How to make peace with a controlling mother?

When dealing with a controlling mother, you must be patient, you must tell her well, and don't be impulsive. Everything has to be solved by communication, and if you don't communicate yourself, it will be difficult to get along.

My mom is a very controlling person, you have no way to express your opinion to her when you get along with her, you can only follow the line she gives you, although many of your ideas will be suppressed, but I suggest that you should not be her face.

If you have some financial means, you can choose to go out and live alone on your own, and then come back occasionally to see your mother, so that the two of you will not have big conflicts and can still get along.

The desire to control is something that everyone has, it's human instinct. Occasionally, it is harmless and cautious, but it is a manifestation of tacit understanding in intimate relationships. For example, I wanted to eat pizza last week, but I didn't ask for it directly, but said to my husband, don't you like pizza very much, why haven't you been there for a long time?

Then at dinner time, my husband took me to the pizzeria for dinner.

I think many mothers feel this way, because they are her children, so she will definitely have some degree of control over herself, so if you want to follow her to live in peace, you have to submit to her in some way.

1: In fact, no matter whether the desire to control is strong, or the parents have a poor desire to control, in the final analysis, the purpose of parents to control their children is for the good of their children, parents hope to use their own life experience to guide their children, so that children can avoid detours and be happy!

Although the times are developing, and the life experience of parents may no longer be suitable for the current society, there are still some basic things in common.

2: Therefore, when we meet controlling parents, the first point is to realize that they are not actually trying to control your life, their starting point is completely out of love for you, and if you can fully realize this, then I believe that you will not be too resistant to the control of your parents.

3: The second point is that for parental control, we should think carefully about whether these requests or opinions made by parents are justified. Is it useful for yourself?

Don't blindly think that your parents are old-fashioned and stubborn, and their ideas are all outdated, but this may not be the case. Some life experiences will only be discovered after experiencing themselves, and everything will not deviate from the original. So, something useful still has to be listened to.

4: The third point, if your parents have a very strong control over you, then there is no need to do it completely, you can repair the plank road in the dark, do things according to the arrangement of your parents on the surface, and if there is a better opportunity in private, then you can grasp it and work hard.

When you make grades, put them in front of your parents, and believe that when they see your grades, they will definitely let you go.

Because the flip side of being controlling is also a sign that they can't feel at ease with you. In any case, don't quarrel with your controlling parents, it will be more difficult to get along with, and you must save the country.

Slowly learn to accept.

In the face of parental dominance, nagging, and control, learn to accept this reality.

The approach: you know that this is what your parents have always done, so instead of fighting, embrace these personality traits from them.

When you are receptive, you can communicate more calmly and better.

What others do to you is a reflection of themselves, not about you.

Many times, we tend to turn how others treat us into recognition of our sense of self-worth. We always feel happy when others like, appreciate, and praise us, and we feel bad when others criticize, accuse, and denigrate us.

Be timely and clear about your principles and bottom line.

Don't be afraid to defend your values. Don't allow others to impose their values and standards on you, even if they are your family.

Don't let go of the things that truly define who you are, be yourself. It's your own life. Each time the communication is successful, each other will be rewarded with 100 yuan.

Be kind, respectful, and understanding.

We all need to be friendly, respectful, understanding, and even equal in our communication.

Therefore, we should also treat others in the same way, which can lay the foundation for a good communication atmosphere.

Don't become emotional because you don't like the way others communicate, and keep your words and deeds in a good manner.

Of course, it sounds simple, but it still needs to be practiced, especially for people who are easily irritable.

Live your true self.

When you start trying to live your true self and create a lifestyle that you really want, your family may not support you at first, but as soon as you make progress, they will see the change in you and will start supporting you.

At this time, their attitude towards you will also change, and when communicating with you, they will let go of their original aggressiveness, nagging, and strong desire to control.

So, be the best version of yourself and become a better version of yourself.

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Behind a very controlling person is a lack of self-confidence and insecurity. They also need to prove that their children are inseparable from them and love them by controlling them. Under the control of such parents, children will live a very depressed life.

You can try to break through the strong control of parents from the following three points.

One, stick to your boundaries.

When your parents ignore your abilities and ignore your wishes to take the initiative for you and make important decisions, you can firmly tell them that this is your own business and you can handle it yourself. If you can't handle it yourself, ask them for help. At this time, parents are asked to return the decision to themselves.

If your parents have full control over you and decide everything big and small, then you can start with them in terms of space, live separately from your parents, or have a separate room, even if it is a locked drawer, in short, they are not allowed to invade within your boundaries.

Second, tell them how you feel.

When your parents force you to do something, you can tell them about your inner grievances, anger, and depression, and it is because of their over-involvement that you are very miserable at the moment.

Third, be bold and discuss with them the issues they themselves avoid.

You can ask them what they are doing it for? What happens if it doesn't meet their intentions? What does it mean to reach it?

What are you afraid of? Are you afraid that I will look down on you and abandon you? Is it in their eyes that if you don't do what they ask, you don't recognize them and don't love them?

The controller is unwilling to face his true inner feelings, unwilling to admit that he is weak, vulnerable, and incompetent. To help them face this, they must be sincere and receptive.

Because for a person to let go of their defenses, you need to provide them with a very strong sense of security, and at the same time be patient and courageous about the process. Only by helping control freaks to look directly at their own problems can they truly solve the problem.

