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Nowadays, many young people have a headache getting along with the children of relatives, and they always don't know what to say to make the atmosphere less awkward. In fact, it is okay to praise children more when you meet them, but there are also certain skills in praising children. <>
We generally praise children and say things like "you are so smart", "you are so good-looking", "you are so amazing", and then they run out of words and have nothing else to communicate, which is a typical evaluative compliment. There is little skill in this kind of compliment, and it is simply summed up in one or two general words for the child, and of course there is nothing to say below. <>
The correct way is to use descriptive praise to communicate with the child, describe the child's details, rather than directly summarize and generalize, and judge the good and bad, right and wrong.
This can be done by:
1. Explain your specific feelings.
For example, if a child shows you a picture she has drawn, it may be just a mess and there is nothing to say. You must not just say things like "really good drawing", then the child will definitely think that you are perfunctory to her, and you say "good drawing, I see a lot of lines, and blue coloring, is this the painting of the sea" and something like that, even if you say something wrong, the child will feel that you are looking at her painting and will communicate with you and share it with you. In this way, the atmosphere will naturally be harmonious, and you will be much more intimate in the eyes of your child.
2. Praise your child's efforts.
For example, we would ask our relative's child how his or her child was doing in school, and then say, "He is very smart, so he has no problem studying." This may seem like no problem, but it is misleading to children, only praising talent will make them overestimate their own abilities, and despise acquired efforts, once they encounter setbacks, it is easy to lead to a lack of self-confidence. The correct way to praise should be "If the results are so good, he must have worked very hard and worked hard".
The above is the right way to praise your child, have you learned? Let's get along with the kids this year.
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First of all, before praising a child, you must have a clear purpose, and make it clear what you want to praise the child? You can only praise the child for doing a better job in that aspect, and praise the child according to this. When you can't praise your child, your child will be confused and won't know which aspect of yourself you are complimenting.
Praising a child is an encouragement to the child, and praising the child in a certain aspect is an encouragement to the child, so that the child can continue to work hard in this aspect. <>
Secondly, you must pay attention to the wording of the praise child, you must not exaggerate the strange talk, and you must use a word of encouragement to praise the child. And we must seek truth from facts, children should be encouraged to do well in this regard, but if they do not do well, they cannot be praised, otherwise children will naively think that they are good enough and will no longer work hard. If your child doesn't do well in one area, you can't praise him or her in that area.
In fact, it is very simple to praise children, as long as they are realistic and do not exaggerate strange talk so that children can get encouragement from it, it is a good compliment.
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Every child needs to be praised, and the right praise can stimulate a child's sense of worth, give them the ability to deal with challenges, and feel more confident in themselves. But many times, we praise our children's mistakes, such as perfunctory saying to them, "You are so smart, you are so good", which will make the child lack the courage to take on more difficult challenges and choose to do simple things all the time in order to maintain "honor".
So what should we do?
1.Describe the facts in concrete terms rather than saying in general terms that you're awesome.
When we praise our children, we need to give specific facts and describe what the child has done, rather than just saying that you are great. For example, the child will give something to the elders before eating, at this time do not simply say to the child, you are really sensible, but to describe the scene at that time, and say to the child: "Baby, you gave it to grandma when you ate the apple just now, and grandma is very happy".
2.When praising children, try not to use labels such as "great", "smart", "talented", etc. Because if you praise your child like this, he will focus on these characteristics and talents, and will not focus on what he has done and will not notice the effort he has put in.
When praising children's achievements, parents should pay attention to the praise process, ask how the child did it, and let the child recall the process he has experienced.
By using the right way to compliment, your child will develop enough self-confidence and will not be conceited or frustrated by compliments.
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Complimenting a child is not everything that a child does, we all have to praise it.
Just like my baby, just after entering kindergarten, the teacher taught a set of gymnastics, he came home and sang and danced to me, I was very pleased, I felt that my baby had grown up all of a sudden.
At times like this, we can praise the baby appropriately, such as: Baby, you are amazing, can you teach the mother? and so on, so that your baby will be full of confidence, and it will also motivate his efforts. <>
We can also give him appropriate rewards, such as giving him a candy, or promising to buy him a toy, etc., but don't give the child a reward casually, so that he will feel that the reward is too easy to come and not cherish it.
So that he understands that the results of his efforts are worth it, because he can be praised by his mother. Especially for children in learning, we must praise children more.
If your child has the courage to admit that he has done something wrong, we can praise him or her in this case, but don't forget to tell him why he did it wrong.
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In fact, many parents will enter a misunderstanding of praising their children, that is, the child finishes eating, or the homework written by the child himself, and then he will praise the child, saying that it is good, the baby is awesome, and that the child has the first place in the exam, or when he is in the top few in the class, and then the parents will say that our children are very smart, and they have the first place in the class today.
