What are some of the jokes you know that you can t think of?

A billionaire is dying, and his three sons are fighting over the inheritance. On his deathbed, he gave each of his three sons a hundred dollars and told them that whoever could buy something to fill the house with the least amount of money would inherit the entire property. So, the three sons went out thoughtfully.

The first to come back was the eldest son, who spent a hundred yuan on a cart of cotton. He struggled to drag the fluffy cotton into the house, but the cotton took up only half of the house. The rich man shook his head in disappointment and asked him to stand next to him first.

The second son came back next, who bought a gas canister for a hundred yuan. Confidently, he carried the gas canister into the room, unscrewed the switch, and the smell of gas filled the room. The rich man smiled with relief and motioned for him to turn off the switch and open the window for ventilation.

At this time, the third son rushed in with a lit candle in his hand and shouted excitedly: "Haha, I only spent it."

Going out shopping with her boyfriend and meeting her ex-boyfriend. The ex-boyfriend came over to say hello and said gently, "Such a coincidence, where are you going?"

The boyfriend looked ugly and said, "Do you need to know?" The ex-boyfriend continued to mutter:

You have stomach problems, remember to take your medicine on time and don't eat indiscriminately. The boyfriend said, "It's none of your business!"

With that, he dragged me away. I watched them fight each other so much for me, and my heart was happy, wait a minute, I don't have a stomach problem, and the one with a bad stomach is my current boyfriend.

Boss, I want to take a leave of absence recently. "What's going on, what's going on at home. The employee smiled innocently and scratched his head, nothing happened, it was his wife, who was recently pregnant.

My wife is pregnant, what kind of leave do I have, it's just right to go back after the New Year. "No, I haven't been home for half a year......My wife is two months pregnant. "Boss:

Need people? Is one workshop enough? "Thank you boss. ”

Our headmaster was passing by the back door of the school one day and suddenly heard a sentence: "I want to take the Oxford exam!" The principal was immediately moved, he didn't expect that there were such aspiring young people in his school, and decided to see who it was, and suddenly heard another sentence: "Give me two more strings of big waists!" ”

The little tadpole looks for its mother: Once upon a time there was a little tadpole that couldn't find its mother, so it swam and swam and came across a fish. The little tadpole swam up and asked

Aunt FishAunt Fish, have you seen my mother? Aunt Fish is kind: Whoosh ......The tadpole never found its mother again.

I have a buddy who studies very hard and seriously, some time ago he ate instant noodles every day for the graduate school entrance examination, ate for a month, and finally got acute gastroenteritis and almost couldn't be saved. Therefore, I warn everyone not to take the postgraduate examination in the future.

Son, you help me quit smoking from today! Okay, no problem, after saying that, my son ran out and ran back out of breath for a while. Shouting while running. Dad, I'll borrow a cigarette for you from Uncle Wang next door. Let's smoke it.

I played with my classmates until midnight last night and didn't come home until midnight. Walking alone on the road. Suddenly, I saw a blurry figure under the light in the distance, and my eyes suddenly moistened, and my heart warmed.

It's so late, and he's still waiting for me at the gate of the community. That's the love of my life, my father, and it's the stick he holds in his hand that makes me a little bit embarrassed. ‍‍

One day, Xiao Ming, the head of the Four King Kongs, was driving on the road, and suddenly an old man fell in front of his car, Xiao Ming thought: It's over, I was touched porcelain, why is it so unlucky, and then, a group of primary school students wearing red scarves on their chests helped the old man who fell to the ground to cross the road.

Once upon a time, there was a group of little tadpoles, and they couldn't find their mother, so they asked a lot of questions, and finally they saw a frog, so they swam up and asked: Are you our mother? The frog said, "Have you finished your homework?" The tadpoles immediately turned their heads and swam away, saying "it's not our mother" as they went

A man surnamed Zhang went to an Internet café all night and suffered cardiac arrest and sudden death. This incident tells us that we must not have the surname Zhang.

The true ending of the Witch's House.

Big things are not good, I have cramps in my hands.

When I was thirteen years old, in the middle of a boring night, I lit a lonely stick, just took two puffs, my father pushed the door in, I habitually handed him one, my father took the cigarette and lit it, no one spoke.

