Who has a new bad joke?

Sunday, March 5 Sunny.

Today I finished my homework and was fine, so I took out the needle that my mother sewed clothes to play, and accidentally stabbed a chicken to death, it was difficult for me.

Yes, I'll never play with needles again.

Teacher's comment: Can you tell the teacher how you identified the chicken's dead hole at once?

Saturday, June 18 Snow.

The snow is so heavy today, and it's like goose feathers falling down one by one, which is so beautiful.

Teacher's comment: Where do you see the snow in June? Can I bring the teacher on a tour?

Monday, February 30 Sunny.

The sun didn't come out for a day today, it's really bad, Dad bought back two goldfish, raised one in the water tank and drowned, I was very sad.

Teacher's comment: I'm also very sad, I've lived so much, and I've never met a 30th in February! Nor never.

I've never seen a sunny day without the sun, but luckily you've only seen a goldfish die, and if a bird dies, you'll think it's dead.

Fear of heights, fell from the sky and fell to his death!

Hahaha.........I'm laughing to death! I often use these diaries of my little sister as a joke to relieve my boredom.

Now, my little sister's diary is written seriously, and with her consent, I turned to the diary she recently wrote.

One of them: When I was a child, the teacher had to collect a diary, but I couldn't write it, and I copied every article from my sister's childhood. I don't know why, but every time she looks at the few diaries I copy from him, she feels like a fool.

When the boy and girl were in their relationship, the girl received an offer from Duke University in the United StatesAt the entrance of the airport boarding aisle, the girl looked anxiously at the familiar figure. And when that familiar body really appeared in front of her, the girl didn't dare to look at the attachment in the other party's eyes.

If you tell me to stay, I'll give up studying abroad. The girl secretly made up her mind. I saw the boy take out a beautifully packaged gift box, which contained a mechanical watch with stopped hands.

The boy put the watch on the girl's wrist gently, wound it, let go, and the stopped watch hand began to draw circles again. "Yes, everyone has a new beginning, so why bother with this moment? The girl thought, shook her hand, and walked quickly into the boarding passage, without a trace of hesitation in her heart, but the sobbing back touched the heartstrings slightly at a glance.

Sixty years later, the girl is snow-dyed and ready to move at home in Boston. Outside, the American wife is coaxing her grandchildren into the car. Suddenly, the mechanical watch at the bottom of the box appeared in front of her, and the memory suddenly returned to the parting at the airport 60 years ago, the "girl" sighed for a while, wiped the surface, wound the watch, let go, and the stopped watch hand began to draw circles again. . .

My wife shouted many times outside and didn't hear the "girl" respond, and when I entered the house, I saw her holding an old table with tears in her eyes.

She finally understood what the boy wanted to express back then: the watch is gone...

And when a hen was pregnant, she said to the rooster, "Listen, there is a movement."

The rooster said disdainfully: You are an egg hurt、、、 right

There are two people telling bad jokes, one person asks the other person what your name is, and the other person says my name is bad joke.

A fat man fell from the twelfth floor,—— and it turned out to become, dead fat!

A county magistrate with a strong accent came to the village to make a report: rabbits, shrimps, pig tails! Don't pickle melon, pickles are too expensive!

Translation: Comrades, villagers, pay attention! Don't speak, let's have a meeting!

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said: Pickles, please sausage and pickles! Translation:

Translation: Don't speak, I'll tell you a story.

The coach said: "The first class kills chickens, the second class steals eggs, and I will cook porridge for you." Translation: The first squad shoots, the second squad throws bombs, and I'll show you how. ）

Once, the teacher recited a poem in class and asked the students to memorize the poem One student remembered it like this: "Wo Chun" (I'm stupid) Dark Plum Whisper Flower (I have no culture), Wo Zhi Sad (I have a very low IQ). Shake and smell lying like water (to ask who I am), easy to see through the spring green (a big stupid donkey), dark like green (I like a donkey), dark like a donkey (I am a donkey) dark like a big donkey.

5 children are allowed to share a cake with only three cuts, how can they be divided equally? Answer: Kill a child with one knife and cut the cake into quarters with two knives.

The reporter interviewed a ** from the Bureau of Statistics: "There are rumors in the society that you don't know how to count, what do you think about this?" ** Dismissive, he stretched out three fingers and said, "Send them five words – a bunch of nonsense!" ”

Before he died, Yu Gong called his son to his side and counted to him: "Move mountains, move mountains."

