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This question is indeed a headache.
Yes, if the old man wants to live with you, and your husband agrees, as it is really difficult for you to make objections, you can only try to live together first, but you should communicate with your husband, what to do in case of disharmony The follow-up solution, let your husband also explain your concerns to his parents, it is better to say ugly words in front, this is my opinion.
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If your old people can take care of themselves, they can live, it's okay not to live with them, don't often bring people to think and do things differently, you will not be used to being together, there will often be contradictions, if the two are better, not long together, the sea will feel very good, but if the other party is not in good health and can not take care of their own life, then it is impossible to live separately and be an unfilial descendant.
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Since I don't want to live with the elderly, then I will buy a house and move out, but if the elderly are not in good health, we as juniors still have to live with the elderly and take care of our own elderly, because everyone has parents, and we will also have an old day, so we should empathize.
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What should I do if I am not happy to go out with the elderly, what should I do if I am not happy with the elderly? Aren't you just going to separate it? If you don't do it separately, you can only go together, Youhui does it like this, and you have to do it like that. If you don't eat together, you can go together.
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If you don't want to live with the elderly, you can move out and rent a house to live, and you can buy a house by yourself if you can.
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Then buy your own house and move out.
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First of all, we should respect everyone's personal preferences and choices. If you are not willing to live with an elderly person, then there are several options you can consider:
Rent a separate apartment or house: this way you can live independently and not share space with the elderly.
Share a house with someone your age: You can share a room with someone of the same age, so you can take care of each other and sometimes share life experiences with each other.
Communicate with your family: If you don't want to live with the elderly, you can talk to your family to see if you can find other solutions, such as living in a nearby senior apartment or someone to take care of them, so that you can maintain an independent lifestyle.
Whatever decision you make, respect the feelings and needs of older adults and communicate well with them.
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Living with your in-laws is unacceptable.
1. It is easy to cause conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Tension between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is part of cultural traditions, and it is also a problem that has been difficult to solve since ancient times. Many people say that to solve the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is good to understand the mother-in-law as long as the daughter-in-law is blind, but everyone understands the truth, but in the face of reality, many people do it. Therefore, in order to completely eliminate this problem, it is better not to live together.
2. There are many problems in intergenerational education.
Filial piety does not have to live together, living together, on the surface it can take care of parents, but in fact it may increase their burden. For example, the husband and wife are both office workers, and they are busy every day, not only will they not take care of their parents, but they will definitely let them worry about it, help with the gods' meals, take care of the children, and so on. Besides, children's education is also a problem.
Nowadays, the education concept of the older generation is very different from that of today's people, they may not necessarily take good children, and even spoil children, and intergenerational education has a great impact on children's growth.
3. There is no free space.
Most young people love to be lively, but when they live with their parents, there are many restrictions and they have to follow the rules with their parents. In the long run, we are likely to quarrel with our parents when we are young and vigorous.
4. It is difficult to figure out economic problems.
When you encounter a large family split, living with your parents will cause unnecessary trouble, and they will think that you are naked, and you will be said to gnaw at the old. Moreover, living in different homes for the elderly can also reduce their dependence on their parents and enhance their independence.
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In the past two days, I have seen a question, should young people live with old people? I currently live with my parents, but I personally think that when the elderly are in good health, it is better to live separately from their children, which is self-interested and altruistic.
Sometimes it is not because there are irreconcilable contradictions between the two sides that there is unhappiness when they live together, but in terms of the differences in lifestyles and values between the two generations, there will be many inconsistencies that lead to conflicts.
I have a friend who has been living separately from her parents and in-laws since she got married, but this year because she had a baby, there was no one to take care of the child, and her mother-in-law moved into their house to help take care of the child. She and her mother-in-law don't have any mother-in-law problems, mother-in-law is more reasonable, she is also a highly educated person, and they can understand each other, but there are still many unpleasantness. It's all a small problem, but sometimes there's no way to avoid living together.
For example, her mother-in-law's cooking taste is very strong, and she is not used to eating it, but as a person who sits back and enjoys it, it is not easy to give opinions, and her mother-in-law is not used to eating the taste; There is also the fact that if her husband is not there, she and her mother-in-law have almost no common topic except for the children, the things that the two people care about, the topics they want to talk about are different, basically there is nothing to say, and it will be more embarrassing to stay alone in a space. She is most afraid of the sudden silence of the air, so she basically tries to minimize the time at home outside of work.
Personally, the family is more harmonious, but I also really don't like living with my parents. One of the simplest examples, my mother doesn't sleep well, usually goes to bed around nine o'clock, but this is too early for me, and her sleep quality is relatively low, I only need to make a little noise and she will be woken up, which is more painful for both of us. She wakes up early in the morning, and if I wake up late on weekends, I will be nagged if I don't like to do housework, and I will be nagged if I don't eat on time.
The list goes on and on. So for the sake of each other's quality of life, I think it's better for the two generations to live separately, so that both parties can have a better quality of life.
