What are some of the jokes you can share?

There was a smell of willfulness in the air. "You're talking a lot. "Somebody is eating spicy strips. ”

Celebrities met at a party and they were discussing what "you" was. Wang Lin said: You are my dish Xiao Jingteng said:

You are my eyes, TVXQ said: You are my song, Wu Bai said: You are my flower, Liu Ke said:

You are my only Cao Ge said: You are my baby Ah Jing said: You are my protagonist He Jie said:

You are my scenery Chen Yujian said: You are my woman Lin Yilian said: You are my man Li Keqin said:

You are my sunAndy Lau said: You are my gentleness Cheng Shijing said: You are my spring Xiao Shenyang said:

You are my lover Siqin Gaoli said: You are my miracle Pang Long said: You are my rose Zhang Hangyu said:

You are the meat of my heart. Just as everyone was talking about the interest.

1. A platoon of recruits is chopping wood, Mu Doula turned out to encounter a big tree pocket, which can not be broken manually, the platoon leader proposed to blow it up with explosives, everyone found TNT, charged, ignited, everyone withdrew to a safe distance, only to hear a loud noise, the tree pocket was blown to shreds, who knew that a small piece was blown out of the wall, only to hear a "Ah!" from outside the wall! Then there was the sound of chickens fluttering. Everyone was calm and calm, thinking, knowing that this was going to be a big disaster, and after a while, there was another cheer:

Who is this? Smash my! I'm going to make a snack so I don't kill you!"

Recruit: "Here! "Platoon Commander:

Zhang Qiang! Recruit: "Here!

Platoon Commander: "Zhao Shuang! "Recruit:

To the slippery! ”…

The rich two were locked up in the same cell with the thief, and the two looked down on each other and often quarreled. Fu Er Gai said: "You are a thief, what kind of thing."

The thief said, "Aren't you just a rich second generation, a cow or a cow?" Fu Er said

What's wrong with the rich second generation, I have gone to college, stayed in the West, driven a BMW, and lived in a western-style house. The thief said, "Don't you want your rich people to spread out with money, what is worth your cattle?"

I think when I was very young, my father only took me around, never paid a penny, never taught a little technology, I saw it in my eyes, remembered it in my heart, and then I officially took up my post at the age of 13, I was self-taught, what are you. Fu Er said: "I believe that it will not be long before my father will get through the relationship link by link, and take me back from here as soon as possible, what about you, you will always stay here."

The thief said, "I also believe that one day, I will steal the keys one by one and swagger out."

Teacher 1 asked me, "What kind of animal do you think I look like?" I said

Grouper. The teacher asked, "Why?"

I said, "You have so many spots on your face, it looks like a grouper." "2 Dad asked me:

Son, what animal do you think Dad is most like? I thought about it for a moment and said, "Change the round color dragon of Cong Xiang."

Dad asked, "Why?" I said

You are respectful to your mother, but you are free to me, so you are most like a chameleon. "3 An African girlfriend was chatting with me. The lady of the banquet asked:

What do you think I look most like in China? I said, "Moyu."

The girlfriend didn't understand and asked the seepage: "Why?" I said

Because the color matches you perfectly. ”

Xiaodan received a scam**, and after connecting, he said: "Hello sir, we are xx bank, and the recent consumption record shows that you have spent 1 million overseas, do we need to verify that it is your own operation?" Little Dan smiled

It's my own operation. The other party was slightly sluggish: "Oh, may I ask what you are spending 1 million for?"

Xiao Dan said: "I bought a whale Hu and regretted it." The other party was even more puzzled:

What are you buying whales for? Xiaodan said: "Raise it, the little fish in my fish tank swam lost a few days ago, and I couldn't find it, so I thought it would be easy to find a big one."

The other party said helplessly: "Okay, sir, that's bothering, I wish you good health, goodbye." After hanging up**, Xiaodan received a text message:

Dear users, just now you used the ambiguous chat service, the talk time is 1 minute, and the consumption is 5....

In the middle of the night, I ran to Yuanyuan's house, and Yuanyuan saw me and said in surprise: "Sister, why are you here?" I cried and said:

I can't live this day, your brother-in-law works overtime every day, I said a few words to him, and he told me that he won't come back today. This me off! I said yes!