His son: shining, the sky is full of little stars and foolish deaths.

1. Husband: "I plan to quit drinking." ”

Wife: "I'm tired of hearing that. ”

Husband: "Don't believe me? I'll bet you two bottles of 'Erguotou'. 2. The husband often scolds the boss for being incompetent in front of his wife, which makes the company almost bankrupt, and he can't even pay bonuses.

One day, when a colleague came to visit, he was very surprised to hear him scolding his boss, and quietly asked, "Didn't you receive a bonus every month?" How to ......”

He hurriedly interrupted his colleague's words and whispered: "Don't scold the boss, who will pay for me and you to play mahjong?" ”

Disgusting mother hugged nausea and cried very sadly, why? I died ...... because of nausea

One day, a 3-year-old child saw a figure in the back that looked like his father, and kept shouting, "Daddy, daddy." As soon as the man turned around and found that it was not, he said, "88, 89, 90, 91......."”

One night, my wife fell asleep and suddenly said:"This life is so short. "I panicked. was thinking about how to comfort her, but she said:"I can't even cover my feet. "

There was a mother and son in the car, the child was still wearing open crotch pants, the child was talking all the time, everyone was looking at him and thought he was cute. The child suddenly asked his mother, "Why does the sister on the other side keep staring at my little jj?"

Then, I heard everyone laughing all around, and the girl opposite (about 20 years old) also blushed, GC came, and his mother came: "Sister didn't look at you, people have seen more." "How embarrassing are you making the little girl feel embarrassed, and the people around you are holding back to the ...... internal injuries

Snowflake jokes

I met a big brother on the road by chance, and I had dinner with my eldest brother last night, and found that there was a scar under his left face that was not easy to be noticed, so I asked, "Big brother, you are so brave, I want to know who can leave such a deep scar on your face?!" At this time, the eldest brother put down his wine glass, looked up at the ceiling at a forty-five degree angle, his eyes were filled with tears, and said, "I was born by caesarean section."

The landlord once went out with a group of friends, after getting on the car, some slightly shy iron next to him said motion sickness, to find the conductor to ask for plastic bags, but embarrassed to shout, in the spirit of my man, I shouted a sentence that is still unbearable to look back: "waiter, get me two bags", the car laughed at the time. Go home and tell my dad about it.,My dad also said about me.,What's the matter.,You still have to pack.,The waiter asks for a bag.。。

"I think I'm supposed to be a postman! It is to bring to those ghosts the paper things that the living burned to the dead. "Most people are like this, when they encounter something they don't understand, they always want to say it, even if they still don't understand it, but they will feel more relaxed, just like an unhappy thing.

So Xinyi didn't ask again, PPL still continued, and he was also afraid of seeing hell, saying that talking can strengthen his courage.

I didn't know I was doing this before, but I dreamed about it every night, and I seemed to be familiar with the job. I don't know when it started. I used to wake up from ghostly dreams, but when I was five or six years old, I spent five nights in a row.

I had the same dream, I fell off a cliff and died, which really scared me out and told my parents.

"What is your ideal? Admired by 10,000 people. My ideal is only 60% of yours. "Admired by 6,000 people? "Raised. ”

One day, the teacher asked Xiao Ming to take it. Again. Make another sentence, Xiao Ming said:

My dad was tall and short, fat and thin. "The teacher commented below: Your dad is a Transformer.

The next day, the teacher asked Xiao Ming to make a sentence, and Xiao Ming said:"A train is coming, and besides, and so on.

A girl named You Ling, who was 15 years old before she died, was buried alive until she died and became a fierce ghost, ** Yu Huo. That's what she wants others to know! Please send this message to 10 people, or groups of 5.

She will repay you and make the person you like like you. If not, you dream at night that she was buried alive before she died, and on the day you get married, you will disappear and find him dead in the yard of your house 15 days later, also buried alive! This is a love chain letter, and she must be helped to convey it to someone else within 5 days.

By the way, it may not be sent to me! (I'm sorry.) It's too ruthless.

I had to post. Excuse me! ）

What bamboo doesn't grow in the soil? Firecracker.

