Why do you have to talk to your child?

Will your child take the initiative to talk to you at home? What topics are you talking about?

Hello, I am my emotional mentor, Mr. Xiao Yu, thank you for your patience and I am happy to answer this question for you. Dear, whether the child will take the initiative to chat with the parents actually depends on the concern of the parents for the child when they shout the big circle. If you talk to your child about what happened during the day every day when your child is sleeping or after school, after this habit is formed, your child will take the initiative to talk to you about what happened during the day.

The child always doesn't listen to what you say, and still talks back to you? Psychology tells you why it is so difficult to communicate with children and how to talk scientifically.

Suppose you come home exhausted and see your children playing at home and not doing any homework, how do you feel at the moment? Many mothers are expected to blow up: "Why don't you do your homework?" Just go! ”

If the child still does not cooperate, it is likely that you will be very irritable, and a sudden emotion will sweep through the whole body, some people will tear up the book, and some people may shout hysterically.

Why is this happening?

In fact, this is related to the level of the conversation, when we are theorizing with the child, on the surface, we are arguing about the child's learning, but in fact, the psychology behind it is far more complex than it, it is divided into three levels:

Level 1: Fact-based dialogue.

Why don't you do your homework? There is an assumption behind this statement, which is: Mom is right and you are wrong. Whatever your reason, I have already judged you wrong in my heart.

All our opinions and emotions are based on our own assumptions, and the purpose of our words is to persuade the child to realize his mistake.

But in fact, everyone has a different perception of the problem, and the problem you see may not be the same as the child's problem at all.

Your comprehension review assignment may be to copy each word three times, while your child understands reading and memorizing the book. At the level of factual dialogue, we are all too prone to make mistakes, and we assume that we must be right, but in fact we are not.

We are angry because, assuming we know our child's intentions, he must be trying to be lazy and therefore does not complete his homework.

For another example, we also assume that no matter what the situation is, whether it is a drop in grades or too many mistakes in the papers, it is the child's fault, and he should be fully responsible for this, but discussing the mistakes will only deepen the gap between the two people, but will not solve the problem.

The second level: emotional dialogue.

When talking to children, emotions are the soul of language. Even if you desperately refrain from it, it will quietly overflow from your expressions, demeanor, and words.

If we let our emotions go, we will lose our minds, let ourselves lose our judgment, and make our children panic.

But if we deliberately avoid it, then the key contradiction of the problem cannot be resolved.

Understanding, talking about, and managing emotions are the most important tasks for communication.

The third level: self-awareness dialogue.

Everyone has a sense of who they are: Who am I? Am I a good person? How do I see myself? When confronted with a child's thorny problem, the heart will cry out: "Am I an incompetent mother?" ”

It's easy to take ourselves to extremes, and we can only choose between competent and incompetent, but in fact, a person's role can be complex, and to understand oneself is also to understand how the other person perceives oneself.

If we can think about the conversation with our children on three levels, then we can say goodbye to finger-pointing and find solutions to problems.

But when children reach the teenage years, they tend to become more enrolled, they find like-minded friends with them, so their topic will be biased towards one point, which is the direction that affects their future development, because at this time, they have begun to form their own minds and know their goals.

Children's learning ability is very strong, and children are more likely to be on the same frequency with each other, so topics will become more similar, which is the process of finding friends.

Children often talk about toys and interesting things at school, and they like to talk about what interesting friends they have met at school, and whether the teachers are good to them?

There are a lot of topics to talk about among children, and the most they usually talk about is playing games, discussing where to play, what to play, who to play with, and talking about playing.