The performance of being used as a tool man

The performance of a person who treats you as a tool is very obvious, that is, you must be there when you are needed, and ignore you when you are not needed.

This situation is especially like a spare tire between a man and a woman.

He has a higher status than you for the other person, and he can call you at any time when he needs you, and he doesn't even bother to pay attention to you when he doesn't need you.

This kind of relationship is very unbalanced and very abnormal, if you meet this kind of person, you must stay away from him, and never give him the opportunity to hurt you.

1. I only care about my own needs, and I won't think about you.

Since they are all said to be tool people, they are to be used, and it is not considered whether it will cause you difficulties and burdens. For example, there is a friend A's ex-girlfriend who is arguing to study in Japan, but the girl's family background or her own ability can't take out this money, so I concave my friend and bank credit to help her pay for studying abroad, although A prefers that his girlfriend can stay in Taiwan, but his girlfriend doesn't care, he quarrels three times a day, and argues that A takes out a loan to let the girl go to study abroad, and he has to remit living expenses every month, and then he can't video because his girlfriend wants to concentrate on studying, and his girlfriend will find him if there is something (for example, the money is not enough, Help to find information for reports, etc. Not long after graduation, his girlfriend broke up with him.

From the above examples, you can find that to meet your girlfriend's requirements, A will be very poor, lonely, and stressed, and the person who really cares about you will consider it for you, and it is impossible to be so selfish.

Second, when you are happy, it is none of your business, and you will be found when you are in trouble.

A friend has a crush on the company's junior B, the friend not only listened to him complain and gave suggestions, but also helped B revise the plan, the meeting was strong and gave connections, B also shrugged his friend and behaved very ambiguously, so B finally gained a firm foothold in the company from the original probation. Since then, B will only look for her when he encounters trouble, and he will find someone else at noon and dinner at night, once a friend quarreled with someone at the meeting and cried, B not only did not comfort and care, but even his friend relied on him to complain and just brought it casually, since he used you as a tool, of course, he would take it out if there was a need, after all, who would think of bringing a toolbox when eating, drinking, and having fun? Is that right?

3. I only expect you to give, but I will not give back.

To put it bluntly, he attracted you first and you didn't attract him, so the person who sees you as a tool man will rightly think that you should pay, since your relationship is originally based on inequality, the other party naturally thinks that you just want to be good to her or him. The relationship between people always has to advance and retreat, and guide each other to be long, but the person who only wants to take advantage of it never thinks that the relationship between you will last long, after all, it is just to enjoy your good, and the relationship will end when you can't stand it anymore.

It refers to someone who works hard and complains about others, gives on call, but can never be treated equally emotionally, and has been used as a tool by the other party.

After the relationship between a man and a woman, if a man behaves like this, it means that he is just using you as a "tool".

In the workplace, we should maintain professionalism and team spirit, take on our responsibilities as much as possible and help our colleagues complete the tasks. If a colleague needs help with a task, we can consider assisting, but only if we don't have a more urgent or important task to complete. At the same time, we also need to learn to say no and give reasonable reasons to avoid over-undertaking work tasks that affect our productivity.

To avoid being used as a tool, pay attention to the following five keys.

Assist with personal professions, and be courageous.

It's not just about getting along with friends of the opposite sex, but also when you're with friends in general, you also have to have certain principles. Especially when the other party asks for assistance related to your area of expertise, be brave**. If you are afraid of being unkind, or two people are very good friends and ambiguous friends, if you are willing to serve each other for free, you can also quote a market price first, so that the other party knows how much it costs to do such a thing, but you are willing to help with friendship.

Even if you don't charge a fee, make your profession reasonably priced in the eyes of others.

Let the other person know that time is precious and there is nothing to be done by the way.

In addition to professionalism, everyone's time is valuable. So you have to let the other person know how much time and effort it takes to help this favor, instead of pretending that it doesn't matter and making a trivial matter when you are in some trouble, and then after the other party thinks that you have done it for him "by the way", you feel that you have been taken advantage of and complain. Sometimes I say "by the way" because I want to reduce the feeling of indebtedness, but I can let the other party know that "by the way" is not "casual", and time is also a cost!

When it's time to refuse, you should refuse, and don't be afraid to say no.

Some people are easily used as tools because they are always embarrassed to reject others. Therefore, you must have the right psychological construction, "refusal" to help the other person do something, is not the same as "severing" the friendly relationship with the other person. When you establish this concept first, you can be brave enough to reject the other person.

If the other party will start to alienate you because of your rejection, it means that the relationship between you is unbalanced, and it just makes you realize that the other party is not worthy of your good treatment at all, so it is better to put your efforts on the person who knows how to cherish you more!

Don't be a hero with fewer casual promises.

Take every promise seriously, and others will take you seriously. In particular, some people with deep heroic ideas are prone to impulsively boasting and promising things that they may not be able to do. As a result, if you often exhaust yourself, or because you can't do it completely, you accidentally become a miserable tool person who "sweats and salivates".

Learn to take commitments seriously, evaluate whether you can deliver them before committing to them, and don't have to be forced to make important commitments in the moment, and take some time to think about them and maybe get better results.

Don't make the other person feel like you're willing to do anything.

The reason why you have become a miserable tool may be that you have sent out the message that you can be taken and asked for by others. Even if you are pursuing a friend of the opposite sex who you like, ingratiating yourself with an ambiguous partner, or already in a relationship, remember to maintain your self-dignity and not reduce yourself to a maid or a horse dog. Don't let the other person feel that you can eat you, and you are willing to do anything for him.

