Ask for jokes that are appropriate for the podium, not too long, not too cold

Brother, I threw a brick first, and the jade one smashed over.

1.A stupid thief is ordered to go to a luxurious villa to spy on so that the queen can attack it later. He walked through the woods in the darkness and saw a pair of young girls in the drawing-room, playing the piano in a vigorous manner.

When he returned, he said to the chief, "Let's not move that place, they won't have money, and I saw that two people in it actually shared a piano." ”

One night, I received a **, which came from the telecommunications bureau: "Sir, we now suspect that there is something wrong with your ** line, please aim at the microphone and say a few words loudly, and sing a few more songs, so that we can determine the fault." So I shouted a few words into the microphone, sang a song, and then asked the other end:

Is there a problem with my**? I only listened to the ** snickering: "Your Excellency's ** is no problem, but there is a problem with the brain."

A man picked up a magic lamp, and the elf in the lamp told him that he could make a wish.

"I want a sandwich," he said. ”

The elf said, "Your wish is too small, and you should make a bigger one." ”

So," the man said happily, "I want three extra-large sandwiches." ”

There were two who went on a fishing vacation, and they rented all the equipment: fishing line, fishing rods, swimsuits, boats, cars, and even rented a log cabin in the forest, which cost them a good sum of money. On the first day they went fishing, but they didn't catch anything.

The second day was the same, and there was a third day. This went on and on, until on the last day of their vacation, one of them caught a fish.

When they drove home, both were frustrated, and one of them turned to the other and said, "Do you know that this useless fish cost us 1,500 yuan?" Another said, "Wow! Luckily we only caught one! ”

2.A ghost touched God and hurriedly complained to God: Ghost:

But I still want to suck blood. God: ...In the next life, you will make sanitary napkins3

The male teacher angrily said to the girl who slept in class: I am tired to death above, and you are motionless below! It's okay if you don't cooperate, you don't even have a reaction, and if you don't have anything in your stomach in the future, don't blame the teacher!

As a result, the class fainted.

4.A professor gave a lecture in the field: "Scientific research should not be afraid of dirty...

Then he squatted down, poked the cow dung on the ground with his fingers, and then put his fingers in his mouth and licked it A classmate hurriedly said, "I'm not afraid of getting dirty... Then he also poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger, put it in his mouth and licked it clean

Another Qing is also good at observing.,I just poked the feces with my middle finger.,But it's the index finger that's licking.。。。 5.A polar bear was lonely on the ice in a daze, and when it was bored, it began to pluck its own hair and play, one ......Two ......Three ......There was not a single one left in the end, and he suddenly screamed .........It's so cold!!

6.The noodles were steamed buns and Haibian, looking for my cousin instant noodles to take revenge, the instant noodles were beaten violently when they saw the bean buns, and when they came back, they said to the noodles: Don't worry, I beat it out.

There was an American, German and Chinese, walking in the desert. They found a bottle, opened it, and a man came out. said:

I can fulfill each of your three wishes. The Americans stood up and said: I want money, the bottle god said:

The bottle god said: What do you want from this person in China, the Chinese say: Come to the bottle of two pots, drink and bring another bottle, eh, your third wish is that I want to see the American and the German.

The god of the bottle said: Vomit free. They had no choice but to keep walking, and after a while they picked up another bottle .........If you want to know what happens next, I'll talk about it next time. ）

Hello! I'll give you one, don't laugh too much!

After seeing the previous patient, the doctor looked at the name on the next medical record card: Lin Shuangniao, Lin Shuangniao's imitation closed, called a few times and no one came in to see the doctor, so he moved on to the next one. After a long time, a man came in and asked

Why hasn't it been my turn yet? The doctor asked him what his name was. The man said:

I'm called Lin Youji.

Dad says women like rich men, Mom says women like good-looking men! I fumbled in my pockets and looked in the mirror. Crying.

Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua went to the zoo to play, and when they entered the door, Xiao Ming pointed to Xiao Hua and said to the janitor: See clearly! Come out later, don't say I stole your monkeys!

Two of the birds saw a hunter aiming at them, and one said, "You protect the scene, I'll call the police to laugh at it."

I'll give two ...

Why is a penguin's belly white?

A: Because its hands are so short, you can only wash your belly when you take a bath.