Whoever has a cute joke wants something new, don t bring yellow at all, thank you, everyone

Today on the plane, I wanted to tease the flight attendant, and when I was serving food, I said: Do you have tissues? mm took a tissue from his pocket and gave it to me; I asked again

Do you have a toothpick, she took it out of her other pocket; Brother was very depressed, and asked again Do you have disposable chopsticks, mm handed me the chopsticks, and at the same time said something that made me petrified: I'm like Dora Amon, no?

Chatting with my roommate today, I: When I was a child, I never understood the difference between a year old and a virtual age. Roommate: The first year is the time when it comes out of the mother's body, and the imaginary year is the time when it comes out of the father's body.

One day, the family caught fire, and both parents escaped, leaving only one son inside.

Mom was nervous and shouted outside the house

Son. What are you doing...It's all on fire and it's not coming out...

Son: "I'm wearing socks."

Mom said, "What socks are you wearing when they're on fire?"

After five minutes, the son still hadn't come out.

The mother shouted nervously, "Son, what the hell are you doing? Come out soon, it's all on fire, and it's still inside.

The son said, "I'm taking off my socks." There is a foreigner who came to Taiwan to learn Chinese directly. But he never figured it out"Iron"With"Steel"The difference.

One day he came home very late. As a result, the downstairs door won't open. He had no choice but to shout upstairs"The landlady.

Your steel door won't open"...

The wife asked her husband, do you still love me if I'm crazy? My husband said: Love! My wife looked sad: It seems that you really love my appearance!

On the first day of school, the teacher asked Xiao Ming: "Xiao Ming, 1+1=?."Xiao Ming said

I don't know. The teacher said, "Then go home and ask your family."

Xiao Ming went to ask his mother, his mother was arguing with others, Xiao Ming asked: "Mom 1+1=?" Mom said

Bastard! "Xiao Ming knows that 1+1 = bastard; Xiao Ming went to ask his father again, his father was drinking beer, and Xiao Ming asked, "Dad 1+1=?"

Dad said, "Cool! "Xiao Ming knows again that 1+1 = cool; Xiao Ming went to ask his grandfather again, his grandfather was watching TV, Xiao Ming asked:

Grandpa 1+1=? Grandpa said, "Gangster boss!

Xiao Ming knew that 1+1 = gang boss; Xiao Ming went to ask his sister again, and her sister was singing the national anthem: People who don't want to be slaves! Xiao Ming knew that 1+1 = people who rose up and did not want to be slaves; Xiao Ming went to ask his sister again, and her sister was singing a nursery rhyme:

The little rabbit obediently opens the door! Xiao Ming knew that 1+1 = the little rabbit obediently opened the door. The next day, the teacher asked:

Xiao Ming 1+1=? Xiao Ming said, "Bastard."

"Smack" The teacher slapped Xiao Ming, and Xiao Ming said, "Cool." The teacher said inexplicably

Who taught you? Xiao Ming said: "Gangster boss."

The teacher was startled and asked, "Xiao Ming, what are you doing?" Xiao Ming sang:

People who rise up and do not want to be slaves. The teacher shut Xiao Ming out of the door, and Xiao Ming knocked on the door and sang: The little rabbit obediently opened the door.

The teacher fainted. I gave the landlord a cold joke that I felt was cold. I'll give you two! It should be too classic!

1. Female: Wear it!

M: It's better not to wear it.

F: Wear a safety point.

M: Trust my skills.

F: If you don't wear it, you won't be allowed to get on it.

M: If you don't wear it, you look like a man.

F: Are you annoyed? Will you die wearing a helmet on a motorcycle?

2. A, B, C, D, which word is the coolest? ==> Ding (thong) worked hard for most of his life and finally bought a house in the suburbs of Beijing.

On the day of payment, I took out my mobile phone with trembling hands in tears and was ready to tell my family.

One day, Cao Cao and Liu Bei cooked wine and talked about heroes. Outside, there were dark clouds, lightning and thunder, wind and rain. The two drank a few glasses, and Liu Bei suddenly let out a fart, very embarrassed.

Liu Bei was embarrassed, only to hear Guan Yu behind him say calmly: "Don't be surprised, the fart comes from the feather (rain)!" ”

As soon as Guan Yu's voice fell, Zhao Yun on the side took a step forward and said, "Don't be surprised, farts come from the clouds!" ”

As soon as Zhao Yun finished speaking, Zhang Fei, who had a loud voice, then shouted: "The fart is flying!" ”

Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal.

