wha

The sense of boundary is the bottom line, each of us has our own bottom line, which is not touched by others, as long as it is above this bottom line, you can do whatever you want.

No matter how good the relationship between husband and wife is, there should be a boundary, and everyone will have their own bottom line, never cross this boundary, crossing this boundary will make the other party feel very uncomfortable.

That is, you don't touch the other party's bottom line too much, such as your other half, who doesn't like you to flip through his things, but you flip through her phone and some private things all day long.

The sense of boundaries is actually to keep a certain distance and give each other enough personal space.

It's the bottom line of two people, don't easily interfere with each other's lives, interfere with each other's ideas, and respect each other, so that you can make your marriage happy.

It is very important to keep a distance from the opposite sex and to respect each other.

The phrase "we are just friends" is a good excuse for both love and marriage, after all, many people like to do things beyond the "friend" relationship under the guise of "we are friends". Friends of the opposite sex are inherently a delicate relationship, and as long as they take one wrong step, the relationship will become ambiguous. But once the relationship enters the marriage, most of it does not rely on feelings, but self-discipline, if you really can't put an end to the possibility of ambiguity with others, then you should keep your distance.

I saw such a story before, and Mr. Zhang, who has been married for 3 years, has one"Girlfriends"。He was dissatisfied with this girlfriend's wife, but Mr. Zhang firmly told his wife that they were just friends. For this attitude, the wife really doesn't want to be too stingy and doesn't care.

Until she found that her husband communicated less and less with herself.

The first thing to share in life, big and small, is not herself but the so-called female girlfriend, and she really doesn't seem to care about her husband as before, and the marriage relationship exists in name only, and she finally filed for divorce. Like all couples who have been unilaterally broken up, Mr. Zhang still doesn't know why his wife left him.

It's famous"Friends"Can you get past anything that crosses the line? Of course not, you have your handover"Friends"I also have the right not to want you. How many people in marriage have slowly diluted the initial freshness of marriage because of the passage of time, and they are no longer the person who can affect each other's emotions.

I don't know when the relationship between the two is no longer intimate, so when there is a person who can affect his emotions of the opposite sex, an ambiguous "friend relationship" naturally occurs.

Everyone will have friends of the opposite sex, but no matter how close you once were, as long as you get married, you need to keep your distance from the opposite sex deeply engraved in your mind. "I'm sorry, I'm married" is the most basic consciousness as a married person, and maintaining a certain sense of boundaries for the opposite sex is the greatest respect for your partner. After getting married, you are equivalent to signing a distance agreement, and all your intimate behaviors, holding hands, kissing, ambiguous, etc., can only be limited to your partner, even if you and another person of the opposite sex only have the desire to share, but this has also belonged to the ambiguous realm.

The best way to destroy a marriage is not to be estranged, but to cross the line, a person with real high emotional intelligence will have a ruler in his heart to grasp the sense of boundaries when getting along with all members of the opposite sex except you, including family.

Important, it is important to get along with the opposite sex and maintain a "sense of boundary".

For adults, maintaining a sense of boundaries is an ability that everyone should learn.

Especially in the process of getting along with the opposite sex, it is more important to have a sense of boundaries.

This is the most basic respect for oneself and one's partner.

The sense of boundaries includes not only physically, but also psychologically.

A person with a strong sense of boundaries often understands what can and cannot be done when dealing with others.

Here are two examples:

Some parents are very rude and go in and out of their children's rooms at will, without even saying hello.

You've been breaking up with your ex for a long time, but your ex is still pestering you and appearing in your life at will.

When you get along with someone of the opposite sex, you hate each other, but they always deliberately approach you and try to have some physical contact with you.

All kinds of phenomena are essentially poor awareness of physiological boundaries.

Psychological boundary awareness is mainly manifested as: your thoughts, concepts, emotions, etc.

If a person is always forcing you to do things you don't like, forcibly instilling his ideas in you, and you are very resistant to these, that is, your psychological boundary consciousness is at work.

In the same way, if you are always irritable when you are with someone, what they say and do will make you feel upset.

Such a state also shows that the other party has entered your psychological boundary consciousness, which has aroused your disgust and resistance.

How do you maintain a "sense of boundaries"?

First: Have the courage to reject others.

If a person's behavior has interfered with your normal life, you should learn to reject him.

If you are reading a book and someone is talking noisily next to you, you should tell him "You are noisy with me, please be quiet".

When we're angry and emotionally unstable, it's our body's signal that it's time for me to take action.

So, don't feel embarrassed to say that if those people don't care about your feelings in the slightest, why don't you dare to say no to them?

Requests that make you feel uncomfortable, that you can't accept, you have a reason to refuse.

Second: get along with the opposite sex and maintain your own sense of boundaries.

If you have a lover and the relationship is very good, all you need to do is keep enough distance from other people of the opposite sex. This includes physical and psychological distance, not over-engaging with them, and not talking to them about overly intimate topics. This is the respect that should be maintained towards each other as a partner.

Some people say that since they have entered the marriage, it means that the two people will live together for a long time in the future, so from this point of view, the husband and wife should treat each other as their own people, so that they can manage the marriage well.

However, in fact, if the other half of the marriage is regarded as one's own relatives, then a large part of the marriage will not be able to achieve happiness.

In fact, we confuse the concept of lover and loved one, because when you give to your loved one, you don't care about the rewards and gains and losses.

Then when you start to feel that the other party's feedback is not equal to your efforts, you don't regard the other party as a relative in your heart, but just lie to yourself.

