Why don t parents let their children cry, what do parents want if they don t buy it, what should I d

Children cry, parents are easy to be irritable, every parent is reluctant to let the child cry, the child is unhappy will not cause trouble, so parents are not willing to let the child cry.

Recently, after 10 days of study, several mothers asked me in WeChat, "Principal, when will you come back from studying, you won't come back, my questions have been liked a lot, the child cries so much that I am anxious, as soon as you come back, I think the child's crying is a kind of happiness." It's been almost a month, and I have to cry for a while every day when I come to kindergarten, and it's good to have breakfast, why do you say? ”

I said, people don't want to be (constrained), they don't want to come to kindergarten, cry for a while, it's okay? Sometimes I think we adults are very strange - three-year-old children, other children's hearts are sad, and they don't allow people to cry, and they don't allow people to make trouble." Strange adult, this is the real mother.

Adults stand in the position of adults, preaching all day long, and the beautiful name is "loving children", but in fact, unconsciously, they are very cold, high, and detached from the feelings of children. The child is uncomfortable, his wish is not satisfied, and he is not allowed to cry or make trouble; This is not allowed, that ...... is not allowedIn the end, the child has no bottom of anything, and he is cowardly and does not dare to explore, and he will not be able to do it all of a sudden. There are often many parents who do not allow their children to play and run happily, worrying that their children will be hurt, saying that they love their children.

In the end, the child is not in good health, has a bad appetite, and ...... resistance is not good, I really don't know, just such a simple "crying" can also exercise the child's cardiopulmonary function! Moms and dads, have you noticed that children now. Mom and Dad don't allow it.

Examples, comparisons.

Some children like to buy food before entering the kindergarten, and their parents say that there is food in the school, so they don't buy it; Or the child wants other small things, let's not talk about the problem of buying or not, the child is not allowed to cry, and then cry and kick, this is the parents who love their children in reality?

In fact, a child's crying is a kind of emotional catharsis, who said that children have no temper? Can't be depressed? It's a good thing that these bad emotions are relieved by crying!

At least it is good for the child's health, when the child is crying, the only thing parents have to do is to allow the child to cry, accept the child's current unhappy state, squat down, gentle and firm, accompany the child until the end of the crying, patiently ask him, is the crying over? After crying, we went into the classroom, and before we finished crying, Mom was waiting for you.

There are many ways to vent emotions, everyone will choose, how to choose, it depends on the guidance of parents, if as a parent, you cathartic emotions in a single way, scolding, beating, then, your children from you will only learn these two ways to vent emotions, so, as a role model for children, you need to expand your own way of catharsis, (purpose, do not hurt yourself, do not hurt others), the method is free to choose. Children have a variety of emotional adjustment tools, emotional intelligence (the power to adjust emotions) will grow secretly, and they will not often be overwhelmed because their emotions are not relieved!

The first trick: don't deny it rudely.

Many parents face the needs of their children and say directly: "Don't buy, no money, hurry up, don't waste it, there is no need to buy this thing, and so on." "If you don't leave, you can do whatever you like, I don't want you anymore, stay here!" ”

It was not enough to snatch the toys from the children's hands roughly, and they also forcibly carried the children away like chickens. Not only is this useless, but it can also make the child uneasy or obsessed with an object. In addition, for children under the age of 3, they do not understand the process of buying and selling, and they do not understand the behavior of money and purchases.

How to do it: Try to set rules for your child before going out, communicate with your child in a different way of expression, and give your child the right to choose. For example, use less "if you don't ......, it will not be ......to something like "If you're disobedient, I won't buy you toys"; When your child breaks the agreement, do not force him to do what he does or ask him to do, but give him his own choice.

For example, if you go out and don't buy toys this time, if you can keep the agreement, you can continue to visit the mall, and if you continue to cry, then stop shopping and go home.

Tip 2: Make a wish list.

There are so many toys, have you confirmed the eyes, and everything is what you want?

If you buy everything, your home will become a toy playground. Moreover, after a long time, some children will develop a bad habit, thinking that it doesn't matter if they lose it anyway, my mother can still buy it for me, and naturally I will not know how to cherish toys.

How to do it: The role of rules is also evident here. For example, communicate well before going out, go out 5 times, buy a toy once, and only buy one.

The last time I went out and bought a toy, I had to stay until the fifth time I went out and bought it again; Or make a list of toys you want to buy, and make a list, inform your child of the scope of toys to buy this time, give the decision to the child, and respect the child's choice.

