Why is it always nice to outsiders? It s especially good for outsiders, but it s not good for family

To outsiders, it is necessary to maintain a polite state in order to leave a good image for others. Relatively rigorous.

Because the family members are relatively close people, they will be honest with them.

If you have any opinions, you should communicate with your family in a timely manner.

Actually, if you have gas, you might as well hit the wall with an inflatable pillow, and that's what I did.

Won't break anything anyway.

1. Face image problem;

2. Take off the mask and take it easy;

3. Double personality, it must be very tiring to live;

4. Take face too seriously, as the saying goes: "The arm should be folded and folded in the sleeve of your jacket." "Blame again!

I'm the same as the landlord, especially now that I've just come to work, alas, I've had a bad temper with my family, and I've never had a good temper before, and I regret it when I lose my temper, and I feel unfair to my family.

caused by traditional Chinese culture.

It's all the same.

Simply put, hypocrisy! You are who you are at home!

Because it's cooked. I feel that I don't need to disguise myself as a relative.

This is a very common phenomenon.

Always double standards.

For those close to you, you can approximate the harsh requirements.

It's much more polite to outsiders.

Because they are not close, they will be very kind (in fact, hypocritical) in front of outsiders

Going home may be the nature of the kind.

Do you talk to a stranger about your thoughts or lose your temper?

It's normal. Because you are relatives.

This may be false, I think this kind of person really needs to reflect on himself. There is often a group of people who are very good to outsiders, patient, friendly, and responsive, but are rude, rude, and vicious to their families. It's an angel in front of outsiders, and a devil in front of your family, and this instantaneous change of painting style makes people wonder, why is this?

Wu Zhihong, a well-known psychological counselor, once called this kind of person "Chinese-style good person", in China, this kind of good person is common, let's see how Chinese-style good people are made?

I think this may be a sign of immaturity, not good for the family, good for outsiders may be not very mature yourself. There are several significant characteristics of Chinese-style good people, "good" to outsiders, "bad" to relatives, love face, very good at forbearance, never dare to say no loudly, give people the feeling that they are not only good people, but also have a strong sense of responsibility and morality, but in fact, they always do something very lacking in basic morality. They base all their value on the evaluation of themselves by others, so they are extremely in the eyes of the unexpected world, they leave the good side to others, and leave the aggression to their families, because their families are their own people, they are part of themselves, and to criticize their families is to criticize themselves.

Maybe it's just their habit, after all, the family is still more at ease. How are the good Chinese people formed? In China, it is mass-produced.

Kindness is indeed a very good quality to be cherished. But many times, the overflow of goodness is worthy of vigilance. Because they don't even have a concept of right and wrong, anyway, whoever has a weak attitude will go to whom, and whoever cries lively and good-looking will be biased.

They only want to see it happy, and they can't even tolerate a dispute of opinions, because it seems too discordant. Chinese culture is rich in such good people, because Chinese culture emphasizes that you are worthless as a person, and only the collective is valuable.

Maybe she wants to create a very good image of her outside. In this system, man is stripped of his spine, has no self-will, only obeys the will, and sees himself with external requirements. Under the influence of this collective subconscious, good people are set as benchmarks, and face becomes a characteristic of Chinese society.

Because the family manages a lot, it's like I like to play games and surf the Internet, and my mother will talk about me if she can't get used to it, which is a contradiction. But I play games and outsiders can't control it, so I can't cause a contradiction.

Maybe it's because he feels that outsiders don't dare to offend, so he gives the worst side to his family.

Such a person is basically a dead love of face, so there is such a double standard.

This is because some people's families are really tragic and so want to flee.

It's a habit of theirs, so it's not right.

Maybe it's just their habit, after all, the family is still more at ease.

Maybe she wants to create a very good image of her outside.

I think there is something really wrong with such people, and I don't know much about them.

Treat outsiders well because we have an unstable relationship with outsiders. We usually treat others well, this is because we know that others have no obligation to always be good to us, that is, we need both parties to give each other, and if we want to get the good of others, we must first be good to others. Because we are all away from home, whether it is at school, or in society, or at work, we always don't want to be targeted by others, excluded by others, in order to be able to integrate into a collective, we will always be very good to some outsiders, which is also the reason.

Because of an unstable relationship, it takes extra effort.

Treating others well is only temporary, and a short time can be disguised, because this person may need to be used. A person who treats his family badly is not worth teaching, because he treats even the closest people like that, and he is not sincere to outsiders.

Because being kind to outsiders can leave him a good reputation, for example, others will say that he is righteous, but being good to his family is not beneficial to him, and others will think that this is what he should do for granted.

I feel that this kind of person is the most unproductive, because they have no ability, so they have no confidence in front of outsiders, and even humble, and only dare to lie in the nest when facing their families, just to find their "poor" sense of superiority.

Such a person may be the kind of warm-hearted person who always gives his enthusiasm to others, but is particularly strict with his own family.

Because they know that even if they are not good to their family, their family will be good to them, but if they are not good to outsiders, outsiders will not be good to them.

Because he is a multi-faceted person, with an impatient face in front of his family, and a groveling appearance on the outside, this kind of person lives a very humble life and is very unconfident.

