May I ask the coldest joke in the world, the shortest ?

Starve to death a man in the desert when he picks up the lamp. Magic lamp: "I can only fulfill one wish of you, speak quickly, I'm in a hurry."

Man: "I want my wife." The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beauty, and disdain, said:

Starve to death and covet beauty! Wretched! "After that, he left.

People: ". .Cake. ”

I don't know, there is no coldest, only colder, beg for !!

A man was dying of starvation in the desert, when he picked up the magic lamp.

Magic Lamp: "I can only fulfill one wish of you, say it quickly, I'm in a hurry." ”

Person: "I want a wife."

The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully: "I'm dying of hunger and greedy for beauty!" Lamentable! With that, he disappeared.

People: ". .Cake. ”

A woman got off the night shift, a man followed the plot, the woman was afraid, passed by the cemetery, and said to the grave: Dad, I'm back, open the door. The man was terrified, screaming and running.

The woman was at peace and was about to leave, when suddenly a gloomy voice came from the grave: "Girl, you forgot to bring the key again." The woman was frightened and ran away.

At this time, a tomb robber came out of the grave and said: Damn, delay my work, scare you to death!

As soon as the words of tomb robbing fell, I found that an old man next to him was carving a tombstone with a chisel, curious, and asked, the old man said angrily, nnd, they carved my name wrong......The great fear of robbing the tomb, waw wow screaming and running. The old man sneered: "Damn, dare to steal business with me, and be a little more ......tender."As he was talking, the chisel accidentally fell to the ground, and the old man was about to pick it up, when he bent down, he found that the chisel was held in one hand in the grass, and the old man was startled, and suddenly a voice said:

You're looking for death! Changing the house number of my house!! ”

The old man is rolling down the hill! At this moment, a scavenger crawled out of the grass, "Damn, it takes so much money to make a piece of iron."

Classic joke: the rich man and the cow.

A poor scholar fell in love with a young lady from the rich man's house, and one day he went to propose marriage, but the rich man told him to do three things before he could marry his daughter, and when he saw a cow by the door, he said, "Let the cow shake its head, then let it nod, and then let it jump into the river, and you win." ”

The scholar walked up to the cow and said a few words to the cow, only to see the cow first shake his head, then nod, and finally jumped into the river with a thud.

The rich man was very strange and asked him how he did it? The scholar said, "I first asked Niu if he knew me, Niu shook his head, I asked him if you are very good?" The cow nodded, and then I burned its tail with fire, and it jumped into the river. ”

The rich man was angry: "I was wrong, I made the ox nod first, then let the cow shake its head, and then let it jump into the river." Hmph, you can't help it now! ”

I saw the scholar walk up to the cow again, and after a few words with the ox, the ox jumped into the river again.

The rich man was very strange and asked him how he had done it again. The scholar said, "Let me ask it first, do you know me?"

The cow nodded, and I asked it again, are you good? The cow shook his head, and finally I said, then you know what to do, right? As a result, it jumped into the river on its own, and I couldn't help it! ”

My younger brother doesn't like his mother's cooking, but he likes to eat instant noodles. His mother scolded him, "You won't go out to buy a bento?" Eating instant noodles is not nutritious!! ”

The younger brother retorted and said, "I just like to eat, whatever." ”

Alas, my mother told you that instant noodles are really not a good thing, and there is a young lady in your father's company, so she eats instant noodles in the morning, instant noodles at noon, and instant noodles in the evening. Eating instant noodles every day, she died three months later.

Brother (shocked): "Really? - How could mom lie to you? ”

Really, how did she die? ”

Ah......h...... got into a car accident while buying instant noodles”

Version 1: It is said that there is a penguin, and his home is very far from the polar bear's house, and if you rely on it, it will take 20 years to get there. One day, the penguin was very bored at home, and was about to go to play with the polar bear, and he went out, but when he was halfway to the road, he found that he forgot to turn off the gas in his house, which has been gone for 10 years, but the gas still has to be turned off, so the penguin walked home to turn off the gas.

After turning off the gas, the penguin set off again to find the polar bear, which means that it took him 40 years to get to the polar bear ...... their homeThen the penguin knocked on the door and said, "Polar bear, polar bear, the penguin is here to play with you!" "As a result, after the polar bear opened the door, guess what he said......"I'm not playing with you!