The quiet time passed slowly at the fingertips of the father and son, and the father spit out a non-standard smoke ring, and then said lightly, bear with it when it will beat you, don't make noise to the neighbors.

Xiao Ming finally became a rich man.

Xiao Ming finally married him.

Of course, it's those jokes with a strange painting style.

If I don't care about you anymore, I just don't love you anymore.

Personally, I think there are a lot of jokes now!

There is a couple who love to eat durian, but they are afraid of smoking their five-year-old son, so they hide in the kitchen to eat, when the five-year-old son pushes open the door and shouts, "Okay, you are eating behind my back." ”

I went to the park and wanted to play with the swing in front of me, so I walked over and discussed with the child who was playing: "Kid, are you alone?" The child nodded, so he smiled and said to him: Let me play, or I will kill you.

Take your girlfriend home to meet your parents: "Mom, this is my girlfriend." ”

Mom looked at her girlfriend and said, "Why are you looking for one like this?" ”

My girlfriend's face changed in an instant, and I hurried to play a round.

Mom, she's my girlfriend, speak politely, we really love each other. ”

Unexpectedly, my mother pulled my girlfriend and said:

Girl, you are so beautiful, why are you looking for such a person, this makes me explain ...... to your parents”

I remember a middle school exam, in which the topic of the Chinese essay was: "A Letter to the Mouse", and a man of God in my class wrote a letter to the mouse, "squeaking" from the beginning to the end, squeaking 500 words! In the end, the teacher asked him to translate what it meant for the whole class!

When I went to eat hot pot on holidays, I saw a striking statement on the wall of the hot pot restaurant: The sheep are raised by themselves, the vegetables are grown by themselves, and the oil is squeezed by themselves, reminding customers to eat with confidence. When it was time to pay, I quietly said to the boss:

Boss, this money is drawn by myself, please feel free to use it! The boss chased me for several streets with a knife, but he didn't catch up. Cut, it's funny, the legs are my own long.

Let's tell me a joke of my own, I heard my mother say it the other day. Once my mother and aunt came, there was no sanitary napkin at home, except for her, I had a living mouth, so my mother gave me a few dollars to go to the village shop to buy, poor I was only five years old, a few hundred meters away from the memory is a little blurred, so I bought back a pack of monosodium glutamate. I laughed like crazy when I heard it, I didn't expect me to be so cute when I was a kid.

One day Fly was having dinner with her mother. The fly asked her mother, "Mom, why do we have to eat poop every day." Her mother said, "Son, don't say such disgusting things when you eat, eat while it's hot." ”

When I was a student, I was smoking in the toilet with my brother, and suddenly the dean of students came in, and I threw the cigarette and pushed it against my friend, who was facing the door, and my friend just took a puff, and when he turned around, he looked at the dean in horror, and the dean asked, "What are you doing?" He spit out the cigarette in his mouth and said tremblingly, "Me."

I'm mad!

If you haven't been married for ten years and I haven't been married for ten years, then ......You must also be studying medicine."

...... for the rest of your lifeIt's me to be beautiful, it's me to be thin, and it's still me to get rich."

I think there are a lot of jokes that I can't think of to solve, but I can't think of any of them when I suddenly say them.

Double 11 to buy a pair of shoes, particularly cost-effective, the boss said fake one pay three, I happily went to unpack the package, the result is three pairs of shoes opened, I ......Boss, you can be sincere.

There is someone selling IQ on a certain treasure. When you find out that you have been cheated after topping up, your IQ will improve in the process. And this proves that the merchant is not lying to you, your conclusion is wrong, and your IQ is not improving.

There are restaurants that secretly sell puffer fish, and a few young men try it. Someone casually asked the boss: "In case of poisoning, what is the way to detoxify?"

The boss said: "If you feel unwell, you should go out for a run, sweat more, and detoxify more." Everyone thought it made sense, and they ate it.

While eating, a young man reacted, "What the boss meant just now, could it be that we die as far as we want?" ”

My husband is in charge of the house, and I pay all my wages with him. "After listening to it, I didn't say anything more, and hung up **, hey! It's really unpredictable.

I angrily replied and slapped the man next to the bed, "You dare to lie to me that I have no money!" Your wife said that the salary is all in you! ”

A team scanned a dog's brain with an MRI in 2016 and found that the dog uses the left brain to process language, and the study was published. However, it took more than a year for the team of researchers to realize that people go in lying down, while dogs go in on their stomachs, so the left and right brains are reversed...

