It s a little stuffy right now, can anyone tell me some bad jokes about the absolute classics?

There was a man and a woman having dinner.

The girl kept asking the boy: Do you love me?

The boy glanced at the girl and went on to dinner.

The girl was very angry and asked again: Do you love me?

The boy finally said: Love.

The girl asked again: Then how do you prove it?

Suddenly, the boy took 30 yuan out of his pocket and asked the girl, "Do you have 10 yuan?"

The girl took ten dollars and gave it to the boy.

The boy put forty dollars on the table.

After a while.

The girl was very angry and asked the boy: Do you want to prove that you love me!

The boy said, "I've proven it!" Forty is in front of you! (This cow!) ）

Once upon a time there was a eunuch, but there was no more below.

Cold joke refers to the joke itself because of boredom, homophonic words, translation, or omitting the subject, different logic, assertion or special content, or due to the performer's tone or expression, etc., resulting in a joke can not achieve the purpose of being funny, and it is difficult to make people laugh and become cold, but it does not mean that the joke itself is dull, which is also a manifestation of humor. In addition, a bad joke is a kind of joke, but it is very different, and the four main characteristics of a bad joke are that it is based on the Internet, thorough entertainment, the duality of its own value, and the post-emergence >

1.I was shopping with my friends and saw a lot of people lined up in front of a bubble tea shop. In order to try it, we also lined up to buy two glasses.

We drank as we walked. When the cup was about to be eaten, a friend suddenly said: "This pimple soup is too unpalatable!" ”

2.Someone brings his girlfriend back, and his friend sees her and feels familiar.

Girl, what was your previous profession? How do I look more familiar the more I look at it? "Import and export. "Wow! Come to think of it, remember it, you still sold me vegetables! ”

3.A teenage boy was lounging on the couch watching TV when the bell rang. "Son, where is your mother?

She's mopping the floor. The father exclaimed, "What? She sprained her lower back just right, don't you know?

4.There was a man who left a guest to drink tea, and because there was no tea leaves, he went to a neighbor's house to borrow it. For a long time, the neighbor did not send it, and the water was boiled, but it was not brought, so I had no choice but to keep adding cold water to the pot.

After a long time, the water in the pot was full, and the tea was not delivered, and the wife said to her husband, "The tea is not ready, so it is better to leave him to take a bath." ”

5.One day, the teacher asked the kindergarten baby, "Baby, why is your hair curly?"

The baby looks. Sure enough, the other children have straight hair, why is that? Suddenly the little baby understood, winked his eyes and said:

Teacher, when I was still in my mother's belly, my mother drank boiling water and scalded it. ” 6.Once upon a time there was a man named Xiao Cai, who was left out overnight and rancid.

1.When I went to deposit money at noon, a beautiful woman asked me in the back when I was in line, "Is it to save money?" "Yes! "I'm just about to withdraw money, and if you want to save it anyway, it's better to give me the money, so you don't have to queue up." "I thought it made sense, so I gave her the money.

2.In the afternoon, I got on the bus, took out the bus card and threw it into the coin hole.

4.My neighbor forgot to bring the key, went over my balcony, found the key in the house, turned it back, and opened the door again. What's even more amazing is that I was on the balcony all the time, and I didn't feel anything wrong. Alas, both of our heads must have been squeezed through the same crack in the door.

Is this anything else? The waiter ran over, took the bottle and examined it carefully, and said sincerely, "No."

6.Fancy a pair of gloves, the boss wants 35 yuan, I said 30 yuan I want it, the boss does not have to 35, said a few back and forth refusing to give in, I think about it, I gave Zhang 50 yuan, he found me 35 very quickly.

8.When I was in high school, I got up very early, and my mother got my schoolbag to eat with the school early, usually steamed buns, and my mother made porridge when I didn't go to class on Sundays, and I didn't know that the tendon was pumped, so I picked up the porridge and threw it in the schoolbag.

