What are some of the suffocating jokes you can share?

The miniskirt that the beautiful woman was wearing was beautiful, and I wanted to buy it for my wife. I asked her where you bought this dress, and she scolded me for being a stinky rascal and told me to put it down.

Geography, a place I've never been! History, all the exams before I made a shot! Politics, all the legal knowledge, and I haven't been in prison, how do I know how long I will be sentenced for what crime?

Chinese, let me fill in the blanks for all the questions that the person who made the paper doesn't understand! The most annoying thing is English, why do you want to learn it if you don't take me to the UK? Dad looked depressed:

So why is math bad? Xiao Ming patted his father on the shoulder: Didn't you say that your mother counts your salary every month?

Do you.

I was very nervous when I saw my boss for the first time when I went to work, and my colleague introduced me that this was the boss. I stepped forward to shake hands and said, "Good old watch!" Khan died...

1.During college, whenever I walked into the dormitory building after school, as soon as I walked into the corridor, I couldn't help but sing Luo Dayou's "Childhood" "One day at a time, year after year, happy and happy childhood......"The dormitory next to the hallway has given me more than six warnings2Moreover, I live on the sixth floor, passing by the toilet, whether there is urine or not, I will go into the toilet, take out my toys, urinate hard, and the result is just a few drops, and, in the toilet, the song I sang was changed to "I wish you a smooth journey" by the Little Tigers, and I obeyed myself.

3.When I was a child, I once held the blade of my axe and pointed it at my forehead, and from then on, when I saw the axe, I felt that the blade was going to cut close to my forehead, and I was very afraid of that thing, and to put it bluntly, my forehead was allergic to the blade of the axe. 4.

Also, as long as I sit down, I must cross into Erlang's legs, and keep shaking, I make.

That day, I received an invitation from the TV program group, and I was so excited that I told my parents the news, and my parents took me to the mall and bought several sets of new clothes. My parents used to think that I couldn't do it, but this time I finally stood up, and I called my relatives and friends again, and bragged to my neighbors everywhere, and even set up a banquet! That day, my dad set up more than 30 tables in a luxury restaurant, and basically all relatives and friends came, and all the relatives said to my dad

Your son is really promising, he is on TV! By the way, what kind of TV show is it on? At this time, my dad was also stunned, patronizing and happy, and calling a friend, he forgot to ask, and hurriedly asked me

What kind of show? I said while eating the pot wrapped meat: "".

Lao Wang, your chickens have come to eat all my dishes, can you ...... them?Oh, oh, I'll be careful, I'll go buy a net next week to keep the chicken closed, don't worry......It's been a few days, and it's still like this. Lao Wang, your chicken ......Oh, don't worry, there's something going on these days, and I'll get ...... right awayAfter a few days, I was still like this, and I was embarrassed to speak again......But in the past few days, I haven't seen Lao Wang's chickens coming: What's the matter, Lao Wang locked up all the chickens?

Wife: Do you think Lao Wang is so good? So, why don't you see his chickens?

Wife: Hehe, I took two eggs and put them in the vegetable bush, and went to get the eggs in the morning, so that Lao Wang saw the ......

A teacher said at a parent-teacher meeting: "Xiao Ming's academic performance has always been at the top of the class, but his grades have plummeted recently, and I hope to attract the attention of parents." He glanced at Xiao Ming's mother, who had come to congratulate him on the meeting, and then said:

In fact, as long as Xiao Ming can consciously study for two hours every night, his grades will not fall behind; If you can study for four hours, you will not have a problem getting to the upper middle level of the class; If you can study for six hours, you should have no problem ranking first or second in the class! After Xiao Ming's mother finished the meeting, she went home and immediately told Xiao Ming what the teacher said, and also instructed: "You must work harder!"

After hearing this, Xiao Ming was shocked and said: "Study for six hours every night, and if you work harder, it will be twelve hours." Didn't you ask us teachers what would happen if I studied twelve hours a night? ”

1, do good deeds and hit the wall, uncle, you fell to the ground, I will learn from Lei Feng to do good deeds to help you up. Stinky child, you have the capital to help me up. I have the spirit of Lei Feng, the most valuable asset.

Thunder killed me, don't spoil my good deeds. 2. Do good things children, can you help me, the old sanitation worker, push the garbage tricycle? Uncle, I've done a good thing today, and tomorrow, I'll help you push the cart.

3. Wait for the opportunity to do good deeds Xiaohua, there is a waste plastic bag under your feet. What is in a hurry, it is an opportunity to pick up a crack in the heart. Xiaohua, you pick it up quickly, otherwise I will pick it up, if I don't pick it up, the head teacher will pick it up when he comes.