Version 2: It is said that there is a penguin, and his home is very far from the polar bear's house, and if you rely on it, it will take 20 years to get there. One day, the penguin was very bored at home, and was about to go to play with the polar bear, and he went out, but when he was halfway to the road, he found that he forgot to lock the door, which has been gone for 10 years, but the door still had to be locked, so the penguin walked home again to lock the door.

After locking the door, the penguin set off again to look for the polar bear, which means that it took him 40 years to reach the polar bear ...... their homeThen the penguin knocked on the door and said, "Polar bear, polar bear, the penguin is here to play with you!" "As a result, after the polar bear opened the door, guess what he said......"Let's go to your house and play".

Version 3: It says that there is a penguin, and his home is very far from the polar bear's house, and if you rely on it, it will take 20 years to get there. One day, the penguin was very bored at home, and was going to play with the polar bear, and he went out, but when he was halfway to the road, he found that the refrigerator at home had forgotten to turn off, which had been gone for 10 years, but the refrigerator still had to be turned off, so the penguin walked home to close the refrigerator.

After turning off the refrigerator, the penguin set off again to look for the polar bear, which means that it took him 40 years to get to the polar bear ...... their homeThen the penguin knocked on the door and said, "Polar bear, polar bear, the penguin is here to play with you!" As a result, the polar bear didn't even open the door this time and shouted outside:

I don't play! Version 4: Say that there is a penguin, his home is very far from the polar bear's house, and if you have to walk, it will take 20 years to get there. One day, the penguin was very bored at home, and was going to play with the polar bear, and he went out, but when he was halfway to the road, he found that the refrigerator at home had forgotten to turn off, which had been gone for 10 years, but the refrigerator still had to be turned off, so the penguin walked home to close the refrigerator.

After turning off the refrigerator, the penguin set off again to look for the polar bear, which means that it took him 40 years to get to the polar bear ...... their homeThen the penguin knocked on the door and said, "Polar bear, polar bear, the penguin is here to play with you!" As a result, the polar bear was not there, and the neighbor seal told him that the polar bear had just come home yesterday, saying that he had forgotten to turn off the refrigerator and had set off to play with the penguins today.

After the police arrived.

Constable A: What a serious car accident.

Officer B: yes, I hit my head in the back.

Officer A: Well, there's breathing, let's help him turn his head back.

Officer B: Okay.

One or two made great efforts and turned back.

Officer A: Well, I'm not breathing.........

2 A woman is very ugly, she can't get married, and she hopes to be trafficked. finally made his dream come true, but he couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent it back, she resolutely did not get out of the car, and the kidnapper gritted his teeth and stomped his feet: go, the car is gone!!

The boys' and girls' toilets of the 3 schools are connected. A girl forgot to bring toilet paper when she went to the toilet, and when she was embarrassed, toilet paper came from the men's bathroom next door, and the girl lost her face and asked loudly, "Who?" ”。The boy next door replied in a low and powerful voice: "Lei Feng." ”

1.Once upon a time, there was a person who looked like me, and that was me.

I'm so cold, ......B: Then you stand in the corner A: Why? B: Because the corner of the wall is 90 degrees.

A match was injured and went to the hospital, and when he was discharged, it became a cotton swab.

One day, Lao Li said to her wife, "Don't go to Lao Zhang's house to buy anything today", "Why?" "Today, Lao Zhang borrowed my scale."

I just opened the Coke and drank two sips, shook it, and it blowed out. Take the mouth to plug it, hold on, and finally squirt out of the nose.

During a certain class, the teacher asked this question: "What did Fang Zhimin say before he became righteous?" A certain brother listened to the Walkman with headphones, didn't pay attention to his volume, and said the words for Fang Zhimin: "Come on!" Kill me with money。。

How many older brothers does Aladdin have? A: 3 pcs. Ala Jia, Ala B, Ala C.

Why didn't Xiao Ming die after jumping from the 12th floor Answer: Because ......Xiao Ming is a plastic bag.

4 people were playing mahjong in the house, and the police came, why did they take 5 people away? Answer: The person who plays is called mahjong.