Because he knows that if he is not good to his family, his family will understand and tolerate, and it is okay to say anything, you are not good to outsiders, can people ignore you, this is all done by incapable people.

Because this kind of person doesn't know how to cherish at all, he always feels that people outside give him small favors, and she is very grateful to repay others, but the people at home give him too many things, he will take it for granted and will not cherish it at all.

Some people have some kind things to say about their family, but they are embarrassed to speak, and they often ignore the feelings of their family members, and when they are outsiders, they will maintain basic politeness.

This kind of person leaves the best side to others, and when he leaves a good impression on others, he will have a lot of pay, and some of these efforts are also very helpless, so he will bring bad emotions to his family.

This is because they feel that their family can tolerate them and do things without considering their family's feelings.

Such people are very common in reality, mainly because this kind of person pays too much attention to their image outside, for fear that they will not do well and leave a bad impression on others, and at home, they let go of themselves and release their emotions with tantrums.

This is a typical criminal behavior, always trying to maintain the image of the outside, completely ignoring the feelings of the family, and belonging to the kind of person who is selfish.

I think this kind of person is generally a hypocritical person who has no sense of gratitude, and is also a person who needs social recognition very much.

Because family is a stable relationship, in your own heart, your family will never leave you, so you can lose your temper unscrupulously in front of your family.

Being good to outsiders is because it is an unstable relationship with outsiders, so we are always trying to fit in with others, and if we fit into this group, we will be very good to others.

This is a very common phenomenon, a second ago, you were glaring at you angrily and scolding your face, but you turned your head and immediately smiled at outsiders. This phenomenon can be interpreted from many angles, to name two:

From the perspective of cognitive balance, cognition refers to the system formed by the accumulation of personal values and handling principles. Families need long-term overall internal stability, and outsiders need short-term partial stability. The biggest difference between family members and outsiders is that family members have a more comprehensive understanding of your personality, and at the same time, they get along with you day and night, and they are an internally balanced interest body; For outsiders, communication tends to be more label-oriented and profit-oriented, so you only need to play your role at a critical moment.

For example, reprimanding family members is only a means to maintain balance, breaking bones and connecting tendons will end up as a family, so that other members will be free to vent their behavior if they do not meet their expectations or damage the interests of the family. And it is impossible to achieve a comprehensive and stable balance with outsiders, because you are only a part of the life of outsiders, even your best friend will have his own relatives, and the result of pursuing balance too much will only alienate friends.

From the perspective of responsibility, they believe that they have the responsibility to correct the deviation of their family's behavior, and they are not guilty of worrying about the problems of outsiders. Deal with family problems from the standpoint of a supervisor, and if the behavior of the family has a bad tendency, then it is the responsibility to correct it, of course, the measurement of the quality of this behavior is often from the personal standpoint; There is no absolute obligation to take responsibility for the potential problems of outsiders, here it refers specifically to character, values, etc., because each person has their own system. For example, if you think that your child's poor study will affect his development, what does the quality of other people's children have to do with you?

No matter how you think about it, if these people can quickly switch between managing their emotions like a switch, it means that they have a clear understanding of their role. Of course, each person's role is different, and the focus of the problem will be skewed, looking at the lowest point of concern for one's own family, and the highest point for outsiders. The standards are not the same, how can the attitudes be the same.

The way to alleviate this problem is to stand in the role of the other person and think about your situation, what makes them careless and even hurts your heart? What is their starting point? With these thoughts, you can understand his behavior more deeply, and the solution is presented in front of you, depending on whether you are determined to solve it.

There are such people around me, who are very irritable when it comes to mentioning, and they are very good to outsiders. But when it comes to treating his family, he dislikes everything. There are very few times when you are happy. especially made his family dislike him and annoy him.

Now there are indeed many people who have such a situation, their attitude towards their family members is very bad when they are at home, but when they are facing outsiders, they often become very polite. YesMaybe they think that even if they do something too much to their family, their family will forgive them. It's different with outsiders, who won't tolerate our behavior.

Judging by the reasons of their personalities。Because they have been spoiled by their parents in the family since they were children, when they grow up, they like to yell at home and disrespect their parents, because this is the confidence given to them by their parents. So he developed a character like him.

On the contrary, when they are outside, they want to make a good impression on others, and they want to make a better impression in front of teachers, classmates or colleagues, so that it will be beneficial to their future development. So from this point of view, their personality may be more selfish, they only think about their own feelings, and never take into account the feelings of the people in the family.

Judging by their interpersonal interactions。Because they want to make more friends and constantly expand their circle. So at this time, they are all very polite and sensible in front of people they are not very familiar with, because only in this way will they leave a very good impression, and someone will be willing to make friends with him.

Parents are different, because in their opinion, their parents are always by their side, so they don't need to spend any time to connect with their parents. It is because of these views that they behave badly to their families, but to outsiders.

But in this world, only the family is the best for us, if we have a bad attitude towards the family at home, but a good attitude towards outsiders, then isn't this putting the cart before the horse? Therefore, you must think clearly before doing something, and the family may not be able to tolerate their attitude, if the harm reaches a certain level, then they will also give up this family relationship. So each of us should be kind to our family members and spend more time with them.

This kind of person is the kind of nest that we usually say, a typical two-facedness, belonging to the kind of people who have a bad temper and don't know how to be grateful.