Everyone has a way of comforting others, so why doesn t it stand up to you?

There is a saying that is very good, the authorities are confused, and the bystanders are clear. When we encounter things that have nothing to do with us, we will analyze them rationally. Because the core of the matter is not yourself.

But the core of the incident is yourself, and you are often not calm. For example, if you see someone falling out of love, and then you comfort someone and make them want to open up a little, but you don't know exactly what happened, and you just persuade from the perspective of a bystander, so you won't have much personal feelings. In the same way, when you fall out of love yourself, you want to comfort yourself.

Sometimes you can get out, but sometimes you can't. Because in a relationship, it takes time to get out, things happen to you, and sometimes it's not so easy to let go.

This is the problem of one's own state of mind, which is the link that manifests itself in the phenomena of learning self-control and purity of mind. That is, work, life, husband and wife, friendship and other issues are involved in whether one's own thoughts are true rather than political habits. Then you have to learn to cultivate your mind and combine your literacy with what you can achieve in your own realm, so that you can have a comparison.

If you are aware of such contrasts, you will conclude that life and work are the same. The pleasant side will be different in beauty.

We comfort our sad friends and make them feel better. We will think that it is the comforting words that we say that have a positive effect. Not really.

What really comforts a friend is that we are willing to spend our precious time and energy with our friend: we are willing to listen to her difficulties; willing to express our compassion and understanding; Willing to help her through it and so on. It is our companionship and listening that makes my friend's emotions feel relieved and his heart feel better.

Words of comfort are not very effective and sometimes even counterproductive.

This fact is that when you comfort others, you release love and sincerity. When you are yourself, you have a temper and emotional disorder, and if you keep loving and sincere, you don't need to be comforted. There will not even be grievances and contradictions.

Even if you can't comfort yourself! You have to comfort yourself often! Be empathetic in everything!

If you comfort others, others will also respect each other's kindness and will not lose their temper with each other. It becomes a word of comfort for yourself, talking to yourself, where are your grievances, blows, and twists and turns released! There must be a release of emotions, and all kinds of suppression such as distortion of facts in your heart must be told from the bottom of your heart!

Seek justice through positive channels!

That's true! Because you can't experience it from other people's standpoints, you often don't know when it happens to yourself. The main thing is that I forgot to let myself go! There is no such thing as empathy in this world, the needle can't be pricked on one's body, and you never know how much it hurts!

Often when comforting others, I can't do it, but I have to think about it slowly, don't take anything to heart, don't worry about it, as I get older, I will see some of everything, live in the moment, and be content and happy! It's hard to persuade others at all: let yourself go closer!

When it happens to you, you get confused. In fact, everyone is the same, who is it, if you even understand yourself thoroughly, then you should be of great help in your life and work, the most difficult thing to understand in a person's life is yourself, easier said than done!

When I saw this question, my scalp tingled because I bumped into my roommate secretly crying in the dorm room several times.

Once, on the weekend of my freshman year, we made an appointment in the dormitory to sing K, and roommate Z suddenly couldn't go.

I felt unwell on the way, so I went back to the dormitory early, but I met Z secretly wiping her tears.

At that moment, I leaned against the door, neither entering nor retreating.

Also a little embarrassed, he hurriedly wiped his eyes and asked me why I came back.

I said what I wasn't comfortable with, and we sat back down at the table.

I glanced at her on the table, not knowing what to do.

I didn't ask her why she was crying, and I didn't tell anyone else about it.

Another time, I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and heard another roommate crouching on the balcony crying.

And that time, I didn't ask her why she was crying.

Just patted her on the shoulder and told her, "If you're sad, you can hug me." ”

For a long time, I felt like I was too stupid to comfort others.

Many times, crying is seen as a fragile and ineffective thing.

We don't want our friends to be immersed in such negative emotions, so we take it for granted that it is our responsibility to make our friends happy.

But in fact, on a physiological level, for that person, crying is useful.

Someone studied the reports about "crying" in the past 100 years and found that 94% of the reports mentioned that crying is good for the body and mind.

In Japan, there is a "crying club".

Members regularly get together to watch sad movies and read sad books to release tears.

Don't think of someone who cries secretly as a vulnerable person.

Perhaps, they are just releasing the unpleasantness.

Liang Shuang, played by Guan Xiaotong in "Twenty Don't Confuse", has a strong appearance.

Whether it's finding out that he was a junior, or when he moved several large bags of bits and pieces from his ex-boyfriend back to the dormitory.

