I have to send two jokes to my girlfriend every day, begging for some hilarious jokes, healthy, don

Three turtles. The three turtles came to a restaurant and asked for three cakes. As soon as the things were brought to the table, they found that they didn't have any money with them.

The big turtle said: I am the biggest, of course I don't have to go back to get the money.

The turtle said: It is most appropriate to send the little turtle there.

The little turtle said, "I can go back and get the money, but after I'm gone, none of you are allowed to touch my cake!" The big tortoise and the middle tortoise said yes, and the little tortoise left.

Because his stomach was empty, the turtle quickly finished his share of cake. However, the little turtle was nowhere to be seen. On the third day, the big turtle was really hungry, and they all said: Let's eat the little turtle's share.

Just as they were about to start eating, the voice of the little turtle came from next door: "If you dare to touch my cake, I won't go back to get the money!" ”

He is eighteen years old and has been smart since childhood. Started from the text, three times but not hit; After learning martial arts, he sent an arrow at the school field, and the drummer was driven out; Then he studied medicine, occasionally contracted a small illness, wrote a good prescription by himself, took it, and died!

2.On Valentine's Day, girls say to boys, "I like flowers." The boy was very excited and said, "What flower?" ”。The girl said, "If you have money to spend, you can spend whatever you want." The boy said "you are so beautiful". The girl hurriedly asked "** beauty". The boy said, "Think beautifully."

3.Coffee cups and water cups crossed the street, and a car came from the opposite side, honking its horn vigorously. In the end, the coffee cup crossed the road safely, but the water cup was hit and killed. Why, please! - A, because the water cup has no ears (this one is quite cold, but it's good to have interaction).

That's all for now, and I'll think about it later......

4. There is a passenger who has to take a taxi to the airport. When he met a taxi on the road, he asked "how long does it take to get from here to the airport". It will take "a long time" for drivers and "at least how long" for passengers. The driver "rides longer" ......

Before the wedding, the groom asks the officiant: How much does it cost to officiate at a wedding? The officiant said: The more beautiful the wife, the more money. The bridegroom was embarrassed to give a dollar. The officiant was stunned, glanced back at the bride, and then looked for the groom for 5 cents ......

When I was in college, I had a buddy in the same dormitory, who was the representative of the department. Teach us is a young female teacher. Anyway, one day my buddy was walking on the road with a cigarette in his mouth, and suddenly he saw the instructor, so he stepped forward to say hello, but the instructor took two steps back and said

I'm pregnant! (The female teacher is afraid that the smoke has arrived)", my buddy didn't understand the meaning, instantly petrified, the smoke fell off, and said tremblingly, "It's not mine!" ”。

Ah Cheng was already fat, and he has been fatter recently, but he feels good about himself. Once he met his old classmate Xiao Ding, and said excitedly: "Recently, my return rate is very high!"

Xiao Ding couldn't believe it, he glared and said, "Really? Oh, I guess, it's because I can't finish it at a glance! ”

There were two bananas running together, and the banana in front of him dragged his clothes because it was hot, and then the banana in the back slipped and fell.

Lao Zhang went to buy a car and was short of 5 yuan, so he went to the beggar on the side of the road and said, "Big brother borrowed me 5 yuan, I will buy a car."

The beggar was stunned, handed him 10 yuan, and said, "Brother, bring me one too."

If it's not enough, I'll have it.

The teacher thinks he is very good every time, he has taught for more than ten years, and he has never thought that he has been a student for more than ten years.

It is recommended to take a look at the encyclopedia of troubles, many of which are experienced by netizens, and some have ways to tease girlfriends.

A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, and a policeman came over: What happened? Drunk: I don't know, I've just arrived.

1. Once upon a time, there was a man who fished and caught a squid.

The squid begged him: You let me go, don't bake me to eat.

The man said, "Okay, then I'm going to ask you a few questions."

The squid was very happy and said: You take the test, you take the test!

Then the man grilled the squid.

2. An international student takes a driver's license test in the United States, and the road sign in front prompts him to turn left, he is not very sure, and asks the examiner:

turn left?”

Answer: "right".

So ......Hung up.

3. A pair of corns are in love....

So they decided to get married....

On the day of the wedding....One corn can't find the other....

The corn asked the popcorn next to him: Have you seen our corn?

Popcorn: Honey, people are wearing wedding dresses.......

4. Wife: I'm really blind and stepped on shit to marry you.

Husband: I'm really blind and stepping on shit to marry you.

Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, both of you have stepped on.

5. The teacher asked Xiao Ming a question in class, but Xiao Ming stood up but didn't say a word.

Teacher: Xiao Ming?

Teacher: Xiao Ming?

Teacher: Xiao Ming? What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer? What a squeak!