Cao Cao didn't laugh, he was deeply touched by this matter. After sending Liu Bei and the others away, Cao Cao said to his subordinates: "Liu Bei's subordinates, when they saw that the lord had a mistake, they all rushed to take responsibility and make up for their mistakes, which can really be described as loyal. If it's your turn, will it be possible? ”

Everyone was indignant and said in unison: "Prime Minister, isn't it just a, what's so difficult about this!" You'll see next time. ”

A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again, and during the banquet he wanted to fart to see how his subordinates reacted. After holding it for a long time, I finally held back a little fart. Everyone had been waiting for a long time, and when they heard the sound of "goo", the general Xu Chu was anxious, and hurriedly shouted first:

The fart was put by Chu (pig)! ”

Wang Lang followed closely and said: "The fart was put by Lang (wolf)!" ”

Gou An said: This is Gou (dog) fart.

Cai Mao said: This is a Mao (cat) fart.

Cao Cao's eyes widened when he heard this, and the others thought that Cao Cao thought he was slow, so they rushed to him.

Niu Jin said: "This is a golden fart!" ”

Xun Yu said: "This is Yu (jade) fart!" ”

Cao Hong said: "The fart is Hong (red)!" ”

Gao Ran said: "The fart is Lan (blue)!" ”

Jiang Gan said: "The fart is dry!" ”

Sima Shi said: "The fart is Shi (wet)!" ”

Xiahou Yuan said: "The fart is Yuan (round)!" ”

Cao Fang said: "The fart is square! ”

He is worthy of being my No. 1 military advisor. Cao Cao thought secretly. Let's hear what he has to say.

I only heard Guo Jia say: "This is Jia (fake) fart!" ”

Cao Zhen grabbed again: "This is a real fart!" ”

Guo Huai said: "This is Huai (bad) fart!" ”

Zhang He said: "The fart is (drinking)!" ”

Sima Yan said: "The fart is Yan (pharyngeal)!" ”

Xu Huang said: "The fart is dangling!" ”

Xiahou Dun said: "The fart is Dun (jumping)!" ”

Guo Tu said: "The fart is (spit out)!"

Xiahou Ba said: "The fart is out of the tyrant".

Xun You said: "The fart is from You! ”

Full pet said: "The fart is a pet (rush)!" ”

Jiang Ji said: "The fart is squeezed (squeezed)!" ”

Zhong Xuan said: "The fart is from the fart (shake)!" ”

Finally, Cao Cao couldn't hold back any longer, and said angrily: "Nonsense, farts are out." ”

Liu Bei and the others were already smiling.

It is said that once Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei, Sun Quan, and Cao Cao were on the same plane, and suddenly encountered an emergency and needed to parachute to escape. Only then did it turn out that there were only three parachute bags left on board. Everyone was nervous for a while, and then Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan, cleared his throat and said

In this way, the mountain people come up with a few questions, and if they can answer them, they will parachute, and if they can't answer them, they will have to jump down by themselves. The others had no choice but to agree.

One. So he took an umbrella bag and went down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again:

He also took an umbrella bag and went down. In the end, it was Cao Cao's turn. Zhuge Liang asked:

The second time four people encountered an emergency on the plane, the four of them discussed, yes, it's still the old way. Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan again and asked Liu Bei: "What was the battle in which King Wu of Zhou defeated King Zhou?"

Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again: "How many people died in that battle?" Sun Quan thought for a while and said:

There are about thirty or forty thousand. Zhuge Liang nodded, and Sun Quan took an umbrella bag and went down. Cao Cao couldn't help but snicker and think

Zhuge Liang, Zhuge Liang, I have been through the past and the present, especially in the military, but this time you have planted it. I saw Zhuge Liang ask: "What are the names of the soldiers?"

Cao Cao almost fainted when he heard this, so he had to jump down by himself, but he didn't expect to jump into the sea again and pick up a life, Cao Cao laughed secretly.

The third time the same four people took the plane, and the plane encountered an emergency again, Cao Cao thought about it, Zhuge Lao'er wanted to fix me again, so I just jumped down and forgot it to avoid insults. So he jumped down, and in the high-speed descent in the air, he could only hear Zhuge Liang shouting to him above: "Meng De, there are four parachutes on the plane today!"

A gambler took $1,000 from home to gamble, and a few hours later, he returned.

His wife hurriedly asked: "Did that big ticket 'give birth'?" ”

Born, born", the gambler took out two 10 dollar bills from his pocket, and said with a sad face: "Unfortunately, their 'mother' has died." ”

Xiao Luo: Dad, why do we have a hump?

Camel Dad: Because there is no water in the desert, only a hump can store water!

Xiao Luo: Dad, why do we have long hair?

