Ten jokes The leader just came over and asked if he had anything to go home for the New Year

Ten jokes: It's almost the New Year in a few days, and my mother asked me what I sent for the New Year.

1. On February 2, my younger brother got a new haircut, and when he came back, he was scolded by his mother, "What kind of hairstyle is too ugly" Younger brother: It only cost five yuan, how affordable. I chimed in on the side and said, "How cost-effective, I cut a hairstyle for two hundred and fifty for five yuan......."”

2. The first time I went to my girlfriend's house, I started mahjong after I was full of food and wine, I was a rookie, one lost three, my face did not change, I talked and laughed, lost for a while, her uncle suddenly said that he wanted to introduce her daughter to me, saying that the brand is like character. I looked at my smiling little cousin, and then at my girlfriend who seemed to be angry, and then looked, I was directly dizzy, can this card still be played?

3, Wukong complained to Tang Seng: "Master, is it worth it for us to be so tired?" "Tang Seng:

In order to obtain the true scriptures, no matter how hard and tired it is, it is worth it! Wukong thought to himself: "What a tendon, the fox spirit, the mouse spirit, and the spider spirit are so punctual that you don't marry, but if you want to marry a needle spirit, I'm not afraid of stabbing you to death!"

4. I would tell the chick at home that I wanted to buy a scooter and ask her what kind of car she wanted to buy. Later, when she saw the bus, she said excitedly: Dad, buy one!! I'm sorry for the paper, that poop really can't afford to laugh and cry

5. Our unit once organized the past to play in the Jade Dragon Snow Mountain, a colleague chatted, saying that going to the Jade Dragon Snow Mountain can only stay for a while, there is a time limit, people can't stand it for a long time, so they despise it, obviously the body is not good, how can there be this regulation, people replied, there must be, the tour bus is going to leave after a long time. As an old driver, I still overturned.

6. Chatting with a friend last night, I said that a good man must have a daughter-in-law in his wallet**, my friend (female) looked at me and said: The standard of a good man is that he can't have a wallet! I ......

7. A few days ago, when the Chinese New Year was approaching, my mother asked me what I was doing for the New Year, and I said that I was hairy, and my mother asked me innocently, why do you still have hair, and I couldn't help but laugh for a long time.

8. I delivered takeaways, and I was hungry in the morning and bought a few puffs in the box, and just now I smashed one in the box, and I quickly picked it up and put it in my mouth. . . Then, I just want to explain the that I didn't steal it, I bought it myself, why did the people next to me look at me like this [tears].

9. I remembered that I just learned English that year, and the exam was all about Mongolia, and the 100 multiple-choice questions could be all wrong, and I was a goddamn talent! The beautiful teacher (just a college graduate) who handed out the test paper shouted on the podium: In the more than ten years I have been studying, I have never seen a full test paper with a score of 0, this classmate is a talent!

A world record... The landlord is snickering: Who is this?

The teacher glared at him: There is still a smile, it is you, come to my office after class! π_

10. My cousin likes one of her colleagues, and she has been chasing her for two years without progress. She asked me angrily: What man chases woman, next mountain, woman chases man, interlayer veil! It's all a lie! I comforted her: Don't be angry, you are separated by iron cloth shirts!

Going on a blind date, the girl asked me:"Do you give up your seat on the bus?

I smiled and said:"I don't take the bus, I have a car. "

The girl asked again"So how much is the house you rent a month?

I realized that I didn't have a car and a house, and I was a little angry"How? Am I like a person who rents a house?

The girl was immediately very enthusiastic about me, but she seemed a little upset when I took her under the bridge where I lived on my bicycle after dinner.

That's to bring you happiness, and she needs your comfort and companionship, it also depends on a girl, not what every girl thinks, you don't care too much about girls, choose your own path.

It was the first blind date, and it was said that the brothers had no partner, and I was secretly happy in my heart, which was quite efficient. As a result, I went to see a boy, and I secretly asked the matchmaker: Aren't the two brothers on a blind date together, and the matchmaker said with a big grin:

The boss drank too much yesterday and didn't get up, their twins, they all look like this, it's okay, you just choose a size......At that moment, a movie line floated by: Buy big and buy small, choose to leave ......I'll go! How casual this is!