What are some of the jokes you can share?

B goes to a company to apply for a job and meets A, the interviewer A: "Do you have a boyfriend?" "B:

Yes. A: "I'm sorry, but we have a rule:

People who are in love are bent on falling in love and working half-heartedly and cannot be hired. B: "I'm getting married, so I'm not going to be wasted in a relationship."

A: "I'm sorry, the company has a rule: newly married men and women have the most important family values, and they can't be hired because they don't have the energy to work.

B: "I immediately blew it with my fiancé, and I'm single, it's always okay, right?" "A:

I'm sorry, but our company has a rule: Lovelorn people can't be hired because they don't want to work when they're sad. "B:

When I was in junior high school, I worked hard to write a love letter to a girl in my class, and I wrote eight pages, and I finally chased this girl down! As a result, a handsome guy transferred to another class, and he directly abducted my girlfriend and ran away, and I went to high school in frustration. When I got to high school, I got another girlfriend, but later, my girlfriend said that I was not domineering enough, so I yelled at her:

What do you think is domineering, you go with him! So, my girlfriend left with a ruffian! When I got to college, I really didn't want to fall in love, but she was different, she was pure, lovely, kind and simple, so I still caught up with her under my bombardment.

As a result, in her junior year, she made a lot of money, and just like that, I entered the society! When I got to society, I met her, when I met her.

At the beginning of the new semester, the teacher told everyone: you must abide by discipline, raise your hand no matter what problems you encounter in class, and you can't shout casually. One day, during math class, the teacher asked the students to ask a question, and the students raised their hands.

When the front one by one was finished, the hand raised by Xiaohua, who was sitting in the back row, was lowered again. The teacher asked: Xiaohua, you have no problem, why did you put your hand down?

Xiaohua: Teacher, I didn't ask for a question, I still wanted to ask a question, but now this problem has been solved..It turned out that Xiaohua raised her hand to go to the toilet, but the teacher waited until the end to call her, and she couldn't hold back her urine.

Zhang Zhi is a grass saint, everyone knows that he is very good at cursive, and he and Wang Xizhi are good friends, but Wang Xi's family is poor, especially poor. But because Zhang Zhi and Wang Xizhi both wrote well, the two became good friends. Once Wang Xizhi borrowed money from Zhang Zhi and said:

Brother Zhi, my family is too poor, can you lend me 500 pieces of silver! "Zhang Zhi's family has money, so he borrowed it very happily. But a few years have passed, and Wang Xizhi will not give it.

Zhang Zhi was angry, so he wrote a letter: "The 500 silver you borrowed should be given to me!" A few days later, Zhang Zhi received a letter, Zhang Zhi saw the letter, and broke off his friendship with Wang Xizhi, the letter contained 5 pieces of silver, and a line of words:

Zhang Zhi, you are such an adult, write a 5, why do you still have so many strokes? ”

The official's son went home, and his mother fried a few dishes to entertain this special person. Dad took out half a bottle of wine and said, "Come, son, let's have a drink."

The son asked, "Dad, what kind of wine is this?" "Dad:

The last time I went to be a guest, I brought it back if they didn't finish it. Son: "Dad, it's better to drink less of this kind of wine, it may be fake wine, and drinking it is not good for your health."

Dad: "Just taste some, I want to drink it." The son took a small sip and suddenly frowned.

The son asked, "Dad, did you get it from?" This is Moutai also.

Dad got up silently, and then said to himself: Son, Dad really hopes you can't drink!

It is said that the remaining stone of Nuwa mending the sky has absorbed countless essences after countless years of illumination by the sun and the moon. Finally, one night**, an animal popped up, yes, he was the famous ......Mr. Big Wolf. The gray wolf shouted happily after being born:

Hahahaha, my gray wolf is back. The gray wolf who returned to the wolf castle took the magic lamp brought out of the stone, and the magic lamp ran out of a fairy. The fairy said to the gray wolf

I can grant you one wish. The gray wolf said, "Please give me something that can destroy the lamb."

The magic lamp tossed the gray wolf a handful of seeds and disappeared. Big Gray Wolf planted the seeds in the backyard. A few months later.

The seed grew seven gourds, and the gray wolf was overjoyed. Seven days later, the gourd hatched seven dwarfs one after another, and the dwarfs killed the lambs in gratitude to the gray wolf. After the dwarfs.

