Tell me which joke is enough for you to laugh for a lifetime?

I met an Indian on the train, and he was idle, talking to me in Chinese about which country has culture. I said, Chinese chopsticks, do you know how to use them? He said that grasping with his hands is the most correct way to eat, and he is not restricted by food, he can grasp anything with his hands.

I'm a person who loves to treat all kinds of disobedience, and when I arrived at the station, I took him to eat a hot pot.

In the morning, my roommate coughed and mistakenly gave him the cathartic medicine as cough medicine. Come back at noon and ask your roommate if the medicine works? Roommate: Taitema works, cough and pull a pants, cough and pull a pants, I don't dare to cough now.

My friend used to be a network administrator, and a few gangsters came to the Internet café one day to find trouble, and my friend broke the network with an idea, and everyone in the Internet café stood up instantly. Every time my friend says this, I get excited to get out of my wheelchair.

Once on the train, one person took off his shoes, and the smell was very big. A buddy on the other side said, "This smell has entered my heart."

I'm holding back laughter until I hurt myself. This is not the end, after he finished speaking, the second cargo roommate who was sitting in the car next to me woke up and yelled: "Conductor, is the toilet **?"

A carload of people couldn't hold it in an instant.

Classmate, you just eat candy and melon seeds in class, you take a sugarcane longer than your arm to eat, the teacher suddenly feels tired, and the admonishment conversation has been many times, because the teacher wants to throw a chalk to remind you, and I am afraid that you will throw back a sugarcane ......

Yesterday I went to get a tattoo and told the master to tattoo me a loyal service to the country, and the master said that you should take anesthetic medicine and sleep for a while, and then you will get the tattoo when you wake up. I slept and woke up to find that I was still tattooed, I asked the master, haven't you tattooed yet? The master sweated profusely and said, "It's almost over, and the tattoo is to the south of the horse's hoove, and people are looking north."

Bang! A loud noise startled Tang Seng, raised his eyes, pointed to the broken stones under the mountain and said, "Wukong, your mother has given birth to a second child." ”

When I was in junior high school, I and my little girlfriend both wore braces, and secretly kissed after class, but the braces hooked together. I don't even know how we got to the teacher's office ......

It's raining, and I like to walk in the rain with an umbrella and cover my head with an umbrella, so comfortable, as if you are the only one in the whole world. That is until I was hit ...... by a motorcyclist

There was a young man named Wang Genji, who went to his girlfriend's house, and his girlfriend's father saw him and said: You are Xiao Wang. It's not right to think about it, so let's change your words, you're Xiaoji. My girlfriend's mother couldn't stand it anymore and said, you are the foundation.

In court, the son said: 'A few years ago I married a widow who had a grown daughter and later married my father. My stepdaughter became my stepmother, and my father became my son-in-law.

Two years later my wife gave birth to a son for me, he is my stepmother's half-brother, my son calls me dad and I call my son uncle. My stepdaughter gave birth to another son for my father, who is my younger brother, but he had to call me grandfather. I am my wife's husband, but my wife is my stepmother's mother, so I am my own grandfather...

And then the judge committed suicide!

After my nephew entered the door after school, he said happily: Mom, I took the first place in the class again in this midterm exam! He didn't even lift his head and pronounced "um" through his nostrils.

The nephew glanced at his mother and said suspiciously: I took the first exam, are you not happy? said:

I'm in a bad mood today, and I'm looking forward to you scolding you happily when you come back from school! Now that you've taken the first exam, how can I scold you?

One day, Lao Wang was walking on the street, and saw a man squatting next to the sewer without a manhole cover, and kept chanting 14 14 14 Lao Wang was curious, so he went over and asked what you were counting, only to see that the man kicked Lao Wang into the well and continued to say 15 15 15... Notes: Laugh or I'll laugh.

Someone scolded me for playing the game.,He said an address and said he was going to call the crowd to beat me.,I didn't pay attention to him.,Another person scolded me in the second game.,I said heads-up.,He said you say an address.,I'll report the address of the guy just now.。

My daughter went to play with her classmates in elementary school, and her mother wanted to see the chat history of her father, but she couldn't open the password, so my daughter would open it for a while, and her father's monthly salary was 4,000 to a woman on the Internet said 20,000, and she bought a gift for the girl on the Internet for her birthday, and her parents fought on the spot, and they were all at home that Sunday.

