Do you have any scientific jokes, little jokes made by scientists?

1. Engineers think their equations are close to reality. Physicists believe that reality is close to their own equations. Mathematicians don't care at all.

2. One day, the mathematician thinks he's had enough of math, so he goes to the fire brigade and announces that he wants to be a firefighter. The fire chief said, "You look good, but I'll have to give you a test first." ”

The fire chief takes the mathematician to the alley in the backyard of the fire brigade, where there is a warehouse, a fire hydrant and a roll of hose. The fire chief asked, "Suppose the warehouse **, what do you do?" ”

The fire chief said, "Exactly! One last question: what do you do if you walk into an alley and the warehouse doesn't have **? The mathematician pondered for a long time, and finally replied, "I'll set the store on fire." ”

The fire chief shouted, "What? It's horrible! Why are you setting the stack on fire? The mathematician replied, "So I will reduce the problem to a problem that I have already solved." ”

3. Physicists, astronomers, and mathematicians were walking on the Scottish plateau and happened to see a black sheep. "Ah," said the astronomer, "the sheep of Scotland are black. ”

Come on, you can't say that just by one observation. "All you can say is that the black sheep was found in Scotland." ”

No," said the mathematician, "from this observation you can only say: at this moment, this sheep, from the point of view of our observation, has one side on the surface that is black!" ”

4. A mathematician, biologist and physicist sits in an open-air café, leisurely watching the people coming and going in the shops across the street. First they saw two men walk into the shop, and after a while they found three men coming out; Three friends expressed their opinions on each other's majors:

Physicist: This proves the principle of uncertainty. Biologist: These people reproduce themselves.

Mathematician: If one more person enters the shop now, it will be empty.

Very good and ruthless and powerful!

Very yellow joke!

What type to take first? I'm a lot.

An alien and an earthling meet, the alien holds out three fingers, the earthling holds out five fingers, the alien makes an "eight" gesture, and the earthling gives a thumbs.

The earthlings came home and said:"I met a guy today, very powerful, he stretched out three fingers, I stretched out five fingers, he knew eight, I stretched out his thumb and praised him. "

The alien came home and said:"I met a guy today, very powerful, I killed three people today, he killed five people today, I killed with a gun, he killed with his thumb. "

3. Look at your ears.

Think about it, can you see your ears without a mirror? After the teacher asked this question, Chong Chong immediately raised his hand: "Yes, turn your head back ninety degrees, no." ”

Fill in the blank: Two objects with the same trajectory and (velocity) will never (cannot) meet.

.A group of great scientists were playing with Tibetan cats in heaven after they died, and it was Einstein's turn to catch people, and when he counted to 100, he opened his eyes and saw that everyone was hiding, only Newton was still standing. Albert Einstein walked over and said

Newton, I've got you. Newton: "No, you didn't catch Newton."

Albert Einstein: "You are not Newton, who are you?" Newton:

What do you see under my feet? Einstein looked down and saw Newton standing on a square floor tile that was one meter long and one meter wide, and he was puzzled. Newton:

It's a square meter under my feet, and I'm standing on it and it's Newton's square meter, so you're not grabbing Newton, you're grabbing Pascal. ”

Note: The above names are in English].

On one occasion, the crowd surrounded the home of the scientist Albert Einstein (1879-1955), who had emigrated to the United States from Germany.

He explained his "theory of relativity" in "the simplest terms". At that time, it was said that there were only a few brilliant scientists in the world.

You have to understand his work on the "theory of relativity".

The head has passed, and you feel as if it has only been 5 minutes! In turn, you sit alone in a hot stove.

side, only 5 minutes passed, but you felt like sitting for an hour. - Well, that's the theory of relativity! ”

Not only did Edison invent a lot of things in the field of science, but he also wittily answered all sorts of outlandish questions from journalists. Once, a reporter asked him if he should install a lightning rod in a cathedral under construction. He milli.

The German physicist Kirchhoff (1824-1887) once pointed out in a lecture that the black line seen from the sun's spectrum proved that there was gold on the sun. A banker who came to the lecture ridiculed Kirchhoff and said, "What good is such gold if you can't get it from the sun!"

Later, Kirchhoff was awarded a gold medal for his discovery in spectroscopic analysis, which he showed to the banker and said: "You see, I finally got gold from the sun." ”

The German chemist Robert Bunsen (1811-1899) was calloused on his hands due to his frequent work in the laboratory and long-term exposure to acids, alkalis and various chemicals. Once, when explaining the structure and performance of the Bunsen alcohol lamp he invented, he put his finger on the flame of the alcohol lamp and casually introduced it to people: "The place where I put my finger is about 300 degrees Fahrenheit.

