Please suggest any revisions to this article

The first is that there is no point, and you write very blandly. It's okay to describe.

The students sometimes looked up to the sky and sighed, and sometimes bowed their heads to complain. You can change it to one side from time to time. Side.

The sudden aftershocks seemed to tear the earth apart, and the sound of hasty flight in the darkness was even more terrifying. And only the composure shown by the grandmother was unusual.

Whenever I cried, I would always be the first to call her, and she would always comfort and encourage me.

And his grandmother has always loved his children. In my heart, my grandmother, although illiterate, supported a family with the suggested addition, subtraction, multiplication and division; Although he was an ordinary old woman, he gave me the heat of love and watched over his homeland with persistent faith for a lifetime.

The above can be deleted.

The title of the essay is "Life Needs Family Affection".

That day, I tasted the taste of family affection".

Such an essay? Kid: What grade are you?

Tell the truth, remember, it's the truth.

There is obviously a loophole in the article, that is, there is no transition between the first paragraph and the second paragraph, which is very unclear.

Secondly. The context of the article is not strong. Moreover, it seems very old-fashioned.

Your essay is childhood, so why can't you write something new? This article about childhood may seem straightforward, but you can write it the other way around. For example, you write about your current situation, and then use interludes and contrasts in the essay to show your desire for childhood.

Or you can write like this, write about the scene in your life now, and then recall the beauty of your childhood. Contrast and contrast, the idea is much better. Of course, if you want to write like this, you can not only write about the scene, but also write with the feelings, double intention.

Finally, writing articles should not fall into clichés. Otherwise, you won't get a high score.

This one is still good, you don't need to change it too much, is it copied by you, or did you write it yourself, do you still need to change it? = =|||Hey hey

I think it's very well written, not bad!

Let's just talk about it, it's just a personal opinion.

First of all, the citations in the original question stem need to be explained simply, like you cut directly to "Just like the Lincoln mother and son in the material, they didn't jump to conclusions... No, don't take the citations in the stem as something you've already explained.

After that, the examples of Jeremy Lin, Haiyan, and the Renaissance are listed in turn, and here I personally think that the examples of Jeremy Lin and Haiyan are not very good, and you have grasped the theme very well: you must have the courage to practice, but these two examples focus on showing that victory is won through personal hard work, that is to say, something is really placed there, just like that stone, whether you really practice it or not, and whether you give it or not will affect the final result, there is still a certain difference between the two at this level. I think examples like Edison's invention of the electric light and Shennong's tasting of herbs would be better.

The level of the overall article is a bit chaotic, several examples have no priority, you should choose an example to focus on and demonstrate, and the rest can be written in a comparison, so that the organization will be clearer.

Finally, I have to warn you not to use colloquial expressions, which is very fatal in writing, and your last paragraph is very obvious, it is very colloquial, it feels like it does not sublimate the whole text, and you must pay attention to the effect of the end of the future when looking forward to it.

On the whole, the writing is good, and the ideas are clear, but the expression in some places is a little unclear, just pay attention to it, and I hope to be able to write a moving article. o(∩_o~

I don't think the topic seems very relevant, and the knowledge gained from books is shallow after all, and in the end, if you want to understand the essence of things or things, you must rely on personal practice. Deep understanding. Only in this way can you turn the knowledge in books into your own practical skills.

And this article should be a practical knowledge.

The arguments are not clear enough, and it would be better to be more organized.

The material is substantial, the arguments are well-argued, and the composition is great. Like one.