What are the jokes that happen in the classroom

1.When I was in the third year of junior high school, I got into a fight with my classmates, because I ate beans, I didn't control the chrysanthemums well, and I pulled the stool that I had been holding for a day inside my pants during the fight. Then I went red.

You see, that's the guy who was beaten up by someone else. "I'm glad that the high school has changed to a brand new school.

2.The female teacher I had a crush on just now spit downstairs, and I ran over to catch it. It just happened to spit in my mouth, the phlegm was sweet and smooth, crystal clear, and I hurriedly stretched out my thumb to praise:

Good phlegm! Good phlegm! The female teacher blushed and smiled coquettishly at me.

Holding the textbook in his hand, he walked away shyly. "Teacher! Your phlegm!

The teacher looked back and smiled: "It's your phlegm" The classmates next to me cast envious eyes, and I held my head high and strode towards the classroom, hiding my merit and fame... Walking into the classroom, I was still tasting this phlegm, there was a faint aroma in it, sweet but not greasy, greasy but not fat, "grunt", I wanted to swallow it greedily.

Suddenly, I found that the teacher's phlegm was really different, not only sweet but also very chewy! It can be chewed slowly as chewing gum, the more you chew, the more flavorful it is, and when you chew it almost ready to swallow it, you can't swallow it after a grunt, alas, the phlegm is too pus and too sweet, and your teeth are biting constantly

Hahahahaha

Once, the teacher was lecturing on "multiplication exchange rates". One of the students was also speaking, and the teacher said, "So-and-so multiplication exchange rate".

When the bell rang for the end of class, the teacher smiled and said to the class: "Don't panic if you are arguing for the end of school, don't drag the class, please don't chat with the students who eat instant noodles." Ask the students playing poker in the back row to be quiet, so as not to disturb the sleep of the students in the front row.

The classmates who watched the scenery by the window, and the classmates who shouted to the playground to play basketball, I had to assign homework. Students who stop by remember to inform their classmates in the Internet café of today's homework. ”

It's so funny... Keep it up

The first period in the afternoon was a history class, the teacher was in high spirits in class, but a student nicknamed "Sanmao" was lying on the desk and falling asleep, the teacher was very angry, so he called Sanmao.

The teacher asked, "You say, what do Wang Anshi and Ouyang Xiu have in common?" Sanmao blurted out: "They are all from the Song Dynasty." ”

The teacher then asked: "Then tell me, what do they have in common with Tang Taizong and Zhuge Liang?" ”

Sanmao was stunned and replied, "They are all ancient people. ”

There was a burst of laughter in class, and the teacher made mistakes, so he simply played it as a game, which can be regarded as enlivening the classroom atmosphere.

So he asked: "Then do they have anything in common with Sun Yat-sen and Lu Xun?" ”

Sanmao thought for a while and said, "They are all men. ”

The teacher then asked, "What if you add Li Qingzhao and Cixi?" ”

Sanmao was anxious: "He ......."They are all Chinese. ”

The teacher smiled and asked, "Tell me more, what do Napoleon and Caesar have in common?" ”

They all served as emperors. ”

What do they have in common with Darwin and Hitler? ”

The teacher pressed again: "Then what do they have in common with the people I mentioned earlier?" ”

Sanmao stabbed a rod to the end: "They are all human beings." ”

The teacher asked again: "As far as I know, among these people, Zhuge Liang raised chickens, Cixi and Caesar also raised dogs, counting these animals, do they have anything in common with them?" ”

As soon as the teacher asked, Sanmao's head began to sweat: "This ......."This ......They are all dead. ”

Well, it's all dead. The teacher nodded.

Sanmao's legs weakened, sat down, and thought, this is the end of the problem, right?

Unexpectedly, the teacher said, "You stand up, and there is one last question—if they are still alive now, can they find common ground?" ”

Sanmao was dumbfounded, he thought for five minutes before he cried and said, "If you don't count the jet lag, they (them) should have had lunch......."”

A new student came to a certain class.

One day, the teacher asked him, "How old are you?"

Student: May I ask the teacher how old I am?

Teacher: Your age.

Student: Oh, would the teacher want to know my age last year or this year's age?

Teacher: Nonsense, it's definitely this year's pull.

Student: Oh, does the teacher want me to tell you now or is he telling you after class?

Teacher: Now.

Student: Oh, do you want the teacher to say it out loud or quietly?

Teacher: Damn, do you say it or not! Don't fool me!

