An article with Mark Twain esque humor

Chapter 1: Mark Twain and the Barber.

Mark Twain was away giving a speech and came to a small town.

Before dinner, he went to a barber shop to shave.

You're an out-of-towner, right? The barber asked.

Yes," Mark Twain. "This is the first time I've been here. ”

You're here at the right time," the barber continued. "Mark Twain is coming to give a speech tonight, and I think you're going, aren't you? ”

Oh, that's what I thought, too. ”

Did you get a ticket? ”

Not yet. "The tickets are all sold out, and you're left standing. ”

It's annoying! Mark Twain sighed. "My bad luck was that I had to stand every time that guy gave a speech. ”

Chapter 2: Find a ticket.

The American writer Mark Twain was famously ill with absent-mindedness. One day, the conductor asked him for a ticket, and Mark Twain rummaged through his pockets and couldn't find it. The conductor recognized him and comforted Mark Twain

It doesn't matter, and if you really can't find it, it doesn't get in the way of late or stool. ”

Alas! How do I get out of the way, I have to find this damn ticket, or I'm going to know where to go! ”

Chapter 3: Use it at home.

Once, the American writer Mark Twain found a book at a neighbor's house that fascinated him, and he asked the neighbor if he could borrow it. The neighbor said, "You are welcome to read it at any time, as long as you are here." You know, I have a rule: my books can't leave this house. ”

A few weeks later, a neighbor came to ask Mark Twain to borrow a lawn, and Mark Twain said, "Of course, but according to my rules, you have to use it on my lawn." ”

Chapter 4: Tie.

The American writer Mark Twain (1835-1910) was once a neighbor of Mrs. Stowe. He was 24 years younger than Mrs. Stowe and had great respect for her. He often went to her to talk to her, and it had become a habit.

One day, Mark Twain came back from Mrs. Stowe, and his wife was surprised and asked, "Why did you go without a tie?" Not tying a tie is a faux pas.

His wife was afraid that Mrs. Stowe would be surprised, and she was sullen about it. So Mark Twain hastened to write a letter, and sent it to Mrs. Stowe, along with a tie, in a small box. The letter reads:

Mrs. Stowe: I've got you a tie to look at. I've been talking to you for about 30 minutes this morning, so please take the trouble to take a look at it. I hope you can return it to me as soon as you see it, because I only have this tie.

One year on April Fool's Day, a New York newspaper made a joke with Mark Twain, reporting that "Mark Twain passed away on a certain day of the month." When Mark Twain personally greeted those mourning friends, many people were surprised and angry, and fought to condemn the irresponsible newspapers, but Mark Twain was not angry at all, but said wittily:

It was true that the newspaper reported that I had died, but the date was brought forward a little" Everyone laughed heartily as they listened to the lecture. Mark Twain once took a train to give a lecture at a university in the capital, the train was slow, and he was in a hurry. At this time, the ticket inspector came and asked Mark Twain:

I'm sorry, I can't see you're still a child! Mark Twain: "But I was a kid when I bought the ticket."

You know, this train is too slow! Small mistakes and big mistakes Mark Twain was asked what was the difference between a small mistake and a big mistake. Mark Twain said

If you come out of Zao's restaurant and leave your own umbrella there and take someone else's umbrella, it's called a small mistake. But if you take someone else's umbrella and leave your own there, it's a big mistake. Cure Sleepwalking* One day, Mark Twain heard a lot of people talking about sleepwalking.

One of them is known as a person with sleepwalking. Mark Twain said, "I have a way to sleepwalk."

The patient pleaded happily, "Sir, can you please help me ****?" Mark Twain said

It's so easy, you buy a box of thumbtacks and sprinkle them on the floor next to your bed before going to bed, and you'll be able to cure your sleepwalking. Playing tricks on the pastor* There was a pastor preaching from the pulpit, and Mark Twain hated it so much that he wanted to play a joke on him. "Mr. Pastor, your speech is wonderful, except that I once read it in a book, and every word you said was on it.

When the pastor heard this, he was not happy and said, "My speech is not plagiarism!" Jing Yanxing, but the book is indeed word-for-word.

Then lend me that book. The pastor said helplessly. So, a few days later, the pastor received a book from Mark Twain – the dictionary!

Mark Twain once went to a small city to give a speech, and he decided to straighten out his hair before he spoke. "Do you like our city? The barber asked him.

Yes! Like, it's a nice place. Mark Twain said

You've come by chance," the barber continued, "Mark Twain is going to give a speech tonight, and I think you must want to hear it?" Yes. Mark Twain said

Did you get your ticket? Not yet. What a shame!

The barber shrugged his shoulders, spread his hands, and said regretfully, "Then you will have to stand from beginning to end, because there will be no empty seats there." "That's right!

The humorist said, "It's terrible to be with Mark Twain, and I'm going to have to stand forever when he speaks." ”