I can t tolerate what a child thinks if he is not good

This is another sorrow of Xueba. If you give birth to a stupid child, you can't even comfort yourself with words like "I wasn't smart when I was a kid." After all, from elementary school to university, I didn't think it was difficult to get into the top five of my grade.

What's even more depressing is that my husband is an alumnus, and I can't get rid of it. Since I was a child, I hated stupid people, and I felt that I had no way to accept the mediocre qualifications of my children. I think it's hard for the onlookers to accept, I've heard countless people say to me, you and your husband from Peking University, the children born must be very smart.

Please see me roll my eyes in the sky, so I think what my classmates said before is very reasonable: what kind of child to have, and no cat is good-looking, and no cat is obedient, and you have to worry about whether the bear is bearish or not, and whether there is a problem with IQ. Looking at the stupid egg yolk and stupid August in our house, it's better to have a cat.

My husband is just like you, so, I'm very qualified for this question. My husband's family conditions are poor, and he has become a well-known person in the industry in his area by hard work all the way, which I admire very much. The focus is below.

Because of his personal successes, he has become very critical and arrogant, yes, arrogant. As a result, my children and I all have very low self-esteem and are getting worse and worse. Because we don't have the opportunity to experience and make mistakes, he always comes out and intervenes at the first time.

What would happen if this would happen? It's that he will get more and more tired, but no one will sympathize. The premise of education is respect, and if you think you are the "guide" who shelters from the wind and rain, the other party may think that you are the one who blocks the sun.

You think that others are in the pit, and you are trying to pull, but you can't see that you are the real person who buries the pit. Finally, since you come from a small town, you should know that when farmers plant their land, they should sow seeds, fertilize and water them in the right season, and the rest of the time is waiting. Have you ever seen a day in the field scolding the seedlings for not growing?

You are like this, which is a typical example of many parents nowadays, demanding perfection from each other and being anxious to the limit. Genes and environment are not fully replicable.

I also expected my child to be an excellent person, but I was disappointed when I found out that he was actually mediocre or even inferior to me, but when I reviewed the whole history of my mobile game gacha, I was relieved - a person who can only draw R cards without a guarantee, can he expect to have an SSR baby? If you can't delete the number and start over, even if you only have one r, you have to raise and love him, and it's the right way to brush his equipment and brush **.

You can't let go of yourself, and naturally you won't let go of others, including your own children. You can't stand your mediocrity, and naturally you can't tolerate your own children's not being good. So if you're going to change, start by accepting your imperfections.

In addition, you think that you must use a lot of effort to educate your children, and I tell you the truth, as long as your children are not mentally retarded, they do not need you to force or teach to get good grades, and they can attend classes well. As an adult, you need to teach him how to be a person, how to make friends, how to be friendly to others, and how to be more responsible, which is what will benefit him for life. You don't have to care all day long about whether your children are full, whether they are bullied, whether they have suffered losses, whether they have taken the first place in the whole grade, and whether they can compare other children so that you can have face.

Only if you let go of these obsessions and say goodbye to the acting character inherited from your heart, you will find that although your child did not take the first place in the exam, and he did not have a lot of talents in speaking and singing, he will care about people, have compassion, and can play well with his classmates, he will be bad but still very kind, he will lie at a young age but also have a sense of responsibility, and you think such a son is also very good. Only when you see the good in his humanity can you exert your strength to guide him.

After all, every parent wants their children to be better.

The reason why the caregiver cannot tolerate that his child is not good is because the caregiver has a strong sense of inferiority in his heart. They project their inferiority complex onto their children and try to digest their inferiority complex through the child's "excellence". This inferiority complex may come from the parenter's family of origin, or it may come from their acquired experiences.

But this mode of projecting one's emotions to others for comfort is more likely to be brought about by the family of origin.

Previously, it was reported that Zuckerberg's enlightenment books for his children were:"quantum physics for babies", I ordered a copy without saying a word, and sure enough, my son was not interested at all. Afterwards, I reflected on it, and this mentality of not urging myself to become Zuckerberg but secretly expecting my son to be on par with Zuckerberg's daughter was a little cowardly. The mentality of expecting children to be excellent also comes from not being good enough or not rich enough at home, for example, I estimate that Wang Sicong's father definitely doesn't care about how many points he scores, what did his father say, and prepared hundreds of millions for him to fail?

