Collect jokes, anything

Uncle Benshan meets Uncle Fan on the road:

Hello, little Fan.

Yo, hello, Brother Benshan!

How's it going? It's easy to use your hands and feet.

It's all good. Why didn't you see your daughter-in-law pinch?

This one. I haven't married yet.

How old are you, why haven't you even married a daughter-in-law? You're not gay, are you?

No, no, no, how can I be gay!

You're not gay, why don't you marry a daughter-in-law?!

I'm not! Isn't there no money, women now look at money. Don't have money to marry a daughter-in-law?

Che: That dog has no money left, why does he have a wife? Don't pretend, you kid.

I'm not! Isn't this no house and no car! People don't look down on it.

is still messing with me, doesn't Wang Ergou have no house or car, and other people's children go to school. You say you're not?

I'm not! Aren't I ugly, girls don't love me!

Bah! Am I good-looking? The girls love me so much. I think you're gay.

I. I can't talk about you. I have to go.

Other! There is an old girl in our village, ask me to introduce you, what do you think?

Ah, this. Well. That one. Well, I'm gay.

Oh. Really...

After hearing this, the husband hurriedly said: "Then I must be the 30% of men, I am a bastard to liar people!" Then, the news continued:

The other 30% of men are already having extramarital affairs. ”

The aunt asked the uncle: "Which county is the front county?" Far from it? The uncle thought for a while, "I don't know, why are you asking this?" The aunt whispered: "Don't tell others, I just heard the doctor say to the person in front of me that the front county sends salt, and I want to get it."

When he went to WC, he couldn't open the toilet lid, so he pulled the poop on the toilet lid. After the convenience, I suddenly found a button on the wall and pressed it, but I didn't expect the lid to pop open suddenly, and the poop popped on the ceiling. He was embarrassed and called the waiter to point to the ceiling and said

I'll give you 200 bucks and you help me clean this up. "The waiter looked at the ceiling and said to him"I'll give you 800 bucks and you tell me how you pulled on the ceiling?

Police Officer A: What a serious car accident. Police Officer B:

yes, my head hit me in the back. Officer A: Well, there's still breathing, let's help him turn his head back.

Police Officer B: Okay, hard, hard, turned back. Police Officer A:

Well. No more breathing.

Holmes and his assistant were camping in the mountains, and late at night, Holmes woke up his sleeping assistant and asked him: What do you think of when you see a sky full of stars?

The assistant replied sleepily: From an astronomical point of view, the stars are far away from us and look very small, but in fact they are very large, so I think how small we humans are!

Holmes roared angrily: You idiot, didn't you find out that our tent was stolen?

Someone went to the toilet in a high-end hotel and saw the door that said: Don't use it. He thought to himself: Are you still afraid of using things in high-end hotels? What a slam!

After he finished it, he pressed the automatic flush button, and the water volume was so large that he was drenched! It dawned on him: one less comma can kill people!

Question: In the middle of the night, if a wicked man puts a knife on your neck and says, "Give me a minute, you can call anyone except your parents, let him come and pick you up, don't say anything superfluous, if he agrees to come, I'll let you go, if you don't want to come, I'll kill you." Who will you call?

A great god replied: "Hello, I want 1 Big Mac, 1 Chicken McNugget, 1 bag of potatoes, 1 cup of Coke".

A teacher in the philosophy department only asked one question during the mid-term exam: "What is courage?" ”

However, the classmate still handed in the paper quickly! He replied, "That's the answer, please give points!"

The teacher was so angry that he called the classmate to the office. The teacher said, "I'll test you two more questions, and if you can answer the first question, you don't have to answer the second question!"

Student: Okay! The teacher asked, "How many hairs do you have on your head?" ”

The classmate said casually: "One hundred and twenty-three million four hundred and fifty thousand." ”

Teacher: (?) How do you know?

If you feel cold in your heart, please call my **! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, press 2 to talk about work, press 3 to talk about life, press 5 to introduce me to the object, please talk straight to dinner, and please hang up if you want me to borrow money.

The story of the big and small white rabbit and the big bad wolf.

The big white rabbit happily wore his new hat to play, and the big bad wolf saw the big white rabbit coming, and beat the white rabbit with itchy hands, and said while beating: "I let you wear a hat, I let you wear a hat." "The white rabbit went home with a blue nose and a swollen face.

The next day, the white rabbit didn't dare to wear a hat and walked out again. When the big bad wolf saw the white rabbit, he went over and beat the white rabbit again, and said, "I let you not wear a hat, I let you not wear a hat."

The white rabbit went home very aggrieved, and he was going to go to the fox to complain.

It so happened that the fox was talking to the big bad wolf, and the fox said, "Big bad wolf, don't bully the white rabbit with this method anymore, if you want to beat him in the future, let him find a piece of meat, and if he takes fat meat, you say that he wants lean meat." Or let it find you a woman, and it finds a beautiful one, and you say you want to be ugly, isn't that enough!

The big bad wolf is happy to go home, and the big white rabbit is also happy to go home.

On the third day, the white rabbit was walking down the street wearing his new hat, and the big bad wolf saw it and called it over. The white rabbit walked over happily, and the big bad wolf said, "Find me a piece of meat."

The White Rabbit smiled and said, "Then do you want fat or lean meat?" The big bad wolf thought for a moment and then said

You find me a woman. The White Rabbit laughed again and said, "Then do you want to be beautiful or not?"

The big bad wolf thought about it again, and then beat the white rabbit again, and said, "I'll let you wear a hat, I'll let you wear a hat." ”

The white rabbit was very sad to walk on the street, the little white rabbit saw it, asked it what was wrong, the white rabbit said, the little white rabbit was angry and went to find the big bad wolf.

The little white rabbit saw the big bad wolf by the river, so he asked him, "Big bad wolf, big bad wolf, you ask me if I am a little white rabbit." And the big bad wolf said:

Are you a white rabbit? The little white rabbit nodded happily and said, "Yes, yes, I am the little white rabbit."

Then the little white rabbit said to the big bad wolf: "Big bad wolf, big bad wolf, you ask me if I am a little deer." And the big bad wolf said:

Are you a little deer? The little white rabbit said with disdain: "You are stupid, didn't I tell you that I am the little white rabbit." ”

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