First of all, praise the child, should not say praise his talent, because smart, this is innate, this can not be changed, and even if you praise her again, it will not have any effect on him, but you should praise his acquired efforts, you should say that the baby is very serious about doing homework today, really amazing, so that you say to a specific point, he will know that doing homework seriously is a good thing, and then he will continue to keep it, you say that it is a good thing for him to listen carefully, and then he will continue to listen carefully, You say that he works hard, and then he will continue to work hard to study, and then maybe get better grades, but if you are purely talented, he will not actually have any effect, but will have the opposite effect.
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First of all, we need to know that everyone wants to be praised by others, especially children. We need to give the children a mental compliment. For example, if a child fails to do well in an exam, we can't beat and scold the child, we need to take the initiative to care about the child's psychological state, so that they can not be discouraged, still maintain a positive attitude to learn, and help them find a way.
So that they can do better next time. At this time, parents should say words of encouragement, such as Mom and Dad believe that you can do it, and you are the best! I believe that the children's psychology has a certain feeling, and they do not want their parents to be disappointed, so they will study harder.
Secondly, we should not only focus on the spiritual rewards, but also give them the material rewards appropriately. For example, the child has made great progress in this exam than the last time, and the parents are very happy, so verbal praise must be essential, but we also have to give them some material rewards, we can ask the children what they want, or what they want to eat, and give them warmth, I think the child must feel very happy at this moment, and want to be like this all the time, so they secretly make up their minds to study harder, so that their parents can give them more love and praise.
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<> "How to Praise a Child.
1.Praise the specifics but not the whole thing.
Targeted specific praise will make it easier for children to understand, and know what to do and how to work hard in the future.
Scene: The child helps the mother pour the waterError: The mother happily says, "Good boy, you are awesomeRight: Tell the child, "Thank you for pouring the water for the mother, the mother is very happy."
2.Praise hard work but not cleverness.
Parents blindly praise their children for being smart, but the result can only make them feel that good grades are equated with smartness, and children will become "conceited" rather than "confident".
Scenario: The child solves some difficult problems.
False: Say to your child: Answer 8 questions correctly, you are so smart and correct: Say to your child: Answer correctly & questions, you really work hard.
3.Praise the facts, not the personality.
If the parent's praise is always "exaggerated", the child will also feel pressured and feel that he does not deserve such praise.
Scene: The child falls and does not cry.
False: Say to your child: "You are such a good baby" Correct: Say to your child: You didn't cry when you fell, you are really brave.
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A Brief History of Mankind says: "Gossip is one of the ladders of human progress, and we like to discuss others and judge people and things from outside. "It's in our nature to reason with our children, and we are used to judging them.
It is precisely because of the influence of the previous points that even though we know that it is useless to do that, we still can't help but do it. Going back to our method, as I said before, "picking bones in the egg" is to dig out the advantages from the child, find the bright spots, and then praise him desperately, the specific method is as follows: find a piece of paper;
Use a pen and paper to list all the advantages of the child, the more the better;
For the advantages on paper, find one thing every day and bind it to a certain advantage of the child;
Tell it to your child;
Stick to it.
Don't feel that you can't find it, for example, if the child's handwriting is really ugly, then there is always a certain word that looks good, or there is always a "horizontal" written straight enough; For another example, if the child is procrastinating, there will always be a moment when it is positive; For example, if a child is constantly not punctual, there will always be a time to be punctual. As long as you have the mentality of "picking bones in the egg", how can you not find the merits? If you really love children, then don't worry about going for it.
In my opinion, there are no bad children, no rebellious children, their "differentness" just wants to tell the world: "I am important, I need to be noticed"! If you are the one who pays attention to him, then please praise him unreservedly, appreciate him, and encourage him.
I appreciate what Fan Deng said: When a child does the right thing, it is the best time for parents to shape his behavior, and when a child does something wrong, it is the best time for parents to get closer to their children.
If you want your child to change, please praise him more, and if you regret that you want to get closer to your child, then please understand him more.
Being a parent is actually very easy, as long as you are truly willing to pay for your child, your child will definitely feel your warmth.
Tips: Compliment children's routines: FFC model.
The first f is feeling, which refers to what feels to me;
The second f is fact, which means that I don't feel this way for nothing, I have a factual basis;
The third C is compare, which means to compare with something.
Here's an example:
Wow, what you're wearing today makes my eyes light up, it's a fresh feeling (f);
You see that the hair is erected with a hairpin, and the white skirt with a pink T-shirt is very conspicuous (F);
I felt more dazzling than the others present (c).
For children, they will feel better if you use this kind of encouragement, for example:
If you replace "son, thank you for your help" with "son, my mother is very relieved today, I didn't say anything today, you washed the pot, and you actually washed it more seriously than me". I believe that your child will be like a spring breeze.
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