What are some jokes that will make you happy for the day?

1. Every time a couple quarrels, the wife will run to the toilet to stay for a while, at first the husband thought she was just having a stomachache, but every time after a quarrel is like this, he can't help but ask his wife: "Why do you come out of the toilet every time you quarrel, and every time you come out of the toilet, you are very relieved." The wife said

I'm going to clean the toilet! The husband was even more puzzled: "Brushing the toilet can still make you gas?"

What kind of logic is this! The wife said, "I don't know if it's deflated or not, I just know that it was brushed with your toothbrush!"

There is a male colleague who is very short, and once someone politely said, "What is condensed is the essence." He misheard and said, "Yes!" Those who come from the countryside are the essence!

I'm from the countryside! At that time, he made us laugh comfortably, so much so that now when someone in the unit looks for him, they all ask: "Is the essence from the countryside?"

When I was in school, I often skipped class to go to the Internet café, and once I saw the dean of education at school, I greeted him very politely: "Hello director" Director: "I haven't seen you for a long time, you have grown so big". ‍

Dude: You know what? The goddess Lili, who I have been pursuing, sent me warmth yesterday!

Me: Congratulations! What's the send?

Dude: Yesterday afternoon, the leader informed us to go to the conference room for a meeting, and Lili went late, and when she passed by me and walked in, she let out a warm fart.

A good man catches a turtle and wants to eat it, but he is hindered by the fact that he is a good person. So an iron plate was placed on the boiling pot and the turtle was allowed to crawl over. "Life or death, everything is determined.

If you can crawl through, then you should not die; If you fall on the way, don't blame the good people for breaking the vows and opening meat. The turtle endured the high temperature and crawled over, the good man was surprised, looked around, stretched out his hand to grab the turtle and said, "Little turtle, you are the best, good, let's try again!" ”

Today, the subway, is about to get off. A woman behind me patted me and asked, "Do you get out of the car?" and replied "Down", she said, "Then let's change", and then squeezed me forward. I always felt that something was wrong, but I only heard her ask the man in front of her, "Do you get out of the car", and after getting a positive answer from the man, she said, "Then let's change", and squeezed in front of the man.

The man looked at me in astonishment, and we both looked at her together. Sure enough, she continued to the first.

The third and fourth people inquired and continued to go out for a while. When the bus arrived at the station, more than a dozen of us got off the bus, and no one was left behind. ‍‍

When a friend charged his mobile phone bill, he said that the last digit of the wrong mobile phone was wrong, and he paid 100 yuan for others. The buddy over there said depressedly

Brother, I don't even know what to say about you, it's the end of the year, it's all about accounts, I finally stopped the machine, and you charged me again.

Two years ago, the fish I had raised for half a month died, and I was very sad, and I wanted to give it a grand funeral, bury it in the soil, afraid that the cat would dig it into the water, and I was afraid of being caught by crabs, and finally I thought about it again and again, and I would do a cremation for it. So I brought firewood and a lighter, who knew that in the end I felt that the more I looked at it, the more fragrant it became, and I would make up for it by myself later. ‍‍

That year, my colleague asked the boss for leave and said that he would borrow the boss's car to go back to the village to attend the wedding. The boss said that whether it can be pushed or not, the project is important. My colleague said, "That's not good, according to my salary, I am already the richest man in the village, and the richest man must be there."