When I was a kid playing with my brother, he told me to go to the rocks, the round kind, and I couldn't find it, so I had to pick up the slightly dry shit for him, and when he kicked it forward, the shit flew all over the place. Also, in my rural hometown, there were cattle raisers, and then many children played together, and then my brother stuck a small cannon on the cow dung, and then called us over to see, and then blew up all over our bodies.

In the first year of military training, the instructor shouted to walk straight, I heard that it was running and walking, it happened that I was still in the first row, and one person killed the front, all looking at me, the scene was too embarrassing, and now I think about it and it is funny, and I was whipped twice by the instructor with a belt.

I heard what my friend's wife said: I was pregnant with my second child, and my son lay on my stomach and asked: Mom, after you give birth to this doll, can you have time to help me give birth to a puppy?

I'm a chef, and once the head chef had a meeting about the return of items. The venue was serious. The head chef said

We don't go home if we don't go home, most of us are from the countryside, you should have raised ducks at home, the ducks know to go home when it's dark, aren't you as good as ducks? "I couldn't hold back and whispered to a friend next to me: Okay, my ducks run to other people's houses at night, and they have to look around with sticks, and they drowned in the ditch" Then my friend and I couldn't hold back and began to laugh all kinds of things, and finally we were found to be fined 20 push-ups.

When we were traveling in our company, a colleague who had been in the company for half a year complained about the boss and said that the boss looked like a normal person, how could it turn out like this, and then I laughed.

I wiped out the homeroom teacher's eyes on the foggy glass of the classroom, and I smiled embarrassedly, and sighed, hey, I put the homeroom teacher's eyes back on.

The daughter-in-law asked her son if he wanted a younger brother or a younger sister, and the son said he wanted an older brother.

During the military training, the instructor reported the number by name, Lao Tzu was the 6 of the tabloid voice on the left side of the wind's ear, and Lao Tzu did not listen to the sermon, but the goods on the right were injured, and the report 7 was not right, and the report 8 did not look at his expression and now I feel sorry for him.

Dad is very lazy, every time he is thirsty, he asks the two-year-old baby to get water, the baby is very well-behaved, and always obediently brings it to Dad with a cup. Every time, the father is very proud to look at the child and drink it all! Mom watched from the sidelines and remained silent.

One day, my mother suddenly asked my father, "Have you ever thought about it?" "What have you thought about? "In the whole house, the only place he can get water is **? ”

I remember it was last Sunday, I saw you walk in front of a pile of poop, squatted down and poked, very confused, touched it still very confused, smelled it as if it was poop, and finally put it in your mouth and tasted it, sure it was poop, and then stood up and shouted happily: "Haha, fortunately I didn't step on it!" ”

On a hot day in 2015, coordinates Chengdu. Before going to work in the morning, my daughter, who was on summer vacation in the second year of junior high school, put a piece of frozen meat in the freezer on top of the refrigerator (cold room) to thaw it. After work in the afternoon, I smelled the smell of meat and found that the stinky meat was on top of the refrigerator shell with water.

Well, no problem, on top of the fridge.

Liu, Guan, and Zhang met at Zhang Fei's house to discuss the matter of worship! When the three of them met, everyone wanted to be the eldest brother, so no one was convinced, finally, Liu Bei came up with a good idea, and decided that everyone would come up with a question for the competition, and the winner would get one point. The trio readily agreed!

Liu Bei was older, so he asked the first question, Liu Bei thought for a moment, and said: "Let's compare those parts of our body!" If you have a specialty, you will win a game, I will come first, I have a special arm!

Guan Yu stroked his beard and said with a smile: "I have a long beard!" Zhang Fei looked up and down, and held back a sentence for a while:

I....I'm ...... down thereLiu Guan and the others shook their heads and said: "It's too vulgar, it doesn't count, this first question is Xiaofei, you lost!" The second question was asked by Guan Yu, Guan Yu smiled obscenely and said:

Two brothers, in this second game, we will compete to see whose name has more strokes. Liu Bei ,.. when he heard it

Daughter: Dad, I'm going to town soon, will you pick me up? Dad:

If there's two people, I'll go! Otherwise, ......Daughter: Dad, there must be two people!