In the morning, the wife changed into a new dress, and the son said to his mother, "Mom, you look like a princess in this dress." My wife was suddenly moved, hugged and kissed her, and glared back at me:

Your sons are sweeter than yours, learn! I scratched my head: "Wife, you really look like a princess in this dress."

At noon, I washed my wife's hair, the water was a little hot, and my wife asked me to lower the water temperature, and after a while, I asked her if the water temperature was okay? She thought it was okay and said, "Okay, that's the temperature."

I said, "Shut up, you beautiful girl!" I knew you were hypocritical, I didn't touch it at all.

In the afternoon, the more my wife thought about it, the more angry she became, the more noisy we became, the more difficult it was to end, I reached out and grabbed the teacup on the table and threw it on the ground. Looking around, my wife didn't find anything that was easy to fall. It happened that her son came back from make-up class on the weekend, and she rushed up to grab her son's schoolbag and threw it on the ground.

The son quickly picked up his schoolbag from the ground and took out his homework book, and said, "Mom, come and tear up the homework book!" ”

In the evening, the noisy and noisy mouths were dry. When I saw an orange on the table, I picked it up and made a noise while peeling it, and after peeling it, I habitually broke it in half and gave it to her. She was stunned for a second and then smiled: "We are arguing, can you be serious?" ”

In the middle of the night, when I woke up, I suddenly turned around and hugged my wife tightly and said: Wife, this life is too short. Hearing this, my wife was moved to tears. Then I said, "I can't even cover my feet."

I went to answer the code KTV with my girlfriend, because my girlfriend had never been to Qingxiang, so I ordered songs and sang, basically all of my work, and I saw that my girlfriend was idle, so I called the waiter over and said to the waiter: "Do you have any snacks here?" As soon as the waiter heard my words for this banquet, he smiled and said

Sir, you're right, we're here to entertain, as long as you buy snacks and drinks, we'll give you a fruit bowl! "As soon as I heard it, this policy is good, so I smiled and bought more than 100 yuan of snacks and drinks with my girlfriend in the hall, and then the waiter also smiled and handed us two or two fruit plates! I continued to sing, and my girlfriend continued to desperately stuff food into her mouth, and I was tired of singing, so I said to my girlfriend:

Why don't you get there today and go home? As soon as my girlfriend heard what I said, she clicked and stuffed the unfinished snacks into her bag, and finally.

1. A woodcutter's axe fell into the water, so he asked the gods for help by the river. The White One Goddess came out of the water, holding a golden axe, and asked, "Is this yours?"

Woodcutter: No! The goddess fished out another silver axe and asked

Is this yours? Woodcutter Brother Jian: No!

The goddess fished out another iron axe and asked, "Is this yours?" Woodcutter:

No! The Lady said: Then what is yours?

Woodcutter: The axe is yours, but you're dusty with me! 2, Li Bai saw an aunt grinding an iron rod, so he asked:

Auntie, what are you doing here? Auntie: Sharpen the stick!

As long as I have perseverance, I will definitely succeed! Li Bai realized, and asked: May I ask what you are doing grinding sticks?

Auntie: **Ah! 3. When a farmer was resting in the field, he picked up a rabbit that had crashed into a tree stump and died.

The son and his father were wandering down the street, and the son asked his father, "Dad, what is the happiest and most painful thing in your life?" Dad thought for a moment and said

The happiest thing in this life is to meet your mother and your good son! The son asked, "What about the most painful thing?"

Dad said without thinking: "That is because of your mother's financial blockade, and now I can't afford to buy you a toy!" "Son:

Don't fool me, I know all the money in your shoes! Father: "It's my son, much better than your mother!"

The son smiled: "That's what Mom told me!" Mom said that you just have a dollar in your shoes, see how you use it! ”

1, Xiaoxin: Dad, is a robot cat an animal? Dad:

Well, sort of! Xiaoxin: So what kind of animal is he?

Dad: It should be a cat, otherwise how can it be called a robot cat! Xiaoxin:

No, no, it should be a kangaroo, otherwise there is a bag on the belly! 2, Xiaoxin scored zero in the exam, and her mother was very angry and didn't want to cook! Xiaoxin was hungry and pleaded:

Mom, if you don't cook, can you boil me two eggs to eat? Mom was furious: You haven't eaten enough at school!

