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When you fall in love and enter marriage, you need a ripe and natural emotional state, which is the best state and has sufficient emotional motivation to move forward in marriage.
And for those who are not emotionally mature, they are not confident enough about whether two people can live happily together, and at the same time, they will also lack motivation to go into marriage together to spend a long life and responsibilities, and it will become your current situation.
For your problems, first of all, we must measure your lover's family relationship, if his family is harmonious and his parents have good feelings, he will not have such a state of fear, most of the problems appear in your feelings, because your feelings are not mature, and there are some problems, resulting in his inability and courage to commit to your life, then, for such a state, you had better be patient for a while, because marriage is not a form, a guarantee of happiness in marriage, The first is the maturity and thickness of the relationship between two people during the love period, so if you just want to enter the marriage, then you will definitely hit a wall in the marriage, and you will face more problems at that time, so it is better to find the root cause of your emotional problems now, repair it, and cultivate it into a mature emotional state, he naturally wants to live with you for the rest of his life.
And if his family life is chaotic and has experienced ups and downs, then he is prone to these fears, lack of grasp and confidence in feelings, and there will be insecurity factors, but for the solution to these problems, you still need to warm up your feelings, go forward for a while, and completely eliminate his worries before entering the marriage, so no matter what the situation is, the root of the problem is that your emotional foundation is still lacking, and your emotional motivation is not enough, so you need to be patient and get along.
Happiness Bodhi Far Eight, the guide of happiness to the lost.
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It's that you're not ready to get married, and it's very happy to get married.
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Worried about life after marriage.
Everyone says that "marriage is the grave of love", and also says that men are two faces and two people before and after marriage, whether it is true or not, for a period of time on the eve of marriage, girls will think that it is very reasonable, and they will be worried and afraid of life after marriage, how to manage love after marriage? How to keep love fresh after marriage? What if he changes his mind after marriage?
In fact, these worries are all chasing after the wind, see if the person next to you is as gentle as he has been to you for ten years. If you are really nervous and affect your life, you can tell him about your uneasiness, and the words, hugs, and care he gives you will greatly reduce your anxiety and doubt about it.
Worried about not doing housework well.
Housework before marriage can be handled so-so, but what about after marriage? Especially for young couples who live with their mother-in-law, will it cause conflicts if they don't do housework well? Now many girls don't know how to cook, will they be despised at their mother-in-law's house?
In fact, every woman is a good seedling of a housewife, as long as she works hard, it is never too late to learn. If you are particularly worried about housework, you can do a good job of various divisions of labor before marriage, do your own housework, and be kind.
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Many people have this feeling before they get married, and after they get married, they represent responsibility, they are no longer children, and they can't be willful if they want to be willful, and the pressure on the family and society also follows.
On the other hand, even if you find a favorite person to get married, the changes before and after marriage are relatively large, before marriage he may spoil you like a princess, you can be coquettish, play a little temper and he will accept all the orders, but after marriage he will no longer follow you in everything, his focus began to change, maybe he will not do a lot of things he will do before, and even if you play a little temper, he will feel that you are unreasonable, no longer think it is a cute performance, at this time you will doubt whether he still loves you, I even lost confidence in the whole marriage, and felt that it was better not to get married.
There is also a practical factor, now the cost of marriage is very large, even if you decide to keep everything simple, but the most basic thing is the house and car, and you are the same age, don't you want to have, only rely on your parents will always feel so uncomfortable, and finally only think of getting married and have a headache.
Of course, there are more small problems, but I think the biggest problems are these three aspects. But you can't stop getting married because you're scared, so try to fall in love, and when true happiness comes, everything will not exist.
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Some people may be afraid of getting married because of the influence of family factors, or they may have suffered a bad emotional experience, or they may not want to enter married life, like to remain single, and do not like others to enter their own lives, or they may be affected by other people's bad married life.
The fear of getting married may be caused by family factors. Some people have lived in a broken family since childhood, and they have not felt a good family atmosphere since they were young, and their parents may often quarrel, or do something, or have a bad attitude towards themselves, so they have no good feelings about married life, and there is a shadow in their hearts.
