New Year, New Year, New Year, New Year, those jokes

Q: What line do monkeys like the most? Answer: Parallel lines, because there is no intersection (banana)!

Armor; Do you want a rich husband? Second; As long as I have money, I will marry anyone! Armor; Do you marry the safe of the bank? Second; ~~

In the thirtieth year of the Chinese New Year's Eve, Fangfang's father hung a New Year painting. After he hung the first one, he asked Fang Fang to see from behind whether the second one was level with the first. In order to please the auspiciousness, he told Fangfang to say:

If I am high, you will say rich, and if I am low, you will say health. "When he hung up the painting, Fang Fang looked left and right in the same place, so he reported:"Dad, it's not rich, and it's not healthy. "

The humorous New Year's joke is as follows:

1. Eat dumplings on Chinese New Year's Eve, smile and live to old age; The Year of the Ox is really good, and all bad luck runs away; Set off fireworks during the New Year, and everything can be done as expected; On the fifteenth day of the first lunar month, I eat the Lantern Festival, and good things are happy one after another.

2. The Spring Festival is coming, the auspicious stars are shining, the golden tiger is chasing the golden rabbit and running, and the golden rabbit crashes into your arms. The golden rabbit is making trouble in front of him again, making the God of Wealth not sleep, smiling at you day and night, and scattering banknotes all the time. I wish you good fortune and prosperity in the New Year.

3. I wish you the New Year: happiness in your pocket, smile at any time, wear health on your body, be wide and fat every day, put happiness in your chest, be proud of the spring breeze officialdom, and smile on your lips.

4. Relay the Year of the Goat, blessings and blessings, giving strength to the Year of the Goat, good luck continues, the golden sheep jumps wildly, and the auspiciousness arrives; The golden sheep swayed, and life was more exciting; The golden sheep dances, and the festive flavor is stronger. The Year of the Goat is really lively, text hello, happy and happy New Year.

Paragraph term:

"Duanzi" is an artistic term in cross talk, which refers to a section or a paragraph of artistic content in cross talk works, and with the frequent use of the word "duan", its connotation has also quietly changed, and people unconsciously subjectively integrate it into some unique connotations, in addition to the original meaning, the word is also a common name for vocal programs or literary works.

As a result, some "yellow jokes", "meat jokes" (yellow jokes), "cold jokes" (connotative jokes), and "black jokes" (horror stories) have also appeared with the expansion of the meaning of the word, and ironically, the cradle "art" that produced "jokes" has been included in "jokes".

Falling in love, accidentally got the next generation, it was late December, I went to a hospital for surgery, before entering the operating room, the mobile phone rang, and I received a message, I was quite surprised, because I have long been used to only playing ** without texting, open it and see, it was sent by my mother: "I heard that you are pregnant".

I was shocked, could it be that my mother saw that I was strange recently?

Tempting me?

I had no choice but to admit that my mother was shocked + cried + scolded + served by family law, and the criticism of me lasted for several months, with all kinds of words and all kinds of education.

This is not over, one day I was bored, looking at the short message in the phone, and when I turned to my mother's one, I suddenly found that there was a scroll bar next to it!

I looked down and it turned out that the truth was:

I heard you're pregnant.

After the n squares are empty).

The ultrasound examination is pregnant with an egg, and the doctor said that there is still a week to give birth, and I wish you a happy Christmas in advance!

The full moon will be in another week, I wish you a happy round egg (New Year's Day)!

I don't know though, but upstairs I don't recommend it, it's too much trouble.

Xie Jin's couplets.

Xie Jin has been good at writing since he was a child, and his export has become a chapter. During the Spring Festival this year, he posted a pair of Spring Festival couplets on the back door: "The door is to thousands of poles and bamboos, and the family has thousands of books."

The clerk at the door was very unhappy, and thought that only a man like me was worthy of pasting this couplet, so he ordered the servant to cut down the bamboo. After a while, the family came to report, and Xie Jin's Spring Festival couplets were changed to: "The door is short for thousands of poles and bamboos, and the family collection is long for thousands of books."

When the staff listened, they were very annoyed, and they dug up the bamboo by the roots, but unexpectedly, the Spring Festival couplets of the Xie family were changed to: "The door is short of thousands of poles and bamboos, and the family has thousands of books." ”

Ji Xiaolan released the Spring Festival couplets.

Ji Xiaolan is a bachelor in the Qing Dynasty, once, he went home to visit relatives during the Spring Festival, and there were three brothers in the township who asked him to write Spring Festival couplets. This is a terrible thing, and someone accused him of deceiving the king in the name of "committing it". When Emperor Qianlong learned of this, he immediately summoned Ji Xiaolan back to Beijing to inquire, and Ji Xiaolan replied:

I wrote the couplets correctly! This boss is selling cannonballs, isn't it an 'earth-shattering portal'? The second child is in charge of the bucket in the bazaar, and he is called 'one bucket and two buckets' all day long, isn't it a count of two people's homes?

The third child sells roast chicken, isn't it 'cut first and then played'? Qianlong also smiled when he said this.

The whole family makes couplets.

In ancient times, there was a person who was very superstitious and wanted to ask for good fortune in everything. On the evening of the thirtieth day of the Chinese New Year's Eve, my father's two sons discussed: "A pair of Spring Festival couplets should be posted in the hall, and now let's each say an auspicious word and make up a pair of Spring Festival couplets."

The two sons nodded yes. The father stroked his beard and said, "Good year!"

The eldest son thought about it and said, "There is little luck." The second son then read again:

No lawsuits! When he finished reading it, everyone praised it, and my father wrote a long unpunctuated piece and pasted it in the center of the hall. The next day, the neighbors came to pay their respects.

As soon as I entered the door, I saw the Spring Festival couplets and read aloud: "This year is so unlucky, there is no need to go to court!" ”

The young master writes Spring Festival couplets.

Once upon a time, there was a young master, who ate, drank and had fun on weekdays, was idle, and spent all the inheritance left by his father. On Chinese New Year's Eve, this impoverished young master wrote a couplet to mock himself and posted it on the door: "Do frugal things, live a dull year."

After reading it, an old scholar in the village sighed, and added a word to the beginning of the couplet, which became: "Do frugal things early, so as not to live indifferently." ”