She didn't show a trace of vulnerability in front of others.

But they will also let themselves get drunk and cry bitterly on the night of emotional breakdown.

When she wakes up the next day, she will still be back to her previous state.

I still get up early to run, actively look for a job, and don't indulge in a low mood.

After getting acquainted with Z, we once went to the counselor together to hand in the materials.

She took the initiative to mention the night I bumped into her and secretly cried.

Z blinked, "Actually, at that time, silence was the best comfort for me. ”

This sentence made me realize that I, who thought I would not be comforting, was already using my actions to give her the best comfort.

It's like a cousin accompanying a lovelorn friend, sitting on the roof of the dormitory all evening.

Because the most sincere comfort is probably like them.

Worry about your friend's sadness and care about each other's emotions.

Don't take other people's unhappiness as a joke, accompany silently, and do your best to help friends get through the low mood period.

Eating with friends, the other party keeps complaining to yourself, you talk a lot about this meal and enlighten the other party, but you are also infected by negative energy.

So the long-dormant mood came back to the surface. Because what you say can't enlighten yourself. Because you're also depressed.

Depression does not mean depression, and depression is something that everyone has. He is always sudden, passive and helpless. The whole world suddenly becomes black and white, and you feel as if everything makes no sense.

When was the last time you had a depression?

I get up late on weekends, order takeout, and watch dramas. It didn't take long to get sleepy again. When I woke up again, it was already dark.

The first reaction was to pick up the phone, but no one sent a message to him. I am usually tired to death, but I finally rested on the weekend, and it passed in such a mess. Looking out the window, it should be the loneliest time.

Depression is recurrent.

Often, we always ask ourselves again and again. What exactly is our spiritual sustenance? Is it to work to make more money, or to maintain a relationship with a boyfriend, or to maintain a relationship with a friend?

Or is it the home that is most important to you but always makes you angry? We always want something to stand in our hearts, and we always want something to stand in our hearts. Being able to help yourself when you're at a low point is hope.

Yet often they are also fatal. When they pour cold water on the factory, you feel like you've lost everything.

Often plagued by this depression, what we lack is self-help. Depression is an emotional trend, and we need to fight it with reason. You always think about the bad thing, and if you keep denying yourself in excessive self-blame and inferiority, then you will always be the worst one.

When you complain to others, the person who is enlightening you may be even more bitter than your Kaiqi.

I'm not trying to spread negativity to anyone, but I want to tell everyone that there are more people like this, and it seems that we have a lot of compatriots. If you are a very negative person and comfort others, then you must be a very, very kind person. So you're really good, don't doubt yourself.

If it's hard for you to feel happy, it's hard to feel that life is full. What is the meaning of my life?

Then you can starve for a day, and then you will find that eating is the meaning of life.

Have you ever had a conflict with a friend and didn't know how to comfort her? Even though we are all in each other's hearts, we don't know how to express it? So I'll share some of my own experiences so that everyone can untie the knot smoothly.

1. Listen carefully

Listening carefully is not to be reckless, but to listen carefully to what the other person has said and what they want to express, and we are often in a hurry to share our own things and ignore the stories of others. Listening should be to listen to the other person's heart with our eyes, ears and hearts, and at the same time, we should not be in a hurry to know anything that is happening to the other person immediately. Give the other person enough space to express their feelings.

2. Empathy

When we face the pain of others, we often think of our own sad past and experience, and what we need to do at this time is to share our own stories with the other party, give them some hints, express our empathy for their suffering, and we must not only accept our own pain but also share their sorrows.

3. Give comfort

When a friend is confused or sad, the most important thing for us at this time is not to tell them, "What you shouldn't do or what you should do". After all, everyone has their own thoughts and feelings, and we should show that we care about them by saying words of encouragement and choosing the most effective way to help them out of their difficult situation.

4. Wait quietly

There is a good saying: companionship is the most affectionate stool fight. Whether you are facing girlfriends or boyfriends and girlfriends, companionship is always the most useful method.

Because when a person is vulnerable, he doesn't want anyone to see or express it to anyone, but at this time, silent companionship has become the best comfort.

5. Language communication

Sometimes comfort is actually a way to share, just let the other party know their companionship and care, dare to say how they feel in pain to give timely comfort, and even share similar feelings about themselves, for example, I have also experienced this incident, when I told myself that I can't give up, I can't be knocked down like this, tell the other party that we will always be by your side, what is there to remember to call ** to me, this is the best way to comfort.