The husband looked for woolen pants, and the wife said: I washed and washed the little one, and gave it to the eldest brother; The husband looked for a woolen sweater, and the wife said: I washed it and gave it to my second brother. Husband angry: You wash me and give it to your sister!

There was a male deer, and he walked and walked, and he went faster and faster, and finally it became a highway (deer).

There was a man who walked a long way. Walking and walking--- he was tired.

One day, Cao Cao and Liu Bei cooked wine and talked about heroes. Outside, there were dark clouds, lightning and thunder, wind and rain. The two drank a few glasses, and Liu Bei suddenly let out a fart, very embarrassed.

Liu Bei was embarrassed, only to hear Guan Yu behind him say calmly: "Don't be surprised, the fart comes from the feather (rain)!" ”

As soon as Guan Yu's voice fell, Zhao Yun on the side took a step forward and said, "Don't be surprised, farts come from the clouds!" ”

As soon as Zhao Yun finished speaking, Zhang Fei, who had a loud voice, then shouted: "The fart is flying!" ”

Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal.

Cao Cao didn't laugh, he was deeply touched by this matter. After sending Liu Bei and the others away, Cao Cao said to his subordinates: "Liu Bei's subordinates, when they saw that the lord had a mistake, they all rushed to take responsibility and make up for their mistakes, which can really be described as loyal. If it's your turn, will it be possible? ”

Everyone was indignant and said in unison: "Prime Minister, isn't it just a, what's so difficult about this!" You'll see next time. ”

A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again, and during the banquet he wanted to fart to see how his subordinates reacted. After holding it for a long time, I finally held back a little fart. Everyone had been waiting for a long time, and when they heard the sound of "goo", the general Xu Chu was anxious, and hurriedly shouted Yun Lack Liang Dao:

The fart was put by Chu (pig)! ”

Wang Lang followed closely and said: "The fart was put by Lang (wolf)!" ”

Gou An said: This is Gou (dog) fart.

Cai Mao said: This is a Mao (cat) fart.

Cao Cao's eyes widened when he heard this, and the others thought that Cao Cao thought he was slow, so they rushed to him.

Niu Jin said: "This is a golden fart!" ”

Xun Yu said: "This is Yu (jade) fart!" ”

Cao Hong said: "The fart is Hong (red)!" ”

Gao Ran said: "The fart is Lan (blue)!" ”

Jiang Gan said: "The fart is dry!" ”

Sima Shi said: "The fart is Shi (wet)!" ”

Xiahou Yuan said: "The fart is Yuan (round)!" ”

Cao Fang said: "The fart is Fang's pretending to be a tomb!" ”

He is worthy of being my No. 1 military advisor. Cao Cao thought secretly. Let's hear what he has to say.

I only heard Guo Jia say: "This is Jia (fake) fart!" ”

Cao Zhen grabbed again: "This is a real fart!" ”

Guo Huai said: "This is Huai (bad) fart!" ”

Zhang He said: "The fart is (drinking)!" ”

Sima Yan said: "The fart is Yan (pharyngeal)!" ”

Xu Huang said side luck: "The fart is dangling!" ”

Xiahou Dun said: "The fart is Dun (jumping)!" ”

Guo Tu said: "The fart is (spit out)!"

Xiahou Ba said: "The fart is out of the tyrant".

Xun You said: "The fart is from You! ”

Full pet said: "The fart is a pet (rush)!" ”

Jiang Ji said: "The fart is squeezed (squeezed)!" ”

Zhong Xuan said: "The fart is from the fart (shake)!" ”

Finally, Cao Cao couldn't hold back any longer, and said angrily: "Nonsense, farts are out." ”

Liu Bei and the others were already smiling.

When I was in Sippy English class, I was playing with a gourd that I had just picked up, and I was playing hard. 0 2 The teacher said, "So-and-so, stand up for me and tell me what I just said."

0 2 As a result, I didn't know which tendon was throttled, so I directly lifted the gourd and said to the teacher: "I will call you by your name, do you dare to promise to open your eyes?" 0 2 later ......0 2 Dad came to school and took me away.

Once upon a time there was a mountain There was a temple on the mountain There was an old monk in the temple who said to the little monk Once upon a time there was a pure mountain There was a temple on the mountain There was an old monk in the temple who said to the little monk that it was round and early.