The famous German physician Johann Schellen was not only highly skilled in medicine, but also praised for his heuristic teaching methods. In a practical class, he told college students: "There are two qualities that a doctor should have

First, it is not demanding cleanliness; Second, be observant. When diagnosing diabetes, some veteran doctors often taste the patient's urine with their own mouths. After that, Sherlane demonstrated to his classmates by dipping a finger into a small cup of urine, then reaching into his mouth and licking it.

After doing this, Sherlane asked the students, "Who's going to try it?" A diligent student tasted urine in the same way.

Sherline shook his head and said to him, "Classmate, it's true that you are not a cleanliness fetish, which is good, but you have no sense of observation. You didn't notice that just now I dipped my middle finger in a small cup and licked my ring finger.

On one occasion, the crowd surrounded the home of the scientist Albert Einstein (1879-1955), who had emigrated to the United States from Germany, and demanded that he explain his "theory of relativity" in "the simplest terms." At that time, it was said that only a few brilliant scientists in the world could read his work on the "theory of relativity". Albert Einstein walked out of the house and said to everyone

Let's say you sit by the fire with your nearest and dearest, and an hour passes, and you feel like it's only been 5 minutes! On the other hand, you sit alone by the hot fire for only 5 minutes, but you sit like you've been sitting for an hour. - Well, that's the theory of relativity!

Once, an American female journalist visited Albert Einstein and asked, "What is the difference between time and eternity, in your opinion?" Einstein replied

Dear madam, if I have time to explain to you the difference between them, then, when you understand, eternity is gone! ”

Once upon a time, there was a man who didn't know lime, and he sprinkled it in a dish as a seasoning bag, and after eating, he drank some Coke, and after that...

An old man went to buy tomatoes, picked three, and the stall owner weighed them and said: one and a half catties, three pieces of seven. Uncle said:

Just make a soup, you don't need that much. With that, he removed the biggest tomato. The stall owner quickly glanced at the scales again, "One catty, two taels, three pieces."

Just when I couldn't look past and wanted to remind the uncle to pay attention to the stall owner's scales, the uncle calmly took out seven cents, picked up the big tomato that had just been removed, and turned away.

The first time: the plane broke down and I had to parachute, but there were only three.

Tang Monkey asked: How many suns are there in the sky.

Answer: 1 Tang Seng: Okay, I'll give you a handful.

Asked Sha again: How many moons are there in the sky?

Answer: 1 Tang Seng: Okay, I'll give you a handful.

The pig smirked, such a simple question.

Q: How many stars are there in the sky?

The pig was speechless and jumped down.

The second accident is the same as above.

Ask the Monkey: When was China founded?

Answer: 1949

Tang Seng: Okay, I'll give you a handful.

He asked Sha again: How many people died in the Anti-Japanese War.

Answer: 4 million.

Tang Seng: Okay, I'll give you a handful.

The pig snickered again. Ask the pig: What are the names of the 4 million people?

Pig. Jumped off.

3rd. Ditto.

Tang Gang wanted to speak. The pig said, "Master, don't ask." I'll just jump.

Then Don said: Ah, Mituo Buddha, I just wanted to say that this time I brought 4 parachutes.

The principle of laser, in short, is the stimulated radiation amplification of light, responsible for the process of synchronous transition of the atoms excited by the pump light under the excitation of the seed light source to achieve the complex amplification of the seed light, and then responsible for the principle of laser in the university is a whole book, is a whole course, it is to be completed in one semester, I recommend you to read "Laser Principle", which explains in detail the causes of laser, laser gain, loss, transverse mode, longitudinal mode, mode competition, laser classification, resonator, Laser propagation matrix, laser output, laser beam shape, and much more!

In medicine, laser treatment is now used more is cutting, using a high-energy laser to cut something from the body, so that the wound surface is small, the speed is fast, and the effect is good. There are also some more advanced ones, such as laser light tweezers and so on, but laser is not all diseases can be cured!

In the case of no loss, not only the laser, any light can travel infinitely, of course, the laser has good collimation and high energy, which makes it more advantageous than ordinary light sources in the case of long distance and considering the propagation of loss! Some high-energy lasers can travel thousands of kilometers without any problem, but if they propagate in low-loss optical fibers, the distance will be even farther!

Can lasers kill? Joke, the Americans shot down their own satellites with laser cannons, do you say they can kill people? The high-energy laser commonly used in our laboratory irradiates the body for 1,2 seconds and feels hot, and the ultra-high-energy laser also wears a radiation suit, which basically hits your eyes, and you will collapse in your life!