When the girl sharpens the pencil, she doesn't use her hand to make a cut, and the boy who likes her sees this, and immediately takes the pencil knife in the girl's hand and cuts out a hole in his hand. The girl asked him, "What are you doing here?"

The boy stared at the girl affectionately and said, "Look, then we are two." Half a month later, the boy died of tetanus bacilli.

Twenty-year-old Xiao Chen and fifty-two-year-old neighbor Uncle Wang are old friends, and last week they were ready to marry as brothers on a whim, so they found a basin filled with half a basin of water, took two knives and cut their fingers each, ready to make a bloody alliance. Unexpectedly, the blood of the two of them melted together.

I went to the pharmacy to buy medicine, but suddenly forgot the name of the medicine. The owner of the pharmacy said, I have been selling drugs for 30 years, and you only need to say the two words in the name of the medicine, and I will know what the medicine is. I thought about it for a moment and said, I only remember the last two words of the name of the medicine.

The boss asked, what words? I said, capsules. The boss estimates that mental activity is like this.

I advise you not to uninstall your favorite games easily, I think playing games is too wasteful of time, uninstalling games for almost two weeks, and today I came back again, because I found that not playing games is also a waste of time.

A couple, the relationship is very good, often show affection, two people sit together, the girl obediently rests her head on the boy's shoulder, they say to always be like this, happy forever. Later, the boy got frozen shoulder and the girl got cervical spondylosis.

A man's pursuit of the goddess of success. hugged the goddess home, but everyone didn't know if they would make it to the end.

It's almost the New Year, and the pony comes home for the New Year, and it comes to a river, but it doesn't know the depth of the river and doesn't dare to cross the river.

I met a little squirrel and asked the little squirrel if the river was deep, and the little squirrel said: "The river is deep, can it not be overhead, don't cross the river!"

At this time, the pony saw the old scalper again and asked the old scalper if the water was deep?

The old scalper said: "I don't know if the water is deep, but I have a train ticket here, do you want it?" ”

There is a restaurant that sells puffer fish, and a few young men try it. Someone casually asked the boss: "In case of poisoning, what is the way to detoxify?"

The boss said: "If you feel unwell, go out for a run, run as fast as possible, sweat more, and detoxify more." Everyone thought it made sense, and they ate it.

While eating, a young man reacted, "What the boss meant just now, could it be that we die as far as we want?" ‍‍

I really like to watch jokes, some jokes are really funny, and there are a lot of jokes, the ending is really beyond my expectations, such as the following: Twenty-year-old Xiao Chen and fifty-two-year-old neighbor Uncle Wang are New Year's friends, last week they were ready to be brothers on a whim, so they found a basin with half a basin of water, took two knives and cut their fingers, ready to make a bloody alliance. Unexpectedly, the blood of the two of them melted together.

The first time I watched it, I was going crazy with laughter. ‍‍

At 11 o'clock in the evening, I was running home when I heard a man behind me shouting: "Niu Niu'er, you run slower, I can't catch up with you." "I fixed my head and turned my head to look, and I saw an uncle rushing onto the lawn to take a shortcut to chase me, and there was no one else nearby, and my legs trembled with fright.

At that moment, a puppy sprang out from behind me. I heard the uncle shout again: "That big sister, help stop my Niu Niu'er..." ”

Grandpa liked to tell me about his glorious deeds. He said: There used to be a thug who fought and asked me for help, I rushed up and grabbed the big brother opposite, and then beat him to the death, there were more than 30 of them, and they didn't dare to move.

I admired my grandfather so much that I asked him if he was real. Dad took a puff of his cigarette: Yes, that time I had a fight with someone in high school, I called more than 30 people, and called your grandfather on the other side. ‍‍

The journal's error correction literature states that a team scanned the dog's brain with an MRI in 2016 and found that the dog uses the left brain to process language, and the study was also published. However, it took more than a year for the team of researchers to realize that people go in lying down, while dogs go in on their stomachs, so the left and right brains are reversed...

If your monthly salary is only 2,000 yuan and you want to buy a house of more than 100 square meters and an Audi A6 in Xiamen, then you might as well set a small goal for yourself first, for example, I will live for 250 years first, and then borrow another 500 years from the sky.