The love that needs to be humbly pleased to get is not real love, and you must change your mentality and attitude first in order to get rid of the fate of the tool man.

As the name suggests, the tool man is: hard work, pay on call, but never be treated equally emotionally or economically, and have always been called by the other party as a tool.

In the workplace, the most feared thing is to become a tool man!

And students who have just joined the work often encounter this phenomenon:

Most of the time every day is busy dealing with various process affairs, but usually receives temporary chores arranged by the leader, and the level of work efficiency basically depends on the familiarity with the process.

So how can "tool people" in the workplace avoid becoming "tool people"?

1. Enhance horizontal leadership and solve problems together.

The purpose of each communication is to let everyone understand the goal, so that they can work together, and in the process of communication, we should quickly guide everyone to solve problems, and constantly revise through discussion, so as to achieve team efficiency.

In everyone's inherent perception, power can only be exercised between superiors and subordinates, and if leadership is used between peers, it will not only make it difficult to complete tasks efficiently, but also easily offend colleagues at the same level.

In fact, it is not that you have to act like a leader after you are promoted, but that you will only be promoted if you show leadership skills at work.

Horizontal leadership is an essential skill for everyone in the workplace, because communication is ubiquitous in the organization.

2. Grasp the form and develop ideas.

Now is the era of rapid development, every minute and every second may appear a new industry and new opportunities, do to observe the situation, grasp the situation, broaden your horizons, do not be limited to this side of the land, as the saying goes, your vision, determine your world.

What we need to do is to broaden our horizons, pay attention to future development trends, plan in advance to lay out our capabilities, and find areas that can be controlled by our own capabilities.

3. Build core competencies in the workplace, and continue to think and improve.

The essence of core competence is the cognition of knowledge, the individual's cognition of himself, self-awareness, self-reflection, self-evaluation and self-regulation of the process, which includes three components: cognitive knowledge, cognitive experience and cognitive monitoring.

The topic of "midlife crisis" is endless, but there are still people who can be comfortable in any industry, because they have a long-term vision, build workplace meta-capabilities, and can continuously improve their capabilities in different fields and industries.

It is normal for the elderly of many companies to be indignant that their salaries are not as high as those of newcomers. Some newcomers are indeed more capable than the old ones. The old man has been in the company for a long time and has mastered the so-called "ten years" experience, but in fact, he has worked for ten years with two years of experience.

They have become old fritters and have no motivation.

And the newcomer is more energetic than the old man, and the energy is more vigorous than the old man. Therefore, the back wave beat the front wave to death.

1.Enhance horizontal leadership and revitalize workplace relationships.

Coco is the head of the marketing department, her work often involves communicating with various departments, each time the level of communication may be different, and she can always easily resolve problems encountered in meetings, so she was quickly promoted.

When others asked her for advice, she said that everyone should understand the goal before each communication, so that they can work together, and they must quickly guide everyone to solve problems in communication, and constantly make corrections after discussion to achieve team efficiency.

Horizontal leadership is not about who you lead, but about achieving efficient cooperation, which is a skill that every person in the workplace should have, because communication in the organization is ubiquitous, and revitalizing workplace relationships can not only be "miscellaneous", but also gather team strength and realize value.

2.Broaden your horizons and focus on future trends.

China's current top Internet companies, their establishment time has a very obvious characteristics of the times:

NetEase was founded in 1997; JD.com, Sina and Tencent were established in 1998; Alibaba and Ctrip were founded in 1999; Sohu was founded in 2000, and this time is the starting point of China's Internet, and they have seized the trend of the times.

As the saying goes, your vision determines your world, so broaden your horizons, pay attention to future development trends, and plan yourself in advance, so that you can find a field that is suitable for your ability development.

3.Build workplace meta-capabilities, continuous thinking and improvement.

There is a term in economics called "hyperbolic discounting", which says that when you are faced with the choice between long-term interests and short-term interests, people tend to pay more attention to immediate interests, but often the long-term vision is what we need.

The topic of "midlife crisis" is endless, but there are also many people who are still comfortable no matter what industry they are in, because they have a long-term vision and the meta-ability to build a workplace, no matter what field they are in, they can always transfer their abilities and continue to think about improving themselves.

Workplace meta-ability is also a kind of lifelong learning and growth ability, on the way to upgrade and fight monsters in the workplace, along with our continuous feedback and correction, slowly become more reasonable.

When the environment is up, the first thing to be eliminated is the "tool man" who cannot create value, so in the workplace, we must reflect on our own situation and always measure our value.

Especially in this era where everything pays attention to reciprocity, ability is worthy of income, is the unchanging law of the workplace, do not want to become a tool person, do not give up growth, to create your own unique scarcity attributes, so that you can choose according to your own wishes when encountering changes.

So in life, no matter what we do or how we get along with others, we can think about it more, and then think about it more when we encounter things, then it's the best.

The key is to improve one's own self-awareness and have one's own sense of autonomy in order to avoid it.

When you are a tool, you will do what others ask you to do, then you should distinguish between right and wrong, and you can't let others use you as a tool.

Regarding this, when you are a tool man, first of all, you should not be too high-profile, just show yourself.

How to prevent being used as a tool? At work. It's someone who deliberately uses you as a tool.

To you is what he is all around. He uses you as a tool. Everything is looking for you, and you are asked to do this kind of work.

Such a person knows that once and next time he can avoid talking about him and his tools, he can refuse him.

How to prevent being used as a tool? When you are looking for a job, you must find a qualified recruitment company, don't be deceived, otherwise you will help him as a tool.