Encourage you.

Have you watched "Zichuan", the last paragraph, I have always thought it is very good. "When we were young, we told you heroic stories, not because you had to be a hero, but because we wanted you to have noble morals. When you were a teenager, we exposed you to poetry, painting, and ** in order to fill your soul with interest.

These tastes will sustain you for the rest of your life. In this way, you will not forget the fragrance of roses, even in the harshest winters. "As long as you can grow up healthily, be an honest person, think independently, and live a happy life, this is the highest expectation that your parents have for you.

Purple River

You can change your expectations for your children and adjust your psychological state。Every parent hopes that their child can be good enough, but the children's abilities are uneven, and some children still cannot achieve the goals expected by their parents even if they work hard. If your child is not good enough, how do you deal with it?

I think the best thing to do is to try to adjust my mental state.

1. Adjust your mentality.

It is an indisputable fact that children are not good enough, at this time we must adjust our mentality in time, some parents always have a spirit of not admitting defeat, forcing their children to work towards their own goals, which not only fails to achieve the expected results, but may also lead to depression in children. Why are more and more children choosing to jump off buildings? On the one hand, it is because of the excessive pressure of learning at school, and on the other hand, it is because it is not understood by parents at home.

Therefore, instead of forcing the child to be better, it is better to lower the goal of the child, and the most important thing is that the child grows up safely.

Second, health is more important.

It doesn't matter if the child is not good, the point is to have a good body and a healthy mind. Therefore, parents may wish to take their children to do more outdoor sports to increase their children's immunity, reduce illness, and pay more attention to their children's mental health. Some children will put pressure on themselves when they find that they are not good enough, which can easily affect the healthy growth of children.

3. A skill.

Parents can develop their children's skills and help them live independently in the future. Grades don't mean everything, some children have poor grades, but they have unique talents in other areas, parents may wish to try to find the shining point in their children, or focus on cultivating children's hobbies. For example, there was a fifth-grade student who always failed exams, but he especially enjoyed cooking for his parents and was very good at his skills.

If parents can train themselves to be chefs, they may have a very good future in the future.

It is impossible for all children to be excellent, so be good at accepting the facts. If your child is not good, you can try to tap into your child's potential in other areas.

If my child is not good enough, I will choose to accept this, because not everyone has the potential to be a good person, I think as long as he is healthy and kind this is enough.

I will find out why I am not good enough first, and then I will solve the problem with the right medicine, but I will not put a lot of pressure on my child because then he will be unhappy.

I will look at it with a normal heart and will not feel sad. As long as my child can grow up healthy and happy, it's fine.

First of all, you must correctly understand that children's excellence is not only reflected in one field, but also needs to be compared. If my child is not good enough in the areas that he or she is interested in or that he or she is willing to develop, then I will encourage him or her, work with him or her to find out why he or she is lagging behind, and then let him or her slowly improve.

I will lie flat, because my children don't have to be too good, as long as they grow up safe and healthy.

I will go with the flow and not put too much pressure on my child, because it will backfire if I am too anxious.

In my opinion, among the shortcomings of children, I feel that dishonesty, lying behavior is absolutely intolerable. I think if a child develops the habit of lying from an early age, then it will be very bad for him to grow up later.

The shortcomings of children lying are intolerable, because the character of the child who lies is problematic, and the future development of such a child is also very worrying, and such behavior is also against the principles and bottom line.

Lying, this is what I can't tolerate, I can tolerate her won't, she can't do well, she makes mistakes, but I can't tolerate her lying, her irresponsibility, his evasion.

In my opinion, the shortcomings of children lying are absolutely intolerable, because I think a child must be honest in order to have a good character.

I often hear colleagues around me say that don't train your children too well. Children who are too good are all national and social, not their own.

They gave a lot of examples. The old professors in the school have put a lot of effort into the education of their children. Most of the best ones have settled abroad.

