I want to joke!! I want to make my wife happy! The funniest kind

Tell your wife that I am Ho He, and you are the noon.

A person is always farting in the office, and his colleague can't help it: "Can you not make a sound?" Then he saw him shaking and shaking there. Shaking and shaking. A colleague asked, "Shake what?" Say, "I'm tuned to the vibrations!" ”

The detachment led by Saddam Hussein was surrounded by US troops, and after a few days, it could not hold on anymore, so a guard was sent out to inquire about the situation. When he returned, he made a V-shaped gesture to Saddam. Saddam Hussein was very happy:

Great, we won! The guard cried and mourned: "Okay, it's just the two of us." ”

A new student came to a certain class.

One day, the teacher asked him, "How old are you?"

Student: May I ask the teacher how old I am?

Teacher: Your age.

Student: Oh, would the teacher want to know my age last year or this year's age?

Teacher: Nonsense, it's definitely this year's pull.

Student: Oh, does the teacher want me to tell you now or is he telling you after class?

Teacher: Now.

Student: Oh, do you want the teacher to say it out loud or quietly?

Teacher: Damn, do you say it or not! Don't fool me!

Student: Say, why does the teacher want to know how old I am?

Teacher: Can't I just ask?

Teacher: Khan died .........

Count the pull, count the pull, students, our topic today is to repeat the antonyms. The teacher says a word, you take a sentence, OK!

Teacher: The weather is very good today.

Student: Tomorrow the weather is bad.

Teacher: I ate fish heads yesterday.

Student: You eat turtle tome today

Teacher: Wrong.

Student: Correct.

Teacher: I said it was wrong.

Student: That's right.

Teacher: You idiot.

Student: I'm a genius.

Teacher: Stand up for me.

Student: I'll sit you down.

Teacher: Did you hear the teacher telling you to stand up?

Student: The teacher told me to sit down, and I heard me!

Teacher: You dare not listen to the teacher.

Student: I don't dare to listen to the teacher.

Teacher: Do you know what you just said?

Student: I know I didn't say anything right now?

Teacher: This classmate, I know you did it on purpose.

Student: Teacher, you know I didn't mean to.

Teacher: You're not big or small.

Student: I'm small and big.

Teacher: You don't study well at such a young age.

Student: I'm so old that I can't learn well.

Teacher: I don't want to talk about you.

Student: You want to talk about me again.

Teacher: Stop.

Student: I'll give you a step.

Teacher: I'm afraid of you, can you stop?

Student: I'm not afraid of you, can I continue?

Teacher: This concludes the antonym exercise.

Student: Synonym practice starts now.

Teacher: You're not done.

Student: I'm endless.

Teacher: You are not educated.

Student: I'm educated.

Teacher: Do you look like a cultured person?

Student: Am I not like an uneducated person?

Teacher: Depressed.

Student: Glad.

Teacher: I'm about to be by you.

Student: You're going to be by me.

Teacher: Can you not speak?

Student: Can I not shut up?

Teacher: Go on, I'm not going to take this lesson, I'll go.

Student: I'll stop, this lesson still has to be done, I'll do it.

Add me. I'll pass you an e-book. Buy it for you to watch for a week.

1. It is said that a farmer drove an ox cart into the city and was stopped by the police, the reason was that there was no license plate, and the farmer found a broken wooden board to write a card and hang it, and the police immediately fainted after seeing it, and the card read: Niu X-74110.

2. When I was in high school, once after class, my classmates rushed to buy boxed lunches outside. In order to arrive before others, a girl took a shortcut, but the manhole cover in front of her was not covered and fell! After a while, she climbed up the edge of the well, very embarrassed, a group of junior high school children walked by in horror, she was in a hurry, and said while crawling

Ay! It's so hard to repair......

3. In the school exam, a boy sat in the last row and received an answer from a classmate. This brother's behavior later became a classic for our entire grade: he straightened up and looked at the teacher very calmly, then put the answer paper on his nose and blew it vigorously, and then threw a parabola ——— threw it at the garbage basket behind the door.

The teacher glared at him a few times, and finally did not have the courage to pick up the incriminating evidence.

5. Mr. B went to the store with his two buddies. b with one of them looking at sporting goods and the other at cd. After a long period of time, Mr. B suddenly remembered the buddy surnamed Wen, so he shouted:

Brother Wen, Brother Wen, where is Brother Wen? It wasn't until the shopping guide lady at the ** counter next door walked towards them with a smile that they suddenly realized and slipped away with a "whoosh".

The teacher asked the students to form a sentence with "sad", one student: There is a small river in front of my house, I am sad.

Regarding the wife's instruction manual--- refer to the standard instructions of the Chinese medicine for explanation.

Name] Wife.

Common name] wife.

Chemical name] Married female.

Ingredients: water, protein, fat, ribonucleic acid, carbohydrates and a small amount of minerals, with a pleasant smell.

Physical and chemical properties] acidic; It can be divided into one price (marriage), two price (marriage), three price (marriage)...n valence (marry). Soluble in honey and sweet words; In case of diamonds, famous cars, and luxury houses, the melting point is reduced, and it is difficult to dissolve in white.

Properties] This product is a cola concave and convex heterosexual tablet, with a smooth surface, coated with various cosmetics, and has a strong affinity for diamonds and platinum; It is red when shy, green when angry, and yellow spots and crepe appear on the surface over time, but it does not affect the continued use.

Indications] It is mainly used to treat single phobia, has obvious effects on lovelorn and lovesickness, and can also be used for burning, washing, buying, and taking children.

Tracheitis, soft ear roots, visual fatigue, obstructed behavior, etc. In patients with serious adverse reactions, it can cause skin and flesh damage.

Dosage] One tablet for a lifetime.

Contraindications] Take two or more tablets publicly.

Precautions] Patients with renal insufficiency should use with caution.

Specifications] 35 kg to N kg, the weight of the piece exceeds the standard will not affect the use.

Storage] Store at room temperature. Avoid spending time with groups of women and handsome guys alone. It is strictly forbidden to stay overnight.

Packing] All kinds of fashion, shoes and hats, jewelry, handbags, change with the season.

Validity period] until the date of divorce.

Approval number] See Marriage Certificate.

Date of manufacture] see ID card.

Manufacturer] father-in-law.