You don't have to fight with Li Lu and me, the head teacher is here, and I will seize the opportunity to do good.

1.Karen Mok sat down and shouted: Little Er, come three hamburgers.

Yao Tuanmin snorted coldly, sat down too, slapped the table and said, "Little Er, come here for five hamburgers." Wu Mochou was so angry that he cursed:

Ma's, the old lady's eight hamburgers, why haven't they been good yet? At this time, Ye Yuqing walked by delicately and asked with a smile: Several younger sisters, why are they all holding a face?

The three girls shouted: It's bigger than your mouth, what do you care? Ye Yuqing sat down and shouted

Xiao Er, why are my two dozen ham sausages still not good? 2.Yang Guo stood up and said to Xiaolongnu:

Auntie, this Olympiad problem has been solved. So fast! The little dragon girl was taken aback.

Looking at Yang Guo's empty right arm, he couldn't help but sigh: It seems that what they said is right. Left-handed, that is, smart.

1 The lobster said to his son: Son, only if you pass the exam, can Lao Tzu stand up and be a man. The son looked at the Heavenly Dao:

Got it, go back quickly. On a hot day, your face is red. 2 The rooster patted his son and said:

After today, there is no one who calls you to get up before dawn. 3 The rooster asked his son, "What is your will?"

Chicken Road: Be a pilot. Not bad.

The rooster sighed; Fighter in the rooster. Better than you. 4 And the tortoise asked his son; I often lie down and think, do you know what I'm thinking?

Son said: Are you thinking about how to turn over? Look at the son, the turtle said:

Whether Lao Tzu can turn over depends on whether you do well in the exam..

Lu Bu was continued by Wei in the White Gate Tower. Song Xian sent it to Cao Cao with all kinds of flowers. Cao Cao:

It is said that you are extremely brave, but you still can't escape the palm of my hand. You know how powerful you are! "Lu Bu:

Cloth knows! Cao Cao: "Today's matter, how should I be?"

Will you obey it? Lu Bu: "Cloth."

Cao Cao: "Today you only have the way to return to life, and you are willing to descend?" "Lu Bu:

Drop! When Cao Cao heard this, he was furious and said: "When you are dying, how dare you be stubborn and refuse."

He ordered the soldiers on the left and right to push Lu Bu out and kill him. It's a pity that this heroic generation, who is known as a heroic hero, ended his young life for a cloth word.

On Sunday morning, I took Director Li of the office to Yonghong Village, the contact point, to mobilize the toilet renovation work. Hearing that the working group was coming, the village chief gathered a large number of representatives of the masses early. I took out the prepared materials and introduced them in a classic way:

Worldwide, about 1.8 million people die each year from diseases caused by poor toilet hygiene, 90 per cent of whom are children under the age of five. Therefore, a "toilet revolution" must be carried out immediately. To put it bluntly, it is to demolish the mud thatched houses of every household and build a unified water flushing public toilet.

I was mobilizing in a frenzy when an old lady approached me on crutches and asked, "Only 'public' toilets are built, what can we women do when we go to the thatched house?" ”

I was sleeping with my wife, and suddenly I felt a strong sound wave vibration in my ears, and I woke up and said, "What's going on, what's going on?" At this time, my wife was looking at me with sweat and said

Little third son, I scared my mother to death, I was bullied in my dream! I hurriedly said, "What's going on, what's going on?"

You have such a violent temper, and anyone dares to bully you? My wife kicked me angrily and said, "Grandma's, it's you and that naughty Bao Xiaoming, in my dreams, scribbling on my test papers, causing me to fail!"

I said with a sad expression: "Wife, wronged, all these years, don't you understand me?" Besides, the dream is the opposite, which means that in reality you are bullying me!

My wife couldn't defend me when she saw it, so she covered her head and said, "Damn, my mother must take revenge, I'll go back to my dreams."

In the shed, three migrant workers compared socks: A took out a pair of socks from under the pillow, spread a piece of paper on the table, and said proudly: "Dude, I haven't washed my socks for a month, you can write when you look at the layer of soil I shaken off!"

A shook off the paper as he spoke, and sure enough, the word sock was written on a thick layer of soil. B didn't show weakness, and took out a pair of socks from under the mattress: "I haven't washed these socks for two months, and I can smoke mosquitoes to death if they are left here!"

Sure enough, it was rough, the house was full of stench, and a few mosquitoes fell from the sky! C was even more unconvinced, and immediately took out a pair of socks from under the bed, A and B were immediately dumbfounded, only to see a mushroom growing on the socks, C said arrogantly: I haven't washed it for three months, my socks have become soilless cultivation, last time, the mushrooms you two ate were the result of soilless cultivation!

A and B threw up at that time!