Xiao Ming: It's all pretty funny, I hope it makes your girlfriend happy

1.During the summer vacation, Xiaoli took a classmate from the south back to her grandmother's house in the north to play, and finally arrived home after a few days of tossing. At this time, my grandmother greeted my classmate warmly and said, "It's Xiaoli, you're tired, come in and drink saliva."

My classmate lowered his head and said shyly, "Drink saliva? How dirty it is to drink saliva!

My grandmother was about to say how it would get dirty when she drank saliva, but my classmate came up with an astonishing remark: "Whose saliva is it?" ”

2.Mother:"Child, you must learn the spirit of ants: industrious, not playful. "Daughter:"But Mom, why do I see ants playing there every time I go to the countryside to play? "

3.When a pregnant woman went to the hospital for a prenatal checkup, an intern doctor helped her take a B-ultrasound. After that, the intern said very seriously

Be prepared for the possibility that you are pregnant with a freak with two heads, four hands and four legs! The pregnant woman was so shocked that she almost fainted! At this time, an old doctor came over, looked at the ultrasound and said:

What nonsense are you talking about, they're twins! ”

4.Mrs. Mary went to court for running a red light. The judge stared at her and asked

Mrs. Mary? Yes. You used to be a teacher at Westside Elementary School?

Yes, how do you know? The judge smiled, I was your student. Mrs. Mary smiled too, and became relaxed.

The judge went on to say, I have been waiting for this day for more than 20 years, and now I will punish you for copying a thousand times, "I made a mistake in running a red light, and I will never do it again." ”

5.Doctors examine a patient with a bad temper. "Where are you uncomfortable?

He asked with concern. "Sir," roared the patient, "since you have received the fee, it is up to you to find it." "I see," the doctor thought for a moment and said, "please wait a minute, I'll go get the veterinarian on the other side." ”

One woman thought she was too stupid, so she went to the doctor to get some kind of medicine to make her smarter, and the doctor took her 5,000 yuan and gave her the medicine. Three weeks later, the woman came back and said that the medicine was not working, and the doctor immediately doubled the dose.

A month later, the woman came back and said to the doctor, "Doctor, I always feel that I have been deceived, and your medicine is not working at all!" ”

Doctor: "Why didn't it work!" Now you're not getting smart?! ”

On the plane, a parrot said to the flight attendant: "Give me a glass of water", and the pig also learned from the parrot and said to the flight attendant: "Give me a glass of water", the flight attendant was furious and threw the parrot and the pig off the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "Be stupid, you can fly." ”

There was a fat man, he jumped off the building and became a dead fat man.

It's nothing if you don't post it, you're so stupid.

With a clear mind and a weak mood, do what you have to do.

Landlord,It's better to post this in the post bar.。 And go to the kind of posts that are specifically looking for jokes.

Your score reward is very attractive, but I am discouraged, I can't help it, I can't help it.

Let's go to the encyclopedia, there are funny things on it every day.

Teach you how to make people angry and funny with one sentence.

1.If you force me again, if you force me again, I'll play dead to show you!

2.There are so many people who despise me, how old are you?

3.Leave it to me and you don't have to worry, there's nothing you can't go wrong!

4.Don't be nervous, I'm not a good person.

5.Don't thank you, how embarrassed to collect money from you after thanking!

6.Don't tell me to let the horse come--- I'm Avanti!

7.If you ignore me, then I'll be a dog!

8.When is the bright moon, go and ask Yi Zhongtian!

9.If you can't reach it, try it with your left foot on your right foot.

10.Some people are alive, she is dead. Some people are alive, and he should have died a long time ago!

11.You said. You like me? In fact. I started out. Actually, I am. Well, I'll tell you, but I actually like my own.

12.Do you drink water, or drink water, or drink water? Take your pick!

13.Hey, say what should be said, whisper what shouldn't be said.

14.Zi once said: Don't take my tolerance of you as your shameless capital!

15.Don't think that because I'm handsome, I think I'm unattainable, in fact, I'm inclusive.

16.The weather is nice today, it's windy and rainy.

17.As a typical example of failure, you are just too successful!

18.The feet of three cobblers stinked and one Zhuge Liang died.

19.In the golden autumn when this colored leaves were full of maple.

20.If you bother me again, I'll tie you to the grass boat and borrow arrows!

21.The wind is sluggish and the water is cold, and you have to pay back the money you owe!

Where to eat? I have no money.

B: Let's go down to the restaurant, I'll ask --- water pipe.

If you don't take revenge, it's hard to swallow this evil breath.

B: So how can you choke your breath?

24.There is a road in the book mountain to be clean first, and the eight treasures of the endless sea are used as porridge.

25.The world is ours and the sons, but ultimately the grandchildren.

26.How much do these shoes cost a pound?

27.I was really blind in the first place.

28.Is this blind man a blind man?