Husband: "My dear, I love you one hundred and twenty degrees. Wife: "Oh, then I'm going to get ready to divorce you." Husband: "Why?" Wife: "Avoid being melted by you!" ”

There was a couple who went on a tour because it was so hot that there was only one hotel with rooms. But the old man next to him said, "You must not go in, otherwise there will be a quarrel on the first day, a fight on the second day, and a death on the third day." They didn't believe it and stayed.

Sure enough, they quarreled over a trivial matter that night, and the next day a fight broke out, and on the third day the husband pushed his wife down from the 6th floor, and the wife died. During the night, the wife said in a dream that she would come and kill her husband in three days. Later, the husband regretted and was afraid, so he went to ask a wizard, and the wizard told him that as long as he washed all the clothes he had worn that day, he would be fine.

The husband washed and washed, and all other clothes were washed, but the clothes that his wife was wearing when she died that day could not be washed. Three days later, the wife's spirit came to kill him, and the husband said, "Don't kill me yet, tell me why that garment is not clean?" The wife replied, because you didn't use "Diaopai" laundry detergent!

And bad jokes, I laughed for an hour.

Alone. Walking and walking. Dead a ghost. Got a fart. Collapse yourself to death.

A rookie buddy asked me, "What does mm mean?" I replied randomly

Mom! She asked, "What does PLMM mean?"

I replied again: "Mother-in-law! Then ask her what's wrong?

She replied: "There was a guy who added me as a friend, and he asked me if I was 'mother-in-law' (plmm)?" I said no.

He asked me again if I was 'Mom' (mm)? Again, I said no. Then he called me 'Daddy' (88)!

A woman gets on a bus with a child in her arms. The driver glanced at the child and suddenly said, "I have never seen such an ugly child in my life!" ”

The angry woman walked to the last row, sat down, and said to a man next to her, "This driver just insulted me!" The man replied, "Go to him and settle the score, and I'll hold this ugly monkey for you!" ......

Tell a funny story:

A chicken eats rice on a hillside.

Accidentally, it slipped down.

Innocent passers-by say to the robbers, "Don't hit me!" Robbers say Why? Innocent passers-by cried and said, "We don't have the same way." Bandit.

One day, a goblet and a ceramic mug with ears crossed the street, and suddenly a car drove up, and the driver honked his horn before he could brake, and finally the goblet was crushed, do you know why, because it had no ears.

Qiu Yu said that Li Sidani will be promoted tomorrow, and Li Sidani will be promoted tomorrow.

One day a sheep went out to play and ran into a big bad wolf, who said, "I'm going to eat you!" "As a result, the big bad wolf ate the lamb!

One day in math class, the teacher asked Ultraman to raise his hand to speak, so Ultraman raised his hand. Then .........The teacher died.

1.Question: Which flower is the weakest, jasmine, sunflower, or rose?

Reason: What a beautiful (powerless) jasmine.

2.Question: What is the pencil's last name?

3.Question: What line do orangutans hate the most?

Reason: Parallel lines do not intersect (bananas).

4.Question: Which is the worst one, eraser, tiger skin, or lion skin?

Reason: Eraser (eraser difference).

5.Question: What are the fears of cloth and paper?

Reason: Not (cloth) afraid of 10,000, only (paper) afraid of just in case.

6.Question: What will become of the unicorn when it reaches the North Pole?

Reason: Ice cream (Ice Kirin).

7.Question: Which historical figure is the most indebted?

Reason: Su Wu shepherds sheep on the north side of the sea (flattened by the sea).

8.Question: Which number is the most industrious and which number is the laziest from 1 to 9?

Reason: One (1) does not do two (2) endlessly.

9.Question: How do you calm a sparrow?

Reason: Silent (silent pressing).

10.Question: Who ran the fastest in history?

Reason: Said Cao Cao Cao arrived.

Question: What is the value of Xiaobai and Xiaobai?

Answer: Equal to the White Rabbit.

Reason: Little white two

13.Question: Which number of 30-50 is worse than the bear's poop!

Answer: 40 Reason: Facts speak louder than male (bear) arguments.

14.Question: What should I do if the pigs in the pigsty run out?

Reason: Coaxing in.

Question: What should I do if I come out again?

Reason: Still coaxing.

15.Who's black-toothed?

Reason: mai-a-hee (ant tooth black).

16, I treat you, you pay.

A man looked like a bicycle, and as a result he rode away.