The third trick: guide the choice of what you want most.

The wish list is on every toy you want to buy. There are already a lot of the same style at home, or do you want to continue to buy them?

How to do it: A smart mother will communicate well with her child, how much money does the mother have to buy toys for the baby (necessary toys) every month, and at the same time give a small amount of money to the baby every week, so that he can use the money to buy his own toys as he wants.

After teaching your child to make a wish list, put all the toys or food wishes in it, and correspond to the **, in this process, the child will know how to make the wish come true, how to need money. And with so many wishes and not enough money, you can only continue to save money, or choose what you want most. This will guide your child to put their limited money on the things that are most useful.

A child's crying is a natural flow of life energy, which does not affect their essence at all, and after crying, they can suddenly return to the joyful realm of inner peace.

In fact, children's negative emotions will arouse the pain that parents have suppressed and hidden in their hearts for many years, so parents will desperately use comfort, diversion and even intimidation to make their children stop expressing negative emotions.

However, in this way, parents are tantamount to repeating the mistakes of the past, and the children are also unable to express their emotions well as they were in childhood, thus causing trauma.

Question: Why don't parents let their children cry out loud?

When I'm in a bad mood, my mom and dad usually say to me, "Cry and mourn!" Or, "Don't cry if you want to, hold back your cry", I don't understand what they're thinking about? Are they just annoying, they don't want me to cry or hurt their bodies or something?

But it's really uncomfortable to hold it, and it will cause the heart to hurt so much. I'd like to hear your opinions.

Thanks for the invitation and trust!

This is a very good question, and the phenomena mentioned are very specific and very representative. The sentence "Why don't parents let their children cry out loud" can be said from these two aspects

First of all, the child cried because he was "in a bad mood". Although the subject didn't say any reason, he must have encountered something unpleasant, felt sad and sad, or it could be a grievance, etc., in short, he encountered something that triggered his negative emotions, so there was a "crying" action.

Everyone will always encounter all kinds of things in their daily life, there are always things that go well and there are always things that don't go well, so it is very normal to have a bad mood. Even from the perspective of the operation of the nervous system itself, excitement and resistance alternately, so people's emotions must be different from peaks, flats, and troughs.

Therefore, everyone can face their emotions correctly, cry when they should cry, and laugh when they should laugh, which is a phenomenon that exists according to human instinct, and it is also very conducive to physical and mental health. On the contrary, not crying when you should cry and not laughing when you should laugh will make all kinds of emotions backlogged, which is not conducive to the development of physical and mental health.

Let's look at the other side: parents don't let their children cry, which is that parents are forcibly interfering with their children's own emotions. Parents generally behave this for two reasons.

One is that parents feel that they can control their children and have the right to control their children's words and deeds. In this mentality, parents think that the child is their own appendage, and the child's emotions must be obeyed by themselves: let you cry to cry, and you can't cry if you don't let you cry.

Most parents who are more irritable are prone to this state.

The second is that the child's crying will make the parents feel ashamed. Why do parents feel this way? Because parents will subconsciously feel that they are not capable of solving their children's problems and let their children have "crying" behaviors, but parents are unwilling to admit that they are incapable and unwilling to face their "incompetence", so they take mandatory aggressive behaviors at the conscious level

Don't let your child cry. In this way, parents deflect and suppress their own embarrassment and bad feelings, while also ignoring the root cause of the problem and the solution to the problem.

Therefore, fundamentally speaking, parents do not let their children cry out because they do not treat their children on an equal footing, and transfer their bad emotions to their children, so that the children suffer double harm. In fact, when a child cries, it is the best time for parents to open their arms to comfort their children, understand and support them. Making good use of these periods is very conducive to building a relaxed and happy parent-child relationship.

1. Should parents teach their children not to cry?

First of all, we must know that the child's mind is more fragile, once they encounter something that makes them sad, they will express their feelings through crying, at this time parents should listen carefully to the child's feelings at the moment, and in life and the child to communicate with the flow, can understand what the child thinks, so as to help the child solve this problem from the source, and secondly, parents should also stand in the child's perspective in life for the child to think, so that you can understand why the child is crying, At the same time, it can also solve the problem of children crying. But many parents will be very impatient when they meet their children crying, and they will be very impatient with their children's education, so they will order their children not to cry, which will only make their children cry more violently, they think that parents can not understand themselves, and at the same time they do not love themselves, so when encountering this situation, parents can first ask the child what the reason for crying is, and then help the child analyze the truth.