The old man stayed in the country and did not see his child once in many years. And those children with average development, stay with their parents, children and grandchildren are around their knees, and the family is lively and unhappy.

This is true. I had previously interviewed an 80-year-old retired leader of the school. His children are abroad, and his wife has died.

He lives alone in a three-room house and hires a nanny to take care of him. The old man is very kind, quick thinking, and his health is fine, and he also learns English by himself every day. But the loneliness in his eyes made us feel distressed when we looked at it.

After that, we chatted with the old man from time to time. When I visited him occasionally, he always looked out of the window early and prepared a lot of delicious food for us, just like his own granddaughter. No matter how high the previous position was, no matter how good the children were, without the children by their side, the old man would be lonely after all.

Let's take a look at a few colleagues around me. The sons are ordinary children who go to ordinary schools in the local area. After graduating, I found a job locally and went home every day.

In a few years, find a girl who is a lead seepage land to marry, and it will only be more than ten minutes away from the homes of both parents. There are no differences in living habits, no language differences, and there will be no conflicts because of whose house to go to for the New Year. With a child, both parents can help.

Parents enjoy family fun, and children are relaxed.

In the past few years, many high school classmates have returned to their hometowns. After working hard outside for several years, I returned to the small town to take the civil service exam, become a teacher, or do a small business, get married and have children, and get together with my parents, relatives and friends every day. The family has a house and land, although the salary is not high, but it is also comfortable and lively.

However, a few of us were so-called excellent students at the beginning, working hard outside. I finally got out of the small city, and I have a good job in the first-tier new first-tier city, so I don't have to shout that I will go back again, but the parents are reluctant to stay away from home, and the excellent children they have cultivated are honorable, but in reality? Can't see or touch, how to get rid of those lonely times?

Now I'm a mother myself. Like every parent, I want my child to have a successful future. However, selfishly, I don't want my children to stay away.

Sometimes I think that she will go to college in other places and work in distant cities, and I will always sweat in shock. Parents are always contradictory.

In my mind, my 10-year-old daughter has always been a child. Although she usually pays attention to exercising her work ability, she often surprises and satisfies us. But this time I didn't judge, and I felt like I was underestimating her abilities a little.

The reason is that two weeks ago, the school was preparing to hold an English style competition, and each class in grades 3 to 4 prepared an English program, from which some outstanding works were screened out, and then performed in a unified manner, and the judges judged them uniformly.

The English teacher selected several students with good grades in the class and asked them to prepare a program to participate in the competition. However, the teacher is not involved, and it is up to the children to decide which program to perform, direct, plan, determine the roles, prepare the props, and arrange the rehearsal time by themselves.

I support my daughter's participation in this kind of activity, the children use the morning reading and Saturday and Sunday time to rehearse and memorize lines, I actively pick up and drop off, and also prepare water and drinks for the children, and help her prepare props, and the mother of another classmate is afraid that the children will rehearse in the park in the hot weather, so she invited them to her own home, and also rented costumes for the children online.

Despite the children's efforts and the cooperation of the family leaders, I was a little less confident about participating in this competition, to be honest. I was worried that my daughter would have too high expectations for the results, so I told her that it was a good opportunity to exercise. It's the engagement, not the outcome, that matters.

Do you think that if the teacher is not involved in the whole process, and the children do everything by themselves, will the effect be satisfactory?

But to everyone's surprise, their daughter's program was unanimously affirmed and praised by the judges and teachers, and won the first prize. To encourage the children, certificates were also presented to each person. The teachers are happy for the children's achievements, the children are proud of the honors they have received, and the family is happy for the children's performance beyond their imagination.

We always hope that our children will grow up to be able to deal with things, but we don't believe in their abilities. Parents often tend to ignore their children's shining points, but they don't know that it is the parents themselves who cover their children's shining points.

Sometimes, children's creativity, adaptability, and learning ability are beyond our imagination. We underestimate our children and underestimate their self-reliance when they are not under our noses.

We must believe that children are capable of doing their best. Those who don't have the ability to do our best are those of us who are parents.