I want some super short jokes of ancient and modern urgency

When I was young, I went to the hospital for a physical examination and blood test, and I was very scared and kept crying.

A little brother came over and asked me what was wrong, and I said, "I have to cut my finger for a blood test, it hurts." ”

The little brother immediately cried after hearing this, and he couldn't care about comforting me.

I wondered, "Do you want a blood test too?" ”

The little brother said, "I'll take a urine test." ”

There are a lot of classic jokes, bad jokes, etc. on this station.

A: This instant noodle has pickled pepper beef and shiitake beef, what do you say I should soak? Already: Make instant noodles!

Zi said: Fight with bricks, it is not appropriate to mess around, according to the head, it is not necessary to die!

The Buddha said: Nonsense! My Buddha is merciful, and there are so many that I die brick!!

The most tragic thing in life is that youth is gone, and pimples are still there.

Me: What are you going to have for lunch today?

Him: Huh? Me: I said what to eat for lunch today?

Him: Huh? Me: Forget it, nothing.

Him: No, I'll listen carefully. Say it again.

Me: What do you eat for lunch?

Him: Huh? Me: ...

Once upon a time, there was an old man who gave birth to 3 sons, the eldest son was called a hooligan, 2 sons were called Dadao, and 3 sons were called trouble, one day the hooligan and Dadao went to find trouble, and they found 100,000 yuan, and they were caught by the criminal police, and the criminal police asked what are you doing? The scoundrel said that I told the rascal to go for trouble with a big knife.

A patient came to a psychiatrist.

Patient: I've always felt like I'm a bird.

Doctor: Oh. That's serious. Since when did it start.

Patient: From when I was a bird.

1.Hold the hand of the son and drag the son away. The son said no, okay, close the door and let the dog go.

2.Confucius said: "If you don't sleep at noon, you will collapse in the afternoon." Mencius said, "Confucius is right! ”

3.Confucius said: Fight with bricks! It's messy! Shine on the head! Don't die, don't die!

The Buddha said: My Buddha is compassionate! A brick is dead and can be!

4.Confucius said: Fight with bricks, according to the face, should not be messy, since it cares, how can it be alone, there are friends together, not happy, not careless, so to die, to die to pull down!

The Buddha said: My Buddha is compassionate! With a knife, there is less pain, and it is compassion to alleviate suffering!

5.Confucius said: Take the path of others, so that others have no way to go.

6.I never hold grudges, and I usually take revenge on the spot.

7.Now you are scolding me because you still don't know me, and when you get to know me in the future, you will definitely beat me.

8.By the time we got to the platform, the car had already started. So I had to chase and shout:"Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! At this time, a passenger poked his head out of the window and said to me: Wukong, don't chase after me.

9.I don't go to hell, whoever loves goes down.

10.Money is not the problem, the problem is that there is no money.

11.I used to think that I was a flower on the cliffside, but later I learned that I was just a grain of dregs in the sea of people.

12.I smiled at myself, and when I was done, I went to sleep!

13.Heroes don't ask where they come from, and they don't ask where the news comes from.

14.There's a sheep singing: skewer your heart and my heart, skewer a lamb skewer, skewer a lamb skewer...

15.My grandfather told me that the most touching words in this world are not "I love you", but "Your tumor is benign".

16.I allow you to come into my world, but you are not allowed to walk around in my world.

17.You said. You like me? In fact. I started out. Actually, I am. Alas, I'll tell you, but I actually like my own...

Translation: Don't speak, I'll tell you a story.

Xiao Ming was sick, and the doctor said, "The medicine works for 24 hours." Xiaohong saw that Xiao Ming was laughing all the time and asked, "What are you doing?" Xiao Ming replied: "The doctor said to laugh for 24 hours!" ”

There was a little dog who fell in love with a puppy in a skirt, and happened to meet her once, and the puppy said that he fell in love with you from the first sight, and she said that it was my mother.

