Help revise an essay, and add 100 points if it s okay

Mom, grandmother in the middle of the use of a stop in the middle of the grandmother depends on each other, followed by a full stop while going to school, while working. Use a pause in the middle, a comma in the back Opportunity is coming. Followed by a comma Succeeded.

The comma at the back chats with his family, and he invites his grandmother and mother to share the joy of success with them. Isn't this a real filial piety? Changed to:

Isn't this a filial son of the younger generation?

For example, "Listen to Mother" teaches us to understand the good intentions of our parents Changed to: For example, "Listen to My Mother" teaches us to understand the good intentions of our parents and know their hearts.

Whenever parents talk about it together, "Jay Chou" naturally becomes the focus of attention. This big-eyed star has been popular for 8 years and has many fans. Almost everyone knows about this extraordinary person.

But in the voices praising "Jay Chou", the complaints of parents are particularly harsh. "Because the child is obsessed with Jay Chou, he doesn't concentrate on studying every day, which leads to a plummeting grade. Such a statement has to make us think about it carefully, is it Jay Chou who harmed these children?

Is Jay Chou the culprit? I don't think so.

Jay Chou is still a person who dares to challenge fate. His parents divorced when he was a child, but he did not give up on himself and go astray, but was self-reliant and self-reliant. Since I was a child, I have been dependent on my mother and grandmother, going to school and working part-time.

But the misfortune of his family can't stop his persistence and love for **. Finally, he was signed by Alpha Company, but he was not reused, just wrote songs, but this has already satisfied Jay Chou. Finally, the opportunity came.

He relied on his own songs, and succeeded. has become a king-level figure in the music world. Broke out of a brilliant sky of its own.

Isn't this an example of daring to challenge fate and never admit defeat?

At the same time, Jay Chou is still a dutiful son. He was very filial to his mother and grandmother since he was a child. With their own efforts, they have been recognized by everyone.

Although he has become a big star, his filial piety to his elders is still undiminished. I often take time out of my busy schedule to chat with my family and travel. In many concerts, he invited his grandmother and mother to share the joy of success with them.

He also specially composed beautiful songs for his grandmother and mother, isn't this a real filial piety?

Jay Chou is a very talented person! Many catchy and intriguing songs are written by him. He can not only write lyrics, but also compose music, and his rap level is also first-class.

The lyrics he writes are often deeply educational. For example, "Listen to Mother" teaches us to understand the good intentions of our parents. "Snail" tells us how difficult it is to find our dreams.

A total of 5 of his songs have been selected as student textbooks or exam questions.

Therefore, I think Jay Chou is a good artist and a good role model for the majority of young people, and he has a lot of things worth learning and advocating! Those parents who think that Jay Chou is delaying their children should also find out what the problem is from themselves and their children? And you can't push all the problems to Jay Chou!

If the majority of young people take Jay Chou as a role model and learn from his upward, hard-working, and dedicated spirit, wouldn't it be a good thing?

Life can have many qualities, such as perseverance, charity, generosity, diligence, integrity, self-discipline, honesty, and so on. Only those who have a good character can be respected by others, and character determines the value of a person. Mine is stoic.

I remember on the first day of summer vacation, my mom asked me to do a lot of exercises as a punishment for my summer homework and for being too bad on my exams. I remember very well that one of them was the Olympiad in mathematics.

That day, I completed all my summer homework in one day, and except for that one Olympiad problem, I thought there was only one thing left that should be solved quickly. So, I immediately worked on it so that I wouldn't have too many dreams in the future.

But when I read the first question, I immediately felt that it was so difficult, why is this little Olympiad application problem so difficult? Is this still the domain of earthlings? But what can I do?

I had to think slowly, who called me bad, who called me unlucky, who called me my homework assigned by my mother.

But when I think of Edison's invention of an electric light bulb, he experimented more than 1,000 times, but when asked how he felt after failure, he said that he had never failed once, and the whole invention took exactly 1,000 steps.

There was also a 90-year-old man named Yu Gong who had a mountain blocking their way, so Yu Gong decided to move the mountain and did not move it for a year, but he still did not give up and continued to move hard. An old man came, but advised him not to waste his efforts. And Yu Gong didn't say a word or insisted on his own principles, he must move the mountain, this touching scene was moved by the gods, so the gods immediately ordered the gods of the mountains to move the mountain.

In the end, after more than 2 hours of struggle and perseverance, I solved this Olympiad application problem!

This is perseverance, a spirit that does not give up until the last minute, a condition for success.

You only state your character in paragraphs 2-4, but you don't go on to explain your character.

As you said in the first paragraph, "Only a person with a good character can be respected by others, and character determines the value of a person", then what kind of respect does your character give you? What is your character worth?

You don't write mainly about your character, (your character should be detailed) and then add a little bit of good words and good sentences, and the ending is not very good,

The ending is not very good. Add some words;

One. Typo: "of" in "trembling uncontrollably" is changed to "ground".

The "dawn" of "dawn" is written next to the word "目". "Male teacher" should be "lion". "Striving for the peak" should be "competing for the front".

Two. There is something wrong with the phrase "Witness to you who once made me proud".

When people used to be proud, "I" didn't exist, so it should be changed to a generic "we". "So" and "was" swap places. Three.

This article is very creative and engaging, and after reading the beginning, I can't help but read down and wonder who the "you" written is. The language is subtle and contagious. Use the second person, the words are sincere, and the emotions are sincere.

However, the article is a little vague and the vocabulary is somewhat poor. If some specific historical facts with a sense of the times are added to the article, and repetitive words such as "falling" and "falling asleep" are replaced with more visual words, the article will be more readable and more in-depth.

Don't forget the real scenery around you because of the wonderful in front of you" Always remember this sentence So I am lucky to have the most beautiful scenery.