The fear of getting married may be due to having suffered a bad emotional experience. It is possible to choose the wrong partner when falling in love, to pay a lot in this emotional experience but not to get the corresponding return, or to experience bad things in the emotional experience, so the fear of falling in love and getting married has not yet come out of the shadow of this relationship.
The fear of getting married may be that you don't want others to come into your life and like to be single. Some people just have a sense of space, a strong sense of privacy, are very assertive, pay more attention to the personal field, do not want other people to disrupt their own rhythm of life, and do not like others to enter their own lives, which will make him feel uncomfortable, especially enjoy the single life, like to live alone, do not have to worry too much.
Fear of getting married, may be affected by the bad married life around you. Some people may just like to be in a relationship or single, but they don't like to get married or tied to someone else. It may be that I have seen the bad married life of many people around me, or there are many bad married life phenomena in society, so I still have a fear of married life.
In fact, the phenomenon of fear of marriage is very common, but it is still necessary to look at the beautiful married life around you, and keep too much love for everything, then it is possible to have a different view of marriage, and it may make you happier and happier.
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There are usually several factors that contribute to marital fear.
The first is caused by factors related to family relationships. Such factors are mainly due to the divorce of parents, or the poor living conditions of parents, which have left a shadow on their childhood, forming a fear and sensitivity to life.
The second is the frustration of emotional experience. Such a factor is usually due to the fact that I did not handle and grasp the previous relationship well.
Third, the influence of surrounding environmental factors. Before everyone enters marriage, they are affected by the life concepts of the people around them, and then become the standard of their future life, when the surrounding environment is full of bad feelings and marriages, full of bad thoughts and attitudes to life, they will fear that they will encounter the same thing in the future.
Fourth, a relationship is not yet mature. Such factors are usually that a relationship has just started and has not yet really understood each other comprehensively, but it is subject to the pressure of age and relatives around you, resulting in the choice of entering marriage when the relationship is not mature.
The cause of marital phobia may be because of the unhappiness of one's original family and the disharmony of the relationship between parents, which causes psychological shadows; Have had a failed emotional experience; Influenced by the life concepts of the people around them; A relationship has not yet reached the stage of maturity before entering the choice of marriage. It is recommended that patients look at examples of family happiness and change their perception of marriage.
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1. Parents' reasons.
The parental factor may be the influence of the original family, the influence of the parents is very great, and the parents often quarrel when they are young, causing the children to be very panicked about marriage, and they will feel that when they grow up to get married, the marriage is just endless quarrels. Leads to fear of marriage.
Second, its own reasons.
Some people are more introverted when they are young, they are not good at communicating with people, they are afraid of unfamiliar environments, they are relatively simple, they have a small social circle, they feel that no one will like them, they have no self-confidence, lack of communication, and are not good at communicating. Some people have been in love several times, but they all ended up without a problem, they have paid a lot, money, time, and energy, but they have been let down by others, they feel that they are not good people, they feel that others are **, they don't believe in people, they are broken, and they are completely desperate. Some are due to the woman, she is very good to the woman, but the woman's family members don't like her, etc.
3. The reason for the bride price.
In some places, the bride price is scary, the woman wants too much, she is tired and tired, and her parents' savings are not enough, or she has just paid the down payment, and she can't afford the rest of the loan.
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Hello, I think it's because most of today's young people are only children, and they have always been accustomed to accepting the care of others, and they are not good at taking care of others and taking some responsibilities. When they think that building a family requires the husband and wife to share responsibilities and obligations, but also to deal with the relationship with the other family, face a new environment and new relationship, and hear people around them talk about some negative things about married life, they will have a feeling of anxiety and tension. This social atmosphere creates an invisible pressure on people who have not yet entered into marriage.
Too much thought about life after marriage manifests itself in the form of an escape from marriage when faced with marriage.