Student: Say, why does the teacher want to know how old I am?

Teacher: Can't I just ask?

Teacher: Khan died .........

Count the pull, count the pull, students, our topic today is to repeat the antonym. The teacher says one sentence, you take one sentence, OK!

Teacher: The weather is very good today.

Student: Tomorrow the weather is bad.

Teacher: I ate fish heads yesterday.

Student: You eat turtle tome today

Teacher: Wrong.

Student: Correct.

Teacher: I said it was wrong.

Student: That's right.

Teacher: You idiot.

Student: I'm a genius.

Teacher: Stand up for me.

Student: I'll sit you down.

Teacher: The teacher told you to stand up, did you hear me?

Student: The teacher told me to sit down, I heard you!

Teacher: You dare not listen to the teacher.

Student: I don't dare to listen to the teacher.

Teacher: You know what you just said

Student: I know I didn't say anything right now

Teacher: This classmate, I know you did it on purpose.

Student: Teacher, you know I didn't mean to.

Teacher: You're not big or small.

Student: I'm small and big.

Teacher: You don't study well at such a young age.

Student: I'm so old that I can't learn well.

Teacher: I don't want to talk about you.

Student: You want to talk about me again.

Teacher: Stop.

Student: I'll give you a step.

Teacher: I'm afraid of you, can you stop??

Student: I'm not afraid of you, can I continue?

Teacher: This concludes the antonym exercise.

Student: Synonym practice starts now.

Teacher: You're not done.

Student: I'm endless.

Teacher: You are not educated.

Student: I'm educated.

Teacher: Do you look like a cultured person?

Student: Am I not like an uneducated person?

Teacher: Depressed.

Student: Glad.

Teacher: I'm about to be by you.

Student: You're going to be by me.

Teacher: Can you not speak?

Student: Can I not shut up?

Teacher: Go on, I'm not going to take this lesson, I'll go.

Student: I'll stop, this lesson still has to be done, I'll do it.

"Teacher! Xiao Ming 1+1 is equal to how many.

Xiao Ming; I don't know.

"Teacher! Go back and ask your family.

Xiao Ming asked his father, who was playing mahjong.

Father; Get lost. Xiao Ming saw that he was playing with his younger brother, so he asked; 1+1 is equal to many.

Brother; Altman.

When I saw my mother washing dishes, I asked; 1+1 is equal to many.

Water sprinkled on Mom's face, Mom said; Refreshing.

Xiao Ming went to ask his brother who was beating ** again.

The elder brother said; My dear, I'm waiting for you at the door.

The next day. "Teacher! 1+1 is equal to many.

Xiao Ming; Get lost. "Teacher! Who taught you.

Xiao Ming; Altman.

The teacher slapped Xiao Ming.

Xiao Ming; Refreshing. "Teacher! Stand out.

Xiao Ming; My dear, I'm waiting for you at the door.

Physics teachers are annoying. Everyone wanted to play tricks on her. One day in class, a classmate who didn't like to study told the teacher that he wanted to vomit and wanted to go out.

The teacher did not agree. The student returned to his seat and took out a bottle of eight-treasure porridge, decisively opened the lid, poured it on the desk and made a vomiting sound. The teacher saw it, threw up on the ground, and ran out.

A valuable lesson for the students to be taught by the teacher.

Math Teacher: In math symbols, braces are like a bow, parentheses are like a curved crescent, what are the braces, students: like a staple that hasn't been used yet.

Physics Teacher: Can anyone give an example of the physical phenomenon of opposite-sex attraction and same-sex rejection? Student: My dad and my mom are of the opposite sex, and they are together every day, which is called opposite-sex attraction; My mom and my grandma are of the same sex and quarrel together, which is called same-sex exclusion.

Chemistry Teacher: Among the chemical bonds we have learned, are there any other bonds besides ionic bonds and covalent bonds? Student: And the Enter key.

Student: Teacher, is the ink used by Li Bai white? Chinese Teacher: No. Student: Then why does the book say that Li Bai's characters are too white?

English Teacher: When speaking spoken English and translating into Chinese, which pronunciations of foreigners do not need to be translated? Student: Sneezing, coughing, crying and laughing.

Politics Teacher: Why is it said that the economic base determines the superstructure? Student: The building of our school was originally planned to be built with seven floors, but due to financial constraints, only five floors were built in the end, which is called the economic foundation determines the superstructure.

Geography teacher: One dark night you got lost in the field, how can you quickly identify the direction? Students: Up, north, down, south, left, west, right, east.