If you don't come back, I won't go home! Don't look for me if you have the ability! At this time, Yuanyuan comforted me and said

Sister! You're thinking too much, and you're not in a hurry to find your brother-in-law. After speaking, I heard someone knocking on the door, and Yuanyuan asked:

Who? A familiar voice came from outside: "I'm your brother-in-law."

Then Yuanyuan calmly looked at me and said, "Look! Brother-in-law is coming for you! ”

As we all know, buying meat now is an overlord clause, for example, if you stare at the Huaiyan banquet and tell the stall owner to buy a catty, he will definitely cut you a catty of more than four taels like that, and then give you some minced meat, exactly one and a half catties, do you want to do it, but people cut Kaiyin, most of the buyers of Da Ming Qin are more charitable, and they accept it all! Today, the stall owner who sold meat cut me a pound and a half according to the terms, and I said that I would want a pound, and I couldn't buy so much, and the stall owner smiled: "The meat is so good."

Go back and eat slowly! I spit out and said, "I --- agree, but the money in my pocket doesn't agree--- so let's do it, according to your old rules, I'll give you some broken pieces, and a piece of anise change!"

The stall owner's nose was crooked, and he shouted: "Cut!" Cut!

Cut! I handed over the money and finished taking the meat, "What are you doing shouting brother, I don't have as much experience as you!" ”

When a neighbor was walking and met a miser, he teased him: "Let's go, go to your house for tea." The miser couldn't refuse, so he had to agree.

The two went to the miser's house, where the miser filled the electric kettle with water, plugged in the noisy electricity, and began to boil the water. However, the miser plugged in the electricity but did not turn on the switch, that is, there was no electricity at all, and naturally he could not boil the water. The neighbor asked

Is your electric kettle broken, why is there no light on? The miser: "The light is broken, but it can be burned, it's okay, just wait."

The two of them sat and chatted. However, after waiting for a long time, there was no reaction to the sale. The neighbor couldn't help but ask again:

How can you match dates for so long, they haven't boiled yet, they must be broken? The miser: "It's been a long time, it's that the water is boiling and cold."

The neighbor wanted to see how the miser could round the field, so he said, "If it's cold, burn it again, I can wait, I have nothing to do anyway." ”.

Gongs and drums were noisy, firecrackers rang out, a hotel reopened, and everyone greeted each other with smiles. After a while, an employee ran up to the boss with a black line on his face, put it in the boss's ear and told him: You have received a happy plaque.

The boss said, it's worth being happy, the more you receive today, the better! The employee pulled him aside, and when he saw the blessing on it, he was stunned, only to see that it read: Wonderful hand rejuvenation!

He looked at the dust of his socks for a long time, not understanding what was going on. At this time, the owner of the plaque shop called ** and apologized for sending the wrong plaque, and the lead was so thick that his men were negligent for a while, and sent the plaque to the pharmacy here. The owner of the restaurant said

I'm also a businessman, and sometimes I deliver the wrong food, which is understandable. "However, I sent the plaque that Ying Huaizhen should have given you to someone else's wedding. "Oh, what's written on that?

The boss asked. "Business is booming and customers are full.

After the break, Zhang San, who recently received a letter from his girlfriend, came to tea for a few days, and the food was not fragrant, and he felt how uncomfortable he was, and after careful consideration, he wrote such a love letter with a pen. Hello pretending to be the love of the world: When I received your letter, I was like being poured a bucket of cold water on my head - from the head to the heels, thinking about our relationship over the years is like taking dew to make tea - it is not easy to come by!

I don't want to make tea with popcorn like this—it's all in the soup, please don't rain yellow plum for three years in a row—it's too (sunny)," otherwise I'd really be a green onion hanging under the eaves of the house — the yellow skin of the leaves is not round and the heart is not round and dead. Think of the hateful third party Li Si, I can't wait to knock on the dishes with a plate - he breaks me, but I don't want to buy side dishes with him - he cares, he is lame and stilts - sooner or later he will be good-looking. My dear, please think calmly like you did on a night in the Arctic Ocean

Although Li Si is a teacher, he went to the horizontal —..