This one.. It's really a troublesome thing... For such parents, the key point is to understand the specific thinking of parents in advance, and then prepare acceptable solutions yourself, and finally be sure to strengthen pre-communication and maintain good daily communication...

This is indeed a little harder... Of course, this is not without benefits, the advantage is that parents are generally willing to help you with great efforts, close family relations in daily life, and can give you strong help when you are in trouble... Ha ha!..

A little bit of good is bound to be a little bit bad, good luck!

If you get along with your controlling parents, if you have already started a family, the best way is to keep a certain distance from your parents to a certain extent, but you still have to be filial. When getting along with controlling parents, you need to pay attention to mutual understanding and empathy. Take the initiative to express your thoughts and communicate with your parents.

Gain their trust and understanding.

The best way to get along with a controlling parent is to do what the parent asks you to do, or even do better than him, and then sit down and have a good talk and express your opinion.

How to get along effectively with controlling parents, one is to talk less and do more, don't talk back to your parents, once you talk back, he will doubt you, the second is that you must agree on the surface, and you must agree if you are not happy in your heart, and your parents will no longer care about you after you agree, and the third is that you must cultivate a strong sense of independence, otherwise you will never be able to get out of the arms of your parents.

The basic principle is to be superficially obedient, but it is possible to disobey the yin and the yang, provided that it does not go too far.

In fact, your parents are also good for you, find more time to communicate with your parents, tell them your thoughts from time to time, let them know that you have grown up and can slowly become independent, don't put so much pressure on you, don't impose their thoughts and wills on you, and let you face some things by yourself.

In fact, good communication can still make parents compromise.

To get along with parents who have a strong desire to control, it is best not to have disputes, do what you should do, don't argue with what your parents say, don't have contradictions, endure when you should, and don't fight when your parents are angry, but choose to walk away, and the conflict will be solved.

Learn to be flexible, have your own opinions, and try not to conflict with them, in order not to make everyone angry on some issues, you can be superficially submissive, but you can go against the yin, provided that you don't go too far. In fact, your parents are also good for you, find more time to communicate with your parents, tell them your thoughts from time to time, let them know that you have grown up and can slowly become independent, don't put so much pressure on you, don't impose their thoughts and wills on you, and let you face some things by yourself. In fact, good communication can still make parents compromise.

Controlling parents, insecure. When getting along with them, it is very important not to be soft-hearted easily, and to always pay attention to maintaining the habit of saying no to yourself. If you are not careful, you will repeatedly loosen the boundaries in small matters, and you will get more and more trouble.

Especially when they feel that it is becoming more and more difficult to control the external environment, they will fantasize about controlling their children, especially those who are easy to talk.

After recognizing this, as children, you must pay attention to protecting your independent space and independent time, and do not let your parents enter your space or time to interfere at will.

If you want to be respected and faced, you must strive not to rely on others, become strong, and survive alone, so that you can have the confidence to dialogue on an equal footing, have the opportunity to be your true self, and have the right to decide your own life, and not be someone else's puppet!

If you are an adult child, the best way to get along with your parents is to be self-reliant and keep your distance. If you are a parent, the best way to spend more time with your child is to give him room to grow, be a harbor of love, ask him to take responsibility for his own decisions, find his own happiness, and not let the unhappiness that happened to him continue.

At this time, you should escape from your mother's control, and you can start living in another city, so that it will not affect you.

At this time, parents should communicate with their children, children should point out their mother's shortcomings, and when encountering things, they must give full play to their own views, they must discuss with their mothers, do not let their mothers control themselves, they must have their own opinions, and live their own lives.

You should get rid of your mother's control, after all, you will grow up slowly, if you keep in control, the impact on you is very great, and you should stay away from your mother.

You can negotiate something with your mother, tell her not to worry too much, and tell her something about your true feelings.

Controlling mothers are actually the most tired mothers in the world, not only worrying about what their husbands will eat and wear every day, what time will they get home, etc. They are even happier in the management of their children, and they strictly control who their children can play with, who they cannot play with, which schools they go to, and so on. Of course, their most powerful thing is that they have a high probability of cultivating a son with a masculine personality.

My friend Ke Feng is such a child, even though he has graduated from graduate school, he still can't be completely autonomous. Kefeng talked about a girlfriend when he was in college, and he originally thought that he would get married when they graduated. However, Kefeng's mother said that she did not agree with anything.

Ke Feng thought that there was only one mother, and a girlfriend could be found again, so the two broke up.

For women, marrying a mom boy is really a hard thing. Whether it is buying a house, decorating, adding furniture, home appliances, or choosing to have a natural birth or a caesarean section when giving birth to a child, the helplessness and loss of control in my heart are like a cool breeze, even in the scorching sun of 38 degrees, it will make people shiver.

So, what should we do in the face of our own strong and controlling mother?

Psychology believes that in the process of interpersonal communication, whether it is spatial or psychological, we should maintain a certain distance, which ensures the smoothness and harmony of interpersonal relationships. For example, if a stranger suddenly stands 20 centimeters away from you in an open park, you may feel that your safety or territory has been violated.

Psychology refers to this safe distance as a boundary. So, when facing the control of others, what we need to do is to understand our own psychological boundaries and guard our own psychological boundaries.