Physical Education Teacher: Li Xiaoming, what are the sports you are good at? Li Xiaoming: Sprinting, shot put, jumping over the wall.

Student: Teacher, it's annoying to have a fly lying on the monitor, can you delete it? Teacher: Yes, but you have to select it with the mouse first.

Art Teacher: Among the reds you know, apart from Chinese red and rose infrared, what other reds are there? Student: Han Hong.

Biology Teacher: Name more than two bugs. Students: Locusts, networms, sleepy insects.

The other is a student. Because the food in the teacher's cafeteria was delicious

Teacher: Ask the students to use "naïve" to form a sentence.

Xiao Ming: It's so hot today!

When I was in high school, my chemistry teacher taught organic chemistry in class. The teacher first drew a "peptide bond" on the blackboard, and then said to everyone: "This is a "eunuch", let's install a methyl group on it!" Students, what do you say you want to settle in? ”

At this time, the audience was already laughing like crazy.

China's iron is hard, and China's coal is black.

Silently write the text string words, the composition is written to contradict itself, and there is a problem with the sentence formation.

Go to the hilarious network to see ** jokes you name it.

.(Smoke [ Scene 6 ] Teacher: Do you smoke?)

Boy f: Don't suck. "Teacher!

Well, eat a root fries. f Eat it in horror. "Teacher!

Suddenly shouted: The headmaster is here! f His palms were sweaty, but he still bowed his head calmly and said

Hello Principal! Teacher: The principal will smell the taste in your mouth.

f Pull out the fries: No, it's still here, the fire hasn't been lit yet, ...... fireScene 7] Teacher: Do you smoke or not?

Boy G: Promise God, absolutely not suck. "Teacher!

Really don't suck? Okay, let's have a root fries. g It is very natural to take the fries and eat them clean.

Teacher: What a good boy, what brand of fries do you usually like? g ( get carried away) :

Greater China ......Scene 8] Teacher: Let's eat a french fry. Boy n :

Thanks, no. Several students often smoke at school, and Teacher X is in the office to judge them one by one.

Teacher X: "Do you smoke at school?" ”

Student A: "Yes. ”

Teacher X: "Okay! It's quite reasonable! Call parents immediately. ”

Student A walked outside the office and said to several other students, "Don't say you smoke. ”

The other students said in unison: "Thank you, it's really brothers." ”

Teacher X: "B come in." ”

Student B: "Yes. ”

Teacher X: "Do you smoke at school?" ”

Student B: "No. ”

Teacher X: "Let's eat a piece of fries!" ”

B took the fries with two fingers.

Teacher X was furious: "And said no! Call the parents. ”

Student B walked out of the office with his head down.

c walked into the office.

Teacher X: "Let's eat a piece of fries!" ”

C carefully took the fries and thought: Fortunately.

Teacher X: "Let's dip some tomato sauce!" ”

c took the fries and reached to the ketchup dish to dip the ketchup, and accidentally dipped too much ketchup.

A few quick taps of your index finger over the fries, and the tomato sauce that had been dipped in too much fell one after another.

Teacher X: "The movements are quite skilled, call the parents quickly." ”

Teacher X: "Let's eat a piece of fries!" ”

d Carefully take the fries.

Teacher X: "Take these out and share them with your classmates!" ”

D Daiki) put the fries in his ears and clamped them, and his hands were ready to pick them up.

Teacher X was furious: "Call the parents!" ”

Teacher X: "Let's eat a piece of fries!" ”

Carefully take the fries (sweaty).

Teacher X: "Take these out and share them with your classmates!" ”

E put the fries in his pocket and thought, "Thank you, D."

Teacher X suddenly exclaimed, "The principal is here." ”

e immediately threw the fries in his pocket to the ground and stomped on them!

The nth student.

Teacher X: Let's eat a piece of fries!

Student n: Thank you! No!

The teacher asks the students to have a conversation in English, and one student starts like this:

A: Can you speake Chinese?

B: of course ,why not?

The student then began to write their conversations in Chinese. 7 When I was in junior high school, the character read "The White-Haired Girl" aloud

A boy (Yang Bailao): Pulled two catties of red head rope and tied it up for my Xi'er ......

Teacher: It's not a mummy...

teacher:why are you late for school every morning?

tom:every time i come to the corner,a sign says,"school-go slow".

Teacher: Why are you late every morning?

Tom: Whenever I pass around the corner of the school, I see a sign that says"The school --- slow down".