Jokes and bad things that happen due to typos

A certain student likes to write typos, and always writes the break as drinking. He wrote in a diary; 'The squad leader instructed us to carry the dung, and everyone worked very hard, and that person didn't dare to drink it, I was so tired that I was secretly drunk by the team.

A crab walks over the earthworm, and the earthworm says:"You're blind! "The crab said:"I'm not a shrimp, I'm a crab! ”

The Chinese teacher asked a student to explain the idiom "popular".

The student said: Stew, just like us Chongqing people eat hot pot, mix meat and vegetables together and cook them to eat. The word "barbecue" is very vivid, it is the "barbecue" that we like to eat. Because it's delicious, it's called "popular"!

The newly appointed magistrate is from Shandong, because he has to hang up the account, he said to the master:"You can buy me two bamboo poles. "

The master put the Shandong accent"Bamboo poles"Listen to it"Pork liver", hurriedly agreed, hurriedly ran to the butcher shop, and said to the shopkeeper:"The new county master wants to buy two pork livers, you are an understanding person, you should know it in your heart! "

The shopkeeper was a clever man, and immediately cut two pork livers and presented another pair of pig ears.

After leaving the butcher's shop, the master thought to himself:"The old man told me to buy pork liver, and of course this pig ear is mine......"So he wrapped the hunting ears and stuffed them in his pockets. Back to the county office, to the county magistrate:"Back to the master, the pork liver has been bought! "

Seeing that the master bought back the pork liver, the magistrate said angrily"Your ears are gone! "When the master heard this, his face turned pale with fright, and he hurriedly replied:"Ear ......Ears ............ hereIn my ......In my pocket! "

One of Xiao Ming's essays wrote: There are many people around my house who have dogs, and there is no public morality. As soon as I came out of the house this morning, I saw a pile of wild at the door, and I ate a pound!

Xiaoli described the appearance of the Chinese teacher in an essay like this:"The teacher has a paw face. "

Haha, do these typos-carrying sentences already make you laugh down? How could Xiao Ming eat a pound of shit? It should be a big surprise.

Xiaoli's Chinese teacher must have been so angry that her face turned blue when she read her composition, how could the teacher have a paw face? It should be a melon seed face. As for Xiaoqian's composition, isn't it even more ridiculous, "Remains" is the face of a dead person, isn't it a curse to die when it is said that Remains? !

It should be "grooming" that is correct.

I'm probably some typo joke on these!

1. One day, Xiao Ming wrote to his sick uncle: Uncle, you are sick, don't get out of bed casually, I will go to see you on vacation! However, some words can't be written, so they are replaced by 0, so my uncle saw it as: Uncle, you have laid eggs, don't lay eggs casually, I will look at you on holidays!

2. The elephant pooped on the road, and an ant passed by, and when he saw the dung heap surrounded by smoke, he couldn't help singing: Yalasuo, that is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau!

Xiao Ming's mother praised Xiao Ming very happily: Good boy, then you must do well in the exam tomorrow Xiao Ming cried and said: Mom, I mean, 'Mom, I see, it's over'.

4、.The mother of (raw) is called peanuts! What is the name of the mother of (flower) ——— wonderful pen, because (wonderful pen flowers).

Our class wants a word transcription Zhu Hongtao in our class wrote the pinyin of pecking as pecking.

The son sent a letter to his mother, saying, "Mom, I live well here. But there is no life, and there is no one to buy nearby, so please send me the life of your family. Her mother was frightened and hurriedly went to see her son, who had written "umbrella" as "life".

Yelia Mystic Yelia Yelia -- Yelia Girl Tong Ange Remake: Wild Ass Wild Ass Wild Ass Wild Ass Wild Ass Wild As

Dragon, Dragon, You Polish, Forever

The student's essay reads: "I was walking on the road when suddenly a pile of cow dung appeared on the road, and I was shocked by a pound. After reading it, the teacher commented: "Massive, massive." ”

The student's essay reads: "My mother is a middle-aged woman in her 30s. The teacher commented under the word "middle-aged".

Fifth wheel. After that, let the students recopy it. After the student recopied it, the sentence became:

My mom is a redundant middle-aged woman in her 30s. ”

Director Hu always made mistakes, mispronounced the wrong sounds, and made jokes, but he never learned with an open mind.

Once, the unit held a commendation meeting, and he read Feng Jianguo as Ma Jianguo, which caused laughter in the hall.

I guess I read something wrong again.