, the four of them discussed, yes, it's still the old way. Zhuge Liang shook the feather fan again and asked Liu Bei: ".

Chinese Americans Japan ** fell on a desert island, when the ammunition ran out of food, God appeared, God said: I give you a chance to go home, there are ten watermelons and cherries here, you choose one and stuff it into PP, if you stuff ten and don't laugh, you can go home, if you laugh, you have to die. They agreed, and the Americans chose Pingguo, and the third one couldn't help laughing, and he died; The Chinese shrewdly chose cherries, stuffed to the eighth, suddenly laughed, and also died.

The American saw the Chinese in heaven and asked him why, and the Chinese said: "Yes, I saw the Japanese come with watermelons."

Then the doctor asked, "Then if I cut off your other ear again." What will happen to you?

The Patient: Then I won't see it.

The doctor was starting to get nervous. How can you not see it?

Patient: Because the glasses will fall off.

1. In ancient times, a monk and a butcher were friends. The monk would get up in the morning to recite the sutras, and the butcher would get up and kill the pigs.

In order not to delay their work, they agreed to wake each other up in the morning.

Years later, the monk and the butcher died. The butcher went to heaven, but the monk went to hell.

Because the butcher does good deeds every day, and tells the monks to get up and recite the scriptures; And the monk told the butcher to rise up and kill every day.

2. The stationmaster of the railway station was waiting for the train at the station and found a cigarette butt on the ground, so he picked up the cigarette butt and held it in his hand. Not far away, I found another cigarette butt, walked over and picked it up again. After a while, there was a large handful of cigarette butts in his hand.

The stationmaster thought to himself, what's wrong today? With so many cigarette butts on the ground, what a system! I was about to find a theory for the shift leader, and when I looked up, I found that I was at a public bus station.

3. The reporter is interviewing a successful person.

Can you tell us the secret of your success? The reporter asked.

Four words: the right decision. "Successful people.

What are the right decisions that come from? ”

Two words: experience. ”

How did you get these experiences? ”

Four words: wrong decision".

4. There was a man who bought clothes and went to the tailor, and the tailor took a look at it and said that the clothes were not enough. He had to find another tailor for the right door, and it was quickly settled.

A few days later, when he went to pick up the goods, he saw the tailor's son wearing a dress made of his clothes, and he asked, "What's the matter?" The guy across the street said there wasn't enough clothes, but you could save money to make clothes for your children? ”

The tailor smiled, "I only have one precious son, and he has three!" ”

One day there were too many people on the bus, it was very hot, it was very stuffy, and I don't know who had a fart, and now the environment was even worse. My friend couldn't stand it, and he didn't know who it was, so he couldn't help it. It just so happened that the conductor was asking:

Who didn't buy a ticket? My friend suddenly had a plan and shouted, "The fart didn't buy a ticket!"

Suddenly, a particularly fat woman, holding the ticket in her hand, said loudly, "I have already bought the ticket!" “

There was a caterpillar who thought it was fun to pluck the feathers of the penguin, so he also plucked the feathers off his body. While he was admiring his smooth skin, another caterpillar climbed up and kicked him down, saying, "You dead earthworm, why do you learn how to climb trees?" ”

When I was 30 years old, I loved to play hide and seek, and when my friends were all hidden, I would go home.

32 If you are not happy, stand in the toilet and sing: fragrant and fluttering.

33 *** said, not to fall in love for the purpose of marriage, is to play a hooligan long ugly, live for a long time, and die quickly.

35 After the teacher finished the lecture, he said: What else do you not understand? I stretched and said, "What kind of lesson is this teacher?"

36 And one day a little girl came across from me, and said unto me:"You're so handsome''I went up and slapped herSaid :"Nonsense ..

37 I picked up 10 yuan on the side of the road and handed it to the handsome guy in the network administrator, who took the money and nodded his head at me, and I said happily and rushed to a member.