2. Why?

It can be seen that parents must pay attention to themselves in life, the way of educating their children, if the education method is not correct, it will cause children to be very disgusted with their parents, so they will also be very resentful of parents who do not communicate with their parents about anything, and will not tell their parents, and when they reach adolescence, they will become more rebellious, and their parents can't manage it if they want to.

Parents should give their children enough understanding and companionship in the process of life and destruction, so that children can grow up healthily in a healthy and friendly environment, and become better and better.

Criticize? Child? I think there are still many situations, such as the cause of the incident that causes parents to criticize their children, and the age of the children, all of which will affect the right or wrong of the incident, and whether the child cries or not.

It may be easier to understand that the parents criticize the child and ask the child to not allow crying and to be responsible for the mistakes he has made.

If the child (elementary school student) makes a relatively small mistake, but due to the perfectionism or high standards of the parents, the child will feel that the criticism of the parents is wronging him and cry, and the child's crying will further promote the anxiety and dissatisfaction of the parents, and self-righteously do not allow the child to cry.

1. When parents see their children crying, they will naturally feel that their children do not listen to the words of criticism, do not recognize their mistakes, but only care about their own grievances, and have the consciousness of resenting their parents, which will make parents more heartbroken and unable to suppress their anger, after all, from the perspective of parents, the purpose of criticizing children is to make children better, so that children make fewer mistakes, learn lessons, and take fewer detours;

2. Parents will feel that the child is too psychologically fragile, and Bu Pi can not accept criticism, so that after encountering problems in the future, they are not strong enough, worried that the child is too timid and sensitive, and is afraid that the child will drill the horns of the bull when encountered. After all, parents criticize their children not for the sake of criticism, but for the sake of the child's betterness.

Clause. 1. When children make mistakes, parents cannot criticize them in public.

The child hit someone at school or arrived late and left early, and the parents were called by the school teacher, the parents at this time were very angry, but they should also hold back the anger in their hearts, quietly call the child to a corner where no one is around, carefully ask the child why he did this, first figure out the reason for the matter, and never face the child in front of the teacher and the student is a scolding and scolding. This effect is not only bad, but also makes the children and their parents form a deeper estrangement, the family relationship is threatened, the child becomes more tired of school, and even ruins the child's life. Hold back your anger and pull your child into a corner where no one is or wait for your child to come home before teaching him.

Clause. 2. When parents criticize their children, do not label them and turn over old accounts.

The child got a perfect score in this exam, and the parents came back to split their heads and cover their faces with another lecture, blaming the child for not being careful, which is a big old man, which is a typical labeling. Parents then accuse their children of getting a perfect score in math last time because of a difference of one point, and this time they are making the same mistake, which is to turn over old accounts. Labeling and turning over old accounts may not seem to be critical to children, but they will cause serious psychological shadows to children, which are difficult to get rid of for a long time, which is not conducive to children's re-understanding of this problem and better improvement and correction.

After a long time, the child thinks that his parents will definitely talk like this, and he himself will become indifferent again, so that the child will definitely not develop and progress.

Clause. 3. When parents criticize their children, they must pay attention to their tone and tone.

Every parent hates that iron does not become steel, when the child makes a major mistake, the parents will definitely be furious, from time to time will send out some stupid, I raised you in vain, such some words containing verbal violence, these words are very hurtful to family feelings, especially will hurt the child's young and fragile mind, not to scatter the boredom is conducive to the child's physical and mental growth. No matter how angry parents are, they must also consider that the child is still just a child, and he needs to continue to thrive, so never characterize the child and do not use verbal violence.

Clause. Fourth, parents can neither use verbal violence nor cold violence.

Cold violence refers to the fact that after a child has made a mistake, parents ignore the child for a long time, do not let the child eat or sleep, or even simply leave the house by themselves. For example, when a child and his mother collide with a manager while visiting a park, the mother is so angry that she throws her hand at the child and leaves the child alone, causing the park manager to think that the child is lost. If the parents treat it coldly, the child's soul will be greatly traumatized, thinking that the parents are going to abandon themselves, which shows how much psychological pressure the child has to bear at this time, which is not conducive to the healthy development of the child's body and mind.