Dad immediately raised his voice: Set off immediately, it won't delay you! When he got to town, the dad saw his daughter standing there:

Where's your boyfriend? Daughter: What boyfriend, who told you that I have a boyfriend?

Dad: Girl, let me ask you, don't you say that you are sure that the two of you will come back? Daughter patted her belly:

yes, here it is! Dad: Ah, you're pregnant?

You're too ...... tooDaughter: Dad, what are you talking about, what are you pregnant? Dad:

You lied to me? Daughter: When you asked me, I had just eaten two nuts!

1. Just sit down in the office, take out the cigarette case, and prepare to smoke a cigarette ......The second colleague walked over and took the cigarette case, and then pulled out one: How is it okay? I....

OK, OK ......Oh, enough buddy......As he spoke, he handed me a cigarette and put the cigarette case in his pocket......2. I went to the mall with my wife, and my wife showed her husband clothes: Husband, do you think this is okay? Husband:

Well, not bad......Wife: Okay, I'll listen to you, so I'll buy this ......After buying, continue to shop and give my husband a pair of shoes: wife, these shoes are good, buy a pair ......Wife:

No, I can't see ......Husband: I buy shoes, didn't you just say listen to me? Wife:

Nima, just now there was a consensus, I listened to you, but now that there is a disagreement, you have to listen to my ......

A person said to a netizen: "The lai planted on my QQ farm is stolen by others every day." Another netizen said to him: "Next time you will plant people".

Dad: "You know how to sleep lazy, what can you do to last?" Son: "I have insisted on going to bed early and getting up late every day, and I have insisted on it for 18 years."

The newlywed wife said to her husband: Honey, do you know how to cook? My husband said:

No, it won't! It used to be made by my mom. What's up, dear.

My wife said: Now that we are married, we can't live it, we have to learn! Is that right?

The husband immediately felt that his wife was great: yes, my wife was right. The wife said:

That's good, I already know how to cook at my mother's house, and you're going to learn to cook from tomorrow. The husband immediately realized that he had fallen for his wife's trick, but he had already fallen into the trap, and he had no choice, so he thought to himself, and when he did it, he would be relieved. My husband obediently cooked for a while, and was thinking about telling my wife that he had learned to cook.

The wife said to her husband again, "My dear, are you a man?" My husband raised his eyebrows and said

Does this need to be said? The wife said again: If you are a man, you can take care of your wife, right?

As soon as my husband heard this, he was immediately.

During the summer vacation, it was very boring to stay at home, and I found a friend on QQ who posted a message, saying: "The air in Hong Kong is so dry, I didn't expect Hong Kong to have smog so annoying!" I dipped the garlic in my hand in the sauce, and then bit it hard, it felt very spicy and enjoyable, and I replied with a loud voice

In the same way, the fog in London is also ah, and the fog of our ** is so kind. After that, I felt bored at home, so I was ready to go for a walk. I walked to a shop called Bone Marrow Soup Dumplings, and walked in decisively, and was surprised to find that my friend was also stuffing xiaolongbao into his mouth, and my friend also looked at me, and instantly felt that I would have no face to face him in Ju Xun in the future!

Buddha: The four of you have gone through nine hundred and eighty-one difficulties, and finally arrived in the Western Heavens, who do you like the most along the way? Tang Seng didn't think twice:

Eight precepts! The Buddha was puzzled: Wukong has great ability and great credit, don't you like it?

Sha Seng is honest and does a good job......Why is it the Eight Precepts? He's lazy and lazy ......Tang Seng: What the Buddha said is right, Wukong has a lot of credit, but he also has a big temper, and if he can't say a few words together, he will put the burden on him, if it is not for the mantra ......Do you think such a person can rejoice?

Sha Seng is honest and does things well, but he has no opinions, he will say what you say, can the leader like such a person? And the eight boring letter rings can not only find out the intentions of the leader, but also say things that make the leader happy, who do you say the leader doesn't like and he likes?