Text jokes, shorter, shorter jokes

A: Is my head like a cow? B: Like.

1 Wukong, then let Bajie go into the water to catch the carp essence. You are not good at water, in case you drown, how can you afford to pay this salvage fee! Oh, no, no, the eight precepts are fine, he will float himself.

2After watching the 100-meter race, an old lady wiped her tears and said: Scared to death! A few coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot, and they shot without aiming, and the babies were so scared that they ran, and the rope couldn't stop them!

3. On a hot afternoon, there was a match that tickled, scratched, scratched, and then caught fire. So he went to the hospital to bandage it, and when he came out, it turned into a cotton swab.

。The landlord didn't know if you smiled after reading it. Hehe, I wish you a good mood every day!

The two fools sat together, and one fool suddenly gave the other a heavy slap in the face, and the beaten fool asked, "Are you really hitting or joking?" "The fool who beats people is angry :

Of course it's a real fight! The fool who was beaten breathed a sigh of relief and continued: "Fortunately, it was a real beating, and I don't joke with people." ”

1.Tigers don't send cats, you and I are critically ill!

2.One day, my sister and I went to buy shoes, and my sister opened her mouth and said, "Miss, how much are these shoes!" "I'm sweating

3.One night I had a nightmare, I dreamed that several ghosts were chasing me with their heads in their arms, I was scared to wake up, I opened my eyes, and my brother was sitting next to me, and my brother asked, "What's wrong?" I said that I dreamed of a ghost, and my brother asked, "Is this a ghost you dreamed of?" and took off his head

"Excuse me, does this car stop at Hyde Park?" ”

Stopped. All you have to do is pay attention to where I get off and stop at the previous one. ”

One day on the street, someone suddenly asked me, "How can I find a public toilet?" ”

1. Yesterday bai day I dreamed that God said that I could fulfill a wish I took out the globe and said that I wanted world peace, he said.

It's too difficult to change the version, I'll take the right.

Out of your ** said that he wanted this person to be beautiful, he pondered for a while and said I'll take a look at the globe.

2. A woman is ugly, can't get married, and hopes to be trafficked. finally made his dream come true, but he couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnappers sent it back, she resolutely did not get out of the car, and the kidnappers gritted their teeth and stomped their feet: go, the car is gone.

Years ago, Dad hugged you and waited for the car, and everyone laughed at the child's ugly looks, and Dad cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Big brother, don't cry, take a banana and give it to the monkey to eat!" It's pitiful, the hungry are hairless. ”

4. On the plane, a parrot said to the flight attendant: "Give me a glass of water", and the pig also learned from the parrot and said to the flight attendant: "Give me a glass of water", the flight attendant was furious and threw the parrot and the pig off the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "Be stupid, you can fly." ”

5. There was an old farmer hoeing in the field, and a crow flew by, pulled shit and fell on the old farmer's face, and the old farmer raised his head and scolded: "Rely on your mother!" I don't know how to wear a pair of pants when I go out! The raven said, "Damn! You're and wearing pants! ”

If you let me be together, I will definitely hold your head in your dormitory, and you will be holding my hand and saying what is moonshine.

I wake up in the morning in a good mood.

So she said to her husband very little and freshly: "Every day I wake up and see you and Yang Huiguang are there, that is the future I want to answer!" I think it's particularly touching!

The husband of the second cargo said: "Who is Yang Guang?" My wife looked at the express delivery of a brick representing single-mindedness, turned her head and asked me:

Husband, people are so romantic, if it were you, what would you give me? Without thinking, I replied: "The peach heart pinched by the big dung."

My wife asked me what I stood for, and I replied gorgeously, "." ”

There was a bun that walked and walked, and when he was hungry, he ate himself.

When I crossed the street, I encountered a red light, and my friend wanted to move forward, so I stopped him: "Light, wait for the light!" My friend turned back to me and said disdainfully, "You have Intel!"

When I was in college, a teacher asked me to fill in a very important **, and declared that there was one per person, and there was no surplus, and it could not be altered. A buddy came up to fill in, and it turned out that the nationality "Han" was filled in the gender column, because it was said that it was not allowed to be altered, and after thinking about it, it was very nb to add a "sub" word after "Han".

When I went to the toilet, I saw the abbreviation of NC on the toilet door, and the English expert who went with me said: NC is the men's toilet. So suddenly it dawned, in, off, squatting, all in one go, suddenly a flash of inspiration, what is the abbreviation of the women's toilet...

Where did you buy these cookies? I've been to a lot of supermarkets, but I can't get it in this shape. He said proudly

Of course I can't find it, it's the ...... I gnawed out”

My uncle came to the house as a guest, but Xiaowen said to my mother, "Mom, I'm going to the zoo to see the monkeys." Mom immediately scolded angrily: "Look at what monkeys? Your uncle is here, what zoo do you go to? ”

Once, when I went to the supermarket to buy something and queued up, the cashier in front of me said, "Your 100 yuan is fake," and the man was shocked: "Impossible?!."This is what KFC just approached me!

Someone on a campus forum asked, "After the school uses cockroach incense to kill cockroaches, why do cockroaches infest more frequently, I haven't seen much before." A student replied, "Your family is gone, aren't you in a hurry?" ”

A: Do you have a Brief History of Time? B: Neurotic, I don't pick up when I have time!

On the bus in the morning, a person took out his mobile phone from his bag to check the time, and then said something"I'm cao", I thought he was too late, and after a closer look, I cao he was holding an air conditioner remote control in his hand.

Mrs. Wang was pregnant with quadruplets and boasted to her neighbors everywhere, saying that it was not easy to conceive quadruplets, and it would take an average of 60,000 times for one case.

Mrs. Li was surprised: Do you still have time to do housework? (This connotation).

On the subway, a little girl played with a wand behind my back, and she pointed it at my back: I'm going to make you ugly! After listening to this, I laughed, turned around and heard an exclamation: Mom! Mom! I'll be magical!

The patients in the intensive care unit of the hospital always die around 11 o'clock on Sundays, which puzzled the doctors and even thought it was a paranormal event, so they set up a team of experts to investigate the cause of the incident. On Sunday, the clock had just struck eleven o'clock, and it was found through the monitor that the cleaner who was cleaning on Sunday walked into the intensive care unit, unplugged the life support system of the seriously ill number, plugged in the vacuum cleaner, and began to clean...

Hospitals.

Once, Dumb had a bad cold and was lying in the hospital. The hospital stipulates that only one family member can stay.

Dumb mother: "Dumb, who do you want to accompany you?" ”

Dumb: "Mom......."Mom......Mom......”

Dad listened, got up and left.

Dumb: "Mom, you ......."You ......You're good to go back. ”

The hospital stipulates that you should take medicine every six hours, six o'clock and twelve o'clock.

Dumb mother: "Dumb, what time is it?" ”

Dumb: "Six......."Six ......Six ......”

Dumb mother immediately poured the medicine down.

Dumb: "It's not even six o'clock!" ”

A meeting was held in a township, and because of the homonym, the village chief said: "Rabbits, shrimp, don't want melons, pickles are too expensive." "Comrades, villagers, don't speak, now the meeting is open.

The host said: "Pickles please sausage and pulp melon." "Now I give the floor to the head of the township.