Of course, people are emotional animals, and if the elderly are already relatively old, or are not in good health, and cannot take good care of themselves, then it is a different matter. After all, you raise me young, I raise you old, and respecting the old and filial piety is also our emotional belonging and responsibility.
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If you don't want to live with the elderly, but you can't live separately, you should communicate more with the elderly, and don't always have the psychology of exclusion. Be good at discovering the good in the elderly. Take care of your emotions, Liang Jishu maintains her own living space, and the relationship with the elderly will be improved.
The relationship between parents is indeed difficult to balance, and any relationship needs boundaries and bottom lines, in fact, if you keep a proper distance, everyone is much more comfortable and has a lot less influence on each other. It is normal for young people to be reluctant to live with the elderly at home, unless they are the kind of people who are financially gnawing at the old and have to treat the elderly as labor and cannot do without the help of the elderly. First of all, the work and rest time is inconsistent, the elderly go to bed early and get up early, and the young people go to bed late and get up late, living together will affect each other, and they will not be used to each other for a long time, resulting in contradictions; Secondly, the eating habits are different, the elderly eat lightly and softly, while the young people just do not, they pursue the taste more, and it is also troublesome if they can't eat together; Third, there is a big difference in consumption concepts, the elderly are generally more frugal, leftovers are reluctant to throw away, old clothes and old furniture are reluctant to throw away, and some elderly people also like to pick up things to go home, and the house is full.
Young people like shopping, online shopping, the pursuit of fashion, etc., and some elderly people also want to interfere, which leads to disgust among young people. Fourth, the worldview, values, parenting views, etc., can lead to unpleasant relationships. After all, young and old people have different living rules and eating habits, so try not to live together.
The best way to keep your distance and maintain your relationship is not to live together and hope you are happy every day.
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The reluctance of juniors to live with the elderly is not unfilial piety, but a way of life that has a different age group, and the work and rest time should understand each other and support each other.
As long as the feelings are deep, it is not enough to live together is also fully acceptable, companionship is not necessary to live together, the bits and pieces of life can reflect the care and filial piety of the younger generations for the elderly, and they can't lock together, which is a normal state of life, in fact, the younger generations also need their own independent space, and they may not be willing to live with the juniors.
First, the juniors are reluctant to live with the elderly, not unfilial piety, but two people of different ages, lifestyles, living habits, work and rest times and life rules are different, do not live together, each has its own independent space, but is a kind of respect for the elderly.
Second, in real life, the elderly are also reluctant to live with juniors, which is also because they all need to have their own independent space and their own lifestyle, so that both parties are more relaxed and happy.
In fact, as long as the juniors can understand their parents, do not gnaw at the old, have Sunday holidays, visit their parents, accompany their parents, and be considerate of their parents, this is filial piety, don't let the old worry more, don't let the old man get angry, this is also a way of filial piety.
Fourth, Xiaobei is reluctant to live with the elderly, not unfilial, but more reflects the filial piety to parents, the elderly retire quietly turned, the elderly's own way of life, such as dancing square dance, playing chess, playing cards, going out to travel, so people have their own sufficient space, which is also a kind of filial piety to the elderly.
Fifth, the juniors are reluctant to live with the elderly, not unfilial, which can better reflect the juniors can live independently, after the juniors get married, they must have their own independent living ability, diesel salt, sauce, vinegar and tea is a way for them to live in the future, so not living with the elderly, this is a kind of exercise for them, an experience of their life.
In short, Xiaobei, unwilling to live with the elderly is not unfilial, this is more reflected, mutual respect because of the different lifestyles and rest times, so living together is more likely to produce contradictions, distance produces beauty, so in this way, there is independent space, as long as there is this filial piety to parents, with action to honor the elderly, this is enough.
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In modern society, people's lifestyles and values have changed a lot, and many young people choose to live and work independently and leave their families. In addition, some families may face the problem of empty nesting, and the elderly may feel lonely and helpless. In this case, the juniors can care for and take care of the elderly in other ways, such as frequent visits, ** contact, sending supplies and so on.
At the same time, juniors should also try their best to create a warm, old and comfortable living environment for the elderly, so that they can feel cared for and loved. In conclusion, filial piety is not just about simply living together, but caring for and taking care of the lives of the elderly through various ways.
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Then you will secretly go out to find a job and don't tell them, and then find a job, if it feels okay, you are playing ** and telling your parents, and then your parents and relatives and relatives will call you ** to let you go back with all kinds of excuses, you just say I won't go back, no matter how they force you, you have to refuse, if your parents scold you in **, you will scold them, quarrel with them, if you are by your parents' side, your parents will take care of your affairs and be strict. Then you have to be brave to quarrel with them, if they scold you, you must dare to scold bravely, if they beat you, you have to be brave to fight with them, only then your life will be free.
You need to think calmly now, we can't tell you which family or girlfriend to choose, the choice is in your hands, I think if you want to marry, the family will agree. But at the same time, you have to think about the consequences, whether your girlfriend will be able to get along with your family, and how your next generation will deal with it if she does have a genetic disease. Love can touch everyone, but it cannot be the answer to everything.