9.Once at school breakfast, a classmate in front of the card, the machine did not respond, and then swiped or not, very depressed said, the machine is broken, I said let me try, swiped the card, the machine really did not respond! He changed it again, and it was still the same, very angry!

I just wanted to put the card in my bag, but I found that I was holding a bank card in my hand, and I laughed wildly! He pointed at me and laughed even harder, it turned out that I had my ID card!

10.I like to eat all the melon seeds. The ghost made the god guess, and after swallowing them all, he poured the melon seeds on the plate into the trash can, and looked at the other plate of melon seed shells in a daze.

11.The first time I used the bus IC card, I took the initiative to show the card to the driver after getting on the bus, and went straight to the seat. No, the driver said

Read the card", I looked at the IC card, read carefully: "Zhengzhou City Bus IC Card" The driver said: "Go over there to read", I walked to the place where the driver pointed and read with all my might:

Zhengzhou bus IC card ......”

There is a person who loves to play **. Finally one day, he hung up.

Why did Sanmao pull out one of his own hairs because he wanted to be divided.

On Valentine's Day, the boy asks the girl: What flowers do you like?

The girl replied shyly: I like two kinds of flowers.

The boy eagerly asked: Which two? I give it to you!

The girl lowered her head and whispered: If you have money to spend, you can spend it casually!

The boy said stupidly: You are so beautiful!

The girl asked charmingly: Which one am I beautiful?

The boy said affectionately: Think beautifully!

The geography teacher asked the students, does the river flow to **? One of the students stood up and sang, "The river flows eastward."

The teacher ignored him, and then said, "How many stars are there in the sky?" The classmate sang again: The stars in the sky are in the Beidou.

The teacher was angry: You get out of here! Students:

Let's go. The teacher said helplessly: Are you sick?

Student: You have me, I have it all! Teacher:

You say one more thing. Student: When the road is uneven, I roar!

Teacher: Do you believe that I beat you up? Students:

Shoot when it's time to strike. The teacher is angry: I will let you quit school!

Student: Stormy Kyushu.

It is said that Wei Xiaobao sneaked into the palace to pretend to be a eunuch, because he was able to speak well, he was deeply liked by the little eunuchs, and a little eunuch came to tell stories a day when he had nothing to do, Xiaobao took the trouble and said: Once upon a time、、、 the little eunuch hurriedly asked: What's wrong?

Xiaobao said: Once upon a time, there was a little eunuch who was silent, and the little eunuch was speechless for a long time, and then asked: What's wrong next?

Wei Xiaobao smiled and said: Below, there is no 、、、 below

A: Do you know how many people there are in Li Bai's family?

B: A family of four.

A: Who? B: Li Bai's wife is called Zhao Xiangru, they have a daughter named Ziyan, and an aunt named Yinhe.

A: Why?

B: There is a poem as evidence: Zhao Xiangru gave birth to Ziyan, and her aunt is the Milky Way for nine days.

At the beginning of the timer, there was a male deer, and he walked and walked, faster and faster, and finally it became a highway (deer)!

There was a matchstick, and while walking, I suddenly felt that my head was very itchy, so I scratched it, and I used too much force to catch fire.

I went to the hospital for first aid, and when I came out, it turned into a cotton swab.

One penguin was bored, so he plucked his own fur to pass the time, and finally plucked the last hair. At this time, it suddenly said, "Ah, it's so cold."

There were two bananas walking down the street one after the other, and the one in front suddenly said, "It's so hot, I have to take off my coat occasionally, and then the one in the back slips."

A little penguin asked his grandmother, "Is grandma a penguin?"

Grandma said, "Yes, of course you're a penguin."

Then he went and asked his father, "Is he a penguin?"

Dad said, "Of course, you're a penguin."

Little Penguin: But sometimes I feel so cold.

Once upon a time there was a hide-and-seek society, and their leader has not yet been found.

Once upon a time there was a little lamb, and one day he went out to play, and he ran into a big bad wolf.