Footsteps have been deeply immersed in the colorful and rich online world, and the excitement in front of me is always much easier than the heavy study. However, there are gains and losses, and the plummeting results are the "fish" that I discarded. My mother's annoying advice was also left behind. My mother was speechless, there was no loud reprimand, no cruel scolding, just that every day all kinds of books stood by my side to accompany me to read and explain to me, time lifted the footsteps and slipped away quietly, my mother was like this every day, even if he didn't know much.

It's very ruthless to my mother, but for some reason I can always look for the world in the book that I don't know with peace of mind in his company.

Maybe it's the world I don't know in the book that attracts me, maybe it's like the turtle next to the candle that feels an inexplicable warmth, and I like to see the sunlight scattered on the pages of the book, watch the floating time turn into yellowed paper and jump on my fingertips, and look at the world of lines outlined by a few strokes. gradually realized Li Qingzhao's sorrow of "things are people, not everything, and tears flow first"; tasted Xin Qiji's "and now I know the taste of sorrow, I want to say that I will rest, I want to say that I will rest, but the weather is cool and autumn" is so bold; I have learned all about Queen Li"Ask how much sorrow you can have, just like a river of spring water flowing eastward"the joys and sorrows; Looking at Su Shi, "the rocks and clouds collapsed, the waves cracked the shore, and thousands of piles of snow were rolled up." The country is picturesque, how many heroes are there at one time!

The majestic momentum . Gradually, the excitement of the Internet is no longer so unforgettable.

On the way to growing up, there are always various things that attract us. It's just that under the wordless mother's love, I learned to let go of the excitement on the Internet, found the beauty in the book, and harvested the most beautiful scenery - maternal love.

Looking back, the days that have passed away are like a shaking kaleidoscope, inadvertently shaking out an imitable pattern, and the gathering and dispersion and joys and sorrows are out of print again and again.

I have receded my immature wings, and the road far away is still long and full of deep and shallow footprints, but I am already growing.

After that time, "don't forget the real scenery around you because of the wonderful things in front of you" was engraved in my heart.

If happiness is sunshine, I will gain more than others by reaching out because I have learned to open my fingers, so that I will have a steady stream of happiness.

If a smile is sunshine, when I hold a touch of afterglow on the horizon, I don't hide it in my heart and watch it gradually settle in the palm of my hand, I learn to sprinkle it on the earth. In this way, you will get the warmth of the earth.

Add a symbol to the end.

You've written very well, you've used analogies and metaphors well, your ending is good, it's commendable, and it would be nice if you could add a few more quotes.

This Friday, I will help you change it, and send it to your QQ mailbox after changing it.

It would be nice to add a little bit of a question at the end.

My chicks.

The luck of a businessman is that he has a lot of money, the luck of his parents is the health of his children, and my luck is that he has a "lucky child".

At the turn of spring and summer this year, my sister and I went to Xuanwu Lake Park to play, and after playing, as soon as we left the park gate, we were attracted by the noisy rooster crow, and we saw a group of people in front of us, and my sister and I struggled to squeeze into the crowd. Take a closer look, wow! It was a fluffy chick, round, chubby, and swaying when it walked, and my sister and I couldn't take our eyes off it anymore, so we bought four of them and went home.

It's just - just two days after arriving at my house, three chicks died very sadly.

The only strongest chick that survived, I named it "Lucky Ones". The "lucky one" grew cream-yellow feathers, like a pom-pom ball bigger than a ping-pong ball, supported by two thin yellow-colored branches. At the junction of its small head and the orb, it has a pair of small angelic wings.

It sounds from a small ball with a pointed cone, which is inlaid with two small eyes, and the pointed beak can make different sounds when closed. When it barks, its eyes flash and twinkle, which is very cute.

Chicks are not only cute, but they also have distinctive voices. When the chick is afraid, it raises its head high and opens its mouth wide and screams very sharply, as if to say to people: "I'm afraid, I'll shoot, come and save me!"

When I give it warmth, it will quietly close its eyes and rest for a while, sometimes screaming a few times, as if to say, "Thank you, thank you, I'm so comfortable." "When a chick is hungry, its head will shake and chirp as if to say:

Little master, little master, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, give me something to eat. ”

When it is full, it will flap its ungrown and plump wings and run around the house with the little master, causing everyone to laugh and ......

Five days passed, and the "lucky ones" learned to take care of themselves. It has learned to comb its feathers with its pointed beak, to use its pointed mouth to look around for tasty food, and to exercise its body for example, stretching its head to fan its wings, stretching its head forward and stretching its hind legs, and the "Golden Rooster Independence" ......

The lucky ones "accompany me to rest every day, live with me, and are inseparable......This is my chick – my beloved "lucky one".

The article, the more basic Liang Tan scoring technique is to echo from beginning to end, and point out the lucky one at the beginning, which can create a small suspense and make readers wonder, what is the lucky one? I have the desire to read down, and to write about the lucky one at the end is to follow the beginning.

I don't know if it's a propositional essay.,If it's not a proposition.,Just change the name of the article.,My chick doesn't have any creativity as a title.,It's recommended to change it to "it-my lucky one" or something.。

Hee-hee......,Little brother,Composition this thing,Usually memorize more good sentences and paragraphs,You can always use one or two sentences in writing.,It will add a lot of color to the article.,And if there are any problems, tell my sister with hi.,You can revise it again.。

Add more metaphors, personification is more vivid in the article.

Just out of the house changed to just got off the boat.

The language is a bit too colloquial, and it would be better to compare the opening language. When the wind and frost quietly bleached her temples, when the fine lines gradually climbed up her forehead, when the years ruthlessly aged her face, she was still safe and sound, still looking at us with gentle eyes, she had a nice name: mother. “