Therefore, it is known that in a marriage, the husband and wife should never treat each other as relatives, and the confusion between the concepts of "relative" and "lover" will lead to an imbalance in the relationship between husband and wife.

Cognitively, I think that when two people step into marriage, they will transform from lovers to relatives.

It's just that the blood relationship between relatives will make the parties feel that everything they have paid is deserved, and they don't count the returns.

However, if the reader upholds the concept of treating his lover but asks for the other half in the way of relatives, then such a marriage will eventually fail and become unbalanced when the boundaries are blurred.

Because when you start to ask the other party to give you something back, once the other party's behavior does not meet your expectations, then there will be a psychological gap in your heart, and then you will be dissatisfied with the other half, dissatisfied with the marriage, and as a result, the relationship will begin to dislike.

There is some truth to this statement, but it is not entirely true. In marriage, couples do need to understand, support and tolerate each other, but at the same time, they also need to maintain a certain degree of independence and a sense of boundaries. Here are some explanations for this statement:

1.Respect each other: In marriage, respecting each other's independence and personal space is very important. Don't treat your significant other as an appendage, but respect their thoughts, feelings, and needs.

2.Maintain communication: Good communication is the cornerstone of a marital relationship. In the process of communication, learn to listen to the other person's opinion, express your own ideas, and seek common solutions.

3.Independence: In marriage, both spouses should maintain a certain degree of independence, including financial independence, spiritual independence, and personal interests. This avoids over-reliance on the other person and keeps the relationship balanced.

4.Sense of boundaries: In marriage, both spouses should maintain a certain sense of boundaries, including personal privacy, family decision-making, etc. This helps to maintain the dignity and respect of both parties, and to avoid conflicts due to excessive interference in the other side.

5.Supporting each other: In marriage, couples should support each other in facing life's difficulties and challenges together. This means supporting the other person while respecting the other person's choice and not imposing one's own will on the other party.

In conclusion, in marriage, couples need to be interdependent, supportive, and tolerant, but at the same time maintain a certain sense of independence and boundaries. It is only in this state of equilibrium that the marital relationship can be stable for a long time.

Over the years, I have come to understand more and more the importance of boundaries in family life. Especially in the life of a big family, if there are no boundaries, everyone's lives are mixed together, mine is yours, yours is mine, on the surface it seems to be happy, but in fact there are often misunderstandings and resentments.

As for the small family composed of me, my teammates, and the baby, it is easier to mix together in an unconscious state. Sometimes, I mistake control for care, interfering with my husband's habits, friends, and outings. I expect him to have a good routine, I wake him up in the morning, urge him to take a shower at night, and wait for him to sleep with him at night.

When my husband goes out at night, I will always wait for him to come back, making it very stressful for him to go out every time. I'll even give his free time to fill the cracks with all sorts of things.

Now that I think about it, these are all transgressions. He is him, and I am me. He has his feelings, his beliefs, his direction in life.

We can't tie everything together. In married life, there will be places where two people interact, we will take care of each other, we will move forward synchronously, and we will create fireworks of life together. But there are boundaries to married life.

He needs to live his life and find the meaning of his life. In the same way, I need to find my meaning in life. I'm waking up ......

The sense of boundaries is very important, will people who don't understand the sense of boundaries have a bad time in this life?

Love needs an appropriate "distance", but not "alienation"; Relationships need boundaries, but they don't need to be limited.

Even the closest companions are two people. In life and emotions, there is both a part of oneself and a part that two people have in common. These two parts need consensus and balance.

The boundary is the boundary between different things, the safe distance between people, and the upper and lower limits of a person's abilities in all aspects. The so-called proportionality is actually to grasp the boundaries and keep the distance between people at a distance that does not make people feel bored.

A person with a "sense of boundaries" knows how to maintain an appropriate distance from others socially and does not appear to be detached or transgressed.

At the same time, in the self, know how to set principles and goals for yourself, people will not have no bottom line, and at the same time live with faith, neither self-indulgence nor lofty aspirations. If people are not principled, they either become weak and let others take care of them, or they lose their sense of morality, indulge selfish desires and darkness, and become bullies.

Rational people would agree with the idea that life is a one-man show.

A person is a world of its own. What is yours and what is mine when we intersect with other worlds; What can be done and what should be left needs to be clear, and there can be no room for sloppiness.

If you are not clear enough about these things, you will have problems.

Many people think that if the relationship is good, they can not do it, or they will not pay it back if they borrow it. The relationship is good, you can take it for granted. The relationship is good, so I want you to do what I want to do because I'm doing it for your good.

Keeping a certain distance between people is a prerequisite for making each other comfortable.

Whether it is a lover, a friend or a colleague, or a passer-by who meets in Pingshui, while giving each other some respect, you should also keep a relative distance, do not interfere too much, and do not be too distant. This is a prerequisite for all emotional development. Too many facts have proven that people who don't understand the sense of boundaries are doomed to a bad life.

Think about it from another angle, many things, you also want your own ending, don't want to be known by others? A lot of secrets, you also want to hide in the bottom of your heart, don't want to be snooped? So, start today and maintain a sense of boundaries between people, and you'll find that relationships that once gave you a headache suddenly become simpler.

It's not okay to have a bad life, but it does affect interpersonal development. Because if you don't have a good sense of boundaries, it will be difficult to handle interpersonal relationships, and your life will be affected, and your mood will also be affected, which is similar to the Matthew effect.