Praise and criticism, criticism and praise.

Criticism and praise should be the two most frequent tools in the parent-child relationship, when the child makes a mistake, we will use criticism, when the child does well, we will use the form of praise, so criticism and praise should we pay attention to some methods and methods?

The benefits of praise.

Praise is to help children understand through certain emphasis, to do something right to strengthen the purpose of these things, so as to strengthen the child's awareness of these things, and better develop in this area in the future.

The benefits of criticism.

Criticism is more concerned about what the child has done wrong, and some things need to be done by the child to downplay these things, to weaken these things, not to do these things again in the future life, and to give the child some corrections.

Proportion of criticism and praise.

In our life, we can neither criticize endlessly, nor can children endlessly praise children There are experts who have concluded in experiments that if the proportion of pp in the school is less than that of praise, then the child is more willing to pay attention, and the teacher is more willing to learn, so please note that we can not say that we do not criticize the child at all in the process of children's discipline, nor can we often criticize the child, we should criticize the child as little as possible, and praise the child in the form of encouragement and praise, so that the child can pay attention to the good aspects, In this way, children will pay more attention to the right things.

It's not about people.

Even if the child has a problem and makes a mistake, when we criticize the child, we have to do specific things for him, instead of going online, from this matter involves him as a person, for example, he gets up late every morning, we say that he is a slacker, he likes to dress up, we say that he is stinky and beautiful, when we label the child, he will think that he is like this, but it is not easy to change, so when we criticize him, More should be aimed at this matter to understand the beginning and end of this matter, how to solve this matter and conduct ** analysis with children.

Criticism and praise are two indispensable tools for us to educate our children, and good use of these two tools can help us manage our children well, let our children let our children develop in a better direction, if they are not used much, then the moisture may become 4 times and fail.

Do we need to take the initiative to praise and criticize others?

The essence of this is that "all our praise and criticism actually comes from our desire to control." ”

We usually take the initiative to praise and criticize others in order to express our gratitude, happiness, sadness, and painful emotions, so that we will think that through praise, others will do better in praise, and we will also think that through criticism, others will get better after criticism, but most of them backfire, and those who accept praise tend to become arrogant, and those who accept criticism tend to become rebellious and sensitive, which is not what we want.

How do we deal with this situation?

In fact, we just need to be a bystander, keep the crowd in imitation of the mouth, be alone and keep the heart, and when we express, we only need to guide others. Praise and criticism are only a subjective expression, and guiding others is an objective expression.

For children, being praised by their parents should be the supreme joy, and it is precisely because they want to be praised that they study hard and perform well. When we were young, we really wanted to be praised by our parents. When I grow up, I want to be praised by my boss.

In Adler's view, however, such praise is not desirable.

When educating children or training subordinates, it is generally believed that there are two methods: criticizing the education method and praising the education method.

For example, in training animals to perform tricks, they can be obedient by waving a whip, which is a typical practice of "critical education". It is also possible to hold food in one hand and use verbal praise to make them remember the skills they are taught. This is called "praise education".

The two methods may have the same result in the "mastery of the craft". However, the latter has an element of joy in it, and criticism will make the other person shrink, so for the most part we are in favor of praise education.

Adlerian psychology believes that all communication with others, such as parenting activities, should take a "no praise" stance, and at the same time, corporal punishment is opposed and criticism is not recognized. You can't criticize or praise.

Praise is a behavior that is characterized by "the evaluation of the incompetent by the incapable". If a mother praises her child with words like "you're amazing," "you're doing a great job," or "you're really capable," she is inadvertently creating a superior-subordinate relationship — looking down on her child as inferior to herself. Behind this kind of "praise" is a superior-subordinate relationship and a vertical relationship, and the purpose of praise is to "manipulate the other party who is less capable than yourself", in which there is neither gratitude nor respect.

The desire to be praised by others, or conversely, the desire to praise others is a kind of understanding of all interpersonal relationships as "vertical relationships". Adlerian psychology opposes all "vertical relationships" and advocates that all interpersonal relationships be regarded as "horizontal relationships", that is, equal relationships. For example, some men will scold housewives for "not making money!"

Or, "Who raised you?" I've heard someone say, "You can spend whatever you want, what's the dissatisfaction?" What heartless words these words are!

Economic status has nothing to do with the value of a person. Company employees and housewives are only different in their workplaces and tasks, and they are completely "different but equal".

The only difference between praising or criticizing others is "sugar or whip", and the purpose behind it is manipulation. Adlerian psychology strongly denies reward and punishment education because it is designed to manipulate children. Because in a vertical relationship there is an inferiority complex.

As long as we can establish a horizontal relationship of "different but equal" for all people, then there will be no inferiority complex at all.

I am Dad, a lifelong learner, a reading promoter, a running expert, reading a book in a month, and running 150km+ in a month