3, Dad wants to hold Xiaoxin and ride it on his shoulder! Xiaoxin hurriedly refused: Don't, don't, I have a fear of heights!

Dad wondered: Wasn't it good before, why did you suddenly find out that you have a fear of heights! Xiaoxin:

If I wasn't afraid of heights, why wouldn't I always grow taller!

1.I was born unlike my father. In order not to let others point fingers.

I went to the plastic surgeon and pulled out a picture of my father: "Please help me get it done like this." "The doctor was very puzzled

This is really hard, even if I failed plastic surgery, it wasn't so ugly! ”2."Doctor, can you help me fix a mole here?

What do you do with a good face? "Because I often don't know the difference. Which is me, the dream me or the reality me?

3.The old squad leader on the Long March Road was so that the wounded could drink fish soup. I often go fishing in distant rivers.

This, why? "I can boil a little gutter oil out!" ”.

The section chief gave the director a piece of "bloodstone", which is wide at the top and narrow at the bottom, and the polished is very smooth and natural with a bloody pattern, and the director is holding it in his hand and thinking about it, and the director's wife grabbed it in her hand and looked at it, and said strangely: "How does this look like a coffin?" The Director nodded

It's a coffin! It didn't take long for the director to be taken to investigate corruption, and when he left, he said affectionately to the section chief: "It's all because I didn't understand the meaning of the coffin you gave me, and now I understand that you mean that the plaything will go into the coffin sooner or later, right?"

The director walked away and the section chief said silently: "Director, I don't mean that, I want you to be promoted and make a fortune!" ”

As soon as Widow Chen's husband died, she became a widow. Without a man to make money to support the family, Widow Chen was so poor that she had no last meal, and she was so hungry that her face was yellow and her "chicken" was thin. Probably because she was hungry, she would run to my vegetable garden every night to steal turnips.

Strange to say, my vegetable garden obviously grows a lot of vegetables, why does she only have a soft spot for turnips? In order to understand the doubts in my happiness, on a dark and windy night, I quietly followed Widow Chen ...... with a kitchen knife in my handWatching Widow Chen carry a large bamboo basket on her back and sneak into my family's vegetable patch; Watching Widow Chen spoil my family's radishes one by one, I was so heartbroken that I really wanted to rush up and give her a few ear scrapes! Reprimand her for stealing turnips!

But, but I know very well that if you can't bear it, you will make a big plan! In order to find out her true purpose of stealing turnips, I forcibly held back the anger in my heart. Three hours later, Widow Chen finally filled a basket of turnips.

She.

A: My wife seems to have split her legs? B: Do you have any evidence? A: She always called my son a 'son a 'son of a bastard'.

Last month, Yang Min broke up with the outline that had been in place for several years, and Yang Min washed his face with tears all day long. The family tried to persuade her to come out of the shadows, but she would not listen to anyone. Yang Min has a younger sister who is 2 years younger than her, named Yang Rui.

As soon as Yang Min's voice fell, Yang Rui answered leisurely: "Sister, the boyfriend I talked about is the outline." I'm doing this to get you out of the shadows as soon as possible - a virtuous man like the outline is not worth your nostalgia!

Seeing Yang Min's puzzled face, Yang Rui then explained: "I will stick to him tightly, drag him for a few more years, and wait for the day before he is ready to get married, I will split his kid's leg again!" ”

1. Wife: Nima, why did I marry you in the first place, the poor ghost didn't ...... anythingHusband: Who said I don't have anything?

Wife: Say, what do you have? Husband:

I was tired from work every day, I had a lumbar muscle strain, and when I got home, I had no food to eat, and I had gastritis ......2. Wife: At that time, didn't you say that I was the goddess of your Sun Chongla? Husband:

Oh, yes. Wife: Didn't you say that you should take good care of me, and you will give me whatever I want?

But now? Husband: The point is that I'm an atheist now.

3. After the husband and wife quarreled, the husband slept ...... at the endMy wife came over and dragged my husband off the bed: Get out of the way, you are not allowed to sleep on the things I bought......The husband picked up the sheet and slipped the sheets, and fell asleep again: Let's go down, I'll sleep underneath, and I'......ll sleep with the things you bought

The most painful question: Hit your head with an egg, whose egg hurts?