It doesn't matter if you have two points! They are all revolutionary comrades, so why should they care about these two points? ”

The teacher speaks to the students before school: tomorrow the education committee will come to the school to check, tomorrow you must wear a school uniform, remember, you must write a fake note if you have something.

Xiao Ming usually doesn't study well and always writes big white characters. On this day, he really couldn't go to school because of something, so he wrote a fake note and asked his classmates to give it to the teacher, and the teacher was frightened when he saw it, but saw that the full text of the fake note was as follows: "Hello teacher!

I went to my father's unit in the morning to see him off, and I would wear filial piety clothes to school in the afternoon." What kind of school are you going to, there is such a big thing in someone's family, and the teacher hurriedly came to his house on behalf of several class cadres to show care and mourn. When I went to his house, I saw that there was nothing, and later I learned that it was all the fault of the false article.

The ruler will know that the end and the bell will be sent; Do not use it indiscriminately; How can filial piety and school uniforms be equated?!!

A woman reported the fire. ** hurriedly said: "Fire fighting, fire fighting!"

Where is it? The firefighter asked. "At my house!

I mean, where is the fire? The firefighter asked again. "In the kitchen!

I know, but how do we get to your house? The firefighter asked anxiously. "Oh my God, don't you have a firetruck!

When a boy didn't want to go to school, he asked his classmates who could write well to sign the slip on his parents' behalf. The male classmate signed his name and handed it to him. The boy who didn't want to go to school said

You can just give the fake slip to the teacher for me. The next day he went to school, and the teacher asked, "Who gave you the money for your fake note?"

Teacher, it was signed by my father! ”。The teacher called up the classmate who had handed in the fake note for him, "You want to tell me that he is your father, right?" ”

Loquat and lute.

Someone gave loquat to a county official, but he wrote it as a pipa on the gift list. The county magistrate smiled and said that loquat was not this pipa, he only hated the poor literacy back then! A guest responded: If the pipa can bear fruit, the whole city will bloom.

The teacher is a female teacher in Sichuan, and she can't tell the difference between kissing and asking. Once, after she finished a question, she said, "If you don't understand, you can get up and kiss me."

We were amazed when we heard this, and she said, "You are so old that you still refuse to get up and kiss me!" We were all laughing, she said

Okay, then kiss me again after class! "We finally laughed out loud......

A company commander said: The first shift throws eggs, the second shift kills chickens, and I will cook porridge for you. Since the company commander speaks non-standard Mandarin, the translation is: the first shift throws bombs, the second squad shoots, and I will demonstrate to you.

In the past, a farmer accidentally injured his index finger by a snake and did not go to the hospital in time for treatment. After the doctor's diagnosis, he said, "Your index finger must be removed, otherwise it will erode."

The farmer was really reluctant, but there was no other way, so he reluctantly agreed. When the doctor misspelled "cut off the index finger" as "cut off ten fingers" when he came out of the operating room, the farmer had ten good fingers missing, becoming a lifelong disability, incapacitated and causing a medical malpractice dispute.

"Lying Spring" (I'm stupid).

Du fu. Dark plum and ghost flower (I have no culture), lying on the branch and hating the bottom (my IQ is very low).

Lying like water (to ask me who I am), easy to see through the spring green (a big stupid donkey), the shore is green (I am a donkey), the shore is like a green (I am a donkey), the shore is like a green (I am a stupid donkey).

A dad was going on a business trip and he got on the plane and sent a text message to his son:

Son, I'm on the throne! ”

After reading it, the son sent one:

Long live my king, long live, long live! ”

Caritas Jr. made a typo. One day, he wrote in his diary: Today I went out to play and saw a piece of dung, and I ate a pound (surprised).

Original version: Five thousand years of wind and rain -- Chinese" Andy Lau.

Remake: Wu Qianlian's wind and rain.

Question: Could it be that the two of them have a leg?

1. A certain student likes to write typos, and always writes the break as drinking.

He wrote in his diary: "The squad leader instructed us to carry the dung, and everyone worked so hard that no one dared to drink it." Later, we were really tired, so we secretly drank behind the back of the squad leader."

2. Typos in the composition.

On New Year's Day, we went to the History Museum as a family to visit the Ice Toilet ....Teacher's comment: Is there such a thing? I'm going too! (Terracotta Army).

One time I stepped on a dog poop

The family is in a hurry, 1, ah, 1, and in a hurry.