The big bad wolf said, "I'm going to eat you!!

Guess what's wrong? --

As a result, the big bad wolf ate the lamb.

The stone and the rice cake fight, and the stone flies up and kicks the rice cake into the sea with one kick.

Once upon a time, there was a couple of lovers who made a private promise for life, but the boy needed to serve in the military, so he made a vow with the girl, gave the girl a diamond ring, and promised to meet the girl three years later, and when the time comes, the ring will be used as a wedding ring. Finally, 3 years have passed, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she has not been able to wait, she is too sad, desperate she threw the diamond ring into the sea, and left the country. However, the boy has actually been waiting for the girl, but the girl misunderstood the date location, so it became a regret forever.

The boy was heartbroken. After a few years, the boy went out fishing, guess what he caught?

Rice cake! --

Xiao Ming went to Xiao Hong's house to play, when Xiao Hong and Xiao Ming were playing, **remembered, Xiao Hong went to pick up**, it was Xiao Ming's mother who called, and asked Xiao Ming to listen**, Xiao Hong handed ** to Xiao Ming and said, "Your mother is looking for you." Xiao Ming took the ** and asked Xiao Hong:

Male or female? Xiaohong was speechless.

A lamb walks down the road.

He met the big bad wolf.

And then guess what.

So the wolf ate the sheep.

1.One day, the kindergarten teacher handed out building blocks to the children. The teacher walked up to a child and asked

What are you building? The child said, "I built a kennel for stray dogs."

Then the teacher walked up to another child, who lined up the bricks and asked, "What are you building?" The little one said

Teacher, I'm confused! ”

2.There used to be a person who was very ugly, and his face was full of pockmarks the size of beans, so he never had a girlfriend. One day, his friend said to him, I helped you find a woman, and I will go to see her later, but the premise is that you must cover your pockmarks.

He went home and thought about it for a long time, and finally decided to stuff the pockmarks with mung beans and add some flour. After that, he went to the woman. But the sky was not beautiful, and it rained heavily.

As a result, as soon as the woman opened the door, she closed the door again with an "ah". Because. The mung beans on his face sprouted.

M:"May I ask you for directions? "

Female:"Thither? "

M:"to your heart"

M:"Your legs must be tired! "

Female:"Why? "

M:"Because you've been running in my head all day"

M: Trust me. I will make you the second happiest person in the world.

F: Why isn't it the first to pretend to be cute).

M: With you. I'm the happiest person! (shallow smile) Man: It's raining so hard today.

F: yes. M: That's because God is spilling water on you.

Sorry, I'm an artist, and it's my job to gaze at beautiful women.

M: Can Miss lend me $5?

F: What are you going to do?

M: I'm going to call ** to my mom and tell me that I saw a peerless beauty today.

I'm not going well today, seeing a pretty girl smiling makes me feel better, can you smile for me?

M: (looks at the label on her shirt).

Female:"What are you doing? "

M:"Wondering if you were made in heaven.

A boyfriend and girlfriend go on an adventure in the jungle.

He was later captured by the cannibal tribe.

I wanted to eat them.

But look at the way they love each other very much.

So they said as long as you eat the that the other person pulls out.

I'll let you go.

They ate. When I go back.

The woman was very sad and said: You don't love me, otherwise you wouldn't have pulled so much!

One day, a man took his girlfriend to meet his future mother-in-law, and the mother-in-law liked it very much, so she asked them to talk alone. So the man took the woman to the bedroom and said quietly, "Honey, can I turn off the light in the living room?"

The woman nodded: "Hmm" The man is closed. And again:

Can I turn off the lights in my bedroom as well? The woman was shy: "Hmm" The man asked again

Can I turn off the lamp on my desk as well? The woman's head was lowered: "Hmm" So, when they had all lay down, the man excitedly shook his hand in front of the woman

My dear, look at my new glow-in-the-dark watch, is it worth 20,000 dollars? Female: "....