If you are satisfied with me, I hope you can, thank you very much. -
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The fear of getting married may be due to having been hurt, making them lose hope in marriage and not wanting to be hurt again. It is also possible that the people around you are unhappy in their marriage, and they are afraid of encountering it, so they are afraid of getting married.
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I think most people have the problem of fear of marriage. Because most of the families are chickens and dogs. Although nothing particularly big happens, there is nothing particularly beautiful in ordinary families, that is, ordinary people who are afraid of marriage, and they are not talked about by some original families.
Parents have incompatible personalities.
The family atmosphere is not good. Because we take marriage very seriously. We always think that marriage is a lifelong thing. During this period, what went wrong, it feels irreparable.
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Most of the people who are afraid of marriage are related to their family life background, and some people have a bad relationship with their parents, which makes their children prone to prejudice and misunderstanding about marriage, and in extreme cases, they will have fear.
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Because I've seen too many unhappy marriages. We want a marriage that is 1+1 greater than 2. The husband and wife are harmonious and Ming, the children are smart and cute, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is harmonious!
But a "widowed" marriage in real married life! Naughty and difficult to discipline children, fussy mothers-in-law. These have become the reasons why women are afraid of marriage!
The reason why men are afraid of marriage is that they are unwilling to be disciplined and afraid of losing their freedom!
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It is also very normal for most people to have fear of marriage, because they may not know much about marriage, and they are worried that their life will be affected, so they will be afraid of marriage.
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Because some people's economic conditions are not so good, they don't want to get married, because getting married will cost them too much money, so they will have a certain fear of getting married.
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Because getting married is not just a simple form of registration. It also represents a new stage of maturity for a person, and it also means taking on more responsibilities and pressures for family, two families, the elderly, children, etc.
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1. Love is a process of constantly discovering each other's strengths, while marriage is a process of constantly discovering each other's shortcomings.
When two people live together, it is definitely impossible for everything to match, and they will always find that there are some habits and behaviors in each other that they are not used to. But marriage is not child's play, you can't divorce because of whether to put ginger in stir-frying, whether to put stinky socks, watch a football game or watch a TV series, right? Since we know that no one is perfect, a little more tolerance and patience for issues that do not involve principles is also a compulsory course for marriage.
Of course, this also requires the participation of both parties, if it is a one-man show, patience becomes meaningless, there is no marriage, only one person can be present to play the whole scene. For a long-lasting marriage, both parties know how to take a step back, and they know how to tolerate each other and endure each other.
2. Unilateral forbearance may make a marriage last, but it must not make a marriage happy.
A marriage is piled up by the trivialities of life. For those daily unsatisfactory trivial matters, you can endure it for one day and two days, but what about one or two years? What really destroys a marriage is never the few unwashed dishes, those few quarrels that are not worth mentioning, but the despair of trivial matters that have accumulated for a long time.
The change of an intimate relationship is an adjustment in the direction of the good of both parties, and unilateral compromise and concession will only make the intimate relationship more and more unequal. He loses his temper with you, and you endure it; He picks and chooses all kinds of things from you, and you endure it; He takes your dedication for granted, and you endure it; He doesn't take you seriously more and more, and you still put up with it. People are always scattered inch by inch, and if you endure and endure, he will gain inch by inch.
Why put up with it? Some things, if they don't explode in silence, perish in silence.
A good marriage needs a little temper, give the other party a slap in the face, let him know, and stop in moderation, this is the protection of his own rights, the defense of his marital status, and also to set the bottom line for the other party, so that the other party knows that he is the wife of his equal argument, not a servant who calls around.
The status of the parents' marriage often affects the children's attitude towards marriage. Because of your parents' marriage, you refuse to get married, and you refuse to live such a life that requires patience. In fact, this is a kind of self-defense, yes, if you reject marriage, you refuse to hurt, but at the same time you reject another possibility of happiness.
You should learn from your parents' marriage and be a temperamental and self-conscious person, instead of letting your parents' marriage leave a shadow on your life and dare not accept marriage.
There are countless possibilities in life, don't set limits on yourself, as long as you are strong enough, you dare to try everything, including the marriage you fear.
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