One day, the squad leader asked us to pick up big dung, and we all wanted to drink it, but the squad leader wouldn't let us drink it. So, we took the squad leader to drink it secretly. Yes! I felt much better after drinking it. (Write "rest" as "drink").

"Lying Spring" (I'm stupid).

Wo Mei and smell the flowers, (I have no culture), lying stone painting in the sky. (I only farm).

Fish kiss lying stone water, (to ask who I am), lying stone answer spring green. (I'm a stupid donkey).

One day, I went to a restaurant with a foreign friend to eat dumplings.

Nice service lady came to ask. My friends always don't miss any opportunity to practice Chinese, rushing to say, how much does it cost to "sleep"?

The young lady was embarrassed and very angry, and I hurriedly explained that he was asking how much the dumplings were.

When the dumplings were served, I asked him if he wanted mustard.

He recruited Miss again, is there a "show"?

The young lady said cheerfully, "Yes, what kind of show do you want?" ”

It's the yellow one.

The consequences of the ancestors and the inferior ancestors are unimaginable. 0-

(1) During the Northern Expedition of the Taiping Army, a unit was stationed outside Yizheng City, and the precursor sent a colonel to ask the commander for instructions on the marching route. While the Lord was talking to someone, he wrote a random word and handed it to the Colonel. The forerunner took the warrant from the colonel's hand and saw that it was the word "burn", and was surprised:

Burning the city? I want to ask the commander again, and I want to change the military order. So he ordered the soldiers to prepare a handful of firewood for each of them, make food for the third watch, finish the meal for the fourth watch, and burn the city before dawn.

The sky was about to dawn, and all the armies lit fires together, and suddenly the smoke and flames filled the air, and the cries of the people shook the heavens and the earth. The main general was shocked, and hurriedly found the forerunner to ask why the city was burned, and the forerunner took out the warrant and handed it to the chief general.

It turned out that he inadvertently wrote the word "around" as the word "burn"! As a result, the good Yizheng City was reduced to ashes. The general had no choice but to ask his superiors to sentence him to death.

The quartermaster was escorted outside the barracks, the soldiers lined up with their guns raised, and the commander gave an order, and the "horn horn" sounded, and the quartermaster was beaten to the ground.

The Overseer was drinking tea in his study when he heard gunshots and asked why. Men reported that the quartermaster had been executed. The Overseer was taken aback

Who told you to shoot him? The subordinate handed the Overseer his own handwriting, and saw four large characters on it: "Thirty guns."

It turns out that the Overseers misspelled the word "stick" for "gun". The difference of one word is in vain to send a life to his subordinates.

3) In 1930, the combined forces of Feng Yuxiang and Yan Xishan fought a decisive battle in the Central Plains with Chiang Kai-shek's army. Feng Yan agreed to join forces at Qinyang in northern Henan Province and gather and annihilate the nearby Chiang army. However, when the staff officer of the Feng Department gave the order, he mistakenly added an extra skim to the word "Qin", which became the word "secret", and "Qinyang" became "secret", and there is indeed a city in the south of Henan, which is more than 500 miles away from Qinyang.

As a result, the troops rushed to Miyang day and night according to the wrong order, dispersing their forces and delaying the fighters, leading to the defeat of Feng Yan's coalition army.

4) A young man in a certain place in Jiangsu went to see a doctor, and the doctor diagnosed it as "hernia (shàn) qi".This disease is commonly known as "small intestine gas", which is a very common disease, and it is not difficult.

Unfortunately, the young man was not literate and did not know the word "hernia", but he mistook it for the word "cancer" and thought that he had an incurable disease! He was very introverted, and he didn't dare to ask his doctors, friends, or parents, so he was worried all day long. Due to the increasing mental pressure, he couldn't get rid of it, and finally one night, the young man hastily left a suicide note, swallowed a large amount of sleeping pills and committed suicide.

Mispronounce a word, and even die!

5) Beijing Huamao Company signed a contract with Longmao Company to purchase 400,000 yuan of down jackets, but Huamao withdrew the contract halfway and was sued by Longmao in court. Huamao was ready to admit punishment at first, but later found that the "down" in the contract was written as "duck down", so it seized this point and proposed that "the goods did not match the subject matter of the contract", but Longmao lost the lawsuit. had to throw out the down jacket at a low price, and the loss amounted to 200,000 yuan.

It's all because of the difference of one word.

I think of one:

A teacher handed out a homework book, read "pork belly", "pork belly", no one answered below, after a while, a little girl timidly asked, "Teacher, are you calling Zhu Yuepo".

And another: the Chinese are very good.