Camel Dad: Because the wind and sand in the desert are big, we have to rely on it to block the wind and sand to see it!

Xiao Luo: Dad, why do we have thick hooves?

Camel Dad: Because the desert is full of sand, so we can stand firm!

Xiao Luo: Dad, one last question, what are we doing at the zoo?

Go to the joke and check, there is!

But I recommend one, so-so!

Elephant spanking farts, playing a song title.

Answer: "Think So Much" by Power Train

Since when it comes to fart, you find that there is no one pattern, that is:

The face is yellow and barren and thin, and the fart is wilting and smelly;

A big fat block, farting like thunder?

There are also people who summarize the farting strategy in public places:

The fart is small, and the target is hard to find;

The fart is too loud and I am embarrassed.

In terms of fart smell, it is:

The smell of farts is not heavy, at most coaxing;

The smell of farts is not light, and there is a complaint.

If you have a fart, you will suffocate your five organs;

No fart squeezing, squeezing the body. ”

"Police."

Uncle Cha, I lost my bag. ”

"Don't worry, it's in zhi."

on me. "Then you're fast.

DAO point back to me. ”

2. When I went back to the account at night, I actually answered an extra 50 yuan, and it was still wrong after three calculations. I said to myself: "Calculating accounts also makes people scratch their heads so much, and it is really troublesome to get money and accounts." ”

The son on the side hurriedly said, "Mom, give it to me, I don't bother." ”

3. Attend Chinese classes.

The teacher stood on the podium and said, "Xiao Ming, if you can travel through time and space, what do you want to do?" ”

Xiao Ming said: "If I can travel through time and space, I must plant a durian tree in front of Newton's house." ”

4. The art teacher wants the students to draw and draw whatever they like. Soon, class ended, and the students handed over their homework to the teacher.

After the homework was finished, one student said, "Teacher, can you put my homework on top?" ”

The teacher said, "Why?" ”

The classmate said, "I'm drawing an egg, I'm afraid you'll crush it." ”

5. When I was in elementary school, I buried my head in class and played with a freshly picked gourd underneath.

The teacher said, "So-and-so, stand up for me and tell me what I just said?" ”

As a result, I didn't know which tendon was twitched, so I directly lifted the gourd and said to the teacher: "I call you by name, do you dare to agree?" ”

Later, it was ......my parents who came to the school to take me away

Once upon a time, there were 2 good friends, one named Hee Hee and the other called Haha, and the relationship between the two of them was like brothers. One day Haha died, Hee Hee walked a long way to mourn him, and finally arrived in front of Haha, Hee Hee looked at Haha sadly, looked at it for a long time, and finally said "Haha, you are dead." ”

Truth or Dare bai's violent reply - du first bullet 1When your enemy goes to the toilet, he can't get out of the paper, what should you do?? - Give him a roll of transparent gel.

2.Your ex is married, would you like to attend her wedding? - I just want to attend Ya's funeral!

3.When you meet a robber in the middle of the night, he says that if you don't sing, you won't let you go, what will you sing? ——Song of a hero...

4.Seriously, have you ever had plastic surgery? - My belly is bulging...

5.What would happen to you if your rival fell into the water? - Pee...

6.Do you think you're good-looking, or are you good-looking? - Turn off the lights to look good...

7.Freckles, high myopia, big pie face, elephant legs, thick waist, if you were asked to choose one to be your wife, would you choose? - I will choose a man...

8.My dad suddenly said to me, I'm richer than Li Ka-shing, would you say? - It's time to take your medicine9Does a man who smokes smell or does a man who drinks a drink? - Those who don't take a bath are...

A child divides 9 oranges, how to divide them fairly? - Strangled four!

11.What is it that makes you struggle every day? - Constipation...

A university graduate student tried to prove that spider du's hearing was on the feet, so he did the following experiment on the dao comparison: inside.

1: The college student puts a spider on the lab table, and then yells at the spider, and the spider is scared away!

2: Then the college student grabbed the poor spider back, put it on the test table, and cut off all the spider's feet!

He yelled at the spider again, and the spider didn't move!

Thus the hearing of the spider of life is on the feet!

Good is rewarded with good, evil is rewarded with evil It's not that you don't hold it. You're too heavy for me to hold.

After the Liang did the long copy, he spoke in a verbose manner.

There was a staff meeting, and he spoke on behalf of the bai, and drank first.

But then again, repeat when you should repeat, and don't repeat if you shouldn't. This is because important things must be repeated, and if they are not repeated, someone will not pay attention to them. Therefore, don't repeat the meeting, just repeat, it will not be opened.

So, don't repeat in a meeting, ah, don't repeat ...

The audience is all asleep.